Good Monday Morning Girlboss! The "Bandaid Tattoos & Egg Freezing Episode"

Wrapped up in my sleeping bag, looking out the window at Aaron's house as the sun is beginning to creep over the horizon, and the trees are silhouetted black against the emerging blue sky with the fading stars up in the sky.

And I think to myself how much I hate Aaron because he's got it fucking made with this fantastic house of his, this nice little piece of property tucked away out in the backwoods of South Dakota.

God, I fucking hate him.

I hope he dies.

I hope he dies of syphilis.

You piece of shit.

Thought this was going to be a shorter one and then I found all the research.

Come on a journey with me, a researching journey.

I have my journey.

My journey.

My journey.

Come on my journey with me as we research statistics.

It's my fucking journey.

I hang out with some younger people of the male persuasion.

And I only have so much RAM where I can handle bullshit.

There's only so many programs of bullshit my Cappy CPU can run at the same time.

Cappy, actually CPU is probably – shut the fuck up.

Shut up.

Just shut up.

And they said, oh yeah, girls with Band-Aid tattoos.

And the other young guy says, oh yeah, you got to look out for those.

I'm like, where the hell – what? Why wasn't – you – the man on the line said I've broken through an entire front.

Why wasn't I told? Well, you're the communications officer.

You're supposed to be able to communicate.

Why wasn't I told? And already, already – because I'm sorry, girls.

It's you girls that have Band-Aid tattoos.

You're so – you're just so utterly predictable.

And I'm like, no, no, I don't want to – the internal conversation I had in my mind.

I don't want to know.

And then the empiricist in me, we have to know.

And the Cappy wants to just sit on a beach and finally be retired from all this.

But I don't want to know.

Like, yeah, yeah, but retired Cappy, aspiring retired Cappy, we have to know.

It's our job.

We got to help these boys out there.

Think about it.

If it just saves – remember the time the girl was screaming at you because you failed to ask if she wanted a soda? We're going to help prevent that from some other poor human being.

But can I just have a respite and look out at this ocean like in Pregmani, even knowing it's not real, but it looks real? Just can I live in this moment? No, no, we got to go back.

Grab your rifle, Cappy.

All right, here we go.