Etiquette

His mental tendency lay away from dogmatic definition and towards the assertion and development of first principles.

The third Earl of Shaftesbury, author of The Characteristics of Men, Manners, and Opinions, wrote a recommendatory preface to a volume of his sermons published after his death.

Two of Whichcote's recorded dicta are memorable and most wholesome if applied truly.

God hath set up two lights to enlighten us in our way, the light of reason, which is the light of his creation, and the light of scripture, which is after revelation from him.

We have a divine warrant for believing that.

Manners, says Emerson very neatly, are just the happy way of doing things.

I think we might define faith in God in almost the same terms.

It is just the happy way of looking at things.

Yeah, it's like a classic that you say to siblings, or perhaps you might use the word sorry as a substitute for excuse me.

Like, "Um, sorry, d- did you mind if I just..." If you're kind of interrupting, "Sorry, would you mind just explaining that for a second?" And that's just good manners, isn't it?

Exactly, Alice, and that's what our episode of- today is all about.

Where do manners come from, and how did they evolve into their present state?

Well, this is fascinating, and manners can be a double-edged sword a bit, can't they?

Yeah.

So on the one hand, good manners can make social interactions more pleasant, but people also talk about how it can exclude some people if you don't know how they work, if you're not in the know, so to speak.

And in that way, I think manners are a wonderful window into society's kind of anxieties and desires.

And here's the thing I've been thinking about.

Manners matter.

Not etiquette, manners.

Etiquette is knowing which fork you're supposed to use, okay? Manners is making sure the person sitting beside you doesn't feel stupid because they used the wrong one, okay? There's a difference.

Even in the Bible, in Ephesians 4, 32, it says, Kindness usually requires some enormous sacrifice.

It just means giving somebody room in the antique store, Fred.

And if you are a dingus, apparently there's some kind of test you can take.

I don't know.

Were you raised with manners?

Yeah.

Manners were my religion.

That's kind of like the decree of the Midwestern Testament is just manners.

I

want you to put that on a tote bag.

Manners are my religion.

And my sins are my savior.