Come Get Fat With Tom Segura

(instrumental music plays) Meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, your mom is a whore.

She likes dicks.

(instrumental music plays) Dicks.

Your mother.

(record scratch)

I realize what I ...

I was looking for the- for this for you.

He jacked off in four strokes.

And I hit the wrong button.

And-

Your dick had become so sensitive.

So sensitive.

Ugh.

I had forgotten all about him.

He was the man.

But can I tell you, with these cool guys, like I go full circle.

Like I go through repulsion-

Yeah.

...

I go through anger, I go through depression, sadness, and I-

It's called the stages of cool.

(laughs)

Yeah, those are the stages of being cool.

Totally.