Eating My Cake

So listen, I'm going to hold your hand.

I'm going to hold your hand to all of the fans of books and novels and things of that nature.

You didn't read an audio book.

You didn't read it.

It didn't happen.

It never took place.

You listened to the audio format of a book.

I don't understand why this is difficult for you.

And I don't understand why you're upset outside the gate.

You didn't read it.

Reading a book requires holding a book, placing a book down, turning pages, having someone turn pages.

This is a piece of physical media.

An audio book, has a key word in it, and that word being audio.

So again, I'm gonna just return to the fact that you are listening to something, much like you probably listening to this or watching this.

Now, pop open that transcription, baby, and you start looking at those words, you read this.

But you probably don't, Some of y'all are wise.

Many of you bitches probably don't even know what a transcription is.

So I know you're not looking at it.

You didn't read an audio book.

You listened to it and that's fine.

That's fine.

And I feel like the issue that some of y'all have is how you then present your experience with the book.

Right.

Cause if I say I read Children of Blood and Bone.

You feel like you have to be like, oh, I read that too.

You didn't.

You didn't.

Just say, I listened to it.

Or I listened to the audio book.

You in a hurry, bitch? You found, you know something I don't know? Where you have to go? Just say those two extra words.

You didn't fucking read it.

And I might, it might feel like I'm gatekeeping.

I don't know if this sounds elitist.

It really just is, it's about words, right? It's simply about words and it's about the meaning behind words.

It's about the intent behind words.

It's about definitions.

I guess I'm really, really passionate about words and the clarity behind a lot of them.

And that's probably why I like looking at them instead of listening to them.

But shout out to the audiobook game, bitch.

They got sound effects, AAA celebrity actors and stuff be reading the shit to you.

You know what I'm saying? Who doesn't want to hear, I don't know, One Fish, Two Fish presented by Meryl Streep.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

But shout out to you, you know? You read it and you hear the water rushing down into this drain as young Georgie screams and tries to get it.

And you probably hear Pennywise biting through the blood, bone, and gristle as he snatches his hand up.

Like, fun.

You know, paint a picture.

I love that for y'all.

I'm just saying I'm able to do the same thing with my mind.

So...

I'm just glad everyone's having fun, right? And books.

Because who knows how much longer we have left with those.

But, you know, just be clear.

Stop lying, bitch.

I'm not going to take it.

Thank you so much for listening to that.

This is Furious Thoughts.

My name is Kifiri.

If you aren't offended, let's get started.