From retail to psychology with Ruth Spencer-Lewis

Kind of interesting that that theme has come up again, because a bit like you were sort of implying, Kate, I'm thinking of the episode, the less you care, the better you'll fare.

And I think maybe there is something.

And I was just wondering if it's OK to ask you about the role that anxiety has played in interviews and also interviewing for the Declan and maybe some of what we've just said there because I know certainly for me at points that's been a real barrier to be able to put you know it's very competitive isn't it and fundamentally it's a point scoring system in a lot of these settings so I wonder how that has been for you Ruth?

I think the first interview, anxiety completely and utterly got me.

I felt like, I think I put so much pressure on myself at that point and that was the interview that was the place I thought I wanted to go.

So I think I put a lot of pressure on myself and I just thought I've got to prove that I'm good enough.

Like I say, it's competitive, you've got to prove that you're better than good enough almost.

So I think that definitely played a role in that.

How that managed to subside by Leeds interview, I don't really know.

Whether it did or not, and I'm just playing it cool now, I don't know.

Yeah,

I think there's always there, isn't it? Imposter syndrome is there for most of us.

But I think I've got to where I am by not thinking too far ahead.

I know I've had this end goal of, yeah, I'm going to get on the D because I want to be a clinical psychologist.

And I have had those thoughts of, how long can I do that for? Because I do need to earn my money.

But at the same time, I've just thought about the next little step and that any progress is progress.

And I think that's helped me not feel too overwhelmed and anxious about.

If I'd thought at the start that I'm going to be applying for the doctorate, I don't think, I think I would have just ran away then.

So I guess each little step kind of gets you there, I guess.

I just wondered how it feels being on training and how that anxiety is present still today because I guess those feelings never really go away.

I

think anxiety has definitely come up more again since starting training.

It was interesting once I knew I'd got a place I was on adoption leave at that point and then I went back and I just felt more anxious knowing that I almost felt like I had to prove that I was good enough now to actually be on the doctorate because I've been offered a place.

So before I was even on training, I was like, I need to be even better now.

I need to show my supervisors that I am capable of being a trainee.