The Secret to Better Behavior? More Play and Less Power Struggles!

I think the shift is play is a reward.

Instead, we flip it on its end to play is a communication tool.

It's just, like, how they hear us and how they're receptive to our influence.

Like, I always say it's like a way to, like, to prime their attachment instincts.

Like, we can use warmth, of course.

Like, there are times, you know, with my own kids where play does...

And it doesn't work every time.

Like, there are times sometimes kids just need to lose their mind.And you need to stay present.

Like, there's just, there's times where that's just, you know...

Last night, for instance, my son was, like, inconsolable because this stray dog ended up on our farm, and I have to take him today to the, to, like, the animal shelter.

We couldn't find his owner.

We tried.

Like, in that moment where he's just bawling because of this dog, and he wants to keep him, and we can't, and, you know, am I gonna play with him in that moment? Probably not.

I'm just gonna let him cry.

Like, it's not a, you know, but then again, I don't think that's a moment for discipline either.

Like, sometimes we just [laughs] need to cry, you know, as adults too.

Like, it's not a time to laugh.

But I think what we're really, and your book speaks about, is how we get cooperation from kids, and how we stay connected so we don't feel as much resistance from our kids, they're more likely to follow our lead, and we don't get the same pushback.

Yeah, exactly, and I think it comes down to, you know, showing our kids empathy, showing them the validation for those big feelings, because they are going to have them.

And like you said, play isn't necessarily appropriate for every situation, right? But, you know, if you have that foundation through that playfulness and that connectedness, through that attachment, then when you do need, like you said, some sort of compliance or cooperation, you know, with whatever it is, then if there's a place to do it playfully, absolutely, try it.

It probably will make your job much easier, but if there's not, then, you know, that's when you can, down the road as they get older, have that conversation with them.

But, you know, talking to them, not face-to-face where there's eye contact and a long, like, lecture.

You know, you can still make conversations really short or say, "Hey, do you s- you know, do you need," like your son last night, you know, "Do you need a hug right now?" Validate their feelings, empathize with how hard that is, and still connect with them in that way.

So it doesn't, like you said, always take play, but that connectedness piece and that attachment piece should always be there, even in those big, heavy moments.

So everyone, for this conversation, this is gonna be heavily, like, skill-based, because I think, like, parents are gonna hear this and be like, "Okay, what? Like, how does this actually, how do you execute this?" And, you know, I think Dr.