Oct 7, 2026 · 35 min · 11 segments
Children have minds of their own and those minds might lead to behaviors parents either want to mitigate or reinforce. Parents have difficult choices to make when it comes to guiding their kids, all…
Meredith ElkinsGuest
Emily OsterGuest
Kiran BhaiGuest
Samantha Laine PerfasHostA few that I've seen in the headlines recently are helicopter, gentle, lighthouse, FAFO, which stands eloquently for F Around and Find Out.
They all differ wildly in their approaches while claiming to be what's best for raising good and healthy kids.
What do we actually know from the data about what is best for kids and parents?
I think there are all of these different parenting styles with all of these different creative names, but we have known for a long time what the ideal parenting style is.
Diana Baumrind, back in the '60s and '70s, helped clarify that the ideal parenting style by far is an authoritative parenting style.
And what that blends is warmth, all of that good stuff, the validation, the loving, nurturing parent, but it also includes limits, right? It includes expectations.
It includes setting standards that sometimes are gonna mean that your kids are mad at you.
[laughs] That's what we know by far has the best long-term outcomes for kids.
And she contrasted this with other parenting styles, so a permissive parenting style, which is all warmth and no limits, right? And that is more associated with, not completely, but some of the helicopter parenting, the gentle parenting.
And then the authoritarian parenting style, which is all limits and no warmth.
So I think we have these modern names for things that have been established since the '60s and '70s, but what's still true is still true, which is that the authoritative parenting style has the strongest predictive value for positive outcomes.
I think part of what has happened in the more modern era is that fact everyone agrees on.
It's one thing to say, "Be an authoritative parent," but that's actually not, like, advice.
So many of these parenting styles, parenting advice, the parenting industrial complex, is really about giving people more of a script, more of a set of checky guidelines to hit those things.
And that's where you get different approaches, which are all going to tell you that they are an authoritative parenting style, but are gonna be accomplishing that different ways, and I think are going to be potentially differentially successful there.
And that's why we've layered on top of something that everyone agrees on something that no one agrees on.
When I'm working with families and creating resources, I'm trying to really boil it down to what ingredients are important in parenting, which we know is warmth and responsiveness, having clear and firm boundaries that you're communicating, and sharing the why and creating healthy expectations.
And also giving kids an appropriate amount of autonomy so they can grow and practice these skills and make mistakes, but they know you're a sturdy parent that's there to support them when they do make those mistakes.
A few that I've seen in the headlines recently are helicopter, gentle, lighthouse, FAFO, which stands eloquently for F Around and Find Out.
They all differ wildly in their approaches while claiming to be what's best for raising good and healthy kids.
What do we actually know from the data about what is best for kids and parents?
I think there are all of these different parenting styles with all of these different creative names, but we have known for a long time what the ideal parenting style is.
Diana Baumrind, back in the '60s and '70s, helped clarify that the ideal parenting style by far is an authoritative parenting style.
And what that blends is warmth, all of that good stuff, the validation, the loving, nurturing parent, but it also includes limits, right? It includes expectations.
It includes setting standards that sometimes are gonna mean that your kids are mad at you.
[laughs] That's what we know by far has the best long-term outcomes for kids.
And she contrasted this with other parenting styles, so a permissive parenting style, which is all warmth and no limits, right? And that is more associated with, not completely, but some of the helicopter parenting, the gentle parenting.
And then the authoritarian parenting style, which is all limits and no warmth.
So I think we have these modern names for things that have been established since the '60s and '70s, but what's still true is still true, which is that the authoritative parenting style has the strongest predictive value for positive outcomes.
I think part of what has happened in the more modern era is that fact everyone agrees on.
It's one thing to say, "Be an authoritative parent," but that's actually not, like, advice.
So many of these parenting styles, parenting advice, the parenting industrial complex, is really about giving people more of a script, more of a set of checky guidelines to hit those things.
And that's where you get different approaches, which are all going to tell you that they are an authoritative parenting style, but are gonna be accomplishing that different ways, and I think are going to be potentially differentially successful there.
And that's why we've layered on top of something that everyone agrees on something that no one agrees on.
When I'm working with families and creating resources, I'm trying to really boil it down to what ingredients are important in parenting, which we know is warmth and responsiveness, having clear and firm boundaries that you're communicating, and sharing the why and creating healthy expectations.
And also giving kids an appropriate amount of autonomy so they can grow and practice these skills and make mistakes, but they know you're a sturdy parent that's there to support them when they do make those mistakes.
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