Conversation, Interintellect, and Arcadia (with Anna Gat)

Part of it's that it's- I'm- I'm too vulnerable, 'cause when I'm thinking I'm- I'm going inside and I don't...

Irrationally, I don't want you to look at, I don't wanna look at you because I don't want you to be looking at me.

Doesn't work, actually.

If I'm looking at the ceiling, you can stare at me all you want, and- and I... (laughs) and it has no impact whatsoever, the fact that I'm not looking at you.

But as human beings, this is a very natural reaction we have.

So that's the first thing I wanted to say.

The second thing I wanted to say is that I think in many conversations...

Uh, in many conversations the roles we're supposed to play are clear.

A friend calls you and says they need to talk to you.

They have a problem, something they need to work through.

Of course you're gonna give them my book, well, problems and everything's gonna be fine.

But that often is not the right path.

And instead you're there to listen, and you know that.

You're not there to talk about what you did this weekend or what you're reading or the problem you have with your- your- your- your mother.

You're there to be a shoulder or an ear or a- a heart.

And so those conversations are clear and- and our ro- both of our respective roles, either as the speaker or the listener.

Of course, in many conversations, many friendships, we have different roles to play with different friends.

So with some friends, I'm the expounder, I'm the- the mansplainer, or- or, you know, could be with another man.

Uh, I'm gonna teach something.

I'm a teacher, people know that.

I like to talk about things I'm reading.

They might even invite it, they ask.

With other people, I'm gonna be a jokester, we're gonna banter.

Right? I have a whole set of complicated roles to play and I'm often different in many different conversations.

And at other times, I'm the host.