I mean, fox geography is pretty limited, isn't it? It basically splits the world into bins and non-bins.

I mean, if you replace bins with Muslims, that's kind of how it is.

Running his game, so...

North Korea attempted a missile launch near Sinpo on its east coast, but the weapon blew up almost immediately, apparently.

It's basically the equivalent of you thinking that you can fight because you've watched a lot of kung fu movies and then you try and then you just kick yourself and fall over and just pretend that was what you meant to do all along.

That's...

They're learning.

well

[laughs]

No, I, I was just gonna say, I am so sick of Brexit just coming round and round and round like a recycled Christmas pudding.

Which is the worst cake.

It's just a sandwich of apricots that wanted to live.

[laughs]

You know they invented refined sugar so you don't just have to squash things that taste better on their own.

Let's cover it in alcohol and set it on fire.

[laughs]

But truly, I cannot wait for feminism to get us to a state of perfect equality so we can judge ambitiously boring windbags with delusions of admin on the content of their degraded character and not on the comparative distribution of flaps in their equatorial region.

Oh, it's the way she would want to go.

Yeah, we will remember Theresa May for all the terrible things she did that I've forgotten and all the stuff she didn't do as a result of everyone else being awful and her also being awful but at least willing to try.

Truly, it is a prime ministership which will echo through the annals of history like a gust of wind through the annals of history.

So a lot of exciting things happening right now.

I am just so happy to be here for Stonehenge.

You know, Stonehenge to fully reach its absolute potential.

We've wondered for thousands of years what this mysterious henge was for, and now we know it was for hosting eight projected pictures of the Queen at various ages.

I've never seen such a noble monument so ennobled.

Three,

okay.

Also, have you read up on the events that are happening in the Jubilee? They're just absolutely wildly specific and pointless.

I

mean, what else are they rocking over there? Like, is it the iron lung? I mean, I want to see some old stuff come back.

I want to see the phonograph and the crossbow ballista and the telex.

all about the negatives in the modern media, isn't it?

Yeah, we don't have to go so far back to have some good outcomes.

If we stapled phones back to the walls, you'd get fewer wankers texting in traffic.

And if we brought back trial by combat, a lot of people on Twitter would pull their f***ing heads in.

Just bring us up to date with its latest threat to our well-being.

Yes, Andy, it's getting hot in here.

So take off all of your assumptions about the future of capitalism.

It's very difficult to talk about weather events, particularly pending weather events.

So the scientists have been talking about how there is this massive bolus of warm water coming up in the place that is the predictive of El Nino, but that is already warmer than any previously predicted.

recorded El Nino, which means that the cascading El Nino effects, which are pretty predictable at this point, are going to be unpredictably bad.

It's very difficult to talk about them without feeling helpless in the face of decisions that have already been made or are being made by people over whom you have zero influence.

And, well, it's getting a bit tricksy for crypto fans in the UK.

So...

I think it's fairly simple.

Like, on one hand, an unelected man has asked an unelected woman whether he can shut down the government so he can get what he wants on the premise that it's what the country wants, which is a fair enough point if you truly believe that the country knows what it wants, knew what it wanted when it asked for it, and will not regret it once it's irreparable, which arguably it already is.

That said, I do sort of get why Leave voters are only getting more and more furious.

It's like if you're complaining to your parents about, I don't know, having to practice the piano and your parents are like, well, do you want to quit then? And you say, actually, yes, I do.

And your parents say, no, you'll regret it.

It's really useful later in life to understand how to read music.

know how long we've been recording for, 15 minutes in without even mentioning, probably the greatest moment in the history of human civil Well,

[laughs]

Uh, uh, so the, uh, big tech companies are turning to the bond markets, uh, to, for these staggering sums to finance these data centers, uh, that are predicated on, uh, uh, data centers.

So if you are running AI searches now, you're running it on data centers that were built years, and years, and years ago.

Uh, but now they are building data centers for predicted demand that has no anchoring to any real demand that exists.

They are, they raised, uh, I think 45 to 50 billion they need to raise this year alone, Oracle.

And they, they want to build capacity for their cloud customers, which include places like Meta, NVIDIA, OpenAI, TikTok, xAI, and so on.

Um, they are planning on spending those $50 billion and not sure how they're gonna get any of it back.

[laughs]

Um-

Well, I think, I mean, let's...

Can we see that picture again, Chris, of the, uh, the stadium there? I mean, could that not just be a FIFA experiment, uh, to find a new way of dissuading footballers from faking injury?

[laughs]

Um, and we picked it up, as along with so many other little trinkets, in the 19th century [laughs] and, uh, took it out on a lease for 99 years, which ran out in 1997.

And, uh, it turns out that the, uh, the Chinese government, surprisingly, has not been quite as committed to the idea of, uh, maintaining Hong Kong's democratic freedom as might have been ideal.

I don't...

I mean, there were no real warnings for that, were there, in the years before 1997-

Yeah.

Well, Hari, I don't think they'll cut it because the Bugle has very strict rules about cutting jokes.

We believe a joke begins at conception.

And you've got to bring it to absolute fruition whether you want to or not.

Truly, I think this law does not go far enough.

For example, abstinence-only education has been proven not to work.

I think we should legislate sex itself.

And you might think, well, what about the risk of STDs? But based on statistics in America, no one clearly cares about that.

[laughs]

12, 47, 173.

Uh, so I decided that I was going to figure out what the measure of a man is and the metrics by which we measure masculinity.

'Cause I think it's...

We've, we've all got a vested interest in it, don't we? Got a vested interest in m-...

I like to walk home with my keys between my knuckles at night, just 'cause you never know when you're gonna meet the thief whose heart they will unlock.

[laughs]

... quality penis.

I definitely read it all in the original Greek, all of it.

[laughs] I've, I mean, this, these kind of m- this memeification, it reflects, I think, the most, oddly enough, on the designers of the social media algorithms.

This is, you know, Elon Musk and the 4chan-pilled ilk of people whose unsophisticated root one understanding of the concept of free speech is to confuse democracy's reliance on freedom of access to information and freedom of speech with the algorithmic avalanchification of anything that gathers any kind of momentum, on the premise that if anything is gathering, uh, any kind of organic reach by being outrageous or provocative, there's a mechanical amplification on it based on a principle, I think, of FOMO.

If, if something ex- exciting is happening, you want as many people to be invited into the party as possible because you were not invited to the parties where interesting things were happening.

I think this is built into the alg- algorithms of our distribution mechanisms, and, uh, [laughs] I do think this is the, the end result.

Um, so if you'd been nicer to your nerds in school, this wouldn't have happened is what I'm saying.

What's, uh, what's the latest?

Well, plaintiff lawyers in the US are cracking their knuckles because there has finally, at last, at last been a judgment against, uh, Meta and YouTube.

So no, it's looking a bit tricky for me, um, right now.

The G7 is sort of flapping their hands.

They had an emergency meeting about these oil prices as they, uh, tipped over this, the invisible line of, of a hundred dollars a barrel.

Um, they say that they're standing by to take necessary measures, uh, including, uh, to support the g- uh, the global supply by, uh, releasing the stockpile.

But, but, uh, they're not ready to re- re-release the stockpile just yet.

Uh, the finance minister in France, Roland Lescure, said they-- that we are, quote, "Not there yet," uh, when it comes to release.

It is...

"We're just international only."

That is an invasion of Greenland by the White House and Donald Trump.

I mean, I'm looking at some of the emails that Mandelson sent out, including telling Epstein all of these secret confidential U.S. government documentation and information and saying that he was trying hard to change government policy on bankers bonuses, giving early information about these bailout packages.

And also, I think what really struck me was that he suggested that the boss of J.P. Morgan should, quote, mildly threaten the chancellor over bonuses.

I'm fascinated by what the prospect of being mildly threatened by J.P. Morgan's boss looks like.

What is a mild, well, I ought to push you quite firmly in the shoulder, or you're going to feel the back of my hand when I check your temperature in a disapproving way to imply that I don't think you've been looking after yourself well enough.

I'm going to tell your wife I saw you eating a cupcake, even though I know you've agreed to go keto as a family.

I know I shouldn't get caught up in that.

Exciting times.

Even if the snowman coincidentally happens to be pointing north, you know it's not going to last.

I mean, it's sort of the idea, it's sort of the idea of consequences is completely absent from his calculations.

When, you know, he took Maduro, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, but sure, it was against international custom and the norms that say we're not going to descend into tit for tat napping global leaders, lest, you know, retaliation mean a drone swarm descend on Keir Starmer to hoik him off to...

France for a post-Brexit fishing rights fight to the death in a bear pit surrounded by Marine Le Pen and eight rabid poodles swinging sharpened baguettes.

Like I don't.

The reason that the norms are there is so that if you do it, then anyone can do it.

The EU is trying to stand up for itself.

Alice, as our bag labelling correspondent of many years, this is quite an impressive effort from this woman.

LAUGHTER

You know, we are having a crisis of masculinity and part of it is that the men don't form these strong social groups with people of common interest.

On the other hand, it does show some of the flaws in the way that we model heterosexual male friendships.

Like why does it always have to be events-based? Can't you just catch up for a chat? Why does it need to be a massive military parade or a football game or paintball or nuclear war? And it just, it feels like this is, it was a bit much for inviting your friends around for tea.

It showed maybe some insecurity on the part of Xi.

The parade began with an 80-gun artillery salute, which marked 80 years since the end of the war because nothing says peacetime like firing guns at the roof of the world.

LAUGHTER And then G said the world must choose between peace and war, thereby proving that despite his friendly approach to Russia, he hasn't bothered to read Tolstoy.

Just bring us up to date with the...

To not put Trump back in his box, but to, I don't know, kick the box out across the sea?

Well, you know, our defiant anti-Trump sentiment in Australia is, of course, leavened by the fact that our only national defence policy is is to hope that the Americans save us if anything goes wrong.

So we've got to be defiant in a cheeky, charming way that will make them want to keep us around.

But Albanese's Labour has won emphatically across the spread, strong swings for Labour across all of the states and territories.

They've got a majority government, 86 seats.

So that means they get to kind of run the country the way that they want to I understand that for people who do not live in Australia and do not understand Australian politics, this might be difficult to understand, Dutton versus Albanese.

So just imagine Albanese, while not being Trump, is less Trump than Dutton, who is also not Trump, but is sort of Trumpy.

beagle listen and learn

What made this nation great.

I mean, it is a bold move in order to protect children.

You must ban them.

The solution to bad people doing bad things on a platform is to remove all the good people.

Take away the innocence and hope.

It's an understandable impulse.

We've all seen a YouTube think piece about a Netflix show, Adolescence.

OK, there we go.

Could they tell if something was smaller or just further away? Alice, this is a very exciting development.

Call this an exciting and heartwarming story, Andy.

This is toxic capitalism.

It's not enough to be getting brain surgery, the idea that we have to be constantly working, productive, turning our hobbies into monetized side hustles.

Next, you'll be telling me she's Twitch streaming her clarinet brain surgery.

The person who performed the surgery was neurosurgeon and Professor Kiumas Ashkan, the show-off.

When asked to comment on this procedure, he said that the clarinet playing helped to fine-tune the position of the electrodes deep inside her brain until she was able to play the instrument.

Was it wrong, Alice? A lot of satirical shows outside of the Bugle have maintained that policy, Alice.

doesn't have the word beautiful and nice in it.

Well, he did.

I mean, the bit that I enjoyed about his statement was a new and beautiful day is rising and now the rebuilding begins, he said.

He praised regional leaders, tick, tick.

And he said, rebuilding is maybe going to be the easiest part.

We know how to build better than anybody in the world.

And I just don't think he understands what... rebuilding means in the context of like a post-war situation.

Where, then, for however many Christopher Nolans there are in existence?

thrust on life we've been doing that since 2007 on and off at least so last week's congress of the crackpots the meeting of the megalomaniacs the symposium of the self-proclaimed strongman was not our personal kettle of uh of sardines uh it did provoke some frankly hilarious responses from uh america's um so-called uh president um what did you guys guys make we had xi jinping vladimir putin and uh and kim jong-un um Kind of bro bonding in the way that despots do.

Well, it's just nice to see men having friends, actually, Andy.

LAUGHTER You know, we are having a crisis of masculinity and part of it is that the men don't form these strong social groups with people of overcommon interest.

On the other hand, it does show some of the flaws in the way that we model heterosexual male friendships.

Like why does it always have to be events-based? Can't you just catch up for a chat? Why does it need to be a massive military parade or a football game or paintball or nuclear war? It just, it feels like this is, it was a bit much for inviting your friends round for tea.

It showed maybe some insecurity on the part of Xi.

The parade began with an 80-gun artillery salute, which marked 80 years since the end of the war, because nothing says peacetime like firing guns at the roof of the world.

But anyway.

But luckily, at last, we are doing something about it.

Yes, NASA has launched the Parker Solar Probe over the weekend, setting the spacecraft on a journey that will take it closer to the sun than any human-made object before it.

The Parker Probe will reach as close as 3.8 million miles to the sun's surface, taking it directly through the sun's atmosphere.

According to NASA, this will take it so close that it will actually, quote Marx, touch the sun.

You can't say actually and then put touch in inverted commas.

LAUGHTER The quote marks mean actually not actually.

You cannot sarcastic quote marks touch the sun.

Can you stop quoting your president?

Whereas from the left-hand side of the political seesaw, Fabien Roussel of the French Communist Party described it as an organised hold-up.

It's devastating.

I can smell the burning cars from here.

I feel like they're talking about combining your First World War commemorations with your Second World War commemorations.

Basically, France is in hot water with the EU because their public deficit is sitting at about 5.8% of their GDP, which is significantly over the 3% limit.

Let's not even get started on their $3.3 trillion public debt.

They certainly haven't, if you know what I mean.

And, well, the smouldering romance between Australia and China, Alice, has taken a few steps forward, I understand.

Come on.

It's amazing.

Now, if you combine this treatment with the currently existing treatments that are available, I think this is like, this could be it.

This could be it.

This could be the end of all of those 90s scare ads.

They could put the nightmares of a generation to sleep and pave the way for a lot of people to stop using condoms and get all the other...

Bring us up to date with the latest awkwardness between humans and tea.

Yes, Andy, it is all on apparently matcha stocks are running low.

Yeah,

exactly.

Okay, Andy, before we get on to the Elon Musk-Donald Trump fight, I think we need a content warning and it would be irresponsible to continue without one.

There is as much as...

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Cities.