Ep. 495 The Family Meeting

Okay.

Okay.

And then let's see.

[sighs] Okay, so I definitely should have gotten everything together, um, already, but I haven't.

Here we are.

I will do my best today.

So first of all, before we get started, I do have a few notes.

I had to write it down, me and my very few nails that I have left.

Um, [tsking] okay.

[sniffs] All right, you guys.

This episode is brought to you by a scheme that Todd set up to bring me back the bullshit, okay? [sighs] Okay, y'all, I need you to come close.

We're having a family meeting today on this episode.

I need to start off, um...

We just got so much to talk about today, and as you can see, it's just me here.

Um, mm, I don't know which one of you it is, but whoever has my voodoo doll, whoever feels like I was [censored] it had to be a long time ago, I need you to stop, because the way that life has been life-ing lately, it just feels like, what is going on? What did I do to you? What do I deserve? What, what did I do to deserve this? I don't know, y'all.

It's been so much going on.

I have so much to catch you up on, and I know that we're starting this episode off kinda weird, and if you are an old time Cocktails listener, then you might be used to my antics some weeks.

And if you are brand new here, YouTube or Apple Podcast, Spotify, whatever just dropped you off anywhere, well, get ready to get on this ADHD, unhinged rollercoaster with me today.

Um, so first of all, I wanna say that I am very sorry for being tardy to the party this week.

I am on my, let me see, one, two, three, four, five, six.

I'm counting the missing nails on my hand because it was like every time I recorded a version of this episode, a nail popped off.

The original recording for this episode, uh, I had a guest, and then something was wrong with the files.

Then I've recorded again and again and again, and it's like each time, something is wrong with the files.

Sometimes the audio is clipped.

I'm using different ways to record.

As you can see right now, I'm at home, and I'm recording from the comfort of my home because I was like, "I cannot go another week without talking to my people." Um, I don't want you guys to think that I'm going anywhere.

I don't want you guys to think that the show is ending.

It is not.

I'm not going nowhere.

I'm still here.

We have a lot of housekeeping to take care of.

We have some updates to go through.

Um, mm, I'm trying to make sure I covered everything because I wanted to write down my notes just to be sure that I don't miss anything.

You know what I mean? Um, because y'all already know I can be scatterbrained, and if you don't know, well, now you know.

Um, so before we get into today's episode, we ain't had no cocktail.

We had nothing.

I am drinking a latte tonight, and I just pray that if I stay up all night, you guys can get this episode Saturday, no later than Sunday.

Mama needs a new MacBook, okay? But anyway, um, we have several things that we need to go over, and I'm just gonna give you a quick rundown of what's going on today because I know y'all are confused.

I know y'all don't know what's going on.

Um, and we're gonna get there, trust me.

I am going to talk about so much, but these are the things we need to go over.

Number one, why there was a missing episode last week, um, why things are looking, sounding, and feeling different, why people are missing, why I ran away to Cabo last week, um, who almost died, um, who's having a baby and happy about it, um, what else is going on, and why I have decided that it is time for me [clears throat] to pack my things in my lovely apartment, pack them up, take them out of here, and I am moving away to...

Well, we'll get into that later.

Now let's go ahead and get started with the show.

We're gonna get started in five, four, three, two.