“God Is One Kinky-Ass Motherfucker:” Remembering Carolyn Elliott

Send us a text! Five years after first releasing our conversation with *Existential Kink* author Carolyn Elliott, we return to Episode 40 in memory of a guest whose warmth, wit, and ideas have stayed with us. We begin with a new introduction reflecting on the early days of Mormons on Mushrooms, the generosity Carolyn brought to this conversation, and how our relationship with shadow work has evolved. Mike questions the temptation to use the unconscious for egoic gains and wonders whether we can approach our patterns with more curiosity and less relentless digging. Doug explores his own attraction to secrecy. Then we revisit our original conversation with Carolyn about existential kink: the unconscious pleasure hidden inside rejection, scarcity, humiliation, frustration, and other experiences we consciously claim not to want. We explore the “good boy” conditioning of Mormonism, Doug’s missionary rejection kink, Mike’s encounter with the angry and instinctual parts beneath his Mormon niceness, and the difference between acknowledging a desire and acting it out. The conversation expands into psychedelics, religious repression, collective shadow, racism, good and evil, compassion, and what it might mean to love the parts of ourselves we would rather pretend do not exist. Carolyn was delightful, provocative, generous, and completely herself. We’re grateful we had the chance to speak with her—and deeply sad that we never got to take her up on that invitation to trip together. Topics include: - Remembering Carolyn Elliott - Existential kink and Jungian shadow work - The unconscious pleasure inside recurring patterns - Mormon repression and “good boy” conditioning - Rejection, secrecy, confession, and shame - When shadow work becomes another form of self-punishment - Curiosity versus endlessly digging for wounds - Psychedelics and plant medicine - Collective shadow, racism, and inherited patterns - Holding compassion for the parts of ourselves that frighten us Note: The original interview is presented as it was recorded. References to Carolyn’s programs, contact information, and upcoming events reflect the time of the original publication. **Content note:** This episode contains a brief disclosure of childhood sexual abuse, along with discussion of psychedelics, addiction, sexual themes, and strong language . Want more? Our full archive of 200+ *Mormons on Mushrooms* episodes — past conversations, stories, and musical adventures — now lives in on Supercast. 🎧 Join us there → mormonsonmushrooms.supercast.com Stay informed of online and local events through the Underground Newsletter Send a Contribution