“Choose Which Bits You Hear” — Hannah Wilson

**How do you deal with criticism without letting it change how you see yourself? And what happens when becoming more visible means becoming more open to other people’s opinions of you?** This week on *A Thought I Kept*, I’m talking to leadership development coach, trainer and author Hannah Wilson about a piece of advice she was given early in her leadership career: when you put your head above the parapet, people will have something to say about you. The important part is learning to **choose which bits you hear, which bits you leave, and which you can reframe into something useful**.  It’s a thought that opens up a much bigger conversation about **criticism, confidence, women in leadership, visibility, belonging and our desire to be liked**. Hannah talks about being the youngest and only woman on a senior leadership team, being described as “emotional” and learning to reframe that as emotional intelligence, and why she eventually adopted the mantra: “I’m here to be respected, not liked.” We also explore why so many women struggle to receive positive feedback as readily as criticism, and what happens when we make room for ourselves — and other people — to be seen.  Hannah is the founder and director of Belonging Effect and the author of *Cultivating Belonging in Schools*. Our conversation moves from the personal to the societal as we explore what **belonging actually means**, why diversity, equity and inclusion still matter within that conversation, and how we can have courageous conversations when we’re frightened of saying the wrong thing. We also talk about psychological safety, allyship and advocacy, taking risks, leaving a successful career at 40, and why sometimes the most important thing you can do is say the thing everyone else is afraid to say.  If you’ve ever found yourself replaying someone’s criticism long after they’ve forgotten saying it, struggled with being visible at work, worried about being liked, or wondered how to stand more confidently in who you are without becoming closed to feedback, **this conversation is for you**. In this episode, we talk about - How to handle criticism and decide which feedback is actually useful - Why confident women can attract particular kinds of criticism - The difference between being “emotional” and emotionally intelligent - Why Hannah chooses respect over likability - Women, leadership, visibility and taking up space - How to receive compliments instead of brushing them aside - Psychological safety and having courageous conversations - What belonging really means — and why it’s more than simply fitting in - Diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging (DEIB) - Allyship, advocacy and becoming an accomplice or co-conspirator - Risk, resilience and Hannah’s decision to leave headship at 40 - How we can use our own influence to make more room for other people About Hannah Wilson Hannah Wilson is a leadership development consultant, coach and trainer, and the founder and director of Belonging Effect, formerly Diverse Educators. She is co-founder of #WomenEd and #DiverseEd and has spent 20 years teaching and leading in secondary state schools, including roles as Vice Principal, founding Headteacher and Executive Headteacher. Her work now focuses on leadership development, DEIB, psychological safety, courageous conversations and coaching senior and executive leaders.  Hannah is the author of Cultivating Belonging in Schools and co-editor of Diverse Educators: A Manifesto. Her new book explores belonging across society, school systems, staffrooms, classrooms and curricula, with practical ways educators can create more inclusive cultures.  **Find Hannah:** Hannah Wilson on LinkedIn Books, ideas and resources mentioned What White People Can Do Next — Emma Dabiri Radical Candor — Kim Scott **·** Fierce Conversations — Susan Scott **·** Daring Greatly — Brené Brown Windows, Mirrors and Sliding Glass Doors — Dr Rudine Sims Bishop  **Also mentioned:** #WomenEd · #DiverseEd · iAmRemarkable · emotional intelligence · psychological safety · unconscious bias · microaggressions · allyship · advocacy · DEIB. Support the show This is *A Thought I Kept* — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. **About Claire Fitzsimmons** Claire is the host of *A Thought I Kept,* a wellbeing writer, author and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here. As a Certified Coach and Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection.  Buy Claire's first book, *If Lost Start Here: Wellbeing for the Anxious, Disconnected or Uncertain* here. Subscribe to Claire's Substack newsletter here. Find out how to work with Claire here.  **Like what you heard?** Follow, rate or review this podcast*.*  The music for all episodes from August 10th was made by Leon in the Wilderness.