They Escaped the NXIVM Cult on Camera... Do They Regret Processing Their Trauma on Film?

So that, that's, that's unfortunate.

And there, then there's one particular docuseries, I don't know if you've heard, uh, mentioned it, but, um, that sort of took excerpts from things and, and edited it in such a way that, like, the audience response to, for example, Keith Raniere doing a forum, it was two different locations.

And a lot, a lot of us who watched that series were like, it was like the opposite of The Vow.

Like, Vow, we're like, "Thank you, this is very indicative of our experience and what we thought we were building and what was good about it." And then the other one, remember, we were like, "Holy shit.

This is horrific." Like, you don't need to make Keith look worse than he is.

My whole feeling with this thing is, like I said, I was reluctant to enter this arena, um, from the get-go.

The only reason I did is because I recognized someone might try and tell my story instead of me and be the curator of me, uh, and not tell it appropriately and tell it with their version.

I also know no matter what I do, people are gonna misinterpret it, whether they do it intentionally or not.

Um, and I was kind of interested in the lessons this was gonna give me in terms of how I was gonna reconcile my own way I got involved with it, and then it revealed to me the character of a lot of other people.

[clears throat] You know, my friends and family, the people that know me and love me, know my character, and that wasn't ever really in jeopardy.

Um, I-- It...

And you never know what's gonna happen until you go through something like this or what's going to bother you.

At first, there was some salacious shit online.

They were going, saying shit.

That kind of rolled off my back pretty quickly just 'cause that's the nature of social media, and I hadn't really spent a whole lot of time on social media before I got out.

I wasn't involved with Twitter.

I just didn't care.

Um, but then when it got out, I started reading some stuff, and you have your initial fight or flight, and then that, I kinda got over that.

It just didn't really bother me.

What ended up bothering me, um, ironically, is, you know, I'd run into some people that knew me, like from high school or college.

Some were super supportive, but some had a little glee in their eye that it happened, you know? And some people, like, you know, had some backhanded comment.

That, that I learned to listen for and catch, and I, there's a couple people that, like, pretended to support but really were, like, quietly judgmental, and if I didn't know any better, kinda happy it happened.

And so I just remember a handful of those situations happening, being like, "Oh, you're that.

You're like that." And, and, a- and, and biting my tongue, right? Because, you know, I certainly went through a lot in this thing, but I also learned a lot about human beings.

You know, our curriculum, we sat down with people for 10-plus years, and I sat down with thousands of people and elicited a lot of information from thousands of people.