Sep 2, 2026 · 45 min · 10 segments
We're back! This week on issue 4388 of The Bugle, Andy is joined by Alice Fraser and Nato Green, as they discuss El Niño, Australia takes a stand on AI and Canada-USA squabblery. PLUS a Bugle update…
Andy ZaltzmanHost
Nato GreenGuest
Alice FraserGuest
More than 900-year-old bit of needlework has made its way to London, and an exhibition is opening next week.
For those who are unfamiliar with it, the Bayeux Tapestry is very much the Saving Private Ryan of the late 11th century.
The smash hit, not actually a tapestry, tells the story of the EU invasion of Saxon Britain, which paved the way for a staff to pay for parking and eat straight carrots and stop at traffic lights and health and safety gone mad.
But we ask on our Bugle Bayer tapestry section, is the Bayer tapestry actually that good? Compared with modern day war photography and news reports, it took fucking ages to come out.
The tapestry, which is like a watermelon on a motorbike in the sense that it's not actually a tapestry.
is 68.3 metres long, meaning that a Pete Usain Bolt could run all the way along the Bayer tapestry in under seven seconds, assuming he'd already got up to speed.
And also, you could use the Bayer tapestry as a blanket for 34 randomly chosen NBA players lying down head to toe, should the opportunity arise.
Your second Bayer tapestry fact is that the Creedence Clearwater revival song Born on the Bayer highlights the importance of the tapestry to late 1960s American rock, although Creedence did famously mistake the Halley's Comet that appears in the tapestry for a poor quality moon.
The Bayeux Tapestry famously contains more than one penis per metre of cloth, which is one of the highest PPMs ever recorded on a news-based historical artefact.
And people are starting to ask, are there too many plonkers on the Bayeux Tapestry? 93 in total, some claim 94, which seems like quite a lot for a tapestry.
Although historians do, of course, now accept that the willy was in existence in the 11th century, so it's not like those hieroglyphs of UFOs or whatever people think they can say if they squint hard enough.
I guess just like with modern films, they obviously thought they had to put in some gratuitous sex to keep people's attention for the whole 68.3 metres of the tapestry.
And also, why not? Michelangelo doled 57 prongs on the Sistine Chapel ceiling, and no one f***ing complains about that.
Not to wang on about Edinburgh, but the best review that I got of this entire festival gave me the pull quote, 10 minutes of, quote, breathtakingly original dick jokes, end quote.
argued with my PR people about whether that should just be, the pool quote, breathtakingly original.
So was it the jokes that were breathtakingly original or was it jokes about, unoriginal jokes about original dicks?
More than 900-year-old bit of needlework has made its way to London, and an exhibition is opening next week.
For those who are unfamiliar with it, the Bayeux Tapestry is very much the Saving Private Ryan of the late 11th century.
The smash hit, not actually a tapestry, tells the story of the EU invasion of Saxon Britain, which paved the way for a staff to pay for parking and eat straight carrots and stop at traffic lights and health and safety gone mad.
But we ask on our Bugle Bayer tapestry section, is the Bayer tapestry actually that good? Compared with modern day war photography and news reports, it took fucking ages to come out.
The tapestry, which is like a watermelon on a motorbike in the sense that it's not actually a tapestry.
is 68.3 metres long, meaning that a Pete Usain Bolt could run all the way along the Bayer tapestry in under seven seconds, assuming he'd already got up to speed.
And also, you could use the Bayer tapestry as a blanket for 34 randomly chosen NBA players lying down head to toe, should the opportunity arise.
Your second Bayer tapestry fact is that the Creedence Clearwater revival song Born on the Bayer highlights the importance of the tapestry to late 1960s American rock, although Creedence did famously mistake the Halley's Comet that appears in the tapestry for a poor quality moon.
The Bayeux Tapestry famously contains more than one penis per metre of cloth, which is one of the highest PPMs ever recorded on a news-based historical artefact.
And people are starting to ask, are there too many plonkers on the Bayeux Tapestry? 93 in total, some claim 94, which seems like quite a lot for a tapestry.
Although historians do, of course, now accept that the willy was in existence in the 11th century, so it's not like those hieroglyphs of UFOs or whatever people think they can say if they squint hard enough.
I guess just like with modern films, they obviously thought they had to put in some gratuitous sex to keep people's attention for the whole 68.3 metres of the tapestry.
And also, why not? Michelangelo doled 57 prongs on the Sistine Chapel ceiling, and no one f***ing complains about that.
Not to wang on about Edinburgh, but the best review that I got of this entire festival gave me the pull quote, 10 minutes of, quote, breathtakingly original dick jokes, end quote.
argued with my PR people about whether that should just be, the pool quote, breathtakingly original.
So was it the jokes that were breathtakingly original or was it jokes about, unoriginal jokes about original dicks?
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