Sep 27, 2026 · 36 min · 11 segments
**\*TW: DEATH, NONCON, SA\*** \*Content Warning: Timecode 01:26 - Mention of Death, Sexual Abuse, Violence, Nightmares about Traumatic Events* Date of Recording: **Sunday, 27th September 2026**…
Many of us here today and our friends and loved ones may have experienced profound pain and abuse, rape, violence, extreme misunderstandings.
I, too, carried such pain for years.
Holding onto it brought years of terrible nightmares.
In them, frightening people or creatures chase me and try to kill me.
I would always find a way to escape, then wake suddenly.
Over time, I got used to nightmares and even felt relief that at least in them I could get away.
But with each passing day, my sense of being a victim deepened, as did my resentment toward the people who had hurt me.
My resentment eventually grew into such deep hatred that I began to hate myself for carrying it.
I prayed to be freed from that hatred.
That night, I fell as- asleep and once again found myself in the familiar world of my nightmares, being chased, running for my life, and searching for a way to escape.
I ran on, as always did, believing I had gotten away.
But sudden- suddenly they returned and found me.
Without hesitation, he pulled a little injection from his pocket and began injecting me with it.
When he injected me with that lethal substance, my first thought was, "Really? Is it over? Am I dead?" And the mo- and the moment my mind accepted that there was no turning back, that the fight was finally over, I woke up.
Suddenly, I felt what was almost like a bolt of lightning passing through my body.
My body didn't tremble, yet it felt as though something extraordinary had happened with me, as if a new connection had suddenly been made deep within my nerve system.
In that instant, I experience, experienced a strong sense of liberation and an inner joy that seemed to reach all the way to my soul.
I couldn't understand it.
How could my nightmares of so many years end with me being, being trapped by the very demon I had been running from and killed? And even more difficult to understand, why was I, I happy be killed? I had no hatred toward the killer in that moment.
There was no fear.
Instead, there was peace, and that peace frightened me.
I was afraid of happiness I was feeling, afear- afraid of the peace that had suddenly replaced my fear.
I had never experienced anything like it.
I was confused, so I began to pray, asking the Lord to open my mind and help me understand what had happened.
I do not know how many hours later, but at some point I realized that something inside me had changed.
Many of us here today and our friends and loved ones may have experienced profound pain and abuse, rape, violence, extreme misunderstandings.
I, too, carried such pain for years.
Holding onto it brought years of terrible nightmares.
In them, frightening people or creatures chase me and try to kill me.
I would always find a way to escape, then wake suddenly.
Over time, I got used to nightmares and even felt relief that at least in them I could get away.
But with each passing day, my sense of being a victim deepened, as did my resentment toward the people who had hurt me.
My resentment eventually grew into such deep hatred that I began to hate myself for carrying it.
I prayed to be freed from that hatred.
That night, I fell as- asleep and once again found myself in the familiar world of my nightmares, being chased, running for my life, and searching for a way to escape.
I ran on, as always did, believing I had gotten away.
But sudden- suddenly they returned and found me.
Without hesitation, he pulled a little injection from his pocket and began injecting me with it.
When he injected me with that lethal substance, my first thought was, "Really? Is it over? Am I dead?" And the mo- and the moment my mind accepted that there was no turning back, that the fight was finally over, I woke up.
Suddenly, I felt what was almost like a bolt of lightning passing through my body.
My body didn't tremble, yet it felt as though something extraordinary had happened with me, as if a new connection had suddenly been made deep within my nerve system.
In that instant, I experience, experienced a strong sense of liberation and an inner joy that seemed to reach all the way to my soul.
I couldn't understand it.
How could my nightmares of so many years end with me being, being trapped by the very demon I had been running from and killed? And even more difficult to understand, why was I, I happy be killed? I had no hatred toward the killer in that moment.
There was no fear.
Instead, there was peace, and that peace frightened me.
I was afraid of happiness I was feeling, afear- afraid of the peace that had suddenly replaced my fear.
I had never experienced anything like it.
I was confused, so I began to pray, asking the Lord to open my mind and help me understand what had happened.
I do not know how many hours later, but at some point I realized that something inside me had changed.
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