Cato - Joseph Addison - Full Play
Jun 30, 2026 · 7 hr 2 min · 15 segments
"Cakes Ale" is a whimsical exploration of culinary creativity, sparked by a conversation between an aspiring poet and a pragmatic publisher who craves a unique cookery book. The narrative unfolds as the poet is challenged to blend essays on food with stirring anecdotes and uncommon recipes, illustrating the timeless quest for inspiration and the art of storytelling through gastronomy. This delightful work resonates today as it highlights the enduring connection between food and narrative, reminding us that the act of creating—whether through poetry or cooking—requires both imagination and resourcefulness.
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Preface to Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Preface A long time ago an estimable lady fell at the feet of an habitual publisher and prayed unto him, Give, O give me the subject of a book for which the world has a need, and I will write it for you.
Are you an author, madam? asked the publisher, motioning his visitor to a seat.
No, sir, was the proud reply.
I am a poet.
Ah, said the great man, I am afraid there is no immediate worldly need of a poet.
If you could only write a good cookery book.
Now The story goes on to relate how the poetess, not rebuffed in the least, started on the requisite culinary work.
Directly she got home, pawned her jewels to purchase postage stamps, and wrote far and wide for recipes, which in course of time she obtained by the hundredweight.
Other recipes she conveyed from ancient works of gastronomy, and in a year or two the magnum opus was given to the world.
The lady's share in the profits giving her adequate provision for the remainder of her life.
We are not told, but it is presumable that the publisher received a little adequate provision too.
History occasionally repeats itself, and the history of the present work begins in very much the same way.
Whether it will finish in an equally satisfactory manner is problematical.
I do not possess much of the divine afflatus myself, but there has ever lurked within me some sort of ambition to write a book.
Something held together by tree calf, half morocco, or boards.
Something that might find its way into the hearts and homes of an enlightened public.
Something which will give some of my young friends ample opportunity for criticism.
In the exercise of my profession I have written leagues of descriptive copy, mostly lies and racing selections, but up to now there has been no urgent demand for a book of any sort from this pen.
For years my ambition has remained ungratified.
Publishers, as a rule the most faint-hearted and least speculative of mankind, have held aloof, and whatever suggestions I might make were rejected, with determination if not with contumely.
At length came the hour and the man, the introduction to a publisher with an eye for budding and hitherto misdirected talent.
Do you care, sir, I inquired at the outset, to undertake the dissemination of a bulky work on political economy? Frankly, sir, I do not, was the reply.
Then I tried him with various subjects, social reform, the drama, bimetallism, the ethics of starting prices, the advantages of motor cars in African warfare, natural history, the martyrdom of Ananias, practical horticulture, military law, and dogs, until he took down an old duck gun from a peg over the mantelpiece and assumed a threatening attitude.
Peace having been restored, the self-repetition of history recommenced.
I can do with a good, bold, brilliant, lightly treated, exhaustive work on gastronomy, said the publisher.
You are well acquainted with the subject, I believe.
I'm a bit of a parlor cook, if that's what you mean, was my humble reply.
At a salad, a grill, an anchovy toast, or a cooling and cunningly compounded cup, I can be underwritten at ordinary rates.
But I could no more cook a haunch of venison, or even boil a rabbit or make an economical Christmas pudding, than I could sail a boat in a nor'easter, and Madam Cook would certainly eject me from her kitchen with a cloud attached to the hem of my dinner jacket inside five minutes.
Eventually it was decided that I should commence this book.
What I want, said the publisher, is a series of essays on food, a few anecdotes of stirring adventure.
You have a fine flow of imagination, I understand, and a few useful but uncommon recipes.
But plenty of plums in the book, my dear sir, plenty of plums.
But suppose my own supply of plums should not hold out.
What am I to do? What do you do? What does the cook do when the plums for her pudding run short? Get some more.
The museum, my dear sir, the great storehouse of natural literature, is free to all whose character is above the normal standard.
When your memory and imagination fail, try the British Museum.
You know what is a mightier factor than both sword and pen.
Precisely so.
And remember that in replenishing your store from the works of those who have gone before, you are only following in their footsteps.
I only bar Sidney Smith and Charles Lamb.
Let me have the script by Christmas.
Do you smoke? Mind the step.
Good morning.
In this way, gentle reader, were the trenches dug, the saps laid for the attack of the great work.
The bulk of it is original, and the adventures in which the writer has taken part are absolutely true.
About some of the others I would not be so positive.
Some of the recipes have previously figured in the pages of The Sporting Times, The Ladies Pictorial, and The Man of the World.
To the proprietors of which journals I hereby express my kindly thanks for permission to revive them.
Many of the recipes are original.
Some are my own.
Others have been sent in by relatives and friends of my youth.
Others have been adapted for modern requirements from works of great antiquity.
Whilst others again, I am nothing if not candid, have been conveyed from the works of more modern writers who in their turn had borrowed them from the works of their ancestors.
There is nothing new under the sun, and there are but few absolute novelties which are subjected to the heat of the kitchen fire.
If the style of the work be faulty, the reason, not the excuse, is that the style is innate and not modelled upon anybody else's style.
The language I have endeavoured to make as plain, homely, and vigorous as is the food advocated.
If the criticisms on foreign cookery should offend the talented chef, I have the satisfaction of knowing that as I have foresworn his works, he will be unable to retaliate with poison.
And if the criticisms on the modern English methods of preparing food should attract the attention of the home caterer, he may possibly be induced to give his steam chest and his gas range a rest and put the roast beef of old England on his table occasionally, though I have only the faintest hopes that he will do so.
For the monster eating houses and mammoth hotels of today are for the most part run by companies and syndicates, and the company within the dining room suffer occasionally in order that dividends may be possible after payment has been made for the elaborate and wholly unnecessary furniture and decorations.
Wholesome food is usually sufficient for the ordinary British appetite, without such surroundings as marble pillars, Etruscan vases, nude figures, gilding and looking glasses, which only serve to distract attention from the banquet.
It is with many a sigh that I recall the good old-fashioned inn, where the guest readily received a warm welcome.
Nowadays the warmest part of that welcome is usually the bill.
It is related of the wittiest man of the nineteenth century, my late friend Mr. Henry J. Byron, that upon one occasion whilst walking home with a brother dramatist after the first performance of his comedy which had failed to please the audience, Byron shed tears.
How is this? inquired his friend.
The failure of my play appears to affect you strangely.
I was only weeping, was the reply, because I was afraid you'd set to work and write another.
But there need be no tears shed on any page of this food book, for I am not going to write another.
End of Preface Recording by Philip Gould Chapter 1 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Chapter 1 Breakfast The day breaks slow, but e'en must man break fast.
This is a very serious subject.
The first meal of the day has exercised more influence over history than many people may be aware of.
It is not easy to preserve an equal mind, or to keep a stiff upper lip upon an empty stomach, and indigestible foodstuffs have probably lost more battles than sore feet and bad ammunition.
When good digestion waits on appetite, great men are less liable to commit mistakes, and a mistake in a great man is a crime, than when dyspepsia has marked them for her own.
And this rule applies to all men.
There should be no hurry or formality about breakfast.
Your punctual host and hostess may be all very well from their own point of view, but black looks and sarcastic welcomings are an abomination to the guest who may have overslept himself or herself, and who fails to say, Good morning, just on the stroke of nine o'clock.
Far be it from the author's wish to decry the system of family prayers, although the spectacle of the full strength of the domestic company, from the stern-featured housekeeper or the chief lady's maid—the housekeeper is frequently too grand or too much cumbered with other duties to attend public worship—to the diminutive page boy standing all in a row, facing the cups and saucers, is occasionally more provocative of mirth than reverence.
But too much law and order about fast-breaking is to be deplored.
I'm not very punctual, I'm afraid, Sir John, I once heard a very charming lady observe to her host as she took her seat at the table, exactly ten minutes after the line of menials had filed out.
On the contrary, Lady V., returned the master of the house with a cast-iron smile, you were punctual in your unpunctuality, for you have missed prayers by the sixth part of one hour every morning since you came.
Now what should be done to a host like that? In the long ago I was favored with the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman of property, a most estimable though eccentric man, and he invariably breakfasted with his hat on.
It did not matter if ladies were present or not.
Down he would sit, opposite the ham and eggs or whatever dish it might chance to be, with a white hat, with mourning band attached, surrounding his fine head.
We used to think the presence of the hat was owing to partial baldness, but as he never wore it at luncheon or dinner that idea was abandoned.
In fact, he pleaded that the hat kept his thoughts in, and as after breakfast he was closeted with his steward, or agent, or stud-groom, or keeper for several hours, he doubtless let loose some of those thoughts to one or the other.
At all events, we never saw him again till luncheon unless there was any hunting or shooting to be done.
The same old gentleman once rehearsed his own funeral on the carriage drive outside, and stage-managed the solemn ceremony from his study window.
An under-gardener pushed a wheelbarrow containing a box of choice cuttings to represent the body, and the butler posed as chief mourner, and when anybody went wrong, or the pallbearers, six grooms, failed to keep in step, the master would throw up the window sash and roar, Begin again.
But this is wandering from the subject.
Let us try back.
Having made wide search amongst old and musty manuscripts, I can find no record of a bill of fare of the first meal of the ancient Britons.
Our blue forefathers, in all probability, but seldom assisted at any such smart function as a wedding breakfast, or even a hunting one, for the simple reason that it was a case with them of no hunt, no breakfast.
Unless one or the other had killed the deer, or the wild boar, or some other living thing to furnish the refection, the feast was a barmicide one.
And much as we have heard of the strength and hardiness of our blue forefathers, many of them must have died of sheer starvation, for they had no weapons but clubs and rough-cut flints with which to kill the beasts of the country, who were, however, occasionally lured into pitfalls, and, as to fish, unless they tickled them, the denizens of the streams must have had an easy time of it.
They had sheep, but these were valuable chiefly on account of their wool, as used to be the case in Australia ere the tinned meat trade was established.
Most of the fruits and vegetables which we enjoy today were introduced into Britain by the Romans.
Snipe and woodcock, and, in the north, grouse, may have been bagged, as well as hares.
But these poor savages knew not rabbits by sight, nor indeed much of the feathered fowl which their more favoured descendants are in the habit of shooting or otherwise destroying for food.
The ancient Britons knew not bacon and eggs, nor the toothsome kipper, nor yet the marmalade of Dundee.
As for bread, it was not invented in any shape or form until much later, and its primitive state was a tough paste of flour, water, and occasionally milk, something like the damper of the Australian bush, or the unleavened chupadi, which the poor classes in Hindustan put up with after baking it at the present day.
The hardy and independent Saxon had a much better time of it in the way of meat and drink.
But with supper forming the chief meal of the day, his breakfast was a simple though plentiful one, and consisted chiefly of venison pasty and the flesh of goats, washed down with ale or mead.
A free breakfast table of Elizabeth's time, says an old authority, or even during the more recent reign of Charles II, would contrast oddly with our modern morning meal.
There were meats, hot and cold, beef and brawn and boar's head, the venison pasty and the warden pie of West Country pears.
There was hot bread too, and sundry cates, which would now be strange to our eyes.
But to wash down these substantial viands there was little save ale.
The most delicate lady could procure no more suitable beverage than the blood of John Barleycorn.
The most fretful invalid had to be content with a mug of small beer stirred up with a sprig of rosemary.
Wine, hypocris, and methoglyn were potations for supper time, not for breakfast, and beer reigned supreme.
None but home productions figured on the board of our ancestors.
Not for them were seas traversed or tropical shores visited as for us.
The dethronement of ale subsequent on the introduction of these eastern products is one of the most marked events which have severed the social life of the present day from that of the past.
With the exception of the warden pie and the cates, the above bill of fare would probably satisfy the cravings of the ordinary Johnny of today, who has heard the chimes at midnight and would sooner face a charging tiger than drink tea or coffee with his first meal, which, alas, but too often consists of a hot pickle sandwich and a brandy and soda, with not quite all the soda in.
But just imagine the fine lady of today with a large tankard of Burton ale facing her at the breakfast table.
Tea, which is said to have been introduced into China by Dyarma, a native of India about AD 500, was not familiar in Europe until the end of the 16th century, and it was not until 1657 when Garraway opened a tea house in Exchange Alley that Londoners began tea drinking as an experiment.
In 1662, Pepys writes, Home, and there find my wife making of tea.
Two years before, he called it tea, a China drink, a drink which Mr. Pelling the apothecary tells her is good for her cold and defluxions.
In 1740, the price of tea ranged from 7 shillings to 24 shillings per pound.
In 1725, 370,323 pounds were drunk in England, and in 1890, 194,008,000.
In 1840, the duty was 2 shillings, 2 and a quarter pence per pound.
In 1858, 1 shilling, 5 pence per pound, and in 1890, 4 pence per pound.
The seed of the coffee tree, which when roasted ground and mixed with water and unmixed with horse beans, dandelion root, or road scrapings, forms a most agreeable beverage to those who can digest it, was not known to the Greeks or Romans, but has been used in Abyssinia and along the northeast coast of Africa almost as long as those parts have been populated.
Here in merry England, where coffee was not introduced until the eighteenth century, it was at first used but sparingly until it almost entirely took the place of chocolate, which was the favored beverage of the duchesses and fine madams who minced and flirted and plotted during the reign of the merry monarch fifty years or so before.
The march of knowledge has taught the thrifty housewife of today to roast her own coffee instead of purchasing it in that form from the retail shopkeeper, who, as a rule, under-roasts the berry in order to keep the weight in.
But do not blame him too freely, for he is occasionally a poor law guardian and has to keep pace with the stores.
During the Georgian era, the hard-drinking epoch, breakfast far too often consisted chiefly of French brandy, and the first meal was, in consequence, not altogether a happy or wholesome one nor conducive to the close study of serious subjects.
The history of the staff of life would require a much larger volume than this all to itself.
Footnote It is incorrect to speak of bread as the sole staff of life.
Eggs, milk, cheese, potatoes, and some other vegetables supply between them far more phosphoric acid than is to be got from bread, either white or brown.
And a man could support existence on beer and baccy as well as he could do so on bread alone.
End footnote That the evolution of bread-making has been very gradual admits of no denial, and as late as the Tudor and Stuart periods the art was still in its infancy.
The quality of the bread consumed was a test of social standing.
Thus, while the haute monde, the height of society, lords and dukes with countesses and dames of high degree, were in the habit of consuming delicate manchets made of the finest wheaten flour of snowy purity, the middle classes had to content themselves with white loaves of inferior quality.
To the journeyman and the prentice, who had to endure with patience the buffets of master and mistress, was meted out coarse but wholesome brown bread made from an admixture of wheat and barley flour, whilst the agricultural laborer staved off starvation with loaves made from rye, occasionally mixed with red wheat or barley.
The introduction of free trade, by no means an unmixed blessing, has changed all this, and the working classes with their wives and families can, when out of the workhouse in the intervals between strikes, enjoy the same quality of bread, that cheap loaf which appears on the table of the wicked squire and the all-devouring parson.
In Yorkshire at the present day, almost the worst thing that can be urged against a woman is that she cannot make a bit of bread.
Just look, wrote an enthusiastic free trader a quarter of a century ago, at the immense change that has latterly taken place in the food of the English peasantry.
Rye bread and peas pudding exchanged for wheaten loaves.
A startling change, but not greatly different from what has occurred in France, where, with the abuses of the Bourbon rule, an end was put to the semi-starvation of French tillers of the soil.
Black bread is now almost as much a rarity in France as on our side of the Channel, while barley in Wales, oats in Scotland, and the potato in Ireland are no longer the food staples that they were.
I have no wish for anything of a contentious nature to appear in this volume, but may deliver with regard to the above the opinion that peas pudding is by no means despicable fare when associated with a boiled leg of pork, and I may add that too many of the English peasantry nowadays have been reduced by this same free trade to a diet of no bread at all, in place of wheaten or any other loaves.
Wedding breakfasts, with the formal speeches and cutting of the cake, have gone out of fashion, and the subject of the British breakfast of today demands a new chapter.
End of chapter 1 Recording by Philip Gould Section 2 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Section 2 Breakfast Continued Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table.
By far the pleasantest meal of the day at a large country house is breakfast.
You will be staying there most likely, and you be a man, for hunting or shooting, it being one of the eccentric dispensations of the great goddess fashion that country houses should be guestless and often ownerless during that season of the year when nature looks at her loveliest.
And you be a woman, you will be staying there for the especial benefit of your daughter, for flirting, or for the more serious purpose of riveting the fetters of the fervid youth who may have been taken captive during the London season, for romping, and probably shooting and hunting too.
For lovely women up to date takes but little account of such frivolities as Berlin woolwork, piano practice, or drives well wrapped up in a close carriage to pay calls with her hostess.
As for going out with the guns, or meeting the sterner sex at luncheon in the keeper's cottage or the specially erected pavilion, the darlings are not content nowadays unless they can use dapper little breech loaders specially made for them, and some of them are far from bad shots.
Yes, tis a pleasant function breakfast at the castle, the park, or the grange.
But as observed in the last chapter, there must be no undue punctuality, no black looks at late arrivals, no sarcastic allusions to late hours, nor inane chaff from the other guests about the wine cup or the whiskey cup which may have been drained in the smoking room during the small hours.
Her ladyship looks divine, or at all events regal as she presides at what our American cousins would call the business end of the long table.
Whilst our host, a healthy, jolly-looking, hard-bitten man of fifty faces her.
His bright, keen eye denotes the sportsman, and he can shoot as straight as ever whilst no fence is too high, too wide, nor too deep for him.
Sprinkled about at either side of the table amongst the red and black coats or shooting jackets of varied hues, with a vacancy here and there for Algy and Bill and the angel who have not yet put in appearance, are smart, fresh-looking women, young and well-preserved, and matronly, some in tailor-made frocks and some in the silks and velvets suited for those of riper age, and some in exquisitely fitting habits.
It is at the breakfast table that the Englishwoman can defy all foreign competition, and you are inclined to frown or even say things under your breath when that mincing, wicked-looking little marquise, all frills and ribbons and lace and smiles and espoquet in the latest creation of the first man milliner of Paris, trips into the room in slippers two sizes too small for her and salutes the company at large in broken English.
For the contrast is somewhat trying, and you wonder why on earth some women will smother themselves with scents and cosmetics and rattle their cheeks and wear diamonds so early in the morning, and you lose all sense of the undoubted fascination of the marquise in speculating as to what manner of strong woman her femme de chambre must be who can compress a twenty-two-inch waist into an eighteen-inch corset.
There should, of course, be separate tea and coffee equipments for most of the guests, at all events for the sluggards.
The massive silver urn certainly lends a tone to the breakfast table and looks comfortable-like.
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But it would be criminally cruel to satisfy the thirst of the multitude out of the same teapot or coffee pot, and the sluggard will not love his hostess if she pours forth husband's tea merely because he is a sluggard.
And remember that the hand which is held too by honors, or a straight flush the night before, is occasionally too shaky to pass teacups.
No, do not spare your servants, my lord or my lady.
Your guests must be well done, or they will miss your rocketing pheasants, or fail to go fast enough at that brook with the rotten banks.
The English, said an eminent alien, have only one sauce.
This is a scandalous libel, but as it was said a long time ago it doesn't matter.
It would be much truer to say that the English have only one breakfast dish, and its name is eggs and bacon.
Pardon, I should have written two, and the second is ham and eggs.
A new-laid egg, poached, not fried, and you love me, O Betsy, best of cooks, and a rasher of home-cured hog are both excellent things in their way.
But like a partridge, a mother-in-law, and a baby, it is quite possible to have too much of them.
The English hostess, I do not refer to the typical her ladyship of whom I have written above, but to the average hostess, certainly launches out occasionally in the direction of assorted fish, kidneys, sausages, and chops.
But the staple food upon which we are asked to break our fast is undoubtedly eggs and bacon.
The great question of what to eat at the first meal depends greatly upon whether you sit down to it directly you emerge from your bedroom, or whether you have indulged in any sort of exercise in the interim.
After two or three hours' amateur touting on such a place as Newmarket Heath, the sportsman is ready for any sort of food, from a dish of liver and bacon to a good thick fat chop or an underdone steak.
I have even attacked cold stewed eels upon an occasion when the pangs of hunger would have justified my eating the tomcat and the landlady as well.
But chops and steaks are not to be commended to furnish forth the ordinary breakfast table.
I am coming to the hotel breakfast presently, so will say nothing about fried fish just yet.
But here follows a list of a few of what may be called allowable breakfast dishes.
Mushrooms done plainly in front of the fire, sausages toasted, scrambled eggs on toast, curried eggs, fish balls, kidneys, savory omelet.
Porridge may be useful for growing boys and briefless barristers, but this chapter is not written solely in their interests.
Above all, do not, oh do not forget the grill or broil.
This should be the feature of the breakfast.
Such simple recipes as those for the manufacture of fish balls or omelets or curried eggs, though I shall have plenty to say about curries later on, need not be given here.
But the following for a grill sauce will be found invaluable, especially for the sluggard.
Gubbin's Sauce The legs and wings of fowl, turkey, pheasant, partridge, or moorhen should only be used.
Have these scored across with a sharp knife and divided at the joints.
And when your grill is taken hot as hot, but not burnt from the fire, have poured over it the following sauce.
Be very particular that your cook pours it over the grill just before it is served up.
And it is of the most vital importance that the sauce should be made and well mixed on a plate over hot water.
For instance, a slop basin should be filled with boiling water and a plate placed atop.
Melt on the plate a lump of butter the size of a large walnut.
Stir into it, when melted, two teaspoonfuls of made mustard, then a dessert spoonful of vinegar, half that quantity of tarragon vinegar, and a tablespoonful of cream, Devonshire or English.
Season with salt, black pepper, and cayenne according to the presumed tastes and requirements of the breakfasters.
Let your sideboard.
It is assumed that you have a sideboard.
Sigh and lament its hard lot under its load of cold joints, game, and pies.
I am still harping on the country house, and if you have a York ham in cut, it should be flanked by a Westphalian ditto.
For the blend is a good one.
And remember that no York ham under twenty pounds in weight is worth cutting.
You need not put it all on the board at once.
A capital adjunct to the breakfast table, too, is a reindeer's tongue, which, as you see it hung up in the shops, looks more like a policeman's truncheon in active employment than anything else.
But when well soaked and then properly treated in the boiling, is very tasty and will melt like marrow in the mouth.
A simple excellent August breakfast can be made from a dish of freshly caught trout, the legs and back of a cold grouse which has been roasted, not baked, and a large peach.
But what of the wretched bachelor as he enters his one sitting room in his humble lodging? He may have heard the chimes at midnight in some gay and festive quarter, or like some other wretched bachelors, he may have been engaged in the composition of romances for some exacting editor until the smallish hours.
Poor outcast.
What sort of appetite will he have for the rusty rasher, or the shop egg, the smoked haddock, or the Billingsgate pheasant which his landlady will presently send up together with her little account for his refection? Well, here is a much more tasty dish than any of the above.
And if he be square with Mrs. Bangham, that lady will possibly not object to her gal cooking the different ingredients before she starts at the washtub.
But let not the wretched bachelor suffer the gal to mix them.
I first met this dish in Calcutta during the two months of alleged cold weather which prevailed during the year.
Calcutta Jumble A few fried fillets of whitefish, sole or place, sole for choice, placed on top of some boiled rice in a soup plate.
Pour over them the yolks of two boiled eggs and mix in one green chili chopped fine.
Salt to taste.
Another way.
Mix with the rice the following ingredients.
The yolks of two raw eggs, one tablespoonful anchovy sauce, one small teaspoonful curry powder, raw, a sprinkling of cayenne, a little salt and one green chili chopped fine.
Each ingredient to be added separately in the eggs and curry powder to be stirred into the rice with a fork.
Fillets of sole to be served atop.
How many cooks in this England of ours can cook rice properly? Without pausing for a reply I append the recipe which should be pasted on the wall of every kitchen.
The many cookery books which I have read give elaborate directions for the performance of what is a very simple duty.
Here it is in a few lines.
To cook rice for curry, etc.
Soak a sufficiency of rice in cold water for two hours.
Strain through a sieve and pop the rice into boiling water.
Let it boil, gallop is I believe the word used in most kitchens, for not quite ten minutes or until the rice is tender.
Then strain off the water through a sieve and dash a little cold water over the rice to separate the grains.
Here is another most appetizing breakfast dish for the springtime.
Asparagus with eggs.
Cut up two dozen or so heads of cooked asparagus into small pieces and mix in a stewpan with the well-beaten yolks of two raw eggs.
Flavor with pepper and salt and stir freely.
Add a piece of butter the size of a walnut.
One of these should be kept in every kitchen as a pattern.
And keep on stirring for a couple of minutes or so.
Serve on delicately toasted bread.
And hotel breakfast.
What memories do these words conjure up of a snug coffee room hung with hunting prints and portraits of derby winners and churches and well-hung game with its oak panelings, easy armchairs, blazing fire, snowy naparies and bright silver.
The cheery host with well-lined paunch and fat wheezy voice which wishes you good morning and hopes you have passed a comfortable night between the lavender-scented sheets.
The fatherly interest which William the gray-headed waiter takes in you, stranger or habitué, and the more than fatherly interest which you take in the good cheer from homemade sassengers to new-laid eggs and heather honey, not forgetting a slice out of the mammoth York ham beneath whose weight the old sideboard absolutely grunts.
Hi-ho, we, or they, have changed all that.
The poet who found his warmest welcome in an inn was naturally enough writing of his own time.
I don't like fault-finding, but must needs declare that the warmest part of an inn welcome to be found nowadays is the bill.
As long as you pay it, or have plenty of luggage to leave behind in default and make yourself agreeable to the fair and haughty bookkeeper, if it's a she, who allots you your bedroom and bullies the page boy, nobody in the modern inn cares particularly what becomes of you.
You lose your individuality and become number 325.
Instead of welcome, distrust lurks large on the very threshold.
No checks accepted is frequently the first announcement to catch the eye of the incoming guest, and although you cannot help admiring the marble pillars, the oak carving, the gilding, the mirrors, and the electric light, an uncomfortable feeling comes over you at mealtimes to the effect that the cost of the decorations or much of it is taken out of the food.
Waiter, you ask as soon as your eyes and ears get accustomed to the incessant bustle of the coffee room and your nostrils to the savor of last night's soup, what can I have for breakfast? What would you like, sir? I should like a grilled sole to begin with.
Very sorry, sir, soles is hof.
Get you a nice chop or steak.
Can't manage either so early in the day.
Got any whitings? Afraid we're out of whitings, sir, but I'll see.
Eventually, after suggesting sundry delicacies, all of which are either hof or unknown to the waiter, you settle down to the consumption of two fried and shriveled shop eggs on an island of Chicago ham floating in an Aegean Sea of grease and hot water, whilst a half-quarter loaf, a cruet stand the size of a cathedral, a rack full of toast of the zebra brand, and about two gallons of alleged coffee are dumped down in succession in front of you.
There are, of course, some hostelries where they do you better than this.
But my experience of hotel breakfast at this end of the 19th century has not been encouraging, either to appetite or temper, and I do vow and protest that the above picture is not too highly colored.
The toothsome, necessary bloater is not often to be met with on the hotel's bill of fare, but if soft-rowed, use no other, it will repay perusal.
Toast it in a Dutch oven in front of a clear fire and just before done split it up the back and put a piece of butter on it.
The row should be well clumped and of the consistency of Devonshire cream.
A grilled sole for breakfast is preferable to a fried one, principally because it is by no means impossible that the fried sole be second-hand, or, as the French call it, rechauffé.
And why, unless directions to the contrary be given, is the modest whiting invariably placed tail and mouth on the frying pan? A grilled whiting, assassinate your cook if she or he scorches it, is one of the noblest works of the kitchen, and its exterior should be of a golden brown color.
Do not forget to order sausages for breakfast if you are staying at Newmarket.
There is less bread in them than in the metropolitan brand, and when in Lincoln attempt a halibut steak, of which you may not have previously heard.
The halibut should, previous to grilling or frying in salad oil, be placed on a shallow dish and sprinkled with salt.
Then the dish should be half-filled with water, which must not cover the salt.
Leave the fish to soak for an hour, then cut into slices nearly an inch thick, without removing the skin.
Sprinkle some lemon juice and cayenne over the steaks before serving.
If you wish to preserve an even mind and be at peace with the world, a visit to the hotel parish is not to be recommended.
The Irish stew at dinner is not bad in its way, though coarse and too liberally endowed with fat.
But the breakfasts, boiled oatmeal and water with salt in the mess and a chunk of stale brown bread to eat therewith, do not constitute an altogether satisfactory meal the first thing in the morning.
And it is hardly calculated to inspire him with much pride in his work when the guest is placed subsequently before his task of unbroken flints or tarred rope.
End of section 2.
Recording by Philip Gould Section 3 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Section 3 Breakfast Continued There's nowt in the highlands but sybees and leeks and lang-legged callants gone wanting the breeks.
For a warm welcome, commend me to bonny Scotland.
Say for learning that they are hour-difficult to convince, ye ken.
These rugged Caledonians be tender of heart and philanthropic to a degree.
Heck stars, but tis the braw time ye'll hae.
Gin ye traipse the highlands and the lowlands as well for the matter of that in search of good refreshment for body and soul.
Even that surly lexicographer, Dr. Samuel Johnson, who by the way claimed the same city for his birthplace as does the writer, who could not be induced to recognize the merits of Scotch scenery and preferred Fleet Street to the Trossachs, extolled the luxury of a Scotch breakfast above that of all other countries.
And Sir Walter Scott, who never enthused much about meat and drink, is responsible in Waverley for a passage calculated to make the mouths of most people water.
He found Miss Bradwardine presiding over the tea and coffee, the table loaded with warm bread, both of flour, oatmeal, and barley meal, in the shape of loaves, cakes, biscuits, and other varieties.
Together with eggs, reindeer ham, mutton and beef ditto, smoked salmon, and many other delicacies.
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A mess of oatmeal porridge flanked by a silver jug which held an equal mixture of cream and buttermilk was placed for the baron's share of the repast, and, as Mr. Samuel Weller would have observed, a wary good idea of a breakfast, too.
A beef ham sounds like a large order for breakfast, even when we come to consider that the Scotch beastie in Sir Walter Scott's time was wanting in beam and stature.
I have seen and partaken of a ham cut from a Yorkshire pig and weighing fifty-two pounds, but even a Scotch beef ham must have topped that weight considerably.
Fortunately, the sideboards of those times were substantial of build.
Missing from the above bill of fare is the haddock, the Finian haddy, a bird which at that period had probably not been invented.
But the modern Scottish breakfast table is not properly furnished without it.
The genuine Finian is known by its appetizing savor and by its color, a creamy yellow which is totally distinct from the Van Dyke brownie hue of the haddock, which is creosoted in the neighborhood of the Blackfriars Road, London, S.E.
Strip off the skin, says the recipe in one cookery book, or over a quick clear one.
Another way, my way, is not to strip off the skin and to steam your haddies.
Place them in a dish which has been previously heated, throw boiling water on them and cover closely with a plate.
Place on a hot stove and in from ten to fifteen minutes the Finian's will be accomplished.
Drain and serve hot as hot, buttered with a sprinkling of cayenne and maybe a dash of Worcestershire sauce.
Salmon is naturally a welcome guest at the table of the land of his birth, served fresh when in season and smoked or kippered at all times.
A salmon steak with the curd between the flakes, placed within a coat of virgin white paper oiled and grilled for fifteen minutes or so, is an excellent breakfast dish.
A fry of small troutlets, a ditto of the deer's interior economy, mim, when up at the death of a hunted stag, always beg or annex a portion of his liver, are also common dishes at the first meal served by the good wife.
And I once met a cold haggis at nine-thirty a.m., but this I rather fancy was a wee bit joke at my expense.
Anyhow, I shall have plenty to say about the great chieftain of the pudding race in a later chapter.
Off to Goldland.
Those that go down to the sea in ships and can summon up sufficient presence of mind to go down to the saloon at mealtimes have far from a bad time of it.
Living was certainly better on the ocean wave in the days when livestock was kept on board and slaughtered as required, for the effect of keeping beef, pork, and mutton in a refrigerating chamber for any length of time is to destroy the flavor and to render beef indistinguishable from the flesh of the hog, and mutton as tasteless as infantine pap.
But the ship's galley does its little utmost, and the saloon passenger on his way to the other side of the equator may regale himself with such a breakfast as the following, which is taken from the steward's book of a vessel belonging to the Union Line.
Porridge, fillets of haddock with fine herbs, mutton chops and chip potatoes, savory omelet, bacon on toast, minced collops, curry and rice, fruit, rolls, toast, etc., tea and coffee.
Cannot my readers imagine a steward entering the stateroom of the voyager who has succumbed to the wiles and eccentricities of the Bay of Biscay with the observation, Won't you get up to breakfast, sir? I've reserved a beautiful fat chop with chips a purpose for you, sir.
And the lot of the third-class passenger who is conveyed from his native land to the Cape of Good Hope for what Mr. Montague Tigg would have called the ridiculous sum of sixteen pounds sixteen shillings is no such hard one, seeing that he is allotted a bunk in a compact though comfortable cabin and may break his fast on the following substantial meal.
Porridge, Yarmouth bloaters, potatoes, American hash, grilled mutton, bread and butter, tea or coffee.
An American breakfast is as variegated, and I fear I must add as indigestible, as a Scottish one.
And included in the bill of fare are as many or more varieties of bread and cake as are to be found in the land of shortbread.
The writer has, in New York, started the morning meal with oysters, run the gamut of fish, flesh, and fowl, and wound up with buckwheat cakes, which are brought on in relays, buttered and smoking hot, and can be eaten with or without golden syrup.
But as business begins early in New York and other large cities, scant attention is paid to the first meal by the merchant and the speculator, who are wont to gallop through breakfast and luncheon and to put in their best work at dinner.
A Mediterranean breakfast is not lacking in poetry, and the jaded denizen of Malta can enjoy red mullet, the woodcock of the sea, freshly taken from the tideless ocean and strawberries in perfection at his first meal, whilst seated maybe next to some dreamy-eyed hoary who coos soft nothing into his ear at intervals.
The wines of Italy go best with this sort of repast, which is generally eaten with spoons.
In fair France, breakfast, or the déjeuner à la fourchette, is not served until noon or thereabouts.
Coffee or chocolate with fancy bread and butter is on hand as soon as you wake, and I have heard that for the roisterer and the petite cuvée, there be such liquors as cognac, curacao, and chartreuse verte provided at the first meal so that nerves can be strung together and headaches alleviated before the associated breakfast at midday.
In the country at the château of Monsieur et Madame, the groom of the chambers, or maître d'hôtel, as he is designated, knocks at your bedroom door at about eight-thirty.
Who's there? Good morning, monsieur.
Will monsieur partake of the chocolate or the café au lait or of the tea? Upon ordinary occasions, monsieur will partake of the chocolate, if he be of French extraction, while the English visitor will partake of the café au lait, tea-making in France being still in its infancy.
And if monsieur has gauged too long on the wine of the country overnight, he will occasionally, reprobate that he is, partake instead of the vieux cognac, diluted from the siphon.
And monsieur never sees his host or hostess till the assembly sounds for the midday meal.
I have alluded just above to French tea-making.
There was a time when tea, with our lively neighbors, was as scarce a commodity as snakes in Iceland or rum punch in Holloway Castle.
Then the thin end of the wedge was introduced, and the English visitor was invited to partake of a cup of what was called, by courtesy, thé, which had been concocted expressly for her or him.
And tea, à la Française, used to be made somewhat after this fashion.
The cup was half-filled with milk, sugar, à discretion, being added.
A little silver sieve was next placed over the cup, and from a jug sufficient hot water in which had been previously left to soak some half-dozen leaf fragments of green tea to fill the cup was poured forth.
In fact, the visitor was invited to drink a very nasty compound indeed, something like the wish tea with which the schoolmistress used to regale her victims, milk and water, and wish you may get tea.
But they have changed all that across the channel, and five o'clock tea is one of the most fashionable functions of the day, with the beau monde.
A favorite invitation of the society belle of the fin de siècle being, Voulez-vous five o'clock air avec moi? The déjeuner usually begins with a consommé, a thin, clear soup, not quite adapted to stave off the pangs of hunger by itself, but grateful enough by way of a commencement.
Then follows an array of dishes containing fish and fowl of sorts, with the inevitable côtelettes à la somebody or other, not forgetting an omelette, a mess which the French cook alone knows how to concoct to perfection.
The meal is usually washed down with some sort of claret and a subsequent café with the accustomed chasse, while the welcome cigarette is not defended even in the mansions of the great.
There is more than one way of making coffee, that of the lodging-house general and of the street-stall dispenser during the small hours being amongst the least commendable.
Without posing as an infallible manufacturer of the refreshing, though indigestible to many people, beverage, I would urge that it be made from freshly roasted seed, ground just before wanted.
Then heat the ground coffee in the oven and place upon the perforated bottom of the upper compartment of a cafetière, put the strainer on it, and pour in boiling water gradually.
The duke in Genevieve de Brabant used to warble as part of a song in praise of tea, and tis also most important that you should not spare the tea.
So it is of equal importance that you should not spare the coffee.
There are more elaborate ways of making coffee, but none that the writer has tried are in front of the old cafetière, if the simple directions given above be carried out in their entirety.
As in France, sojourners for their sins in the burning plains of Inde have their first breakfast, or chota hazri, at an early hour, whilst the breakfast proper, usually described in lower Bengal, Madras, and Bombay as tiffin, comes later on.
For chota hazri, literally little breakfast, which is served either at the mess house, the public bath, or in one's own bungalow beneath the veranda, poached eggs on toast are de rigueur, whilst I have met such additions as unda ishkambal, scrambled eggs, potato cake, and, naughty naughty, anchovy toast.
Tea or coffee are always drunk with this meal.
Always, have I written? Alas! In my mind's eye I can see the poor Indian vainly trying to stop the too free flow of the baladi pani, literally Europe water, by thrusting a dusky thumb into the neck of the just-opened bottle, and in my mind's ear can I catch the blasphemous observation of the subaltern as he remarks to his slave, that he does not require in his morning's livener the additional flavor of Mohammedan flesh and the hubble-bubble pipe, the tobacco in which may have been stirred by the same thumb that morning.
Coffee shop is a favorite function during the march of a regiment in India, at least it used to be in the olden time before troops were conveyed by railway.
Doolies, roughly made palanquins, laden with meat and drink were sent on half-way overnight, and grateful indeed was the cup of tea or coffee or the peg which was poured forth for the weary warrior who had been tramping it or in the saddle since 2 a.m. or some such unearthly hour in order that the column might reach the new camping ground before the sun was high in the heavens.
It was at coffee shop that chaff reigned supreme, and speculations as to what the shooting would be like at the next place were indulged in.
And when that shooting was likely to take the form of long men armed with long guns and long knives, the viands which consisted for the most part of toast, biscuits, poached eggs, and unda bakam, eggs and bacon, were devoured with appetites all the keener for the prospect in view.
It is in troublous times, be it further observed, that the Hindustan keet is seen at his best.
On the field of battle itself I have known coffee and boiled eggs, or even a grilled fowl produced by the fearless and devoted nakur, from apparently nowhere at all.
At the Indian breakfast proper all sorts of viands are consumed, from the curried prawns and Europe provisions, which arrive in an hermetically sealed condition per S.S. Namawat to the rooster who heralds your arrival at the Dak bungalow with much crowing and who within a half an hour of your advent has been successfully chased into a corner, beheaded, plucked, and served up for your refection in a scorched state.
I have breakfasted off such assorted food as curried locusts, boiled leg of mutton, fried snipe, Europe sausages, Irish stew, veal olive, veal leaf, veal olives, and more correctly a dinner dish, kidney toast, chopped sheep's kidneys highly seasoned with pepper, lime juice, and Worcestershire sauce, very appetizing, parrot pie, eggs and bacon, omelet, which might also have been used to patch ammunition boots with, sardines, fried fish, mind the bones of the Asiatic fish, bifish steak, beef steak, goat chops, curries of all sorts, hashed venison and roast peafowl, ditto quail, ditto pretty nearly everything that flies, cold buffalo hump, grilled sheep's tail, a bit bilious, hermetically sealed herring, turtle fins, guava jelly, preserved mango, homemade cake, and many other things which have escaped memory.
I am coming to the curry part of the entertainment later on in the volume, but may remark that it is preferable when eaten in the middle of the day.
My own experience was that few people touched curry when served in its normal place at dinner, as a course of itself just before the sweets.
Breakfast with my tutor.
What happy memories of boyhood do not the words conjure up, of the usually stern, unbending preceptor pouring out the coffee and helping the sausages and mashed potatoes, we always had what is now known as sauce and mash at my tutors, and the fatherly air with which he would remind the juvenile glutton who had seated himself just opposite the apricot jam and was improving the occasion that eleven o'clock school would be in full swing in half an hour, and that the brain, and by process of reasoning the stomach, could not be in too good working order for the fervid young student of Herodotus.
The ordinary breakfast of the lower boy at Eton used to be of a very uncertain pattern.
Indeed, what with fagging, the preparation of his lord and master's breakfast, the preparation of pupil room work, and agile and acute scouts ever on the alert to pilfer his roll and pat of butter, that boy was lucky if he got any breakfast at all.
If he possessed capital or credit, he might certainly stave off starvation at Brown's with buttered buns and pickled salmon, or at Weber's, or the wall with three-cornered jam tarts or strawberry mess.
But Smith Minor and Jones Minimus, as often as not, went breakfastless to second school.
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At the university, breakfast with the head or any other don was a rather solemn function.
The table well and plentifully laid and the host hospitality itself, but occasionally, nay, frequently occupied with other thoughts.
A departed friend used to tell a story of a breakfast of this description.
He was shaken warmly by the hand by his host, who afterwards lapsed into silence.
My friend, to force the running, ventured on the observation, "It's a remarkably fine morning, sir, is it not?" No reply came.
In fact, the great man's thoughts were so preoccupied with Greek roots and other defunct horrors that he spoke not a word during breakfast.
But when, an hour or so afterwards, the time came for his guest to take leave, the head shook him by the hand warmly once more and remarked abstractedly, "Do you know, Mr. Johnson, I don't think that was a particularly original remark of yours." End of section three.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section four of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Corinne LePage.
Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Chapter four.
Luncheon.
Tis a custom more honored in the breach than the observance.
More honored in the breach, do you say, Mr. Author? I fancy I hear some reader inquire.
Are these your sentiments? Do you really mean them? Well, perhaps they ought to be qualified.
Unless a man breakfast very early and dine very late, he cannot do himself much good by eating a square meal at 1.30 or 2 p.m.
There can be no question but that whilst thousands of the leisures, despite soup kitchens, workhouses, and jails, perish of absolute starvation as many of their more fortunate brethren perish in the course of time from gluttony, from falling down, sometimes literally, and worshipping the belly god.
Years ago, Sir Henry Thompson observed to a friend of the writers, Most men who seek my advice are suffering under one of two great evils, eating too much good food or drinking too much bad liquor, and occasionally they suffer under both evils.
This luncheon, writes Oliver Wendell Holmes, is a very convenient affair.
It does not require any special dress.
It is informal and can be light or heavy as one chooses.
The American, the male American at all events, takes far more count of luncheon than of breakfast.
But in many cases, luncheon and early dinner are synonymous terms.
Take the family luncheon, for instance, of the middle classes where mother, governess, and the little ones all assemble in front of the roast and boiled at the principal meal of the day, and the more or less snowy tablecloth is duly anointed with gravy by poor baby in her high chair, and the youngest but one is slapped at intervals by his instructress for using his knife for the peas, at the risk of enlargening his mouth, or for swallowing the stones of the cherries which have been dealt him or her from the tart.
This is not the sort of meal for the male friend of the family to drop in at if he value the lapels of his new frock coat and be given to blushing.
For children have not only an evil habit of pawing the visitor with jammy fingers, but occasionally narrate somewhat risky anecdotes, and a child's ideas of the Christian religion, nay, of the Creator himself, are occasionally more quaint than reverent.
Ma dear, once lisped a sweet little thing of six, what doth God have for hith dinner? Shush, shush, shush, my child, replied the horrified mother.
You must not ask such dreadful questions.
God does not want any dinner, remember that.
Oh, continued the unabashed and dissatisfied enfant terrible, and after a pause, then I suppose he hath an egg with hith tea.
In a country house, of course, but few of the male guests turn up at the domestic luncheon, being otherwise engaged in killing something, or in trying to kill something, or in that sport which is partially understood out of Great Britain, the pursuit of an evil-savoured animal who is practically worthless to civilization after his capture and death.
It is in the city that vile man, perhaps, puts in his best work as an Easter of luncheons.
Some city men there be, of course, poor, wretched, half-starved clerks whose state nobody ever seems to attempt to ameliorate, whose midday reflections are not as would have earned a mead of commendation from the late Vitellius or from the late Colonel North.
For said reflections but seldom consist of more important items than a thick slice of bread and a stable bloater, or possibly a homemade sandwich of bread and Dutch cheese, the whole washed down with a tumbler of milk or, more often, a tumbler of the fluid supplied by the New River Company.
During the winter months, a penny worth of roasted chestnuts supplies a filling though indigestible meal to many a man whose employer is swilling turtle at Birches or at the big house in Leadenhall Street, and who is compelled by the exigencies of custom to wear a decent black coat and some sort of tall hat when on his way to and from business.
But the more fortunate citizens, how do they do themselves at luncheon? For some there is the cheap soup house or the chop and steak house reviled of Dickens, and but little changed since the time of the great novelist.
Then, for the gilt-edged division there is Birches.
The little green house which, although now run by those eminent caterers, Misters Ring and Brimer, is still known by the name of the old alderman who deserved so well of his fellow citizens and who, whilst a cordon bleu of some celebrity, had also a pretty taste as a playwright.
The old house has not changed one jot either in appearance, customs, or fare.
At the little counter on the ground floor may be obtained the same cheesecakes, tartlets, baked custards, and calf's foot jellies which delighted our grandfathers, and the same brand of Scottish whiskey.
Upstairs in the soup rooms, some of the tables are covered with damask tablecloths, whilst at others a small square of napery but partially obscures the view of the well-polished mahogany.
Turtle soup is still served on silver plates whilst the cheaper juices of the bullock, the calf, and the pea with the usual trimmings repose temporarily on china or earthenware.
The filling is kept hot like soups in huge stewpans on the range, and when required is ladled out into a plate and furnished with top and bottom crust, and such crust, flaky and light to a degree, and how different to the confectioner's or railway refreshment pâté, which, when an orifice be made in the covering with a pickaxe, reveals nothing more appetizing than what appear to be four small cubes of frostbitten India rubber with a portion or two of candle end.
A more advanced meal is served in Leadenhall Street at The Ship and Turtle, said to be the oldest tavern in London and which has been more than once swept and garnished and reformed altogether since its establishment during the reign of King Richard II.
But they could have known but little about the superior advantages offered by the turtle as a life sustainer in those days, whereas at the present day, some hundreds of the succulent reptiles die the death on the premises within a month in order that city companies, and stockbrokers, and merchants of sorts, and mining millionaires, and bicycle makers, and other estimable people may dine and lunch.
Then there are the numerous clubs, not forgetting one almost at the very door of the house, where the two thousand odd, and some of them very odd, members are regaled on the fat of the land in general and the turtle in particular day by day in that mammoth underground palace, the Palmerston, where any kind of banquet can be served up at a few minutes' notice, and where special Greek dishes are provided for the gamblers in wheat and other cereals at the adjacent Baltic.
There be also other eating houses far too numerous to mention, but most of them worth a visit.
A filling sort of luncheon is a portion of a Cheshire cheese pudding.
A little way up a gloomy court on the north side of Fleet Street, a neighborhood which reeks of printers' ink, bookmakers' runners, tipsters, habitual borrowers of small pieces of silver, and that warm smell of burning paste and molten lead which indicates the foundry in a printing works, is situated this ancient hostelry.
It is claimed for the Cheese that it was the tavern most frequented by Dr. Samuel Johnson.
Mr. C. Redding in his Fifty Years' Recollections, Literary and Personal, published in 1858, says, "I often dined at the Cheshire Cheese." Johnson and his friends, I was informed, used to do the same, and I was told I should see individuals who had met them there.
This I found to be correct.
The company was more select in later times, but there are Fleet Street tradesmen who well remembered both Johnson and Goldsmith in this place of entertainment.
Few Americans who visit our metropolis go away without making a pilgrimage to this ancient hostelry, where upstairs Dr. Johnson's chair is on view, and many visitors carry away mementos of the house in the shape of pewter measures, the oaken platters upon which these are placed, and even samples of the long churchwarden pipes smoked by habitués after their evening chops or steaks.
Ye pudding, which is served on Wednesdays and Saturdays at 1:30 or 6:00, is a formidable-looking object, and its savor reaches even into the uttermost parts of Great Grub Street.
As large, more or less, as the dome of St. Paul's, that pudding is stuffed with steak, kidney, oysters, mushrooms, and larks.
The irreverent call these last-named sparrows, but we know better.
This pudding takes, on D, seventeen and a half hours in the boiling, and the bottom crust would have delighted the hearts of Johnson, Boswell, and company, in whose days the savory dish was not.
The writer once witnessed a catastrophe at the Cheshire Cheese, compared to which the burning of Moscow or the bombardment of Alexandria were mere trifles.
1:30 on Saturday afternoon had arrived, and the oaken benches in the refectory were filled to repletion with expectant pudding eaters.
Burgesses of the City of London were there, good, warm, round-bellied men with plowboys' appetites, and journalists, and advertising agents, and resting actors, and magistrates' clerks, and barristers from the Temple, and well-to-do tradesmen.
Sherry, and gin, and bitters, and other adventitious aids to appetite had been done justice to, and the arrival of the procession, it takes three men and a boy to carry the pièce de résistance from the kitchen to the dining room, was anxiously awaited.
And then, of a sudden, we heard a large crash.
followed by a feminine shriek and an unwhispered Saxon oath.
Tom, the waiter, had slipped, released his hold, and the pudding had fallen downstairs.
It was a sight ever to be remembered.
Steak, larks, oysters, delicious gravy running in a torrent into Wine Office Court.
The expectant diners, many of them lunchers, stood up and gazed upon the wreck of their hopes, and then filed silently and sadly outside.
Such a catastrophe had not been known in Brainland since the Great Fire.
Puddings of all sort are, in fact, favorite autumn and winter luncheon dishes in London, and the man who can come twice at such a dream as the following between the hours of one and three can hardly be in devouring trim for his evening meal till very late.
It is a snipe pudding.
A thin slice of beef skirt seasoned with pepper and salt at the bottom of the basin, then three snipes beheaded and befooted, and with gizzards extracted.
Leave the liver and heart in, and you value your life.
Cover up with paste and boil or steam for two and a half hours.
For stockbrokers and bookmakers, mushroom and truffles are sometimes placed within this pudding, but it is better without, according to the writer's notion.
Most of the fowls of the air may be treated in the same way, and when eating cold grouse for luncheon, try, if you can get it, a fruit salad therewith.
You will find preserved peaches, apricots, and cherries in syrup harmonize well with cold brown game.
Lancashire hot pot is a savory dish indeed, but I know of but one eating house in London where you can get anything like it.
Here is the recipe.
Place a layer of mutton cutlets with most of the fat and tails trimmed off at the bottom of a deep earthenware stewpan.
Then a layer of chopped sheep's kidneys, an onion cut into thin slices, half a dozen oysters, and some sliced potatoes.
Sprinkle over these a little salt and pepper and a teaspoonful of curry powder.
Then start again with cutlets and keep on adding layers of the different ingredients until the dish be full.
Whole potatoes atop of all, and pour in the oyster liquor and some good gravy.
More gravy just before the dish is ready to serve.
Not too fierce an oven, just fierce enough to brown the top potatoes.
In making this succulent concoction, you can add to or substitute for the mutton cutlets pretty nearly any sort of flesh or fowl.
I have met rabbit, goose, larks, turkey, and frequently beef therein.
But believe me, the simple, harmless, necessary, toothsome cutlet makes the best lining.
In the Cape Colony, and even as high up as Rhodesia, I have met with a dish called a brady, which is worthy of mention here.
It is made in the same way as the familiar Irish stew.
But instead of potatoes, tomatoes are used.
End of section 4.
Recording by Corinne LePage.
Section 5 of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Corinne LePage.
Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section 5.
Luncheon.
Continued.
He couldn't hit a haystack.
There is no meal which has become more expanded than a shooting luncheon.
A crust of bread with cheese or a few biscuits and a flask of sherry sufficed for our forebears, who, despite inferior weapons and ammunition, managed to bring them down quite as effectually as do the shootists of this period.
Most certainly and decidedly, a heavy luncheon is a mistake if you want to shoot clean afterwards.
And bear this in mind, all ye Johnnies who rail at your host's champagne and turtle after luncheon in a comfortable pavilion in the midst of a pheasant battue, and whose very beaters would turn up their noses at a pork pie and a glass of old ale, that there is nothing so good to shoot up upon as cold tea unless it be cold coffee.
I have tried both, and for a shooting luncheon par excellence, commend me to a crust and a pint of cold tea, eaten whilst sitting beneath the shelter of an unpleached hedge against the formal spread which commences with a consommé and finishes with guinea peaches and liquors of rare cursoa.
Of course it is assumed that the shooter wishes to make a bag, but as, fortunately for trade, everybody does not share my views, it will be as well to append a few dishes suitable to a scratch meal of this sort.
First of all, let it be said that a roast loin of pork washed down with sweet champagne is not altogether to be commended.
I have nothing to urge against roast pork on ordinary occasions or champagne either, but a woodcock takes a lot of hitting.
Such a pudding as was sketched in the preceding chapter is allowable, as is also the Lancashire hotpot.
Shepherd's pie, i.e. minced meat beneath the mattress of mashed potatoes with lots of gravy in the dish baked is an economical dish, but a tasty one, and I have never known much left for the beaters.
Rabbit pie or pudding will stop a gap most effectually and Plover pudding.
The very name brings water to the lips, is entitled to the highest commendation.
This is the favorite dish at the shooting luncheons of a well-known royal duke.
And when upon one occasion the discovery was made that through some misunderstanding said pudding had been devoured to the very bones by the loaders, well, the band played, as they say out west, and a stirring tune did that band play too.
Such larks.
Stuff a dozen larks with a forcemeat made from their own livers chopped, a little shallot, parsley, yolk of egg, salt, breadcrumbs, and one green chili chopped and divided amongst the twelve.
Brown in a stewpan, and then stew gently in a good gravy to which has been added a glass of burgundy.
This is a plat fit for an emperor, and there will be no subsequent danger of his hitting a beater or a dog.
Another dainty of home invention is jugged duck with oysters.
Cut the fleshy parts of your waddler into neat joints, and having browned them, place in a jar with nine oysters and some good gravy partly made from the giblets.
Close the mouth of the jar and stand it in boiling water for rather more than an hour.
Add the strained liquor of the oysters and a little more gravy, and turn the concoction into a deep silver dish with a spirit lamp beneath.
Wild duck can be jugged in the same way, but without the addition of the bivalves, and a mixture of port wine and Worcester sauce should be poured in with a squeeze of lemon juice and cayenne just before serving.
Another dish which will be found grateful and comforting is an old grouse.
The older, the tastier.
Stuff him with a Spanish onion, add a little gravy and seasoning, and stew him till the flesh leaves the bones.
All these stews, or jugs, should be served on dishes kept hot by lighted spirit beneath them.
This is most important.
A woodcock pie will be found extremely palatable at any shooting luncheon, although more frequently to be met on the sideboards of the great and wealthy.
In fact, at Christmas time, tis a pie which is specially concocted with the royal kitchen at Windsor Castle to adorn her most gracious majesty's board at Osborne, together with the time-honored baron of specially fed beef.
This last-named joint hardly meets my views as part of a breakfast menu, but here's the recipe for the woodcock pie.
Bone four woodcocks.
I don't mean take them off the hooks when the gentleman is not in his shop, but tell your cook to take the bones out of one you've shot yourself.
Put bones and trimmings into a saucepan with one shallot, one small onion, and a sprig of thyme.
Cover them with some good stock and let this gravy simmer a while.
Take the gizzards away from the heart and liver, pound and mix these with some good veal forcemeat.
Place the woodcocks, skin downward, on a board, spread over each two layers of forcemeat, with a layer of sliced truffles in between the two.
Make your crust either in a mold or with the hands.
Put a layer of forcemeat at the bottom, then two woodcocks, then a layer of truffles, then the other two woodcocks, another layer of truffles, and a top layer of forcemeat, and some thin slices of fat bacon.
Cover the pie, leaving a hole for the gravy, and bake in moderate oven.
After taking out, pour in the gravy, then close the orifice and let the pie get cold before serving.
It will stimulate the digging industry if one or two whole truffles have been hidden away in the recesses of the pie.
Another good pie I have met with in the north country was lined with portions of grouse and black game, no bones, with here and there half a hard-boiled egg.
Nothing else except the necessary seasoning.
With regard to hunting luncheons, it cannot be said that your nimrod is nearly as well catered for as is the gun.
For, as a rule, the first named, if he be really keen on the sport of kings, has to content himself during the interval of a check with the contents of a sandwich case and a flask, which may contain either brown sherry or brandy and water, or possibly something still more seductive.
I have heard of flasks which held milk punch, but the experience is by no means a familiar one.
If your nimrod be given to macadamizing instead of riding the line, or if he sicken of the business altogether before hounds throw off, he can usually cadge a lunch at some house in the neighborhood, even though it may only run to bread and cheese, or possibly a wedge of a homemade pork pie, with a glass or mug of nut brown ale.
Not that all ale is nut brown, but tis an epithet which likes me as well.
Would it were possible to give practical hints here as to the true way to manufacture a pork pie.
To make the attempt would, I fear, only serve to invite disaster, for the art of pork pie making, like that of the poet or the play actor, should be born within us.
In large households in Midland counties, wherein doth flourish the pig tart, there is, as a rule, one qualified pie maker who is incapable of any other culinary feat whatever.
I have even been told that it requires special hands to make the crust of the proper consistency, and having tasted crusts and crusts, I can implicitly believe this statement.
Here is a recipe for a veritable savory.
Yorkshire pie.
Bone a goose and a large fowl.
Fill the latter with the following stuffing.
Minced ham, veal, suet, onion, sweet herbs, lemon peel, mixed spices, goose liver, cayenne, and salt, worked into a paste with the yolks of two eggs.
Sew up the fowl, truss it, and stew it with the goose for twenty minutes in some good beef and giblet stock.
With a small glass of sherry in a closed stewpan.
Then put the fowl inside the goose, and place the goose within a pie mould which has been lined with good hot water paste.
Let the goose rest on a cushion of stuffing, and in the middle of the liquor in which he has been stewed.
Surround him in the pie with slices of parboiled tongue and chunks of semi-cooked pheasant, partridge, and hare, filling in the vacancies with more stuffing.
Put a layer of butter on top.
Roof in the pie with paste, bake for three hours, and eat either hot or cold, the latter for choice.
For skating luncheon, Irish stew is the recognized entree served in soup plates and washed down with hot spiced ale, in way of racecourse luncheons.
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Our caterers have made giant strides in the last dozen years.
A member of a large firm once told me that it was out of the question to supply joints, chops, and steaks in the dining rooms of a grandstand distant far from his base of operations, London.
Impossible, my dear sir.
We couldn't do it without incurring a ruinous loss.
But the whirligig of time has proved this feat to be not only possible, but one which has led to the best results for all concerned.
In the matter of chops and steaks, I hope to see further reforms introduced.
These succulent dainties, it cannot be too widely known, are not at their best unless cut fresh from loin or rump just before being placed on the gridiron.
The longer a cut chop raw is kept, the more of its virtue is lost.
It might possibly cause a little extra delay and a little extra expense to send off loins and rumps from the butcher's shop instead of ready-cut portions, but the experiment would answer in the long run.
The same rule, of course, should apply to restaurants and grill rooms all over the world.
During the autumn and winter months, racecourse caterers seem to have but one idea of warm, comforting food for their customers, and the name of that idea is Irish stew.
This is no doubt an appetizing dish, but may be varied occasionally for the benefit of the habitual follower of the sport of kings.
Why not pea soup, jugged hare, hares are cheap enough, hot pot, scotch broth, mulligatawny, hotchpotch stewed or curried rabbit with rice, shepherd's pie, hare cot oxtails, sheep's head broth, scotch fashion, and hare soup? What is the matter with the world-renowned stew of which we read in the old curiosity shop, the supper provided by the landlord of the jolly sand boys for the itinerant showman? Here it is again.
It's a stew of tripe, said the landlord, smacking his lips, and cow heel, smacking them again, and bacon, smacking them once more, and steak, smacking them for the fourth time, and peas, cauliflowers, new potatoes, and sparrow grass, all working up together in one delicious gravy.
Having come to the climax, he smacked his lips a great many times, and taking a long hearty sniff of the fragrance that was hovering about, put on the cover again with the air of one whose toils on earth were over.
At what a time will it be ready? asked Mr.
Coddlon faintly.
It'll be done to a turn, said the landlord, looking up at the clock, at twenty-two minutes before eleven.
Then, said Mr. Coddlon, fetch me a pint of warm ale and don't let nobody bring into the room even so much as a biscuit till the time arrives.
And I do vow and protest that the above passage has caused much more smacking of lips than the most expensive, savory menu ever thought out.
True sparrow grass and new potatoes, and any peas but dried or tinned ones, are not as a rule at their best in the same season as tripe.
But why not dried peas and old potatoes and rice and curry powder and onions? Charles Dickens forgot the onions, with maybe a modicum of old ale added for body in this stew on a cold day at Sandown or Campton.
Toujours Irish stew, like Toujours mother-in-law, is apt to pall upon the palate, especially if not fresh made, and frost occasionally interferes with the best-laid plans of a racecourse caterer.
I don't mind a postponed meeting, once observed one of the readiest of bookmakers, but what I cannot stand is postponed Irish stew.
Then a good bowl of scotch broth.
What could be more grateful or less expensive? Shin of beef, pearl barley, cabbages, leeks, turnips, carrots, dried peas, of course soaked overnight, and water, all working up together in one delicious gravy.
Also, hotchpotch.
With the addition of cutlets from the best end of a neck of mutton, the same recipe as the above will serve for this dish, which it must be remembered should be more of a stodge than a broth.
There are more ways than one of making a hot pot.
The recipe given above would hardly suit the views of any caterer who wishes to make a living for himself, but it can be done on the cheap.
The old lady whose dying husband was ordered by the doctor oysters and champagne procured whelks and ginger beef for the patient instead on the score of economy.
Then why not make your hot pot with mussels instead of oysters, or why add any sort of mollusk? In the certain knowledge that these be invaluable hints to racecourse caterers, I offer them with all consideration and respect.
The writer well remembers the time when the refreshments on the Newmarket Heath at race time were dispensed from a booth which stood almost adjoining the birdcage.
Said refreshments were rough but satisfying and consisted of thick sandwiches, cheese, and bread with thumb pieces or thummers of beef, mutton, and pork which the luncher was privileged to cut with his own clasp knife.
Said thummers seem to have gone out of favor with the aristocracy of the turf, but the true racing or coursing sandwich still forms part of the impedimenta of many a cash bookmaker, of his clerk, and of many a little backer.
Tis a solid, satisfying sandwich and is just the sort of nourishment for a hard worker on a bitter November day.
Let your steak be grilling whilst you are enjoying your breakfast.
Some prefer the ox portion fried, for these simple speculators have strange tastes.
Then take the steak off the fire and place it all hot between two thick slices of bread.
The sandwich will require several paper wrappings if you value the purity of your pocket linings, and when eating cold, the juices of the meat will be found to have irrigated the bread with more or less delicious gravy.
And, as Sam Weller ought to have said, it's the gravy as does it.
But what about the swells? I fancy I hear somebody asking.
Is my Lord Tom Niddy or the Duke of Earlswood to be compelled to satisfy his hunger on a racecourse with tripe and fat bacon? Are you really advising those dapper-looking tailor-made ladies on yonder to drag to insert their delicate teeth in a sandwich which would have puzzled Gargantua to masticate? Not at all, my good sir or madam.
The well-appointed coach should be well-appointed within and without.
Of course, the luncheon it contains will differ materially according to the season of the year.
This is the sort of meal I will provide, and you will deign to visit the Arabian tent behind my coach at Ascot.
Lobster, mayonnaise, salmon cutlets with tartar sauce, iced, curried prawns, iced, lobster cutlets, chauffeur of quails, foie gras in aspic, prawns in ditto, plovers eggs, gooseberry fool, and as the piece de resistance, an angel pie.
Many people would call this a pigeon pie, for in good sooth there be pigeons in it, but tis a pie worthy of a brighter sphere than this.
Six plump young pigeons trimmed of all superfluous matter, including pinions and below the thighs, season with pepper and salt, and stuff these pigeons with foie gras and quartered truffles, and fill up the pie with plovers eggs and some good force meat.
Make a good gravy from the superfluous parts of the birds and some calf's head stock, to which has been added about half a wine glass full of old Madeira with some lemon juice and cayenne.
See that your paste be light and flaky and bake in a moderate oven for three hours.
Pour in more gravy just before taking out, and let the pie get cold.
This is a concoction which will make you back all the winners, whilst no heiress who nibbles at it would refuse you her hand and heart afterwards.
This is another sort of pigeon pie, which is best served hot and is more suited to the dining room than the racecourse.
Line a pie dish with veal force meat, very highly seasoned, about an inch thick.
Place on it some thin slices of fat bacon, three Bordeaux pigeons trimmed in halves, a veal sweetbread in slices, an ox palate boiled and cut up into dice, a dozen asparagus tops, a few button mushrooms, the large ones would give the interior of the pie a bad color, and the yolks of four eggs.
Cover with force meat and bake for three hours.
Some good veal gravy should be served with this, which I have named Suffolk Pride.
It is a remarkable fact in natural history that English pigeons are at their best just at the time when the young rooks leave the shelter of their nests.
Therefore I have written in the above recipe Bordeaux pigeons.
Here is a quaint old 18th century recipe which comes from Northumberland and is given verbatim for a goose pie.
Bone a goose, a turkey, a hare, and a brace of grouse, skin it, and cut off all the outside pieces.
I mean of the tongue after boiling it.
Lay the goose for the outside a few pieces of hare.
Then lay in the turkey, the grouse, and the remainder of the tongue and hare.
Season highly between each layer with pepper and salt, mace and cayenne, and put it together and draw it close with a needle and thread.
Take 20 pounds of flour, put 5 pounds of butter in a pan with some water, let it boil, pour it among the flour, stir it with a knife, then work it with your hands till quite stiff.
Let it stand before the fire for half an hour, then raise your pie and set it to cool.
Then finish it, put in the meat, close the pie, and set it in a cold place.
Ornament according to your taste, bandage it with calico dipped in fat, let it stand all night before baking.
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Rep number 10004.
It will take a long time to bake.
The oven must be pretty hot for the first four hours, and then allowed to slacken.
To know when it is enough, raise one of the ornaments, and with a fork, try if the meat is tender.
If it is hard, the pie must be put in again for two hours more.
After it comes out of the oven, fill up with strong stock, well seasoned, or with clarified butter.
All standing pies made in this way.
Verily, in the 18th century, they must have had considerably more surplus cash and time, and rather more angelic cooks than their descendants.
During cold weather, the interior of the coach should be well filled with earthenware vessels containing such provender as hot pot, hare soup, mulligatawny, lobster a l'Americaine, curried rabbit, deviled larks, with the materiel for heating these, such cold viandes as game pie, pressed beef, boar's head, foie gras, truffled, plain truffles, to be steamed and served with buttered toast, anchovies, etc.
The larks should be smothered with a paste made from a mixture of mustard, chili vinegar, and a little anchovy paste, and kept closely covered up.
After heating, add cayenne to taste.
Gourmets interested in menus may like to know what were the first déjeuner partaken of by the Tsar on his arrival in Paris in October 1869.
On the first day he ate huitre, consommé, oeuf à la parisienne, filet de boeuf, pomme de terre, nesselrode sauce, chocolat.
Next day he ate huitre, consommé, oeuf dauphine, rouget, noisette d'angeau merical, pomme de terre, calala bohémienne, pois bas le duc.
The writer can recall some colossal luncheons partaken of at dear, naughty Simla in the long ago, when a hill station in India was, if anything, livelier than at the present day, and furnished plenty of food for both mind and body.
Our host was the genial proprietor of a weekly journal to which most of his guests contributed after their lights, sport and the drama, falling to the present writer's share.
Most of the food at those luncheons had been specially imported from Europe, and although the whitebait tasted more of the hermetical ceiling than of the Thames mud, most of the other items were succulent enough.
There were turtle soup and turtle fins, highly seasoned pâtés of sorts, and the native kansama had added several dishes of his own providing and invention.
A young florican, bustard, is by no means a bad bird, well roasted and basted, and though the eternal villelief, veal olives, were usually sent away untasted, his snipe puddings were excellent.
What was called pachys, 25 years old, brandy, from the atelier of Misters Justorini and Brooks, was served after the coffee, and those luncheon parties seldom broke up until it was time to dress for dinner.
In fact, our memories were not often keen as to anything which occurred after the coffee, and many strange things happened in consequence, although as they have no particular connection with high-class cookery, they need not be alluded to in this chapter.
But as observed before, I am of opinion that luncheon, except under certain circumstances, is a mistake.
End of section 5.
Recording by Corinne Lepage.
Section 6 of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Annie Rue.
Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Chapter 6.
Dinner.
Some have meat and cannot eat, and some would eat that want it.
But we can eat and we have meat, and say the Lord be thanked.
It is somewhat humiliating to reflect that we Britons owe the art of dining to our first conquerors, the Romans, a smoothed-faced race of bolumptuaries whose idea of a bon bouche took the form of a dormouse stewed in honey and sprinkled with poppy seed.
But it was not until the Normans had fairly established themselves and their cookery that the sturdy Saxon submitted himself to be educated by the foreign food spoiler, and at a later period the frequent invasions of France by Britain, when money was tight in the little island, were undoubtedly responsible for the commencement of the system of decorating food which so largely obtains today.
The name dinner is said, although it seems incredible that the word should have become so corrupted, to be a corruption of disur, the time at which, a.m., in the old Norman days, the meal was usually partaken of, and the time at which, p.m., in later years, when none of the guests ever knew the hour in that loose and careless period, the meal was occasionally partaken of at Limners and at Lanes in London town.
Frossat, in one of his works, mentions having waited upon the Duke of Lancaster at 5 p.m., after his grace had supped, and it is certain that during the reigns of Francis I and Louis XII of France, the world of fashion was accustomed to dine long before the sun had arrived at the meridian, and to sup at what we now call afternoon tea time.
Louis XIV did not dine till 12, and his contemporaries, Oliver Cromwell and Mary Monarch, sat down to the principal meal at 1.
In 1700, 2 was the fashionable time, and in 1751, we read that the Duchess of Somerset's hour for dinner was 3.
The hour for putting the soup on the table kept advancing, until after Waterloo it became almost a penal offence to dine before 6, and so to the end of the century, when we sit down to a sumptuous repast at a time when farm labourers and artisans are either snug between blankets or engaged in their final wrangle at the blue pig.
The Romans in the time of Cicero had a light breakfast at 3.30 a.m., lunched at noon, and attacked the cena at periods varying between 3 and 7 p.m., according to the season of the year.
They commenced the first course with eggs, and each noble Roman was supposed to clear his palate with an apple at the conclusion of the third course.
A banquet with Vitellius, we read, was no light simple repast.
Leagues of sea and miles of forest had been swept to furnish the mere groundwork of the entertainment.
Hardy fishermen had spent their nights on the heaving wave that the giant turbo might flap its snowy flakes on the emperor's table, broader than its broad dish of gold.
Many a swelling hill, clad in the dark oak coppice, had echoed to the ringing shout of hunter and deep-mouthed bay of hound, ere the wild boar yielded his grim life by the morass and the dark grizzly carcass was drawn off to provide the standing dish that was only meant to gratify the eye.
Even the peacock roasted in its feathers was too gross a dainty, especially the feather part, we should think, for epicures who studied the art of gastronomy under Caesar.
And that taste would have been considered rustic in the extreme, which could partake of more than the mere fumes and savour of so substantial a dish.
A thousand nightingales had been trapped and killed, indeed for this one supper, but brains and tongues were all they contributed to the banquet, while even the wing of a roasted hare would have been considered far too coarse and common a food for the imperial table.
Talk about a beanfest.
According to Suetonius, whose name suggests Duff, the villa Nero was accustomed to dine in a superb apartment surrounded with mechanical scenery which could be shifted with every course.
The suppers of Vitellius the glutton cost on the average more than £4,000 apiece, which reads like a Kaffir circus dinner at the Savoy, and the celebrated feast to which he invited his brother was down in the bill for £40,350.
Now a night's we don't spend as much on a dinner, even when we invite other people's wives.
It consisted, I always think of little Dombey and the dinner at Dr. Blimber's on reading these facts, of 2,000 different dishes of fish and 7,000 of fowls, with other equally numerous meats.
Sharp-biting salads, salted herrings and pickled anchovies were served as hors d'oeuvres during the first course of a Roman banquet to stimulate the hunger which the rest of the meal would satisfy.
But although Vitellius was, according to history, a whale on oysters, they do not appear to have been eaten as a wet to appetite.
And it was the duty of one or more of the emperor's freedmen to taste every dish before his imperial master, in case poison might lurk therein.
A garland of flowers around the brows was a regular wear for guests at a swagger dinner party in ancient Rome, and the eating part over, said garland was usually tilted back on the head, the while he who had dined disposed himself in an easy attitude on his ivory couch and proffered his cup to be filled by the solicitous slave.
Then commenced the big drink.
But it must be remembered that although the subsequent display of fireworks was provided from the lively early Christians in tar overcoats, these Romans drank the pure unadulterated juice of the grape, freely mixed with water, so that headaches in the morning were not de rigueur.
Nor did the subsequent massacres and other diversions in the amphitheatre cause any feelings of jumpiness.
The Roman bill of fare, however, does not commend itself to all British epicures, one of whom wrote in a convivial song, Old Lucullus they say Forty cooks had each day And Vitellius' meals cost a million But what I like is good When or where be my food In a chop house or royal pavilion At all feasts, if enough, I must heartily stuff, and a song at my heart alike rushes, though I've not fed my lungs upon nightingales' tongues, nor the brains of goldfinches and thrushes.
My pen loves to linger long over the gastronomies of those shaven voluptuaries, the ancient Italians, and my Caledonian readers will forgive the old tales when it is further set forth that the Romans introduced amongst other things haggis into bonny Scotland.
Yes, the poet's great chieftain of the puddin'-race is but an Italian dish after all.
The Epicean pork haggis was a boiled pig stomach filled with fry and brains, raw eggs and pineapples, beaten into a pulp and seasoned with liquamen.
For although some of the Roman tastes savoured of refinement, many of them were absolutely beastly.
The idea of pig's fry and pineapples mixed is horrible enough, but take a look into the constitution of this liquamen and wonder no longer that Gibbons wrote his decline and fall with so much feeling and gusto.
This sauce was obtained from the intestines, gills and blood of fishes, great and small, stirred together with salt and exposed in an open vat in the sun until the compound became putrid.
When putrefaction had done its work, wine and spices were added to the hell broth, which was subsequently strained and sent into the Roman market.
This liquamen was manufactured in Greece, and not one of all the poets of sunny Italy seems to have satirized the made-in-Greece custom, which in those days must have been as almost as obnoxious as the made-in-Germany or the made-in-Whitechapel scare of today.
The usual Ferronicius ingredients of the Roman haggis was frumenty, but frequently no grain whatsoever was applied, and instead of mincing the ingredients as do the Scots, the ancients pounded them in a mortar, well moistened with liquamen, until reduced to a pulp.
We are further told in history that a Roman gladiator was capable, after playing with eggs, fish, nightingale tongues, dormice and haggis, of finishing a wild boar at a sitting.
But as the old lady remarked of the great tragedy, this happened a long time ago, so let's hope it isn't true.
The Saxon dining table was oblong and rounded at the ends.
The cloth was crimson, with broad gilt edgings hanging low below the table, and, it is to be feared, often soiled by the dirty boots of the guests, who sat on chairs with covered backs and counterfeit presentments of which are still to be seen in the Tottenham Court Road.
The food consists of fish, fowls, beef, mutton, venison and pork, wild and domestic, either boiled, baked or broiled, and handed to the company by attendants on small spleels.
A favourite fish joint of the old Saxon was a cut out of the middle of a porpoise, and bread of the finest wheaten flour reposed in two silver baskets at each end of the table, above the salt, the retainers having to contend themselves with coarser household out of a wooden cradle.
Almost the only vegetable in use among the Saxons was colwort, although the Romans had brought over many others years before, but hatred of anything foreign was more rampant in the early Saxon days than at present.
Forks were not introduced into England until during the reign of King Jamie, so that our ancestors had perforce to thumb their vittles.
The fair Queen Elizabeth, like much more modern monarchs, was accustomed to raise her mouth with her virgin fingers a turkey leg and gnaw it.
But even earliest days of the 13th century, each person was provided with a small silver basin and two flowered napkins of the finest linen for finger washing and wiping purposes.
Grapes, figs, nuts, apples, pears and almonds constituted a Saxon dessert, and in the reign of Edward III, an act of parliament was passed forbidding any man or woman to be served with more than two courses, unless on high days and holidays, when each was entitled to three.
Here is the bill for the ingredients of a big dinner provided by a city company in the 15th century.
Two loins of veal and two loins of mutton, one shilling four pence.
One loin of beef, four pence.
One dozen pigeons and twelve rabbits, nine pence.
One pig and one capon, one shilling.
One goose and one hundred eggs, one shilling half pence.
One leg of mutton, two and a half pence.
Two gallons of sack, one shilling four pence.
Eight gallons of strong ale, one shilling six pence.
Total, seven shillings six pence.
Alas, in these advanced days, the goose alone would have cost more than the damn total.
Cedric, the Saxon's dining table, described in Ivanhoe, was of a much simpler description than the one noted above, and the fare also.
But there was no lack of assorted liquors, old wine and ale, good mead and cider, rich morat, a mixture of honey and mulberry juice, a somewhat gouty beverage probably, and odoriferous pigment, which was composed of highly spiced wine sweetened with honey.
The Virgin Queen, at a later epoch, was catered for more delicately, and we read that she detested all coarse meats, evil smells and strong wines.
During the Georgian era, coarse meats and strong wines were by no means out of favour, and Highland banquets especially were gargantuan feasts to be read of with awe.
The dinner given by Fergus McIver in honour of Captain Waverley consisted of dishes of fish and game carefully dressed at the upper end of the table, immediately under the eye of the English stranger.
"Lower down stood immense clumsy joints of beef," says the gifted author, "which but for the absence of pork, abhorred in the Highlands, resembled the rude festivity of the banquet of Penelope's suitors.
But the central dish was a yearling lamb, called a hog in harst, roasted whole.
It was set upon its legs with a bunch of parsley in its mouth, and was probably exhibited in that form to gratify the pride of the cook, who piqued himself more on the plenty than the elegance of his master's table.
The sides of this poor animal," the lamb, not the cook, we suppose he meant, "were fiercely attacked by clansmen, some with dirks, others with knives worn in the same sheath as the dagger, so that it was soon rendered mangled and a rueful spectacle." The spectacle which reminds the writer of a dinner table at the Royal Military College, Sandhurst, in the early '60s.
"Lower down," continues Sir Walter, "the victual seemed of yet coarser quality, though sufficiently abundant.
Broth, onions, cheese, and the fragments of the feast regaled the sons of Ivor, who feasted in the open air.
The funeral baked meats used after the interment of the chief of the clan Quheley, described in The Fair Maid of Perth, were also on a very extensive scale, and were, like the other meal, digested with pails full of usquebaugh, for which no Highland head that supported a bonnet was ever the ware in the morn.
And the custom of placing bagpipers behind the chairs of the guests after they have well drunk, which is still observed in the Highland regiments, was probably introduced by the aforesaid Fergus MacIver, who really ought to have known better."
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And so the years roll on, and at the commencement of the 19th century, old England, instead of enjoying the blessings of universal peace, such as the spread of the gospel of Christianity might have taught us to expect, found herself involved in rather more warfare than was good for trade or anything else.
The first innings of the Corsican usurper was but a short but merry one.
The second saw him finally stumped, and from that period dates the avenging of Waterloo, which we have suffered in silence for so long.
The immigration of aliens commenced, and in the tight little island were deposited a large assortment of the poisonous seeds of alien cookery, which have never exactly flourished before.
The combat between the roast beef of old England and the bad fairy Allah, with her attendant sprites, Greece, vinegar, garlic commenced, a combat which the end of the 19th century looked excessively like terminating in favor of the fairy.
It has been repeatedly urged against my former gastronomic writings that they are unjustly severe on a French cookery, that far greater minds than mine have expressed unqualified approval thereof, that I know absolutely nothing about the subject, and that my avowed hatred of our lively neighbors and their works is so ferocious as to become ridiculous.
These statements are not altogether fair to myself.
I have no avowed hatred of our lively neighbors.
In fact, on one occasion, on returning from the celebration of the Grand Prix, I saw a vision of...
But that is a different anecdote.
My lash has never embraced the entire batterie de cuisine of the chef, and there may be many French plats which are agreeable to the palate as long as we are satisfied that the materiel of which they are composed is sound, wholesome, and of the best quality.
It is the cheap restaurateur who should be improved out of England.
I was years ago in Vegel to visit a kitchen of one of these grease and garlic shops, and...
But the memory is too terrible for language.
And will anybody advance the statement that a basin of the tourte claire of the average chef deserves to be mentioned in the same breath with a plate of clear turtle at Birches or Painters? Or that good genuine English soup, whether oxtail, mock turtle, pea, oyster, or Palestine, is not to be preferred to the French puree or their tea kettle broth flavored with carrots, cabbages, and onions, and dignified by the name consomme.
Then let us tackle the subject of fish.
Would you treat a salmon in the British way, or smother him with thick brown gravy, fried onions, garlic, mushrooms, inferior claret, oysters, sugar, pepper, salt, and nutmeg on matolet, or mince him fine to make a ridiculous mousse? Similarly with honest manly soul.
Would you fry or grill him plain, or bake him in a coat of rich white sauce, onion juice, mussel, ditto, and white wine, cider a la normande, or cover him with toasted cheese a la carinale? The fairy a la is likewise responsible for clothing of purely English food in French disguises.
Thus a leg of mutton becomes a guillot, a pheasant for its transgressions in eating the poor farmer's barley, a faison, and is charged for special rates and the bill.
Whilst the nearest to a beefsteak our lively neighbors can get is a portion of beef with the fibers smashed by a wooden mallet surmounted by exceedingly bilious looking compound like axle grease and called chateaubriande, and curry comes under the new regime carry.
Undoubtedly the principal reason for serving food smothered in made gravies lies in the inferiority of the food.
Few judges will credit France with the possession of better butcher's meat, with the exception of veal, than the Perfidious Island, which is so near in the matter of distance and yet so far in the matter of custom.
And it is an established fact that the fish of Paris is not as fresh as the fish of London.
Hence sole normande, the sole au gratin, and the sole smothered in toasted cheese.
But when we islanders are charged at least four times as much for the inferior article in its foreign cloak as for the home article in its native majesty, I think the time has come to protest.
It is possible to get an excellent dinner at any of the Gordon hotels, at the Savoy, the Cecil, and at some of the other noted food houses, more especially at Romano's, by paying a stiff price for it.
There be three purely British dishes which are always half before all others on the program of club, hotel, or eating house, and these are Irish stew, liver and bacon, and tripe and onions.
Yet hardly a week passes without a new diner Parisienne making its appearance in the advertisement columns of the newspapers, whilst the cheap and nasty table d'hôte with its six or seven courses and its Spanish claret has simply throttled the roast beef of old England.
Sir, said Dr. Johnson, after examining a French menu, my brain is obfuscated after the perusal of this heterogeneous conglomeration of bastard English, ill-spelt, and a foreign tongue.
I prithee, bid thy knaves bring me a dish of hogs' puddings, a slice or two from the upper cut of a well-roasted sirloin, and two apple dumplings.
William, said George Augustus Sala to the old waiter at the Cheshire Cheese, I've had nothing fit to eat for three months.
Get me a point steak, for God's sake.
The great ladder of foreign cookery had only that day returned from a special mission to France to write up the works of the cordon bleu for the benefit of us benighted Englishmen.
No man in the wide world knew so much or could write so much on the subject of and in praise of the fairy Allah as George Sala, and probably no man in the wide world so little appreciated her efforts.
But how has it come about that that fairy Allah has gained such headway into this island of ours? The answer must commence another chapter.
End of section six.
Section seven of Cakes and Ale.
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Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section seven.
Dinner continued.
It is the cause.
Now for the cause alluded to at the end of the last chapter.
Imprimis, the French invasion is due to the universal craze for imitation, which may be the sincerest form of flattery, but which frequently leads to bad results.
For years past, the fair sex of Great Britain have been looking to Paris for fashion in dress as well as in cookery, whilst the other sex, having long held the mistaken notion that they manage things better in France, the idea that France is the only country capable of clothing the outer and the inner man artistically has taken deep root.
Thus, if the Duchess of Dulverton import, regardless of expense, a divine creation in bonnets from the Rue de Castiglione and air the same in church, it is good odds that little Mrs. Stokes of the Talbot Road Bayswater will have the chapeau copied at about one twentieth of the original cost by the next Sabbath day.
Dear Lady Thistlebrain, who has such taste since she quitted the family mangle in the Little Toke Street, Lambeth, for two mansions, a castle, and a deer park, and with whom money is no object, pays her chef the wages of an ambassador, and everybody raves over her dinners.
Mrs. Potter of Maida Vale sets her gal, who studied higher gastronomy together with the piano and flower painting on satin at the board school, to work similar menus, with, on the whole, disastrous results.
The London society and fashion journals encourage this snobbish idea by quoting menus, most of them ridiculous.
Amongst the middle classes, the custom of giving dinner parties at hotels has for some time past been spreading, partly to save trouble, and partly to save the brain of the domestic cook, so that instead of sitting down to a plain dinner with maybe an entrée or two set in by the local confectioner around the family mahogany tree, all may be fanciful decoration and not half enough to eat, electric light and à la with attendance charged in the bill.
The only way to stop this sort of thing is to bring the system into ridicule, to try it on the groundlings.
A fair leader of the ton, late in the sixties, appeared one morning in the haunts of fashion, her shapely shoulders covered with a cape of finest Russian sables, to the general admiration and envy of all her compeers.
Thereupon, what did her dearest friend, and of course most deadly rival, do? Get a similar cape, or one of finer quality? Not a bit of it.
She drove off then and there to her furriers, and had her coachman and footman fitted with a similar cape, in of course cheaper material, and when the next afternoon she took the air in the park in her perfectly appointed landau, her fur-clad menials created something like a panic in the camp of her enemy, whilst fur capes for fair leaders of ton were like hashed venison at a city luncheon very soon half.
It is extremely probable that could it be arranged to feast our workhouse children on bisque de crevesse and ananas a la creole, the upper classes of Great Britain would soon revert to plain roast and boiled.
It is extremely probable that could it be arranged to feed our starving poor beneath the public gaze on sole normande, collette a la reforme, and salami de gibier trouffé, to feast our workhouse children on bisque de crevesse and ananas a la creole, the upper classes of Great Britain would soon revert to plain roast and boiled.
But after all, it is the English caterer who is chiefly to blame for his own undoing.
How is it that in what may be called the food streets of the metropolis, the foreign food supplier should outnumber the purveyor of the roast beef of old England in the proportion of fifty to one? Simply because the roast beef of old England has become almost as extinct as the dodo.
There are but few English kitchens at this end of the nineteenth century in which meat is roasted in front of the fire.
In order to save the cost of fuel, most English, save the mark, cooking is now performed by gas or steam, and at many large establishments the food, whether fish, flesh, fowl, vegetables, or pastry, all goes in raw state into the species of chest of drawers made of block tin, in which receptacle the daily luncheons, dinners, and suppers are steamed and robbed of all flavor save that of the hot tin.
The pity of it! Better, far better, for mankind the Allah system than to be gradually steamed into the tomb.
It is alleged that as good results in the way of roasting can be got from an oven as from the spit, but that oven must be ventilated with both an inlet and an outlet ventilator, for one will not act without the other.
It is also advisable that said oven should be cleaned out occasionally, for a hot oven with no joint therein will emit odors anything but agreeable.
If not attended to, and it is not too sweeping a statement to say that the majority of ovens in busy kitchens are foul, the system of steaming food, the alleged roasts being subsequently browned in an oven, is of comparatively recent date.
But the oven as a roaster was the invention of one Count Rumford at the beginning of the nineteenth century.
In one of his lectures on oven roasting, this nobleman remarked that he despaired of getting any Englishman to believe his words, so that he was evidently confronted with plenty of prejudice, which is devoutly to be prayed still exists in English homes.
For I do vow and protest that the ovened odors which pervade the neighborhoods of the Strand, London at midday are by no means calculated to whet the appetite of the would-be luncher or diner.
This is what such authority as Mr. Buckmaster wrote on the subject of the spit versus the oven.
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I am believed I am regarded as a sort of heretic on the question of roasting meat.
My opinion is that the essential condition of good roasting is constant basting, and this meat is not likely to have then been shut up in an iron box, and what is not easily done is easily neglected.
In this connection there are more heretics than Mr. Buckmaster, but if during my lifetime the days of burning heretics should be revived, I shall certainly move to the Court of Criminal Appeal in favour of being roasted or grilled before or over the fire instead of being deprived by my natural juices in an iron box.
Some few roast houses are still in existence in London, but they be few and far between, and since Mr. Cooper gave up the Albion, nearly opposite the stage door of Drury Lane Theatre, the lover of good wholesome English food has lost one old-fashioned tavern in the which was certain of enjoyment food.
The lover of good wholesome English food has lost one old-fashioned tavern in the which he was certain of enjoying such food.
It has been repeatedly urged in favour of French cookery that it is so economical, but economy in the preparation of food is by no means an unmixed blessing.
I do not believe that much soul leather is used up in the ordinary ragout or salami, but many of us who can afford more expensive joints have a prejudice against scrags, whilst the tails of mutton chops frequently have a tainted flavour, and the drumsticks and backs of fowls are only fit to grill or boil down into gravy.
And it is not only the alien who is economical in his preparation of the banquet.
Many of the dwellers in the highways and byways of our great metropolis will boil down the outer skin of a ham and place a portion thereof, together with such scraps as may be purchased at a penny or two pence a plateful at the ham and beef emporium, with maybe a block ornament or two from the butchers in a pie dish, with a superstructure of potatoes and have a scrap pie cooked at the baker's for the Sunday dinner.
Poor wretches, not much waste goes on in such households, but I have known the gal who tortured the food in a cheap lodging house throw away the water in which the joint had just been boiled, but whether this was from sheer ignorance or cussedness or the desire to save herself any future labour in the concoction of soup, to poneth say it not.
By the way, it is in the matter of soup that the tastes of British and French peasantry differ so materially.
Unless he or she be absolutely starving, it is next to impossible to get one of the groundlings of old England to attempt a basin of soup, and where they do attempt the same, it has already been made for them.
The Scotch, who are born cooks, know much better than this, but do not, O reader, if at all thin of skin or refined of ear, listen too attentively to the thanks which a denizen of the distrethful countryth will bestow upon you for a thirty bowl of bone juice.
How many modern diners, we wonder, know the original object of placing frills around the shank of a leg or shoulder of mutton, a ham, the shins of a fowl, or the bone of a cutlet? Fingers were made before, and a long time before, forks.
In the seventeenth century, prior to which epoch not much nicety was observed in carving or eating, we read that English gentlewomen were instructed by schoolmistresses and professors of etiquette as to the ways in which it behooved them to carve joints.
That she might be able to grasp a roasted chicken without greasing her left hand, the gentle housewife was careful to trim its foot and the lower part of its legs with cut paper.
The paper frill which may still be seen around the bony point and some small end of a leg of mutton is a memorial of the fashion in which joints were dressed for the dainty hands of lady carvers in time prior to the introduction of the carving fork, an implement that was not in universal use so late as the Commonwealth.
How long should we sit over a dinner table is a matter of controversy.
At the commencement of the nineteenth century, the hard drinking times, our forefathers were loath indeed to quit the table.
But the fairer portion of the guests were accustomed to adjourn early for tea and scandal in the withdrawing room, while their lords sat and quarreled over their port with locked doors, and where they fell there they frequently passed the night.
The editor of the Almanach des Gourmandes wrote, Five hours at a table are reasonable latitude to allow in the case of a large party and recondite cheer.
But the worthy Grimaud de la Grammaire, the editor aforesaid, lived at a period when dinner was not served as late as 8.30 p.m.
There is a legend of an archbishop of York who sat three entire years at dinner.
But this is one of those tales which specially suited the dull, brandy-sodden brains of our ancestors.
The facts are simply as follows.
The archbishop had just sat down to dinner at noon when an Italian priest called.
Hearing that the dignitary was sitting at meat, the priest whiled away an hour in looking at the minister and called again, but was again repelled by the porter.
Twice more that afternoon did the surly porter repel the Italian, and at the fourth visit the porter, in a heat, answered never a word, and cheerlessly did shuttle the gates upon him.
Then the discomfited Italian returned to Rome, and three years later, encountering an Englishman in the Eternal City, who declared himself right well to know his grace of York, the Italian all smiles inquired, I pray you, good sir, hath the archbishop finished dinner yet? Hence the story, which was doubtless originally told by a fly-fisher.
It is not a little singular that with increasing civilization, which is of barbaric or semi-barbaric origin, should be the means usually employed to summon us to the dinner table.
In days of yore the horn or cornet was blown as the signal.
Alexander Dumas tells us that at the period when noon was the dinner hour, the horn or cornet, le cor, was used in great houses to announce dinner.
Hence came an expression which has been lost.
They used to say, cornet or trumpet the dinner, cornet le diner.
And we were asked to believe that to this practice corned beef owns its derivation.
In days when inferior people ate little meat in the winter months save salted beef, the more usual form of the order was cornet le boeuf, corn the beef.
Richardson errs egregiously when he insists that corned beef derived its distinguishing epithet from the grains of corn or salt with which it was pickled.
Corned beef is trumpeted beef, or as we should nowadays say, dinner bell beef.
Well, I have me doubts, as the Scotsman said.
I'm not so sure that Richardson erred egregiously.
But after all, as long as the beef be good, and can be carved without the aid of pick and spade, what does it matter? Let us to dinner.
End of section seven.
Section eight of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section eight, Dinner, continued.
The strong table groans beneath the smoking sirloin stretched immense.
A Christmas dinner in the early Victorian era.
Quelle fête magnifique! The man who did not keep Christmas in a fitting manner in those days was not thought much of.
Dines by himself at the club on Christmas Day, was the way the late Mr. George Payne of sporting memory summed up a certain middle-aged recluse, with heaps of money, who although he had two estates in the country preferred to live in two small rooms in St. James' Place, southwest, and to take his meals at Arthur's.
And how we boys, not to mention the little lasses in white frocks and black mittens, used to overeat ourselves on such occasions, with no fear of pill, draught or staying in before our eyes.
The writer has in his mind's eye a good specimen of such an old-fashioned dinner as served in the fifties.
It was pretty much the same feast every Christmas.
We commenced with some sort of clear soup with meat in it.
Then came a codfish, crimped.
The head of that household would have as soon thought of eating a sole au vin blanc as of putting before his family an uncreamed cod, with plenty of liver, oyster sauce and pickled walnuts.
And at the other end of the table was a dish of fried smelts.
Entrees? Had any of the diners asked for an entree, his or her exit from the room would have been a somewhat rapid one.
A noble sirloin of Scotch beef faced a boiled turkey anointed with celery sauce.
And then appeared the blazing pudding and the mince pies.
For the next course, a dish of toasted, or rather stewed, cheese, homemade and full of richness, was handed round, with dry toast, the bearer of which was closely pursued by a varlet, carrying a huge double-handed vessel of hot spiced ale, bobbing or floating about in the which were roasted crab apples and sippets of toast.
And it was de rigueur for each of those who sat at meat to extract a sippet to eat with the cheese.
How the old retainer, grey and plethoric with service, loved us boys, and how he would manoeuvre to obtain for us the tidbits.
A favourite servitor was Joseph, and though my revered progenitor was ostensibly the head of the house, he would on occasion run a bad second to Joseph.
Memory is still keen of a certain chilly evening in September when the ladies had retired to the drawing-room, and the male guests were invited to be seated at the small table, which had been wheeled close to the replenished fire.
Joseph, said the dear old man, bring us a bottle or two of the yellow seal.
You know, Ben F.
The servitor drew near to his master, and in a stage whisper exclaimed, You can't afford it, sir.
What's that? roared the indignant old man.
You can't afford it, sir.
Hawthornden's won the ledger.
Good gad.
A pause, and then, Well, never mind, Joseph, we'll have up the yellow seal all the same.
One of the writer's last Christmas dinners was partaken of in a sweet little house in Mayfair, and affords somewhat of a contrast with the meal quoted above.
We took our appetites away with a salad composed of anchovies, capers, truffles, and other things, a Russian sardine or two in rolls and butter.
Thence we drifted into bouillabaisse, a tasty but bile-provoking broth, toyed with some filets de sole à la Parisienne, good but greasy, and disposed of a tournedos with a nice fat oyster atop apiece, a parlez-moi de ça.
Then came some dicky birds sur canapé, alleged to be snipe, but destitute of flavor save that of the tin they had been spoiled in, and of the canopy.
An alien cook cannot cook game, whatever choice confections he may turn out.
At least, that is the experience of the writer.
We had cressons, of course, with the birds, though how watercress can possibly assimilate with the flesh of a snipe is questionable.
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Watercreases are all very well at tea in the arbor, but don't go smoothly with any sort of fowl, and to put such rank stuff into a salad, as my hostess's cook did, is absolutely criminal.
To continue the Mayfair banquet, the salad was followed by a soufflé à la Noël, which reminded some of the more imaginative of our party of the festive season, some cheese straws, and the customary ices, coffee, and liqueurs.
On the whole, not a bad meal.
But what would old Father Christmas have said thereto? What would my revered progenitor have remarked, had he been allowed to revisit the glimpses of the moon? He did not love our lively neighbors, and upon the only occasion on which he was inveigled across the channel, took especial care to recross it the very next day, lest through circumstances not under his own control, he might come to be buried amongst these deed French.
The following menu may give some idea as to how royalty entertains its guests.
Said menu, as will be seen, is comparatively simple, and many of the dishes are French only in name.
Itra Consommé aux œufs pochés Bisque de crevisse Turbot sauce Tomarde Filets de salmon à la indienne Vol-au-vent financier Mauviettes sur le nid Sillé du mouton de Gayes Roitières Boulards à la estragon Faisan Bécassines sur cruauté Chauffleur au gratin Plum pudding Bavarois aux abricots Glacé à la mocha Truly a pattern dinner, this, and it would be sure impertinence to comment thereon, beyond remarking that English dishes should, in common fairness, be called by English names.
Her Imperial Majesty the Tsaritsa, on the night of her arrival at Darmstadt in October 1896, sat down together with her august husband to the following simple meal.
Consommé de vol-au-l'île Cronstadis de écrevises Filet de turbot à la Joinville Simié de chevreuil A haunch of roebuck is far to be desired above the same quarter of the red deer.
Terrine de perdreau Panche royale Boulard de Metz Choux de Brésil Bavarois aux abricots Glacés panachés The partiality of crowned heads towards Bavarois aux abricots Bavarois is simply Bavarian cheese, a superior sort of blancmange is proverbial, and the above repast was served on priceless mice in china and silver.
The only remarks I will make upon the above menu are that it is quite possible that the capon may have come from Metz, although not very probable.
French cooks name their meat and poultry in the most reckless fashion.
For instance, owing to this reckless nomenclature the belief has grown that the best ducks come from Rouen.
Nothing of the sort.
There are just as good ducks raised at West Hartlepool as at Rouen.
Rouen in the bill of fare is simply a corruption of Rhone, and a Rhone duck is a quacker who has assumed, through crossing, the reddish plumage of the wild bird.
As for alleged Surrey fowls, most of them come from Heathfield in Sussex, whence 142,000 pounds worth were sent in 1896.
Let us inquire into the composition of some of the high-sounding plats served up by the average chef.
Bouillabaisse.
Of it, Thackeray sang, This bouillabaisse, a noble dish is, A sort of soup, or broth, or brew, Or hotchpot of all sorts of fishes That Greenwich never could outdo.
Green herbs, red peppers, mussels, saffron, soles, onions, garlic, roach, and dace, All these you eat at Terror's Tavern In that one dish of bouillabaisse.
Avoid eels and herrings in this concoction as too oily.
Soles, mullet, john dory, whiting, flounders, perch, roach, and mussels will blend well, and allow half a pound of fish for each person.
For every pound of fish put in the stewpan a pint of water, a quarter of a pint of white wine, and a tablespoonful of salad oil.
If there be four partakers, add two sliced onions, two cloves, two bay leaves, two leeks, the white part only, chopped, four cloves of garlic, a tablespoonful chopped parsley, a good squeeze of lemon juice, half an ounce of chopped capiscums, a teaspoonful or more ad lib of saffron, with pepper and salt.
Mix the chopped fish and all this and boil for half an hour.
Let the mixture gallop, and strain into a tureen with sippets, and the fish served separately.
Tornados.
No relation to tornado, and you won't find the word in any Gallic dictionary.
A tornados is a thin collop of beef, steeped in a marinade for twenty-four hours.
Personally I prefer it without the aid of the marine, and fried lightly.
Turn it but once.
The oyster atop is simply scalded.
Try this dish.
Bisque.
In the seventeenth century this was made from pigeons by the poor barbarians who knew not the gentle lobster, nor the confiding crayfish.
Heat up to boiling point a mirepoix of white wine.
You don't know what a mirepoix is? Simply a faggot of vegetables, named after a notorious cuckold of noble birth in the time of Louis XV.
Two carrots, two onions, two shallots, two bay leaves, a sprig of thyme, and a clove of garlic.
Mince very small with half a pound of fat bacon, half a pound of raw ham, pepper and salt, and a little butter.
Add a sufficiency of white wine.
In this mixture cook two dozen crayfish for twenty minutes, continually tossing them about till red, when take them out to cool.
Shell them all but the claws, which should be pounded in a mortar and mixed with butter.
The flesh of the tails is reserved to be put in the soup at the last minute.
The body flesh goes back into the mirepoix, to which two quarts of broth are now added.
Add the pounded shells to the soup, simmer for an hour and a half, strain, heat up, add a piece of butter, the tails, a seasoning of cayenne, and a few quenelles of whiting.
Vol-au-vent financier.
This always reminds me of the fearful threat hurled by the waiter in the Bab Ballads at his flighty sweetheart.
Flirtez toujours, ma belle, si tu oses.
Je me vengerai en zai, ma chère.
Je lis de ride de quoi on commose.
Vol-au-vent a la financier.
Make your crust light as air and flaky as snow, and you value your situation, and fill with button mushrooms, truffles, cockscombs, quenelles of chicken, and sweetbread, all chopped, seasoned, and moistened with a butter sauce.
Brown gravy is objectionable.
Garnish the vault with fried parsley, which goes well with most luxuries of this sort.
There are some words which occur frequently in French cookery which, to the ordinary perfidious Briton, are cruelly misleading.
For years I was under the impression that Brillat-Savarin was a species of filleted fish, brill, in a rich gravy, instead of a French magistrate who treated gastronomy poetically and always ate his food too fast.
And only within the last decade have I discovered what a prier salé really means.
Literally it is a salt meadow or marsh.
It is said that sheep fed on a salt marsh make excellent mutton.
But is it not about time for Britannia, the alleged pride of the ocean and ruler of its billows, to put her foot down in protest against a leg of prime down, but recently landed from the antipodes, being described on the card as a guigeau de prier salé? The meals, like the ways of the heathen Chinee, are peculiar.
Some of his food, to quote poor Corny Grain, is absolutely beastly.
Li Hung Chong was welcomed to Carlton House Terrace, London, with a dinner in twelve courses, the following being the principal items.
Roast duck, roast pork and raspberry jam, followed by dressed cucumber.
Shrimps were devoured, armor and all, with leeks, gherkins and mushrooms.
A couple of young chickens preserved in wine and vinegar with green peas.
A puree of pigeon's legs followed by an assortment of sour jellies.
The banquet concluded with sponge cakes and tea.
In his own land, the Chinaman's evening repast is much more variegated than the above.
It is almost as long as a Chinese drama.
It includes melon seeds, bitter almonds, bamboo sprouts, jellyfish, cucumber, roast duck, chicken stewed in spring dregs.
Footnote.
This dish must somewhat resemble the fixed bayonet, which at one time was the favorite tidbit of Tommy Adkins when quartered in India.
It consisted of a fowl stuffed with green chilies and boiled in rum.
The fowl was picked to the bones and the soldier wound up with the soup.
Very tasty.
End footnote.
Peas, prawns, sausages, scallions, fish brawn, pork chops, plum blossoms, oranges, bird's nest soup, pigeon eggs and bean curd, the eggs being postponed ones, fungus, shrimps, macerated fish fins, ham in flour, ham in honey, turnip cakes, roast sucking pig, fish maws, roast mutton, wild ducks' feet, water chestnuts, egg rolls, lily seeds, stewed mushrooms, dressed crab with jam, chrysanthemum pasties, beche de mer in pig's feet in honey.
Can it be wondered at that this nation should have been brought to its knees by gallant little Japan? The Englishman in China has not a particularly good time of it in the gastronomic way, and Her Majesty's forces in Hong Kong are largely dependent on Shanghai for supplies.
There is plenty pig all over the land, but the dairy-fed pork of old England is preferable.
And the way this little pig goes to market savors so strongly of the most refined cruelty that a branch of the RSPCA would have the busiest of times of it over yonder.
Reverting to French cookery, here is an appetizing dish, called a Bernardine salmi.
It should be prepared in the dining room before the eyes of the guests, and Grimod de la Regnier, to whom the recipe was given by the prior of an abbey of Bernardine monks, recommends that the salmi should be conveyed to the mouth with a fork, for fear of devouring one's fingers should they touch the sauce.
Take three woodcocks underdone and cut them into neat portions.
On a silver dish, bruise the livers and trails, squeeze over them the juice of four lemons, and grate over them a little of the thin rind.
Add the portions of woodcock seasoned with salt, and according to the prior, mixed spices and two teaspoonfuls of French mustard, but the writer would substitute cayenne soul.
Overall half a wine glass of sherry, and then put the dish over a spirit lamp.
When the mixture is nearly boiling, add a tablespoonful of salad oil, blow out the light and stir well.
Four lemons are mentioned in this recipe as at the time it was written lemons were very small, one cocks were in.
Two imported lemons or limes will amply suffice nowadays.
A salmi of wild duck can be made almost in the same way, but here the aid of that modern instrument the duck squeezer is necessary.
Cut the best of the meat in slices off a lightly roasted wild duck, after brought to table.
Break up the carcass and place in a species of mill, silver, called a duck squeezer, which possesses a spout through which the richness of the animal escapes after being squeezed.
Make a gravy of this liquor, in a silver dish with a spirit lamp beneath, added to a small pad of butter, the juice of a lemon, a tablespoonful of Worcester sauce with cayenne and salt to taste, and half a wine glassful of port wine.
Warm the meat through in this gravy which must not boil.
Of course these last two named dishes are only intended for bachelor parties.
Lovely women must not be kept waiting for duck squeezers or anything else.
The Jesuits introduced the turkey into Europe, of which feat the Jesuits need not boast too much, for to some minds there be many better edible birds, and the gobbler requires when roasted or boiled plenty of seasoning to make him palatable.
The French stuff him in his roasted state with truffles, fat force meat or chestnuts, and invariably bard the bird.
Bard is an old English as well as old French with fat bacon.
The French turkey is also frequently braised with an abundant mirepoix made with what their cooks call Madeira, but which is really Marsala.
It is only we English who boil the gobbler and stuff him or her, for it is the hen which usually goes into the pot, with oysters or force meat, with celery sauce.
Probably the best parts of the turkey are his legs, when grilled for breakfast and smothered with the sauce mentioned in one of the chapters on breakfasts, and pulled turkey makes an agreeable luncheon dish or entree at dinner, the breast meat being pulled off the bone with a fork and fricasseed, surrounded in the dish by the grilled thighs and pinions.
Who introduced the turkey into America deponent saith not.
Probably like Topsy, it growed there.
Tuckysah, cranberry sauce, used to be the stereotyped reply of the black waiter when interrogated on the subject of the bill affair.
Colored help is, however, gradually being ousted together with sulfur matches from the big hotels in New York, where white waiting and white food are coming into or have come into regular use.
In fact, with the occasional addition of one or the other of such special dishes as terrapin, soft shell crab, clam chowder, and the everlasting pork and beans, a dinner in New York differs very little at the time of writing, 1897, from one in London.
The taste for clam chowder is an acquired one, nor will stewed tortoise ever rank with thick turtle in British estimation, although 'tis not the same tortoise which is used in London households to break the coals with.
A canvasback duck, if eaten in the land of his birth, is decidedly the most delicately flavored of all the quack family.
His favorite food is said to be wild celery, and his favorite haunts the neighborhood of Chesapeake Bay, from whose waters comes the much-prized diamondback terrapin, which is sold at the rate of fifty dollars or sixty dollars the dozen.
The canvasback duck, however, suffers in transportation; in fact, the tendency of the ice-house aboard ship is to rob all food of its flavor.
But however good be the living in New York City, where the hotels are the best in the world and whose Mr. Delmonico can give points to all sorts and conditions of food caterers, it is a bit rough in the provinces.
There is a story told of a young actor on tour who struck a small town out west and put up at a small inn.
In course of time dinner was served and the landlord waited at table.
The principal cover was removed, disclosing a fine joint of cautious, indifferently cooked beef.
Our young actor was strangely moved at the sight.
"What?" he cried.
"Beef again? This is horrible.
I've eaten no other food for months and I am sick and tired of it.
I can't eat beef." Whereupon his host whipped out a huge six-shooter revolver and covering the recalcitrant beef-eater coolly remarked, "Guess you can." But I don't believe that story any more than I believe the anecdote of the cowboys in the daylight let through the visitor who could eat beans.
End of section eight.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section nine of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section nine.
Dinner.
Continued.
The combat deepens.
On, ye brave, the cordon bleu, and then the grave.
Wave, landlord, all thy menus wave, and charge with all thy deviltry.
What's in a name? Inquired the lovesick Juliet.
What? Echoes the bad fairy.
Allah.
After all the fuss made by the French over their soups, we might expect more variety than is given us.
If it be true that we English have only one sauce, it is equally true that our lively neighbors have only one soup, and that one is a broth.
It is known to the frequenters of restaurants under at least eleven different names.
Brunois, jardinière, printanière, chiffonade, macédoine, julienne, faubonne, paysanne, flamande, mitonage, cruauté au pote, and as Sam Weller would say, it's the flavoring as does it.
It is simply bouillon, plain broth and weak at that.
The addition of a cabbage, or a leek, or a common or beggar's crust will change a poteau à la jardinière into a cruauté au pote, and vice versa.
Great is Allah, and five hundred percent is her profit.
The amount of money lavished by diners about upon the production of the alien chef would be ludicrous to consider were not the extravagance absolutely criminal.
The writer has partaken of about the most expensive dinner, English for the most part, with French names to the dishes, that could be put on the table, the charge being, including wines, one guinea per mouth.
Another banquet given by a gay youth who had acquired a large sum through ruining somebody else on the stock exchange, the meal positively reeking of Allah, was charged for by the hotel manager at the rate of sixteen pounds per head, also including wines.
I was told afterwards, though I am still skeptical as to the veracity of the statement, that the flowers on the table at that banquet cost alone more than seventy-five pounds.
And only on the previous Sunday our host's father, a just nobleman and a God-fearing, had delivered a lecture at a popular institution on thrift.
Here follows the menu of the above-mentioned guinea meal.
A regimental dinner, held at a well-known city house.
Vin.
Madeira.
Ponche glacé.
Slosh Johannesburg.
Amontillado.
Champagny.
Piper Heidsieck, eighteen forty-four.
Bollet C, eighteen eighty-four.
Burgundy Romani, eighteen fifty-five.
Port, eighteen fifty-one.
Claret, Château Léoville.
Liqueurs.
Hors d'oeuvres.
Crevette.
Thon mariné.
Beurre radis.
Potages.
Tourte claire et liée.
Gras de tortue verte.
Relevés de tortue.
Ailerons au fines herbes.
Côtelettes à la Périgord.
Poissons.
Saucé de salmon.
Turbo à vin blanc.
Blancheaille nature et cari.
Entrées.
Supreme de ris de veau à la princesse.
Aspect de homard.
Relevés.
Venaison sauce grossière.
York ham au Champagny.
poullards a la estragon, asperges, haricots verts, pommes rissolieres, rotes, quenetons de Rouen, entrements, anans a la creole, patissiere parisienne, gelées panaches, glacé, soufflé aux fraises, dessert, etc.
And some of the younger officers complained bitterly at having to pay one pound one shilling for the privilege of larking over such a course.
There are only three faults I can find in the above program.
One, confusion to the man who expects the British army to swallow green fat in French.
Two, white bait is far too delicately flavored a fowl to curry.
Three, too much eating and drinking.
City dinners are for the most part an infliction or affliction on the diner.
With more than four score sitting at meat, the miracle of the loaves and fishes is repeated, with, frequently, the fish left out.
I give you my word, dear old chappie, once exclaimed a gilded youth who had been assisting at one of these functions to the writer.
All I could get hold of during the struggle was an orange and a cold plate.
The great and powerful system of bakshish, of course, enters largely into these public entertainments, and the man who omits to fee the waiter in advance as a rule gets left.
Bookmakers and others who go racing are the greatest sinners in this respect.
A well-known magnate of the betting ring, 1896, invariably after arriving at an hotel, hunts up the chef and sheds upon him a fiver or a tenner according to the size of the house and the repute of its cookery.
And that metallician and his party are not likely to starve during their stay, whatever may be the fate of those who omit to remember the commissariat department.
I have seen the same bookmakers carry with his own hands the remains of a great dish of hot pot into the dining room of his neighbors who had been ringing for a waiter and clamoring for food for the best part of an hour without effect.
The same system prevails aboard ship, and the passenger who has not propitiated the head steward at the commencement of the voyage will not fare sumptuously.
The steamship companies may deny this statement, but tis true nevertheless.
Dinner afloat.
Here is an average dinner card during a life on the ocean wave.
Julian soup, boiled salmon with shrimp sauce, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, jugged hare, French breens a la maitre d'hotel, chicken curry, roast turkey with puree of chestnuts, fan chouettes, what are they? Sausage rolls, greengage tarts, plum puddings, lemon jellies, biscuits and cheese, fruit, coffee.
Plenty of variety here, though some epicures might resent the presence of a sausage roll, the common or railway station bag of mystery on the dinner table.
But since the carriage of livestock aboard passenger ships has been abandoned, the living is not nearly as good.
For as before observed, the tendency of the ice house is to make all flesh taste alike.
Civilization has doubtless done wonders for us, but most people prefer mutton to have a flavor distinct from that of beef.
My ideal dinner was partaken of in a little old-fashioned hostelry at the west end of London, whose name the concentrated efforts of all the wild horses in the world would not extract.
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Our host was a wine merchant in a large way of business.
I can only promise you plain food, good sirs, he mentioned in advance.
No foreign kickshaws, but everything done to a turn.
Six of us started with clear turtle, followed by a thick wedge out of the middle of a patriarchal codfish with plenty of liver.
And here a pause must be made.
In not one cookery book known to mankind can be found a recipe for cooking the liver of a cod.
Of course it should not be cooked with the fish, but in a separate vessel.
The writer once went the rounds of the kitchens to obtain information on this point.
About half an hour, said one cook, a hard-bitten-looking food spoiler.
Ma foi, I cook not at all the livers of the cod, said an unshorn son of Normandy.
He is for the maladet only.
After asking a number of questions and a journey literally round the town, the deduction made from the various answers was that a piece of liver enough for six people would take eighteen minutes after being placed in boiling water.
To continue with our dinner.
No sauce with the oysters, but these simply scalded in their own liquor.
Then came on a monster steak an inch thick, cut from the rump immediately before being placed on the gridiron.
And here a word on the grilling of a steak.
The late Mr. Godfrey Turner of the Daily Telegraph, who was almost as great an authority as Mr. Salah on gastronomies, once observed to the writer, Never turn your steak or chop more than once.
Though by no means a disciple of Allah, he was evidently a believer in the French method of grilling, which leaves a sodden flabby surface on the meat.
The French cook only turns a steak once, but if he had his gridiron as close to the fire as his English rival, the chef would inevitably cremate his morceau de boeuf.
I take it that in grilling as in roasting the meat should in the first instance almost touch the glowing embers.
We had nothing but horseradish with our steak, which was succeeded by golden plovers, about the best bird that flies, and marrow bones.
And a dig into a ripe Stilton concluded a banquet which we would not have exchanged for the best efforts of Francatelli himself.
Yes, despite the efforts of the bad fairy Allah, the English method of cooking good food, if deftly and properly employed, is a long way the better method.
Unfortunately, through the fault of the English themselves, this method is but seldom employed deftly or properly.
And at a cheap English eating house, the kitchen is usually as dirty and malodorous as at an inexpensive foreign restaurant.
As both invariably serve as sleeping apartments during the silent watches of the night, this is perhaps not altogether to be wondered at.
But there is one plate in the French cookery book which is not to be sneered at or even condemned with faint praise.
A properly dressed fricandeau is a dainty morsel indeed.
In fact, the word fricande means in English, dainty.
Here is the recipe of the celebrated Gouffé for the fricandeau.
Three pounds of veal fillet, trimmed and larded with fat bacon.
Put in the glazing stewpan the trimmings, two ounces of sliced carrot, two ditto onion, with pepper and salt.
Lay the fricandeau on the top.
Add half a pint of broth.
Boil the broth till it is reduced and becomes thick and yellow.
Add a pint and a half more broth and simmer for an hour and a quarter, the stewpan half covered.
Then close the stewpan and put live coals on the top.
Baste the fricandeau with the gravy, presumably after the removal of the dead coals, every four minutes till it is sufficiently glazed.
Then take it out and place on a dish.
Strain the gravy, skim off the fat and pour over the meat.
It may be added that a spirit lamp beneath the dish is or should be de rigueur.
In their clubs, those alleged gilded saloons of profligacy and debauchery favored of the aristocracy, men as a rule dine wisely and well, and moreover, cheaply.
The extravagant diner out with his crude views on the eternal fitness of things selects an hotel or restaurant in the which, although the food may be of the worst quality and the cookery of the greasiest, the charges are certain to be on the millionaire scale.
For bad dinners like bad lodgings are invariably the dearest.
At the mess table of the British officer there is not much riot or extravagance nowadays, and the food is but indifferently well cooked, though there was a time when the youngest cornet would turn up his nose at anything commoner than a special cuvée of champagne, and would unite with his fellows in the bear fight which invariably concluded a guest night and during which the messman or one of his myrmidons was occasionally placed atop of the anteroom fire.
And there was one messman who even preferred that mode of treatment to being lectured by his colonel.
Said officer was starchy, punctilious and long-winded, and upon one occasion when the chaplain of the garrison was his guest at dinner addressed the terrified servant somewhat after this wise.
Mr. Messman, I have this evening bidden to our feast this eminent divine who prayeth daily that we may receive the fruits of the earth in due season.
To which I, an humble layman, am in the habit of responding, We beseech thee to hear us, good Lord.
Mr. Messman, don't let me see those deed figs on the table again.
At a military guest night in India a turkey and a Europe ham are or were de rigueur at the table.
And on the whole the warrior fares well, if the consomme do not attempt luxuries.
His chicken cutlets are not despicable, and we can even forgive the repetition of the villa leaf.
But his beefsteak is too, stewed steak, is usually too highly spiced for the European palate.
Later in the evening, however, he will come out strong with douve la bone and grilled sardines and curl papers.
The presence of the bagpipe in the mess room of a highland regiment when men have well drunk is cruelly unkind to the Saxon guest at all events.
The bagpipe is doubtless a melodious instrument to trained ears, but its melodies are apt to hum in the head or muckle ye kin, after a course of haggis washed down with sparkling wines and old port.
Tell me what a man eats, says Brillet Saverin, and I'll tell you what he is.
Peter the Great did not like the presence of listening lackeys in the dining room.
Peter's favorite dinner was, like himself, peculiar.
A soup with four cabbages in it, gruel, pig with sour cream for sauce, cold roast meat with pickled cucumbers or salad, lemons and lamprey, salt meat ham and limburg cheese.
Lemons and lamprey must have had a roughest seed atop of pig and sour cream.
I once tasted lampreys, only once.
It was in Worcestershire and said lampreys were stewed, I fancy, in burgundy and served in a small tureen, on casserole.
Our lively neighbors would have called the production, which was grateful but much embarrassed with richness.
Napoleon the Great, whose tastes were simple, is said to have preferred a broiled breast of mutton to any other dinner dish.
Napoleon the Third, however, encouraged extravagance of living, and Zola tells us in Les Debacles that the unfortunate emperor, ill as he was, used to sit down to so many courses of rich foods every night until the downfall arrived at Sedan, and that a train of cooks and scullions with literally a batterie de cuisine was attached to his staff.
Her Majesty Queen Victoria's dinner table is invariably graced with a cold sirloin of beef amongst other joints, and the same simple fare has satisfied the aspirations and gratified the palate of full many a celebrity.
The great Duke of Wellington was partial to a well-made Irish stew, and nothing delighted Charles Dickens more than a slice out of the breast of a hot roast goose.
A word about the mushroom.
Although said to be of enormous value in sauces and ragouts, I shall always maintain that the mushroom is best when eaten all by his quaint self.
His flavor is so delicate that tis pitiful to mix him with fish, flesh, or fowl, more especially the first name.
I have seen mushrooms and bacon cooked together, and I have seen beefsteak cut into small pieces and bacon cooked together, and it was with some difficulty that my Irish host got me out of the kitchen.
If I ever am hanged it will be for killing a cook.
Above all, never eat mushrooms which you have not seen in their uncooked state.
The mushroom, like the truffle, loses more flavor the longer he is kept, and to postpone either is fatal.
The plainer the meal the longer the life.
Thus an eminent physician already mentioned in these pages.
We begin with soup and perhaps a glass of cold punch to be followed by a piece of turbot or a slice of salmon with lobster sauce, and while the venison or south-down is getting ready we toy with a piece of sweetbread and mellow it with a bumper of Madeira.
No sooner is the mutton or venison disposed of with its never-failing accompaniments of jelly and vegetables, than we set the whole of it in a ferment with champagne and drown it with hawk and Sauterne.
These are quickly followed by the wing and breast of a partridge or bit of pheasant or wild duck, and when the stomach is all on fire with excitement we cool it for an instant with a piece of iced pudding, and then immediately lash it into a fury with undiluted alcohol in the form of cognac or a strong liqueur, after which there comes a spoonful or so of jelly as an emollient, a morsel of ripe Stilton as a digestant, a piquant salad to whet the appetite for wine and a glass of old port to persuade the stomach, if it can, into quietness.
All these are more leisurely succeeded by dessert with its baked meats, its fruits, its strong drinks to be afterwards muddled with coffee and complicated into a rare mixture with tea floating with the richest cream.
Hoity-toity! And not a word about a French plate, or even a curry either.
But we must remember that this diatribe comes from a gentleman who has laid down the theory that cold water is not only the cheapest of beverages, but the best.
Exception, too, may be taken to the statement that a piquant salad whets the appetite for wine.
I had always imagined that a salad, and indeed anything with vinegar in its composition, rather spoilt the human palate for wine than otherwise.
And what sort of baked meats are usually served with dessert? How the poor live.
An esteemed friend who has seen better days sends word how to dine a man, his wife, and three children for seven and a half pence.
He heads his letter, The Kent Road Cookery.
A stew is prepared with the following ingredients.
One pound bullock's cheek, three and a half pence, a half pint white beans one penny, a half pint lentils one penny, pot herbs one penny, two pounds potatoes one penny, total seven and a half pence.
When he has friends the banquet is more expensive.
One pound bullock's cheek three and a half pence, one half pound cow heel two and a half pence, one half pound leg of beef three pence, one pint white beans two pence, one half pint lentils one penny, pot herbs one penny, five pounds potatoes two pence, total one shilling three pence.
As we never know what may happen the above menus may come in useful.
Dr. Nansen's banquet on the ice floe to celebrate his failure to discover the pole was simple enough at all events.
But it would hardly commend itself to the fin de siecle Johnny.
There was raw gull in it by way of a full-flavored combination of poisson and entree.
There was meat chocolate in it and pelly, I should say pemmican.
There were pancakes made of oatmeal and dog's blood fried in seal's blubber.
And I rather fancy the releve was chien en nature.
For in his most interesting work across Greenland Dr. Nansen has inserted the statement that the man who turns his nose up at raw dog for dinner is unfit for an Arctic expedition.
For my own poor part I would take my chance with a porterhouse steak cut from a polar bear.
Prison fare.
Another simple meal.
Any visitor to one of Her Majesty's penitentiaries may have noticed in the cells a statement to the effect that beans and bacon may be substituted for meat for the convicts' dinners on certain days.
Beans and bacon sounds rural if not absolutely bucolic.
Fancy giving such good food to the wretches once exclaimed a lady visitor.
But those who have sampled the said beans and bacon say that it is hardly to be preferred to the six ounces of Australian dingo or the coarse suet duff, plumless, which furnish the ordinary prison dinner.
For the tablespoon of pappy beans with which the captive staves off starvation are of the genus haricot.
And the parallelogram of salted hog's flesh which accompanies the beans does not exceed in size the ordinary railway ticket.
End of section 9.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section 10 of Cakes and Ale.
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Section 10.
Vegetables.
Herbs and other country messes which the neat-handed Phyllis dresses.
Item.
The potato.
Earth apple.
Murphy or spud.
The most useful as well as the most exasperating gift of a bountiful providence.
Those inclined to obesity may skip the greater part of this chapter.
You can employ a potato for almost anything.
It comes in very handy for the manufacture of starch, sugar, Irish stew, Scotch whisky, and Colorado beetles.
Cut it in half, and with one half you restore an old master, and with the other drive the cat from the back garden.
More deadly battles have been waged over the proper way to cook a potato than over a parish boundary or an Irish eviction.
Strong-headed men hurl the spud high in air, and receive and fracture it on their frontal bones, whilst a juggler like Paul Signvale can do what he likes with it.
Worn inside the pocket, it is an infallible cure for chronic rheumatism, fits, and tubercular meningitis.
Worn inside the body, it will convert a living skeleton into a Daniel Lambert.
Plant potatoes in a game district, and if they come up, you will find that after the hauns have withered, you can capture all your rich neighbor's pheasants and half the partridges in the country.
A nicely baked potato, deftly placed beneath the root of his tail, will make the worst gibber in the world travel, whilst, when combined with buttermilk and a modicum of meal, the earth apple has been known to nourish millions of the rising generation, and to give them sufficient strength and courage to owe their back rents and accuracy of aim for exterminating the brutal owner of the soil.
Potato steam are simply twopence or threepence in the little account, according to whether they be biled mash or salty, and if questioned as to the natural history of the flowery tuber, he would probably assume an air of injured innocence and assure you that during his reign of thirty-five year man and boy that establishment had never had no complaints.
The potato is most eccentric in disposition, and its cultivators should know by heart the beautiful ode of Horace which commences, Equam memento rebus inarduis.
The experiences of the writer as a potato grower have been somewhat mixed, and occasionally like the following.
Set your snowflakes in deeply trenched, heavily manured ground, a foot apart.
In due time you will get a really fine crop of groundsel, charlock, and slugs, with enough bindweed to strangle the sea serpent.
Clear all this rubbish off, and after a week or two the eye will be gladdened with the sight of the delicate green leaf of the tuber peeping through the soil.
Slow music.
Enter the Earl of Frost.
No, they will not all be cut off.
You will get one tuber.
Peel it carefully and place it in the pigsty.
The peeling spoils the quality of the pork.
Throw the peeling away, on the bed in which you have sown annuals for choice, and in the late spring you will have a row of potatoes which will do you credit.
But this is frivolous.
The origin of the potato is doubtful, but that it was used by the ancients in warfare is tolerably certain.
Long before the Spaniards reached the New World it was cultivated largely by the Incas, and it was the Spaniards who brought the tuber to Europe in the beginning of the 16th century.
It was brought to England from Virginia by Sir John Hawkins in 1563, and again in 1586 by Sir Francis Drake, to whom, as the introducer of the potato, a statue was erected at Offenburg in Baden in 1853.
In schools and other haunts of ignorance the credit for the introduction of the tuber used to be, and is, I believe, still given to Sir Walter Raleigh, who has been wrongly accredited with as many good things as have been Theodore Hook or Sidney Smith.
And I may mention en parenthèse that I don't entirely believe that cloak story.
For many years the tuber was known in England as the batata, overhaul your Lorna Doone, and in France, until the close of the 18th century, the earth apple was looked upon with suspicion as the cause of leprosy and assorted fevers, just as the tomato, at the close of the more civilized 19th century, is said by the vulgar and swine-headed to breed cancer.
Now then, with or without the jacket? And the reader who imagines that I am going to answer the question has too much imagination.
As the old butler in Wilkie Collins' The Moonstone observes, there is much to be said on both sides.
Personally, I lean to the no-jacket side, unless the two will be baked, and I would make it penal to serve a potato in any other way than boiled, steamed, or baked.
Footnote.
Kidney potatoes should always be boiled, as steaming makes them more waxy.
End of footnote.
The bad fairy Ayla should have no hand in its manipulation, and there be few aesthetic eaters who would not prefer the old-fashioned ball of flour to slices of the sodden article swimming in a bath of grease and parsley and called a sauté.
The horrible concoction yclept preserved potatoes, which used to be served out aboard sailing vessels after the passengers had eaten all the real articles, and which tasted like bad peas pudding dressed with furniture polish, is happily deceased.
And the best potatoes, the same breed which our fathers and our forefathers munched in the Covent Garden Cave of Harmony, grow, I am credibly informed, in German Street.
Moreover, if you wish to spoil a dish of good spuds, there is no surer way than by leaving on the dish cover.
So much for boiling them, or steaming them.
The cabbage is a fine friendly fellow, who makes himself at home, and generally useful in the garden, whilst his great heart swells and swells in the full knowledge that he is doing his level best to please all.
Though cut down in the springtime of his youth, his benevolence is so great that he will sprout again from his headless trunk, if required, and given time for reflection.
The Romans introduced him into Great Britain, but there was a sort of cow cabbage in the island before that time which our blue forefathers used to devour with their bacon and steaks in a raw state.
The most evolved and final variety of the cabbage, writes a savant, is the cauliflower, in which the vegetative surplus becomes poured into the flowering head, of which the flowering is more or less checked, the inflorescence becoming a dense corum instead of an open panicle, and the majority of the flowers aborting.
The head gardener usually tells you all this in the Scottish language, as to become incapable of producing seed.
Let especially vegetative cabbage repeat the excessive development of its leaf parenchyma, and we have the wrinkled and blistered savoy, of which the hardy constitution, but comparative coarseness, becomes also more intelligible.
Again, especially vegetative cauliflower gives us an easily grown and hardy winter variety, broccoli, brocchilo in Costa Rica, from which, and not from the ordinary cauliflower, a sprouting variety arises in turn.
In Jersey, the cabbage stalks are dried, varnished, and used as spars for thatched roofs, as also for the correction of the youthful population.
Cook all varieties of the cabbage in water already at the boil, with a little salt and soda in it.
The French sprinkle cheese on a cauliflower to make it more tasty, and it then becomes chou-fleur au gratin.
Remove the green leaves and underboil your cauliflower.
Pour over it some butter sauce in which have been mixed two ounces of grated cheese, half Gruyere and half Parmesan.
Powder with breadcrumbs or raspings, and with more grated cheese.
Lastly, pour over it a teaspoonful of oiled butter.
Place in a hot oven and bake till the surface is a golden brown, which should be in from ten to fifteen minutes.
Serve in same dish.
Vegetarians should be particularly careful to soak every description of cabbage in salt and water before cooking.
Otherwise, the vegetarians will probably eat a considerable portion of animal food.
Here occurs an opportunity for the recipe for an elegant dish, which the French call perdrix au chou, which is simply partridge stewed with cabbage, etc.
A brace of birds browned in the stewpan with butter or good dripping, and a portion of a hand of pickled pork in small pieces, some chopped onion and a clove or two.
Add some broth, two carrots, chopped, a bay leaf and a chopped sausage or two.
Then add a savoy cabbage, cut into quarters, and seasoned with pepper and salt.
Let all simmer together for an hour and a half.
Then drain the cabbage, and place it squashed down on a dish.
Arrange the birds in the middle, surround them with the pieces of pork and sausage, and pour over all the liquor from the stew.
This is an excellent dish, and savours more of Teutonic than of French cooking.
But you mustn't tell a Frenchman this, if he be bigger than yourself.
The toothsome pea has been cultivated in the East from time immemorial, though the ancient Greeks and Romans do not appear to have had knowledge of such a dainty.
Had Vitellius known the virtues of duck and green peas, he would probably have not been so wrapped up in his favourite dormice, stuffed with poppy seed and stewed in honey.
The ancient Egyptians knew all about the little pulse, and not one of the leaders of society was mummified without a pod or two being placed amongst his wrappings.
And after thousands of years, said peas, when sown, have been known to germinate.
The mummy pea plant, however, but seldom bears fruit.
Our idiotic ancestors, the ancient Britons, knew nothing about peas, nor do any of their descendants appear to have troubled about the vegetable before the reign of the Virgin Queen.
Then they were imported from Holland, together with schnapps, kurakawa, and other things, and no swagger banquet was held without a dish of fresh-shelled oons, which was accounted fit dainties for ladies.
They came so far and cost so dear.
In England, up-to-date peas are frequently accompanied by pigeon pie at table, the dove family being especially partial to the little pulse, either when attached to the home in the garden or in a dried state, so that the crafty husbandman, who possesses a shotgun, frequently gathereth both pea and pigeon.
A chalky soil is especially favourable to pea cultivation, and deal sawdust sprinkled well over the rows immediately after the setting of the seed will frustrate the knavish tricks of the field mouse, who also likes peas.
The man who discovered the affinity between mint and this vegetable ought to have received a gold medal, and I would gladly attend the execution of the caitiff who invented the tinned peas which we get at the foreign restaurants at three times the price of the English article.
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Here is a good simple recipe for pea soup, made from the dried article.
Soak a quart of split peas in rainwater for twelve hours.
Put them in the pot with one carrot, one onion, one leek, a sprig or two of parsley, all chopped, one pound of streaky bacon, and three quarts of the liquor in which either beef, mutton, pork, or poultry may have been boiled.
Boil for nearly three hours.
Remove the bacon, and strain the soup through a tammy.
Heat up, and serve with dried mint and small cubes of fat bacon fried crisp.
Green pea soup is made in precisely the same way, but the peas will not need soaking beforehand, and thrifty housewives put in the shells as well.
Harmless and nutritious a vegetable as the bean would appear to be, it did not altogether find favor with the ancients.
Pythagoras, who had quaint ideas on the subject of the human soul, forbade his disciples to eat beans because they were generated in the foul ooze out of which man was created.
Lucian, who had a vivid imagination, describes a philosopher in Hades who was particularly hard on the bean, to eat which he declared was as great a crime as to eat one's father's head.
And yet Lucian was accounted a man of common sense in his time.
The Romans only ate beans at funerals, being under the idea that the souls of the dead abode in the vegetable.
According to tradition, the collar heron hawked in the streets of Edinburgh were once known as lives of men from the risks run by the fishermen.
And the Romans introduced the bean into England by way of cheering up our blue forefathers.
In the Roman festival of Lemuralia, the father of the family was accustomed to throw black beans over his head whilst repeating an incantation.
This ceremony probably inspired Lucian's philosopher, for whom, however, every allowance should be made when we come to consider his place of residence, with his jaundiced views of the faba vulgaris.
Curiously enough, amongst the vulgar folk at the present day, there would seem to be some sort of prejudice against the vegetable.
Or why should I'll give him beans be a synonymous threat with I'll do him all the mischief I can? There is plenty of nourishment in a bean.
That is the opinion of the entire medical faculty.
And whilst beans and bacon make a favorite summer repast for the farm laborer and his family, the dish is also, at the commencement of the bean season, to be met with at the tables of the wealthy.
The aroma of the flower of the broad bean was once compared in one of John Leech's studies in Punch to the most delicious air oil.
But apart from this fragrance, there is but little sentiment about the faba vulgaris.
A much more graceful vegetable is the phaseolus vulgaris, the kidney, or as the idiotic French call it, the haricot bean.
It is just as sensible to call a leg of Welsh mutton a pré-salé or salt meadow.
No well-behaved hashed venison introduces himself to our notice unless accompanied by a dish of kidney beans.
And few people in Europe besides Frenchmen and convicts eat the dried seeds of this form of bean, which is frequently sown in suburban gardens to form a fence to keep out cats.
But the suburban cat knows a trick worth a dozen of that one.
And no bean that was ever born will arrest his progress or turn him from his evil ways.
It is criminal to smother the kidney bean with melted butter at table.
A little oil, vinegar, and pepper agree with him much better.
In the great continent of America, the kidney bean seed, dried, is freely partaken of.
Pork and Borston beans, in fact, form the national dish, and right good it is.
But do not attempt any violent exercise after eating the same.
The Mexicans are the largest bean eaters in the world.
They fry the vegetables in oil or stew them with peppers and onions, and these frijoles form the principal sustenance of the lower orders.
An English bean feast, vulg beano, is a feast at which no beans and not many other things are eaten.
The intelligent foreigner may take it that beano simply means the worship of Bacchus.
With the exception of the onion, there is no more useful aid to cookery of all sorts than the lowly carrot, which was introduced into England.
No, not by the Romans.
From Holland in the 16th century.
And the ladies who attended the court of Charles I were in the habit of wearing carrot leaves in the hair and on their court robes instead of feathers.
A similar fashion might be revived at the present epoch, with advantage to the banking account of vile man.
As the Flemish gardeners brought over the roots, we should not despise carrots cooked in the Flemish way.
Simmer some young carrots in butter with pepper and salt.
Add cream or milk and yolk of eggs, a pinch of sugar, and a little chopped parsley.
His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, according to report, invariably eats carrot soup on the 26th of August.
The French call it Crécy soup because their best carrots grow there.
And Crécy, it may be remembered, was also the scene of a great battle, when one Englishman proved better than five Frenchmen.
In this battle, the Black Prince performed prodigies of valor, afterwards assuming the crest of the late Bohemian king.
Three ostrich feathers.
Surely these should be carrot tops, with the motto, Ic dien.
Crécy soup.
Place a mirepoix of white wine in the pot and put a quantity of sliced carrots atop.
Moisten with broth and keep simmering till the carrots are done.
Then pour into a mortar, pound, and pass through a tammy.
Thin it with more broth.
Sweeten in the proportion of one tablespoonful of sugar to two gallons of soup.
Heat up, pop a little butter in at the finish, and in serving it add either small cubes of fried bread or rice boiled as for curry.
See page 145.
End of section 10.
Section 11 of Keggs and Dale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Thomas Peter.
Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section eleven.
Vegetables Continued.
Earth's simple fruits, we all enjoy them; Then why with sauces rich alloy them? It is one of the most exasperating laws and ordinations of Nature that the nicest things shall last the shortest time.
"Whom the gods love die young" is an ancient proverb, and the produce of the garden which is most agreeable to man invariably gives out too soon.
Look at peas.
Every gardener of worth puts in the seed so that you may get the different rows of Marrowfats and telephones and Niblick Ultra in succession.
And up they all come at one and the same time, whilst, if you fail to pick them all at once, the combined efforts of mildew and the sun will soon save you the labor of picking them at all.
Look at strawberries.
And why can't they stay in our midst all the year round, like the various members of the cabbage family? Then look at asparagus.
The gardener who could persuade the heads of this department to pop up in succession from January to December would earn more money than the Prime Minister.
The favorite vegetable of the ancient Romans was introduced by them, with their accustomed unselfishness, into Britain, where it has since flourished, more particularly in the alluvial soil of the Thames Valley in the neighborhood of Mortlake and Richmond, ground which is also especially favorable to the growth of celery.
In an ancient work called De Re Rustica, Cato the Elder, who was born two hundred and thirty-four B.C., has much to say—far more, indeed, than I can translate without the aid of a dictionary or crib—about the virtues and proper cultivation of asparagus, and Pliny, another noble Roman, devotes several chapters of his Natural History, published at the commencement of the Christian era, to the same subject.
"Of all the productions of your garden," says this Mr. Pliny, "your chief care will be your asparagus." And the cheerful and sanguine householder of today who sows his asparagus and expects to get it while he waits has ample consolation for disappointment in the reflection that his labors will benefit posterity, if not the next tenant.
The foreigners can beat us for size in the matter of asparagus, but ours is a long way in front for flavor.
In France the vegetable is very largely grown at Argenteuil in the Seine, a district which has also produced, and still produces, a wine which is almost as dangerous to man as hydrocyanic acid, and which was invariably served in the restaurants after the sitting had been a lengthy one, no matter what special brand might have been ordered.
English hosts play the same game with their military ports and inferior sherries.
The Argenteuil asparagus is now grown between the vines—at least a thousand acres are in cultivation—hence the peculiar flavor which, however grateful it may be to Frenchmen, is somewhat sickly and not to be compared with that of the little gentleman in green, nearly the whole of whom we English can consume with safety to digestion.
According to Greek mythology, asparagus grew on the Elysian Fields, but whether the blessed took oil and vinegar with it, or the Billstickers Paste, so favored in middle-class kitchenes of today, there is no record.
It goes best, however, with a plain salad dressing—a spot of mustard worked into a tablespoonful of oil and a dessertspoonful of tarragon vinegar, with pepper and salt ad lib.
Asparagus is no longer known in the British Pharmacopoeia, but the French make large medicinal use of its root, which is supposed to stir the action of the heart, like foxglove, and to act as a preventive of calculi.
In cooking the vegetable, tie in small bundles, which should be stood on end in the saucepan, so that the delicate heads should be steamed and not touched by the boiling water.
Many cooks will contest this point, which, however, does not admit of argument.
There was once discussion in a well-known hostelry as to whether the tomato was a fruit or a vegetable.
Eventually the head waiter was invited to solve the great question.
He did so on the spot.
"Tomata, sir.
Tomata, sir, hextra." And as a hextra it has never since that period ceased to be regarded.
Still, until a quarter of a century ago the tomato has not been largely cultivated, save by the market gardener.
In fact, in private gardens it was conspicuous by its absence.
Those who eat it do not invariably succumb to cancer, and the dyspeptic should always keep it on the premises.
As the tomato is also known as the love apple, a great point was missed by our old friend Sergeant Buzfuz in the celebrated Bardell v. Pickwick trial when referring to the postscript, "Chops and tomato sauce." Possibly Charles Dickens was not an authority on veget--I beg pardon, hextras.
Here is a French recipe for tomates au gratin.
Cut open the tops and scoop out the pulp.
Pass it through a sieve to clear away the pips, and mix with it either a modicum of butter or oil, some chopped shallot and garlic, with pepper and salt.
Simmer the mixture for a quarter of an hour.
Then stir in some breadcrumbs, previously soaked in broth, and some yolks of egg.
When cold, fill the tomato skins with the mixture, shake some fine bread raspings over each, and bake in quick oven for ten or twelve minutes.
The turnip is not, as might be sometimes imagined, entirely composed of compressed deal splinters, but is a vegetable which was cultivated in India long before the Britons got it.
The Scotch call turnips neeps, but the Scotch will do anything.
Probably no member of the vegetable family is so great a favourite with the insect pests sent on earth by an all-wise Providence to prevent mankind having too much to eat.
But see that you get a few turnips to cook when there is a roast duck for dinner.
Spinach was introduced into Spain by the Arabs, and as neither nation possessed at that time, at all events, the attribute of extra cleanliness, they must have eaten a great deal of matter in the wrong place, otherwise known as dirt.
For if ever there was a vegetable the preparation of which for table would justify any cook in giving notice to leave, it is spinach.
The Germans have nicknamed it stomach brush, and there is no plant growing which conduces more to the health of man.
But there has been more trouble over the proper way to serve it at table than over Armenia.
The French chop up their epinard and mix butter or gravy with the mess.
Many English, on the other hand, prefer the leaves cooked whole.
It is all a matter of taste.
But I seem to scent a soft, sweet fragrance in the air, a homely and health-giving reek, which warns me that I have too long neglected to touch upon the many virtues of the onion.
Indigenous to India in the form of garlic, or gar-leek, the original onion, the Egyptians got hold of the tear-provoker and cultivated it 2,000 years before the Christian era.
So that few of the mortals of whom we have ever read can have been ignorant of the uses of the onion or gar-leek.
But knowledge and practice have enabled modern gardeners to produce larger bulbs than even the most imaginative of the ancients can have dreamt of.
To mention all the uses to which the onion is put in the kitchen would be to write a book too weighty for any known motive power to convey to the British Museum.
But it may be briefly observed of the juice of the cepa that it is invaluable for almost any purpose, from flavouring a dish fit to set before a king to the alleviation of the inflammation caused by the poison-bearing needle, which the restless wasp keeps for use within his or her tail.
In fact, the inhabited portion of the globe had better be without noses than without onions.
Like the tomato, celery is a hexstra, and a very important one.
If you buy the heads at half a crown per hundred and sell them at three pence a portion, it will not exercise your calculating powers to discover the profits which can be made out of this simple root.
Celery is simply cultivated smallage, a weed which has existed in Britain since the age of ice.
It was the Italians who made the discovery that educated smallage would become celery, and it is worthy of note that their forefathers, the conquerors of the world with the Greeks, seem to have known no touch of it.
As a relish, at all events, though some writers will have it that the apium with which the victors at the Isthmian and other games were crowned was not parsley but the leaf of the celery plant.
But what does it matter? Celery is invaluable as a flavourer, and when properly cultivated and not stringy, a most delightful and satisfactory substance to bite.
In fact, a pretty woman never shows to more advantage than when nibbling a crisp, short head of celery, provided she possesses pretty teeth.
With a boiled turkey or a ditto pheasant, celery sauce is de rigueur, and it should be flavoured slightly with slices of onion, an ounce of butter being allowed to every head of celery.
The French are fond of it stewed, and as long as the flavour of the gravy or juice does not disguise the flavour of the celery, it is excellent when thus treated.
Its merits in a salad will be touched upon in another chapter.
The parsnip is a native of England, where it is chiefly used to make an inferior kind of spirit or a dreadful brand of wine.
Otherwise, few people would trouble to cultivate the parsnip, for we can't be having boiled pork or salt fish for dinner every day.
The vegetable marrow is a member of the pumpkin family, and is a comparatively tasteless occupant of the garden, its appearance in which heralds the departure of summer.
In the suburbs, if you want to annoy the people next door, you cannot do better than put in a marrow plant or two.
If they come to anything and get plenty of water, they will crawl all over your neighbour's premises, and unless he is fond of the breed and cuts and cooks them, they make him mad.
The frugal housewife, blessed with a large family, makes jam of the surplus marrows, but I prefer a conserve of apricot, gooseberry, or greengage.
Another purpose to which to put this vegetable is, scoop out the seeds after cutting it in half lengthways.
Fill the space with minced veal, cooked, small cubes of bacon, and plenty of seasoning.
Some people add the yolk of an egg.
Put on the other half marrow, and bake for half an hour.
This baked marrow is a cheap and homely dish which, like many another savoury dish, seldom finds its way to the rich man's dining-room.
The artichoke is a species of thistle, and the man who pays the usual high-toned restaurant prices for the pleasure of eating such insipid food is an Never mind what.
Boil the thing in salt and water, and dip the ends of the leaves in oil and vinegar or Holland sauce before eating.
Then you will enjoy the really fine flavour of the oil and vinegar or Holland sauce.
The so-called Jerusalem artichoke is really a species of sunflower.
Its tuber is not a universal favorite, though it possesses far from a coarse flavor.
The plant has nothing whatever to do with Jerusalem, and never had.
Put a tuber or two into your garden, and you will have Jerusalem artichokes as long as you live on these premises.
For the vegetable will stay with you as long as the gout, or the rate-gatherer.
Pheasants are particularly partial to this sort of crop.
By far the best vegetable production of the gorgeous East is the brinjal.
'Tis oval in shape, and about the size of a hen's egg, the surface being purple in color.
It is usually cut in twain and done on the grating.
I have met something very like the brinjal in Covent Garden, but can find no record of the vegetable's pedigree in any book.
Although there are still many vegetarian restaurants in our large towns, the prejudice against animal food is, happily, dying out, and if ridicule could kill, we should not hear much more of the cranks who with delightful inconsistency would spurn a collop of beef and gorge themselves on milk in every shape and form.
If milk, butter, and cheese be not animal food, I should like to know what is.
And it is as reasonable to ask a man to sustain life on dried peas and mushrooms as to feed a tiger on cabbages.
Once, and only once, has the writer attempted a vegetarian banquet.
It was savory enough, and possessed the additional merit of being cheap.
Decidedly filling at the price was that meal.
We—I had a messmate—commenced with alleged Scotch broth, which consisted principally of dried peas, pearl barley, and oatmeal, and a large slice of really excellent brown bread was served to each with this broth.
Thereupon followed a savory stew of onions and tomatoes, relieved by a savory pie, apparently made from potatoes, leeks, breadcrumbs, butter, and postponed mushrooms.
We had gone straight up to now, but both shied a bit at the macaroni and grated cheese.
We had two bottles of ginger-beer apiece with this dinner, which cost less than three shillings for the two, after the dapper little waitress had been fed.
On leaving, we both agreed to visit that cleanly and well-ordered little house again, if only from motives of economy.
But within half an hour that program was changed.
Like the old lady at the tea-drinking, I commenced to swell visibly, and so did my companion.
"'Mon alive!' he gasped.
"'I feel just for all the world like a captive balloon, or a puffy donter.
That's a puffing whale, you kin.
I'll visit your narnian house nay mare in my life.' I think it cost us something like half a sovereign and old brandy to neutralize the effects of that vegetarian banquet.
End of section 11.
Section 12 of Cakes and Ale.
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Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section 12.
Curries.
Thou comest in such a questionable shape that I will speak to thee.
The poor Indian grinds his coriander seeds, green ginger, and other ingredients between two large flat stones, taking a whiff at the family hubble-bubble pipe at intervals.
The frugal British housewife purchases alleged curry powder in the warehouse of Italy, where it may have lived on, like Claudian, through the centuries, stirs a spoonful or two into the hashed mutton, surrounds it with a wall of clammy rice, and calls it Benares curry, made from the recipe of a very dear uncle who met his death while tiger-shooting.
And you will be in the minority if you do not cut this savory meat with a knife, and eat potatoes, and very often cabbage, with it.
The far-seeing eating-house keeper corrals that lascar or a discharged mittar into the firm, gives him his board, a pound a month, and a clean pugaree and kummerbund daily, and stars him in the bill as an Indian chef fresh from the Charingi Club, Calcutta.
And it is part of the duties of this Oriental, supposed by the unwary to be at least a prince in his native land, to hand the portions of curry, which he may or may not have concocted, to the appreciative guests, who enjoy the repast all the more from having the scent of the Hooghly brought across the footlights.
I was once sadly and solemnly reproved by the head waiter of a very swagger establishment, indeed for sending away, after one little taste, the alleged curry, which had been handed me by an exile from Ind, in snow-white raiment.
You really ought to have eaten that, sir, said the waiter, for that man's family have been celebrated curry-makers for generations.
I smalled a broad smile.
In the land of the Moguls, the very babies who roll in the dust know the secret of curry-making.
But that that man had had any hand in the horrible concoction placed before me, I still resolutely declined to believe.
And how can a man be cook and waiter at the same time? The native curry-maker, depend on it, is more or less of a fraud, and his aid is only invoked as an excuse for overcharging.
At the Oriental Club are served, or used to be served, really excellent curries, assorted.
For as there be more ways than one of killing a cat, so are there more curries than one.
The French turn out a horrible mixture with parsley and mushrooms in it, which they call cari.
It is called by a still worse name on the boulevards, and the children of our lively neighbours are frequently threatened with it by their nurses.
On the whole, the East Indian method is the best, and the most philanthropic curry I ever tasted was one which my own Khittimugar had just prepared, with infinite pains for his own consumption.
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The poor heathen had prospected a feast, as it was one of his numerous big days.
So despising the homely doll on the which, with a plate of rice and a modicum of rancid butter, he was wont to sustain existence, he had manufactured a savoury mess of pottage, the looks of which gratified me.
So, at the risk of starting another mutiny, it was ordained that the slave should serve the refection at the table of the protector of the poor.
And a puka curry it was, too.
Another dish of native manufacture with which the writer became acquainted was a Parsi curry.
The eminent firm of Jahangir on one occasion presented a petition to the commanding officer that they might be allowed to supply a special curry to the mess one guest night.
The request was probably made as an inducement to some of the young officers to pay a little on account of their ownings to the firm.
But it is to be feared that no special vote of thanks followed the sampling of that special curry.
It was a curry.
I tasted it for a week, as the Frenchman did the soup of Swindon, and the Parsi chef must have upset the entire contents of the spice box into it.
I never felt more like murder than when the hotel cook in Manchester put nutmeg in the oyster sauce.
But after that curry, the strangling of the entire firm of Jahangir would, in our cantonments, at all events, have been brought in justifiable homicide.
Oyster sauce recalls a quaint simile I once heard a bookmaker make use of.
He was talking of one of his aristocratic debtors, whom he described as sure to pay up if you could only get hold of him.
But mark you, continued the lair of odds, he's just about as easy to get hold of as the oyster and the sauce at one of our municipal banquets.
But return we to our coriander seeds.
There's absolutely no reason why the frugal housewife in this country should not make her own curry powder from day to day as it may be required.
Here is an average Indian recipe.
But it must be remembered that in the gorgeous East tastes vary as much as elsewhere, and that Bengal, Bombay, Madras, including Burma, Ceylon, and the Strait Settlements have all different methods of preparing a curry.
A few coriander and cumin seeds, according to taste, eight peppercorns, a small piece of turmeric, and one dried chilli, all pounded together.
When making the curry mixture, take a piece of the heart of a cabbage, the size of a hen's egg.
Chop it fine and add one sour apple in thin slices the size of a Keswick codlin, the juice of a medium-sized lemon, a salt spoonful of black pepper, and a tablespoonful of the above curry powder.
Mix all well together.
Then take six medium-sized onions which have been chopped small and fried a delicate brown, a clove of garlic also chopped small, two ounces of fresh butter, two ounces of flour, and one pint of beef gravy.
Boil up the slot, which commences with the onions, and when boiling, stir in the rest of the mixture.
Let it all simmer down, and then add the solid part of the curry, i.e. the meat, cut in portions not larger than two inches square.
Remember, O frugal housewife, that the turmeric portion of the entertainment should be added with a niggard hand.
Too much turmeric is the fault which is found with most curries made in England.
I remember when a boy that there was an idea rooted in my mind that curries were made with Dr. Gregory's powder, an unsavoury drug with which we were periodically regaled by the head nurse.
And there was always a fierce conflict at the dinner table when the bill of fare included this, as we supposed, physical terror.
But it was simply the taste of turmeric to which we took exception.
What is turmeric? A plant in cultivation all over India, whose tubers yield a deep yellow powder of a resinous nature.
This resinous powder is sold in lumps, and is largely used for adulterating mustard, just as inferior anchovy sauce is principally composed of Armenian bowl, the deep red powder with which the actor makes up his countenance.
Turmeric is also used medicinally in Hindustan, but not this side of Suez, although in chemistry it affords an infallible test for the presence of alkalis.
The coriander has become naturalised in parts of England, but is more used on the continent.
Our confectioners put the seeds in cakes and buns, also comfits, and in Germany, Norway, Sweden, and, I fancy, Russia, they figure in household bread.
In the south of England, coriander and caraway seeds are sown side by side, and crops of each are obtained in alternate years.
The coriander seed, too, is largely used with that of the caraway and the cumin for making the liqueur known as cummel.
Cumin is mentioned in Scripture as something particularly nice.
The seeds are sweet-savoured, something like those of the caraway, but more potent.
In Germany they put them into bread, and the Dutch use them to flavour their cheeses.
And now that my readers know all about the ingredients of curry powder—it is assumed that no analysis of the chili, the ginger root, or the peppercorn is needed—let them emulate the pupils of Mr. Wackford Squeers, and go and do it.
Another recipe for curry powder includes fenugreek, cardamoms, allspice, and cloves, and I verily believe that this was the powder used in that abominable Parsee hell-broth above alluded to, so it should be cautiously approached, if at all.
Fenugreek sounds evil, and I should say a curry compounded of the above ingredients would taste like a number one pick-me-up.
Yet another recipe, Dr. Kitchener's, specifies six ounces of coriander seed, five ounces of turmeric—our mukul, I am of opinion—two ounces each of black pepper and mustard seed—ghun—half an ounce of cumin seed, half an ounce of cinnamon—donrunublinson—and one ounce of lesser cardamoms.
All these things are to be placed in a cool oven, kept therein one night, and pounded in a marble mortar next morning, preparatory to being rubbed through a sieve.
Kitchener sounds like a good cooking name, but, with all due respect, I am not going to recommend his curry powder.
A Malay curry is made with blanched almonds, which should be fried in butter till lightly browned.
Then pound them to a paste with a sliced onion and some thin lemon rind.
Curry powder and gravy are added, and a small quantity of cream.
The Malays curry all sorts of fish, flesh, and fowl, including the young shoots of the bamboo.
And nice, tender, succulent morsels they are.
At a hotel overlooking the harbour of Point de Gau, Ceylon, run at the time of the writer's visit by a most convivial and enterprising Yankee, a canning concoct of all sorts of slings and cocktails, there used to be quite a plethora of curries in the bill of fare.
But for a prawn curry there is no place like the city of palaces.
And the reason for this super excellence is that the prawns—but that story had perhaps best remain untold.
Curried locusts formed one of the most eccentric dishes ever tasted by the writer.
There had come upon us that day a plague of these all-devouring insects.
A few billions called on us in our kitchen gardens in passing.
And whilst they ate up every green thing, including the newly painted wheelbarrow and the regimental standard which had been incautiously left out of doors, our faithful blacks managed to capture several invys of the marauding scuts in revenge, and the mess cook made a right savoury plot of their hindquarters.
It is criminal to serve curry during the entrée period of dinner, and it is worse form still to hand it round after gooseberry tart and cream and trifle, as I have seen done at one great house.
In the land of its birth, the spicy pottage invariably precedes the sweets.
Numby Bucks marches solemnly round with the mixture in a deep dish, and is succeeded by Ram Lal with the rice.
And in the Madras Presidency, where dry curry is served as well as the other brand, there is a procession of three brown attendants.
Highly seasoned dishes at the commencement of a long meal are a mistake, and this is one of the reasons why I prefer the middle cut of a plain boiled Tay salmon, or the titbit of a lordly turbot, or a flake or two of a Grimsby cod, to a sole Normandie, or a red mullet stewed with garlic mushrooms and inferior claret.
I have even met homard à l'Américain during the fish course at the special request of a well-known duke.
The soup, too, eaten at a large dinner, should be as plain as possible, the edge being fairly taken off the appetite by such concoctions as bisque, bouillabaisse, and mulligatawny, all savoury and tasty dishes, but each a meal in itself.
Then I maintain that to curry whitebait is wrong, partly because curry should on no account be served before roast and boiled, and partly because the flavour of the whitebait is too delicate for the fish to be clad in spices and onions.
The lesson which all dinner-givers ought to have learned from the ancient Romans, the first people on record who went in for aesthetic cookery, is that highly seasoned and well-peppered dishes should figure at the end, and not the commencement of a banquet.
Here follows a list of some of the productions of nature which it is allowable to curry.
What to curry.
Turbot, sole, cod, lobster, crayfish, prawns—but not the so-called Dublin prawn, which is delicious when eaten plain boiled, but no good in a curry—welks, oysters, scallops, mutton, veal, pork, calf's head, ox palate, tripe, eggs, chicken, rabbit—the bunny lends itself better than anything else to this method of cooking—peas, kidney beans, vegetable marrow, carrots, parsnips, bamboo shoots, locust legs.
A mistaken notion has prevailed for some time amongst men and women who write books that the Indian curry mixture is almost red-hot to the taste.
As a matter of fact, it is of a far milder nature than many I have tasted on the side.
Also, the Anglo-Indian does not sustain life entirely on food flavoured with turmeric and garlic.
In fact, during a stay of seven years in the gorgeous East, the writer's experience was that not one in ten touched curry at the dinner-table.
At second breakfast, otherwise known as tiffin, it was a favourite dish, but the stuff prepared for the meal of the day, or the bulk thereof, usually went to gratify the voracious appetite of the Metas, the Hindoo who swept out the mess-rooms, and whose lowness of caste allowed them to eat anything.
An eccentric meal was the Meta's dinner.
Into the empty preserved meat tin which he brought round to the back door, I have seen emptied such assorted pablum as mock turtle soup, lobster salad, plum pudding and custard, curry, and, of course, the surplus villo leaf, and in a few seconds he was squatting on his heels and spading into the mixture with both hands.
In the Bengal Presidency, coconut is frequently used for the curry dressing, and as some men have as great a horror of this addition as of oil in a salad, it is as well to consult the tastes of your guests beforehand.
A prawn curry I have seen made in Calcutta as follows, the proportions of spices, etc., being specially written down by a munchie.
Pound and mix one tablespoonful of coriander seed, one tablespoonful of poppy seed, a salt spoonful of turmeric, half a salt spoonful of cumin seed, a pinch of ground cinnamon, a ditto of ground nutmeg, a small lump of ginger, and one salt spoonful of salt.
Mix this with butter, add two sliced onions, and fry to lightly brown.
Add the prawns, shelled, and pour in the milk of a coconut.
Simmer for twenty minutes, and add some lime juice.
But the champion of curries ever sampled by the writer was a dry curry, a decided improvement on those usually served in the Madras Presidency, and the recipe, which has been already published in the Sporting Times and Ladies Pictorial, only came into the writer's possession some years after he had quitted the land of temples.
Dry curry.
One pound of meat, mutton, fowl, or whitefish.
One pound of onions.
One clove of garlic.
Two ounces of butter.
One dessert spoonful of curry powder.
One dessert spoonful of curry paste.
One dessert spoonful of chutney, or tamarind preserve, according to taste.
A very little cassareep, which is a condiment, only obtainable at a few London shops, made from the juice of the bitter cassava or manioc root.
Cassareep is the basis of that favourite West Indian dish, pepper pot.
Salt to taste.
A good squeeze of lemon juice.
First brown the onions in the butter, and then dry them.
Add the garlic, which must be mashed to a pulp with the blade of a knife.
Then mix the powder, paste, chutney, and cassareep into a thin paste with the lemon juice.
Mash the dried onions into this, and let all cook gently till thoroughly mixed.
Then add the meat, cut into small cubes, and let all simmer very gently for three hours.
This sounds a long time, but it must be remembered that the recipe is for a dry curry, and when served there should be no liquid about it.
It is a troublesome dish to prepare, but judging from the flattering communications received by the writer, the leisures would seem to like it, and the mixture had better be cooked in a double or porridge saucepan to prevent any catching.
Already in one of the breakfast chapters has the subject of the preparation of rice to be served with curry been touched upon, but there would be no harm done in giving the directions again.
Rice for curry.
Soak a sufficiency of rice in cold water until by repeated strainings all the dirt is separated from it.
Then put the rice into boiling water, and let it gallop for nine or ten minutes.
No longer.
Strain the water off through a colander, and dash a little cold water over the rice to separate the grains.
Put in a hot dish, and serve immediately.
A simple enough recipe, surely.
So let us hear no more complaints of starchy, clammy, puddingy rice.
Most of the cookery books give far more elaborate directions, but the above is the method usually pursued by the poor brown heathen himself.
Sawyer's recipe resembles the above, but after draining the water from the cooked rice it is replaced in the saucepan, the interior of which has in the interim been anointed with butter.
The saucepan is then placed either near the fire, not on it, or in a slow oven for the rice to swell.
Another way.
After washing the rice, throw it into plenty of boiling water, in the proportion of six pints of water to one pound of rice.
Boil it for five minutes, and skim it.
Then add a wine glassful of milk for every half pound of rice, and continue boiling for five minutes longer.
Strain the water off through a colander, and put it dry into the pot, on the corner of the stove, pouring over the rice a small piece of butter which had been melted in a tablespoonful of the hot milk and water in which the rice was boiled.
Add salt, and stir the rice for five minutes more.
The decayed denizen of the ocean, dried to the consistency of a biscuit, and known in Hindustan as a Bombay duck, which is frequently eaten with curry, over yonder, does not find much favour this side of Port Said, although I have met the fellow in certain city restaurants.
The addition is not looked upon with any particular favour by the writer.
I have yet to learn, once observed that great and good man, the late Dr. Joseph Pope, to the writer, in a discussion on postponed game, that it is a good thing to put corruption into the human stomach.
End of section 12
12Section thirteen of Cakes and Ale.
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Section thirteen, Salads.
O green and glorious, O herbaceous meat, 'twould tempt the dying anchorite to eat.
Back to the world he'd turn his weary soul and dip his fingers in the salad bowl.
If Sidney Smith had only possessed the experience of old King Nebuchadnezzar after he had been turned out to grass, the witty preben might not have waxed quite so enthusiastic on the subject of herbaceous meat.
Still the subject is a vast and important one in its connection with gastronomy, and lends itself to poetry far easier than doth the little sucking pig, upon whom Charles Lamb expended so great and unnecessary a wealth of language.
But look at the terse, perfunctory, and far from satisfactory manner in which the encyclopedia attacks the subject.
Salad, we read, is the term given to a preparation of raw herbs for food.
It derives its name from the fact that salt is one of the chief ingredients used in dressing a salad.
This statement is not only misleading but startling, for in the dressing of a salad it would be the act of a lunatic to make salt the chief ingredient.
Long before they had learnt the art of dressing the herbs, our ancestors partook of cresses assorted, celery and lettuces after being soaked in water for a considerable period, and they dipped the raw herbs into salt before consuming them.
In fact, in many a cheap eating house of today the term salad means plain lettuce, or cress, or possibly both, absolutely undressed, in a state of nature, plus plenty of dirty water.
Even the English cook of the end of the nineteenth century cannot rid himself or herself of the idea that lettuce like watercress knows the running brook or the peaceful pond as its natural element.
And thirty years before the end of that century a salad bowl was absolutely unknown in nine-tenths of the eating houses of Great Britain.
There is no use in blinking the fact that it is to our lively neighbors that we owe the introduction of the salad proper.
Often as the writer has been compelled in these pages to inveigh against the torturing of good fish and flesh by the alien cook and the high prices charged for its endowment with an alien flavor, let that writer figuratively place a crown of endive tipped with baby onions upon the brows of the philanthropist who dressed the first salad and gave the recipe to the world.
That recipe has, of course, been improved upon, and although the savant who writes in the encyclopedia proclaims that salad has always been a favorite food with civilized nations and has varied very little in its composition, the accuracy of both statements is open to question.
Every art, observes another writer, has its monstrosities.
Gastronomy has not been behindhand, and though he must be a bold man who will venture to blaspheme the elegancies of French cookery, there comes a time to every Englishman who may have wandered into a mistaken admiration of sophisticated messes when he longs for the simple diet of his native land and vows that the best cookery in the world, and that which satisfies the most refined epicureanism, sets up for its ideal plainness of good food and the cultivation of natural tastes.
And yet the French have taught us, or tried to teach us, how to prepare a dish of raw herbs in the simplest way in the world.
Now a salad, says the same writer, is simplicity itself.
And here is a marvel.
It is the crowning grace of a French dinner, while on the other hand it is little understood and villainously treated at English tables.
Ahem.
I would qualify that last statement.
At some English tables I have tasted salads compared with which the happiest effort of the chef deserves not to be mentioned in the same garlic-laden breath.
And garlic-laden breath naturally reminds me of the story of Francatelli, of which anecdote I do not believe one word, by the way.
It was said of Frank, whilst chef at the Reform Club, that his salads were such masterpieces, such things of beauty, that one of the members questioned him on the subject.
How do you manage to introduce such a delicious flavor into your salads? Ah, that should be my secret, was the reply, but I will tell him to you.
After I have made all my preparations and the green food is mixed with the dressing, I chew a little clove of garlic between my teeth so, and then breathe gently over the whole.
But as observed before, I do not believe that garlic story.
Oh salad, what monstrosities are perpetrated in thy name.
Let the genteel boarding-house cookmaid, the young lady who has studied harmony and the higher mathematics at the board school, spread herself over the subject, and then invite the angels to inspect the matter and weep.
For this is the sort of harmony which the paying guest who can appreciate the advantages of young and musical society, an airy front bedchamber and a bicycle room, is expected to enthuse over at the table de haute.
A melange of herbs and roots, including watercress and giant radishes, swimming in equal parts of vinegar and oil, and a large proportion of the water in which the ingredients have been soaking for hours, said ingredients being minced small like veal collops with a steel knife.
And the same salad, the very identical horror, obtrudes itself on the table at other genteel establishments than boarding-houses, for they be mostly fools who people the civilized world.
Let it be laid down as a golden rule that the concoction of a salad should never, or hardly ever, be entrusted to the tender mercies of the British serving maid.
For the salad maker like the poet is born, not made, and the divine afflatus, I don't mean garlic, is as essential in the one as in the other.
We will take the simple mixture what is commonly known as the French salad first.
This is either composed in the matter of herbs, of lettuce, chopped tarragon, chervil, and chives, or of endive with lurking in the bowl a chapon, or crust of bread on which a clove of garlic has been rubbed.
But the waiter, and he be discreet, will ask the customer beforehand if he prefers a chapon be omitted.
The dressing is simplicity itself.
Within the bowl of a tablespoon are placed, in succession, a spot of made mustard and a sprinkling of black pepper and salt.
The bowl is filled up with vinegar, and with a fork in the other hand the waiter stirs quickly the mustard, etc., afterwards emptying the contents of the spoon over the green stuff.
Then the spoon is refilled either twice or thrice ad lib with lucca oil, which is also poured over the salad.
Then the final mixing takes place in the salad bowl.
But there be many and elaborate ways of salad making.
Here is the writer's idea of a lobster salad for half a dozen guests.
In a soup plate mix the yolks of two hard-boiled eggs, boiled for thirty minutes and afterwards thrown into cold water, into a smooth paste with a teaspoonful of made mustard and a tablespoonful of plain vinegar added drop by drop.
Keep on stirring and add a dessert spoonful of tarragon vinegar, a few drops of essence of anchovies, a teaspoonful, not heaped, of salt, about the same quantity of sifted sugar and a good pinch of cayenne.
The tendency of black pepper is to make a salad gritty, which is an abomination.
Lastly add drop by drop three tablespoonfuls of oil.
Pour this dressing, which should be in a continual state of stir, into your salad bowl.
Add the pickings of a hen lobster cut into dice and a top of the lobster lettuces which have been shred with clean fingers or with ivory forks.
A little endive may be added with a slice or two of beetroot but no onion or very little in a lobster salad.
A few shreds of anchovy may be placed atop with beetroot cut into shapes, the whites of the eggs and the coral of the lobster for the sake of effect.
But seek not, O student, to achieve prettiness of effect to the detriment of practical utility.
I need hardly add that the sooner after its manufacture a salad is eaten the better will be its flavor.
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And the solid ingredients should only be mixed with the dressing at the very last moment.
Otherwise a sodden flabby effect will be produced which is neither pleasing to the eye nor calculated to promote good digestion.
I am perfectly aware that the above is not a strict mayonnaise dressing in which the egg yolk should be raw instead of cooked.
But like the Scotsman I have tried bathe and prefer my own way which more resembles the sauce tartare than the mayonnaise of our lively neighbours who by the way merely wipe instead of wash their lettuces and endive to preserve as they say the flavour.
Of course this is a matter of taste but the writer must own to a preference for the baptized article which must however on no account be left to soak but be simply freed from dirt, grit and other things.
What is the origin of the word mayonnaise? No two Frenchmen will give you the same answer.
Of or belonging to Mayonne would seem to be the meaning of the word but then there is no such place as Mayonne in the whole of France.
Grimaud de la Regnier maintained that the proper word was Bayonnaise meaning a native of Bayonne on the Spanish frontier.
Afterwards Grimaud who was a resourceful man got hold of another idea and said that the word was probably Mayonnaise and so named in honour of Marshal Richelieu's capture of the stronghold of Mayonne in the island of Menorca.
But what had this victory got to do with a salad dressing? What was the connection of raw eggs and tarragon vinegar with Marshal Richelieu? Then up came another cook in the person of Carême who established it as an absolute certainty that the genuine word was Magnonnaise from the word manier to manipulate.
But as nobody would stand this definition for long a fresh search had to be made and this time an old Provençal verb was dug up.
Mahonner or more correctly Magonner to worry or fatigue.
And this is now said by purists to be the source of mayonnaise something worried or fatigued.
And the reason for the gender of the noun is said to be that in ancient times lovely woman was accustomed to manipulate the salad with her own fair fingers.
In the time of Rousseau the phrase retenue la salade avec les doigts was used to describe a woman as being still young and beautiful just as in Yorkshire at the present time she cannot make a bit of bread is used to describe a woman who is of no possible use in the house.
So a mayonnaise or a mayonnaise I care not which be the correct spelling was a young lady who fatigued the salad.
More shame to the gallants of the day who allowed fatigue to be associated with youth and beauty.
But can it possibly matter what the word means when the mixture is smooth and savoury and so deftly blended that no one flavour predominates? And herein lies the secret of every mixture used for the refreshment of the inner man and woman whether it be a soup, a curry, a trifle, a punch or a cup.
No one ingredient should be of more weight or importance than another.
And that was the secret of the delicious gravy furnished by the celebrated stew at the Jolly Farmers in the old curiosity shop of Charles Dickens.
Mayonnaise, we will drop for the nonce the other spelling, is made thus.
In the proportions of two egg yolks to half a pint of lucca oil and a small wine glass full of tarragon vinegar, work the yolks smooth in a basin with a seasoning of pepper, cayenne for choice, salt, and according to the writer's views, sifted sugar.
Then a few drops of oil and fewer of vinegar, stirring the mixture all the time, from right to left with a wooden or ivory spoon.
In good truth, tis a fatiguing task, and as in very hot weather the sauce is liable to decompose or curdle before the finishing touches are put to it, it may be made over ice.
Stir, sisters, stir.
Stir with care, is the motto for the mayonnaise mixer.
And in many cases her only reward consists in the knowledge that through her art and patience she has helped to make the sojourn of others in this veil of tears less tearful and monotonous.
Onion atoms should lurk within the bowl on nearly every occasion, and as for potato salad, don't be afraid.
I'm not going to quote any more Sidney Smith, so don't get loading your guns.
Well, here is the proper way to make it.
Potato salad.
Cut nine or ten average-sized kidney potatoes cooked into slices half an inch thick.
Put them in a salad bowl and pour over them after mixing two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, one tablespoonful of tarragon vinegar, six tablespoonfuls of oil, one of minced parsley, a dessert spoonful of onions chopped very fine with cayenne and salt to taste.
Shredded anchovies may be added although it is preferable without, and this salad should be made a couple of hours or so before partaken of.
The German recipe for a potato salad is too nasty to quote, and their herring salad, although said to be a valuable restorative of nerve power, by no means presents an attractive appearance when served at table.
Far more to the mind and palate of the average epicure is a tomato salad.
This is the author's recipe.
Four large tomatoes and one Spanish onion cut into thin slices.
Mix a spot of mustard, a little white pepper, and salt with vinegar in a tablespoon.
Pour it over the love apples, etc., and then add two tablespoonfuls of oil.
Mix well and then sprinkle over the mixture a few drops of Lee and Perrin's Worcestershire sauce.
For the fair sex, the last part of the program may be omitted, but on no account leave out the breath of sunny Spain.
And mark this well.
The man or woman who mixes tomatoes with lettuces or endives in the bowl is hereby sentenced to translate the whole of this book into court English.
Celery salad.
An excellent winter salad is made with beetroot and celery cut in thin slices and served with or without onions, either with a mayonnaise sauce or with a plain cream sauce.
To every tablespoonful of cream add a teaspoonful of tarragon vinegar, a little sugar, and a suspicion of cayenne.
This salad looks best served in alternate slices of beet and celery on a flat silver dish around the sauce.
A gentleman salad maker.
Although in the metropolis it is still customary in middle-class households to hire outside help on the occasion of a dinner party, we have not heard for some time of a salad dresser who makes house-to-house visitations in the exercise of his profession.
But at the end of the eighteenth century, the Chevalier d'Alagna, who had escaped from Paris to London in the evil days of the revolution, made a fortune in this way.
He was paid at the rate of five pounds a salad and naturally soon started his own carriage in order that he might pass quickly from house to house during the dining hours of the aristocracy.
High as the fee may appear to be, it is impossible to measure the width of the gulf which lies between the salad as made by a lover of the art and the kitchen wench, and a perfect salad is, like a perfect curry, far above rubies.
A memorable salad was once served in my own mansion.
The chef, who understood these matters well when her hair was free from vine leaves, had been celebrating her birthday or some other festival and had mixed the dressing with colza oil.
Her funeral was largely attended.
End of section 13.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section 14 of Cakes and Ale.
This is a LibriVox recording.
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For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section 14.
Salads and Condiments.
Epicurean cooks sharpen with cloyless sauce his appetite.
It has, I hope, been made sufficiently clear that neither watercress nor radishes should figure in a dressed salad, from the which I would also exclude such small deer as mustard and cress.
There is, however, no black mark against the narrow-leaved corn salad plant or lamb's lettuce, and its great advantage is that it can be grown almost anywhere during the winter months when lettuces have to be coddled and thereby robbed of most of their flavor.
Instead of yolk of egg in a dressing, cheese may be used with good results.
Either cream cheese, not the poor stuff made on straws, but what are known as napkin or new forest cheeses, or cheddar.
Squash it up well with oil and vinegar and do not use too much.
A piece of cheese the size of an average lump of sugar will be ample and will lend a most agreeable flavor to the mixture.
Roman salad.
Lucullus and Co., or rather their cooks, had much to learn in the preparation of the herbaceous meat which delighted Sidney Smith.
The Romans cultivated endive.
This was washed free from matter in the wrong place, chopped small, absolutely fatal to the taste.
anointed with oil and liquamen, topped up with chopped onions and further ornamented with honey and vinegar.
But before finding fault with the conquerors of the world for mixing honey with a salad, it should be remembered that they knew not fine Demerara, nor best lump, nor even the beet sugar which can be made at home.
Still, I should not set a Roman salad before my creditors if I wanted them to have patience.
An offer of the very smallest dividend would be preferable.
Italian salad.
The merry Italian has improved considerably upon the herbaceous treat.
I rather prefer treat to meat of his ancestors, though he is far too fond of mixing flesh meat of all sorts with his dressed herbs and his boiled vegetables.
Two cold potatoes and half a medium-sized beet sliced, mixed with boiled celery and Brussels sprouts, form a common salad in the sunny south, the dressing being usually oil and vinegar, occasionally oil sole, and sometimes a tartar sauce.
Stoned olives are usually placed atop of the mess which includes fragments of chicken or veal and ham.
Russian salad.
This is a difficult task to build up for a sort of Cleopatra's needle or pyramid of cooked vegetables, herbs, pickles, etc., has to be erected on a flat dish.
Carrots, turnips, green peas, asparagus, French beans, beetroot, capers, pickled cucumbers, and horseradish form the solid matter of which the pyramid is built.
Lay a stratum on the dish and anoint the stratum with tartar sauce.
Each layer must be similarly anointed and must be of less circumference than the one underneath, till the top layer consists of one caper.
Garnish with bombs of caviar, sliced lemon, crayfish, olives, and salted cucumber, and then give the salad to the policeman on fixed-point duty.
At least, if you take my advice.
Anchovy salad.
This is usually eaten at the commencement of a dinner as an hors d'oeuvre.
Some shreds of anchovy should be arranged crisscross in a flat glass dish.
Surround it with small heaps of chopped truffles, yolk and white of hard-boiled eggs, capers, and a stoned olive or two.
Mix all the ingredients together with a little chili vinegar and twice the quantity of oil.
The mixture is said to be invaluable as an appetizer, but the modest oyster on the deep shell, if he has not been fattened at the bolt hole of the main sewer, is to be preferred.
Cooked vegetables for salad purposes are not, nor will they ever be popular in England.
Nine out of ten Britons will eat the one sauce with asparagus in preference to the oiled butter or plain salad dressing of mustard, vinegar, pepper, salt, and oil, whilst tis almost hopeless to attempt to dissuade Madam the Cook from smothering her cauliflowers with liquefied paste before sending them to table.
Many a wild weed which foreign nations snatch greedily from the soil prior to dressing it is passed by with scorn by our islanders, including the dandelion which is a favorite of our lively neighbors for salad purposes and is doubtless highly beneficial to the human liver.
So is the cauliflower and an eminent medical authority once gave out that the man who ate a parboiled cauliflower as a salad every other day need never send for a doctor, which sounds rather like fouling his own nest.
Fruit salad.
This is simply a French compote of cherries, green almonds, pears, limes, peaches, apricots in syrup slightly flavored with ginger and goes excellent well with any cold brown game.
Try it.
Orange salad.
Peel your orange and cut it into thin slices.
Arrange these in a glass dish and sugar them well.
Then pour over them a glass of sherry, a glass of brandy, and a glass of maraschino.
Orange sauce.
Cold mutton, according to my notions, is absolutely beastly to the palate.
More happy homes have been broken up by this simple dish than by the entire army of Europe, and tis a dish which should never be allowed to wander outside the servants' hall.
The superior domestics who take their meals in the steward's room would certainly rise in a body and protest against the indignity of a cold leg or shoulder.
As for a cold loin, but the idea is too awful.
Still, brightened up by the following condiment, cold mutton will go down smoothly and even gratefully.
Rub off the thin yellow rind of two oranges on four lumps of sugar.
Put these into a bowl and pour in a wine glass of port, a quarter pint of dissolved red currant jelly, a teaspoonful of mixed mustard.
Don't be frightened, it's all right.
A finely minced shallot, a pinch of cayenne, and some more thin orange rind.
Mix well.
When heated up, strain and bottle off.
But amateur sauces should on the whole be discouraged.
The writer has tasted dozens of imitations of Liam Perrin's inimitable, and it is still inimitable and unapproachable.
It is the same with chutney.
You can get anything in that line you want at Stembridge's close to Leicester Square, to whom the writer is indebted for some valuable hints.
But here is a recipe for a mixture of chutney and pickle which must have been written a long time ago, for the two operations are transposed.
For instance, the onions should be dealt with first.
Chutneying.
Ten or twelve large apples peeled and cored put in an earthenware jar with a little vinegar.
On no account use water in the oven.
Let them remain till in a pulp, then take out and add half an ounce of curry powder, one ounce of ground ginger, half a pound of stoned raisins chopped fine, half a pound moist sugar, one teaspoonful cayenne pepper, one tablespoonful salt.
Take four large onions.
This should be done first.
Chop very fine and put them in a jar with a pint and a half of vinegar.
Cork tightly and let them remain a week.
Then add the rest of the ingredients after mixing them well together.
Cork tightly and the chutney will be ready for use in a month.
It improves, however, by keeping for a year or so.
Raw chutney is another aid to the consumption of cold meat, and I have also seen it used as an accompaniment to curry, but do not recommend the mixture.
One large tomato, one smaller Spanish onion, one green chili, and a squeeze of lemon juice.
Pulp the tomato.
Don't try to extract the seeds, for life is too short for that operation.
Chop the onion and the chili very fine and mix the lot up with a pinch of salt and the same quantity of sifted sugar.
I know plenty of men who would break up their homes after serving the furniture in the same way and emigrate, who would go on strike were roast beef to be served at the dinner table unaccompanied by horseradish sauce.
But this is a relish for the national dish which is frequently overlooked.
Horseradish sauce.
Grate a young root as fine as you can.
It is perhaps needless to add that the fresher the horseradish, the better.
No vegetables taste as well as those grown in your own garden and gathered or dug up just before wanted.
And the horseradish, like the Jerusalem artichoke, comes to stay.
Once he gets a footing in your garden you will never dislodge him, nor will you want to.
Very well then.
Having grated your horse, add a quarter of a pint of cream, English or Devonshire, a dessert spoonful of sifted sugar, half that quantity of salt and a tablespoonful of vinegar.
Mix all together and, if for hot meat, heat in the oven, taking care that the mixture does not curdle.
Many people use oil instead of cream and mix grated orange rind with the sauce.
The Germans do not use oil, but either make the relish with cream or hard-boiled yolk of egg.
Horseradish sauce for hot meat may also be heated by pouring it into a jar and standing the jar in boiling water.
Jugging it, in fact.
Celery sauce for boiled pheasant or turkey is made thus.
Two or three heads of celery, sliced thin, put into a saucepan with equal quantities of sugar and salt, a dust of white pepper and two or three ounces of butter.
Stew your celery slowly till it becomes pulpy but not brown.
Add two or three ounces of flour and a good half pint of milk or cream.
Let it simmer twenty minutes and then rub the mixture through a sieve.
The carp as an item of food is, according to my ideas, a fraud.
He tastes principally of the mud in which he has been wallowing until dragged out by the angler.
The ancients loved a dish of carp and yet they knew not the only sauce to make him at all palatable.
Sauce for carp.
One ounce of butter, a quarter pint of good beef gravy, one dessert spoonful of flour, a quarter pint of cream and two anchovies chopped very small.
Mix over the fire, stir well till boiling, then take off, add a little Worcester sauce and a squeeze of lemon just before serving.
Christopher North's sauce.
This is a very old recipe.
Put a dessert spoonful of sifted sugar, a salt spoonful of salt and rather more than that quantity of cayenne into a jar.
Mix thoroughly and add gradually two tablespoonfuls of Harvey sauce, a dessert spoonful of mushroom ketchup, a tablespoonful of lemon juice and a large glass of port.
Place the jar in a saucepan of boiling water and let it remain till the mixture is very hot but not boiling.
If bottled directly after made the sauce will keep for a week and may be used for duck, goose, pork or, Christopher adds, any broil.
But there is but one broil sauce, the Gubben sauce already mentioned in this work.
Sauce for hare.
What a piece of work is a hare, and what a piece of work it is to cook him in laudable fashion.
Crumble some bread, a handful or so, soak it in port wine, heat over the fire with a small lump of butter, a tablespoonful of red currant jelly, a little salt and a tablespoonful of chili vinegar.
Serve as hot as possible.
Mackerel is a fish but seldom seen at the tables of the great, and yet tis tasty eating if his Joseph's coat be bright and shining when you purchase him.
When stale he is dangerous to life itself, and he prefers to gratify the human palate when accompanied by gooseberry sauce, which is made by simply boiling a few green gooseberries, rubbing them through a sieve and adding a little butter and a suspicion of ginger.
Then heat up.
A wine glass full of sorrel or spinach juice, observes one authority, is a decided improvement.
Hmm.
I've tried both, and prefer the gooseberries unadorned with spinach liquor.
Now for a sauce which is deservedly popular all over the world and which is equally at home as a salad dressing as a covering for a steak off a fresh-run salmon or a portion of fried eel.
The luscious, the invigorating sauce tartar.
So called because no tallow-eating tartar was ever known to taste thereof.
I've already given a pretty good recipe for its manufacture in previous salad dressing instructions where the yolks of hard-boiled eggs are used.
But chopped chervil, shallots and occasionally gherkins are added to the tartar arrangement, and frequently the surface is adorned with capers, stoned olives and shredded anchovies.
In the chapters devoted to dinners no mention has been made of the sucking pig beloved of Charles Lamb.
This hardened offender should be devoured with currant sauce.
Boil an ounce of currants after washing them and picking out the tacks, dead flies, etc.
in half a pint of water for a few minutes and pour over them a cupful of finely grated crumbs.
Let them soak well, then beat up with a fork and stir in about a gill of oiled butter.
Add two tablespoonfuls of the brown gravy made for the pig, a glass of port, and a pinch of salt.
Stir the sauce well over the fire.
It is also occasionally served with roast venison, but not in the mansions of my friends.
What is sauce for Madame Goose is said to be sauce for old man Gander.
Never mind about that, however.
The parents of young Master Goose, with whom alone I am going to deal, have, like the flowers which bloom in the spring, absolutely nothing to do with the case.
This is the best sauce for the goose known to civilization.
Put two ounces of green sage leaves into a jar with an ounce of the thin yellow rind of a lemon, a minced shallot, a teaspoonful of salt, half a ditto of cayenne, and a pint of claret.
Let this soak for a fortnight, then pour off the liquid into a tureen or boil with some good gravy.
This sauce will keep for a week or two bottled and well corked up.
And now, having given directions for the manufacture of sundry cloiless sauces, with only one of the number having any connection with Allah, and that one a sauce of worldwide reputation, I will conclude this chapter with a little fancy work.
It is not probable that many who do me the honor to skim through these humble, faultily written but heartfelt gastronomic hints are personally acquainted with the cloeless sambal, who is a lady of dusky origin.
But let us quit metaphor, and direct the gardener to cut the finest and straightest cucumber in his crystal palace.
Cut both ends off and divide the remainder into two-inch lengths.
Peel these and let them repose in salt to draw out the water which is the indigestible part of the cucumber.
Then take each length in succession and with a very sharp knife, a penknife is best for the purpose, pare it from surface to center until it has become one long curly shred.
Curl it up tight so that it may resemble in form the spring of a Waterbury watch.
Cut the length through from end to end until you have made numerous long thin shreds.
Treat each length in the same way and place in a glass dish.
Add three green chilies, chopped fine, a few chopped spring onions and some tiny shreds of the bluefish of Java.
Having performed a fishless pilgrimage in search of this curiosity, you will naturally fall back upon the common or Italian anchovy, which after extracting the brine and bones and cleansing, chop fine.
Pour a little vinegar over the mixture.
Sambal will be found a delicious accompaniment to curry when served on a salad plate, or to almost any description of cold meat and cheese.
It is only fair to add, however, that the task of making the relish is arduous and exasperating to a degree, and that the woman who makes it, no male Christian in the world is possessed of a tithe of the necessary patience, now that Job and Robert Bruce are no more, should have the apartment to herself.
For the labor is calculated to teach an entirely new language to the manufacturer.
End of section 14 Recording by Philip Gould Section 15 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Section 15 Supper We are such stuff as dreams are made of.
That cruel and cat-like courtesan Cleopatra is alleged to have given the most expensive supper on record, and to have disposed of the bonny bouche herself in the shape of a pearl, valued at the equivalent of 250,000 pounds, dissolved in vinegar of extra strength.
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Such a sum is rather more than is paid for a supper at the Savoy, or the Cecil, or the Metropole, in these more practical times when pearls are to be had cheaper, and there is probably about as much truth in this pearl story as in a great many others of the same period.
I have heard of a fair déclasse leader of fashion at Monte Carlo who commanded that her major domo should be put to death for not having telegraphed to Paris for peaches for a special dinner.
But the woman who could melt a pearl in vinegar, and then drink, halte là! Perhaps the pearl was displayed in the deep shell of the oyster of which the noble courtesan partook.
We know how Mark Antony's countrymen valued the succulent bivalve, and probably an oyster feast at Wadi Halfa, or Dongola, was a common function long before London knew a Scots, a Pyms, or a Swedings.
Thanks partly to the typhoid scare, but principally to the prohibitive price, the native industry of Britain has been, at the latter end of the nineteenth century, by no means active, although in the illustrated annuals Uncle John still brings with him a barrel of the luscious bivalves in addition to assorted toys for the children when he arrives in the midst of a snowstorm at the old hall on Christmas Eve.
But Uncle John, that good fairy of our youth, when Charles Dickens invented the festive season and the very atmosphere reeked of goose stuffing, resides for the most part in Sheffield in these practical days, when sentiment and goodwill to relatives are rapidly giving place to matters of fact, motor cars, and mammoth rates.
The Asiatic oyster is not altogether commendable, his chief merit consisting in his size.
Once, whilst paying a flying visit to the city of Karachi, I ordered a dozen oysters at the principal hotel.
Then I went out to inspect the lions.
On my return I could hardly push my way into the coffee room.
It was full of oyster.
There was no room for anything else.
In fact, one Karachi oyster is a meal for four full-grown men.
More tragic still was my experience of the bivalves procurable at Aden, which cinder heap I have always considered to be a foretaste of even hotter things below.
Instead of living on coal dust, as might naturally be expected, the Aden oyster appears to do himself particularly well on some preparation of copper.
The only time I tasted him, the after-consequences very nearly prevented my ever tasting anything else on this sphere, and it was only the comfort administered by the steward of my cabin which got me round.
Ah, said that functionary as he looked in to see whether I would take hot pickled pork or roast goose for dinner, the last time we touched at Aden there was two gents had oysters.
One of them died the same night, the other next morning.
I laughed so much that the poison left my system.
Yet we still eat oysters, the sans bacillus brand for choice, and if we can only persuade the young gentleman who opens the bivalves to refrain from washing the grit off each in the tub of dirty water behind the bar, so much the better.
And above all the bivalves should be opened on the deep shell, so as to conserve some of the juice, for it is advisable to get as much of the bivalve as we can for the money.
Every time I crunch the bones of a lark I feel that I am devouring an oratorio in the way of song, and whilst the bivalve is sliding down the red lane it may be as well to reflect that there slips away fourpence, or as the Scotsman had it, bang went Saxpence.
In connection with Mr.
Bob Sawyer's supper party in Pickwick it may be recollected that the man to whom the order for the oysters had been sent had not been told to open them.
It is a very difficult thing to open an oyster with a limp knife or a two-pronged fork, and very little was done in this way.
And in one's own house, unless there be an adept at oyster opening present, the simplest way to treat the bivalve is the following.
It should be remembered that a badly opened oyster will resemble in flavor a slug on a gravel walk.
So roast him, good friends, in his own fortress.
Oysters in their own juice.
With the tongs place half a dozen oysters.
At most eating houses scalloped oysters taste of nothing but scorched breadcrumbs, and the reason is obvious, for there is but little else in the scallop shell.
Natives only should be used.
Open and beard two dozen and cut each bivalve in half.
Melt two ounces of butter in a stewpan and mix into it the same allowance of flour, the strained oyster liquor, a teacup full of cream, half a teaspoonful of essence of anchovies, and a pinch of cayenne.
Death to the caitiff who adds nutmeg, and stir the sauce well over the fire.
Take it off and add the well-beaten yolks of two eggs, a tablespoonful of finely chopped parsley, and a teaspoonful of lemon juice.
Put in the oysters and stir the whole over a gentle fire for five minutes.
Put the mixture in the shells, grate breadcrumbs over, place a small piece of butter atop, and bake in a Dutch oven before a clear fire until the crumbs are lightly browned, which should be in about a quarter of an hour.
Oyster stew is thoroughly understood in New York City.
On this side the dish does not meet with any particular favor, although no supper table is properly furnished without it.
Open two dozen oysters and take the beards off.
Put the oysters into a basin and squeeze over them the juice of half a lemon.
Put the beards and the strained liquor into a saucepan with half a blade of mace, half a dozen peppercorns ground, a little grated lemon rind, and a pinch of cayenne.
Simmer gently for a quarter of an hour.
Strain the liquid, thicken it with a little butter and flour, add a quarter of a pint or a teacup full of cream, and stir over the fire till quite smooth.
Then put in the oysters and let them warm through.
They must not boil.
Serve in a soup tureen and little cubes of bread fried in bacon grease may be served with the stew as with pea soup.
Be very careful to whose care you entrust your barrel or bag of oysters after you have got them home.
A consignment of the writer's were on one memorable and bitter cold Christmas Eve consigned to the back dairy by Matilda Ann.
Result, frostbite, gapes, disillusion, disappointment, disagreeable language.
Ball suffers.
More hard cash is wasted on these than even on ball dresses, which is saying a great deal.
The alien caterer or carcutier is chiefly to blame for this, for he it is who has taught the British matron to wrap up wholesome food in coats of grease inlaid with foreign substances to destroy its flavor and to bestow upon it an outward semblance other than its own.
There was handed unto me only the other evening what I at first imagined to be a small section of the celebrated Taj Mahal at Agra, the magnificent mausoleum of the emperor Shah Jahan.
Reference to the bill of fare established the fact that I was merely sampling a galantine of turkey, smothered in some white glazy grease, inlaid with chopped carrot, green peas, truffles, and other things.
And the marble column, also inlaid, which might have belonged to King Solomon's temple at the top of the table, turned out to be a tay salmon, decorated a la mode de charcutier and tasting principally of garlic.
A shriek from a fair neighbor caused me to turn my head in her direction and it took some little time to discover and to convince her that the item on her plate was not a mouse, too frightened to move, but some preparation of the liver of a goose in aspic.
This said, aspic, which has no connection with the asp which the fair Cleopatra kept on the premises, although a great French lexicographer says that aspic is so called because it is as cold as a snake, is invaluable in the numerous schools of cookery in which British females are educated according to the teaching of the bad fairy Allah.
The cold chicken and ham which delighted our ancestors at the supper table, what has become of them? Yonder, my dear sir, is the fowl in neat portions, minced and made to represent fragments of the almond rock which delighted us whilst in the nursery.
The ham has become a ridiculous mousse, placed in little accordion-pleated receptacles of snow-white paper, and those are not poached eggs atop either, but dabs of whipped cream with a preserved apricot in the center.
It was only the other day that I read in a journal written by ladies for ladies of a dainty dish for luncheon or supper, croutons smeared with bloater paste and surmounted with whipped cream.
And in the same paper was a recipe for stuffing a fresh herring with mushrooms, parsley, yolk of egg, onion, and its own soft roe.
I am of opinion that it was a bad day for the male Briton when the good wife, with her good daughter and her good cook, abandoned the good roast and boiled in favor of the works of the all-powerful Allah.
Now let us proceed to discuss the most homely supper of all.
And when I mention the magic word tripe, there be few of my readers who will not at once allow that it is not only the most homely of food but forms an ideal supper.
This doctrine had not got in its work, however, in the sixties at about which period the man who avowed himself an habitual tripe eater must have been possessed of a considerable amount of nerve.
Some of the supper houses served it, such as the Albion, the Coal Hole, and more particularly Noakes's, the familiar name for the old Opera Tavern which used to face the Royal Italian Opera House in Bow Street, Covent Garden.
But the more genteel food emporiums fought shy of tripe until within three decades of the close of the nineteenth century.
Then it began to figure on the supper bills in out-of-the-way corners, until supper eaters in general discovered that this was not only an exceedingly cheap but very nourishing article of food which did not require any special divine aid to digest.
The price of tripe went up seventy-five percent on the programs.
Then the most popular burlesque artiste of any age put the stamp of approval upon the new supper dish, and tripe dressing became as lucrative a profession as gold crushing.
There is a legend afoot of an imminent actor, poor Ned Southern I fancy as Johnny Toole would have never done such a thing, who bade some of his friends and acquaintance to supper and regaled them on sundry rolls of house flannel smothered with the orthodox onion sauce.
But that is another story.
Practical jokes should find no place in this volume which is written to benefit and not alarm posterity.
Therefore, let us discuss the problem, how to cook tripe.
Ask for double tripe and see that the dresser gives you nice and white.
Wash it, cut into portions and place in equal parts of milk and water boiling fast.
Remove the saucepan from the hottest part of the fire and let the tripe keep just on the boil for an hour and a half.
Serve with whole onions and onion sauce.
In this work you will not be told how to manufacture onion sauce, and baked potatoes should always accompany this dish to the table.
Some people like their tripe cut into strips rolled up and tied with cotton before being placed in the saucepan.
But really there is no necessity to take this trouble further.
And if the cook should forget to remove the cotton before serving you might get your tongues tied in knots.
In the north riding of Yorkshire some of the farmers' wives egg and breadcrumb fillets of tripe and fry them in the drip of thick rashers of ham which have been fried previously.
The ham is served in the center of the dish with the fillets around the pig pieces.
This is said to be an excellent dish, but I prefer my tripe smothered in onions like the timid bunny.
Edmund Yates in his reminiscences describes nice cozy little suppers of which in his early youth he used to partake at the house of his maternal grandfather in Kentish Town.
He dined at two o'clock observed the late proprietor of the world, and had the most delightful suppers at nine.
Suppers of sprats or kidneys or tripe and onions with foaming porter and hot grog afterwards.
I cannot share the enthusiasm possessed by some people for sprats as an article of diet.
When very full-blown the little fish make an excellent fertilizer for Marshal Neil roses, but as winter white bait or sardines they are hardly up to Derby form.
Sprats are not much encouraged at the fashionable hotels and when tripe is brought to table which is but rarely, that food is nearly always filleted, sprinkled with chopped parsley and served with tomato sauce.
This is the sort of supper which is provided in the gilt-edged caravanserais of the metropolis, the following being a verbatim copy of a bill of fare at the Hotel Cecil.
Super, five shillings, consomme richentasses, latances frites, villeroy, cote de mouton au haricots verts, chadefroid de mauviettes, strasbourg evizy, salade, biscuit Cecil.
A ladylike repast this and upon the whole not dear, but roast loin of mutton hardly sounds tasty enough for a meal partaken of somewhere about the stroke of midnight.
Still, such a supper is by no means calculated to murder sleep.
Upon the other hand it is a little difficult to credit the fact that the whole of the party invited by my Lord Tomnoddy to refresh themselves at the Magpie and Stump, including the noble host himself, should have slumbered peacefully with a noisy crowd in the street after a supper which consisted of cold fowl and cigars, pickled onions and jars, Welsh rabbits and kidneys, rare work for the jaws.
End of chapter fifteen.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section sixteen of Cakes and Ale.
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For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section sixteen, Supper continued.
To feed were best at home, from thence the sauce to me to ceremony, meeting were bare without it.
The early closing act of eighteen seventy-two had a disastrous effect upon the old London supper houses.
What Mr. John Hollingshead never tired of calling the slap me and put me to bed law rang the knell of many a licensed tavern, well-conducted, where plain, well-cooked food and sound liquor were to be obtained by men who would have astonished their respective couches had they sought them before the small hours.
Evans's.
The Cave of Harmony of Thackeray was a different place to the Evans's of my youthful days.
Like the younger Newcomb, I was taken there in the first instance by the author of my being.
But Captain Costigan was conspicuous by his absence, and Sam Hall was non est.
I noted well the abnormal size of the broiled kidneys, and in my ignorance of anatomy imagined that Evans's sheep must be subjected to somewhat the same process, the ordeal by fire, as the Strasbourg geese.
And the potatoes, zounds, sirs, what potatoes! Shall I turn it out, sir? Inquired the attentive waiter, and as he seized the tuber enveloped in the snow-white napkin, broke it in two and ejected a flowery pyramid upon my plate.
I would, had I known of such a decoration in those days, have gladly recommended the attendant for the distinguished service order.
In the course of many visits, I never saw any supper commodity served here besides chops, steaks, kidneys, Welsh rarebits, poached eggs, and I think sausages.
And the earliest impression made upon a youthful memory was the air of extreme confidence which pervaded the place.
We certainly remembered the waiter, but not even a potato was paid for until we encountered the head functionary at the exit door.
And his peculiar ideas of arithmetic would have given Bishop Colenso a succession of fits.
Who Evans was, we neither knew nor cared.
Paddy Green with his chronic smile was enough for us as he proffered his ever-ready snuff box, inquired after our relatives.
Paddy, like Spanky at Eton, knew everybody, and implored silence whilst the quintet Inger Vitae was being sung by the choir.
We used to venerate that quintet far more than any music we have ever heard in church, and I am certain Paddy Green would have backed his little pack of choristers, who according to the general belief, passed the hours of daylight in waking the echoes of St. Paul's Cathedral or Westminster Abbey, and therefore at Evans's always looked a bit stale and sleepy, against any choir in the world.
As for Harry Sidney, the fat, jolly-looking gentleman who was wont to string together the topics of the day and reproduce them fresh as rolls, set to music, we could never hear enough of him, and I wish I had now some of the half-crowns which in the past were bestowed upon Herr von Johl, the indifferent siffler, who was permanently retained upon the premises and who was always going to take a benefit the following week.
Kidneys and armony, that was the old program in the cave.
And then the march of time killed poor old Paddy and another management reigned.
Gradually the lady element was introduced and a portion of the hall was set apart for the mixed assembly.
And then came trouble, and finally disestablishment.
And for some time before the closing of the cave as a place of entertainment, it was customary to remove the fine old pictures, what became of them I wonder, from the walls, at varsity boat race time.
For the undergraduate of those days was nothing if not rowdy.
Youth will have its fling, and at Evans's the fling took the form of tumblers.
Well do I recollect a fight in the old style in the very part of the cave where eminent barristers, actors, and other wits of a past age used to congregate.
The premier boxer of Cambridge University had been exercising his undoubted talents as a breaker of glass during the evening, and at length the overwrought manager obliged him with an opponent worthy of his fists in the person of a waiter who could also put up his fists.
Several rounds were fought strictly according to the rules of the prize ring, and in the result, whilst the waiter had sustained considerable damage to his ribs, the Cambridge gent had two very fine black eyes.
Well do I remember that mill, also the waiter who afterwards became an habitual follower of the turf.
If Cremorne introduced the fashion of long drinks, sodas, and etceteras, the suppers served in the old gardens had not much to recommend them.
A slice or two of cold beef or a leg of a chicken with some particularly salt ham formed the average fare.
But those who possessed their souls with patience occasionally saw something hot in the way of food, chiefly cutlets.
The great virtue of the cutlet is that it can be reheated, and one dish not infrequently did duty for more than one party.
The rejected portion, in fact, would reappear as often as a retiring actor.
I know them salmon cutlets the waiter in pink dominoes used to observe as well as I know my own mother.
In fact, Cremorne, like the night houses of old, was not an ideal place to sup at.
But pro contra the Albion was.
Until the enforcement of the slap me and put me to bed policy, there was no more justly celebrated house of entertainment than the one which almost faced the stage door of Drury Lane Theatre in Great Russell Street.
One of the brothers Cooper, another kept the rainbow in Fleet Street, retired on a fortune made here simply by pursuing the policy of giving his customers the best of everything.
And a rare bohemian stamp of customers he had too, a nice, large-hearted, open-handed lot of actors, successful and otherwise, dramatic critics ditto, and ditto journalists also variegated in degree, with the usual necessary leavening of the city element.
The custom of the fair sex was not encouraged at the old tavern, though in a room on the first floor they were permitted to sup if in the profession, and accompanied by males whose manners and customs could be vouched for.
In wintertime assorted grills of fish, flesh, and fowl were served as supper dishes, whilst tripe was the staple food.
Welsh rarebits, too, were in immense demand, and I think it was here that I devoured, with no fear of the future before my plate, a buck rarebit.
During the silent watches of the rest of the morning, bile and dyspepsia fought heroically for my soul, and yet the little animal is easy enough to prepare being nothing grander than a Welsh rarebit with a poached egg atop.
But the little tins, silver like the forks and spoons until the greed and forgetfulness of mankind necessitated the substitution of electroplate, which the heebies at the old Cheshire cheese fill with fragments of the hostelry's godfather, subsequently to be stewed in good old ale, are less harmful to the interior of the human diaphragm.
A favorite Albion supper dish during the summer months was lamb's head and mince.
I have preserved the recipe, a gift from one of the waiters, but whether Ponsford, Taylor, or Shakespeare, so called because he bore not the faintest resemblance to the immortal bard, I forget, and here it is.
The head should be scalded, scraped, and well washed.
Don't have it singed in the Scottish fashion, as lamb's wool is not nice to eat.
Then put it with the liver, the sweetbread was chopped up with the brain, I fancy, into a stewpan with a Spanish onion stuck with cloves, a bunch of parsley, a little thyme, a carrot, a turnip, a bay leaf, some crushed peppercorns, a tablespoonful of salt, and half a gallon of cold water.
Let it boil up, skim, and then simmer for an hour.
Divide the head, take out the tongue and brain, and dry the rest of the head in a cloth.
Mince the liver and tongue, season with salt and pepper, and simmer in the original gravy thickened for half an hour.
Brush the two head halves with yolk of egg, grate breadcrumbs over, and bake in oven.
The brain and sweetbread to be chopped and made into cakes, fried, and then placed in the dish around the head halves.
Ah me.
The old tavern, after falling into bad ways, entertaining extra ladies and ruined gamesters, has been closed for years.
The ground floor was a potato warehouse the last time I passed the place, and it should be mentioned that the actors, journalists, etc., who in the seventies possessed smaller means or more modest ambitions, were in the habit of supping on supping days at a cheaper haunt in the Strand off alleged roast goose.
But according to one Joseph Eldred, a comedian of some note and shirt cuff, the meat which was apportioned to us here was in reality always bullock's heart, sliced and with a liberal allowance of sage and onions.
It's the seasoning as does it, observed Mr. Samuel Weller.
Then there was another Bohemian house of call and supper place in those nights, the Occidental, once known as the Coal Hole, where around a large, beautifully polished mahogany table many of the wits of the town, Harry Lee and Tom Purnell were two of the inveterates, sat and devoured Welsh rarebits and other things.
The house, too, could accommodate not a few lodgers, and one of its great charms was that nobody cared a button what time you retired to your couch or what time you ordered breakfast.
In these matters the Occidental resembled the limmers of the Billy Duff era and the lanes of my own dear subaltern days.
Parlor Cookery It was after the last-named days that whilst on tour with various dramatic combinations, more from necessity than art as far as I was concerned, that the first principles of parlor cookery became impregnated in mine understanding.
We were not all stars, although we did our best.
Salaries were, according to the advertisements, low but sure, and according to experiences by no means as sure as death or taxes.
The specter did not invariably assume his martial stalk of a Saturday, and cheap provincial lodgings do not hold out any extra inducement in the way of cookery.
So whilst we endured the efforts of the good landlady at the early dinner, some of us determined to dish up our own suppers.
For the true artist never really feels, or never used to feel at all events, like picking a bit until merely commercial folks have gone to bed.
Many a time, and oft with the aid of a cigar box, empty of course, a couple of books and an arrangement of plates, have I prepared a savory supper of mushrooms, toasted cheese, or a kebab of larks, or other small fowl in front of the fire.
More than once have I received notice to quit the next morning for grilling kidneys on the perforated portion of a handsome and costly steel fire shovel.
And by the time I had become sufficiently advanced in culinary science to stew tripe and onions in an enamel-lined saucepan, the property of the responsible gent, we began to give ourselves airs.
Landlady's ideas on the subject of supper for theatricals, it may be mentioned, seldom soared above yeast dumplings.
And few of us liked the name, even, of yeast dumplings.
But perhaps the champion effort of all was when I was sojourning in the good city of Carlisle, known to its inhabitants by the pet name of Canny Carl.
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A good lady was, for her sins, providing us with board and lodging in return for promised cash.
My then companion was a merry youth who afterwards achieved fame by writing the very funniest and one of the most successful of three-act farces that was ever placed upon the stage.
Now there is not much the matter with a good joint of ribs of beef roasted to a turn.
But when that beef is placed on the table hot for the Sunday dinner and cold at every succeeding meal until finished up, one's appetite for the flesh of the ox begins to slacken.
So we determined on the Wednesday night to strike for a tripe supper.
Indeed, protested the good landlady, you'll get nay tripe in this hoose, cannae men.
Have ye no got good beef, the noo? Late that night we had grilled bones for supper.
Not the ordinary grilled bones which you get in an eating house, but a vastly superior article.
We, or rather my messmate, cut a rib from off the aforementioned beef, scored the flesh across and placed the bone in the centre of a beautifully clear fire which had been specially prepared.
It was placed there by means of the tongs, a weapon of inestimable value in parlour cookery, and withdrawn by the same medium.
Some of the black wanted scraping off the surface of the meat, but the grill was a perfect dream.
The gubbins sauce already mentioned in this volume had not at that time been invented, but as I was never without a bottle of tap sauce, invaluable for parlour cookery, you can get it at Stembridge's, we had plenty of relish.
Then we severed another rib from the carcass and served it in the same manner, for it was winter time and we had wearied a frigid ox.
Next morning the landlady's face was a study.
I rather think that after some conversation we propitiated her with an order for two for the dress circle, but it is certain that we had tripe that evening.
An ideal supper in Milady's boudoir is associated in the writer's mind with rose-coloured draperies, dainty china, a cosy fire, a liberal display of lingerie, a strong perfume of heliotrope and orris root, and Milady herself.
When next she invites her friends she will kindly order the following repast to be spread.
Clear soup in cups, fillets of soles parisiennes, shod Freud of quails, barded sweetbreads, Perigord pate.
By way of contrast let me quote a typical supper dish which the poor player used to order when he could afford it.
Kidney dumpling.
Cut a large Spanish onion in half, take out the heart and substitute a sheep's kidney cut into four.
Season with salt and pepper, join the two halves and enclose in a paste.
Bake on a buttered tin in a moderate oven for about an hour.
N.B. Be sure the cook bakes this dumpling as it is not nice boiled.
An artistic friend who at one time of his life resided near the great horse-training centre of Middleham in Yorkshire gave a steak supper at the principal inn to some of the stable attendants.
The fare was highly approved of.
Best Scotch beef I ever put tooth into, observed the head lad at old Tom Lawson's stables.
Ah, returned the host, who was a bit of a wag.
Your beef was cut from a colt of Lord Glasgow's that was thought highly of at one time, and he was shot the day before yesterday.
And it was so, for Lord Glasgow never sold nor gave away a horse but had all his failures shot.
And then a great cry went up for brown brandy.
End of section 16.
Recording by Philip Gould.
Section 17 of Cakes and Ale.
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Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section 17.
Camping Out.
Thou didst eat strange flesh, which some did die to look on.
The intelligent reader may have gathered from some of the foregoing pages that the experiences of the writer have been of a variegated nature.
As an habitual follower of the turf once observed, When we're rich we rides in chases, and when we're broke we walks like Never mind what.
It was an evil man who said it, but he was a philosopher.
Dinner in the gilded saloon one day, and on the next no dinner at all, and the key of the street.
Such is life.
Those experiences do not embrace a mortal combat with a grizzly in the Rockies, nor a tramp through a miasma-laden forest in the darkest Africa, with nothing better to eat than poisonous fungi, assorted grasses, red ants, and dwarfs.
Nor yet a bullfight.
But they include roughing it in the bush, on underdone bread and scorched kangaroo, a tramp from Benares to the frontier of British India, another tramp or two some way beyond that frontier, a dreadful journey across the eternal snows of the Himalayas, a day's shooting in the Khyber Pass, a railway accident in Middlesex, a mad elephant—he had killed seven men, one of them blind—hunted Thayat Mew in British Burma, a fine snake anecdote or two, a night at Cambridge with an escaped lunatic, a tiger story, of course, and a capture for debt by an officer of the Sheriff of Pagu, with no other clothing on his body than a short jacket of gaily coloured silk and a loincloth.
My life's history is never likely to be written, chiefly through sheer laziness on my own part, and the absence of the gambling instinct on that of the average publisher.
But like the brown gentleman who smothered his wife, I have seen things.
In this chapter, no allusion will be made to upriver delights, the only idea of camping out which is properly understood by the majority of up-to-date young men and maidens, for this theme has been already treated, most comically and delightfully by Mr. Jerome in the funniest book I ever read.
My own camping experiences have been for the most part in foreign lands, though I have seen the sunrise whilst reclining beneath the royal trees in St. James' Park, and as this book is supposed to deal with gastronomy rather than adventure, a brief sketch of camp life must suffice.
On the march! What a time those who served the witty, by which disrespectful term our revered sovereign was not known in those days, used to have before the continent of India had been intersected by the railroad.
The absence of one's proper quantum of rest, the forced marches over Kutcha, imperfectly made by roads, the sudden changes of temperature, raids of the native thief, the troubles with bobbery camels, the still more exasperating behavior of the bale wallahs, bullock drivers, the awful responsibilities of the officer on baggage guard, on active duty, often in the saddle for fifteen hours at a stretch, the absolutely necessary cattle raids by the roadside.
All these things are well known to those who have undergone them, but are far too long another story to be related here.
As for the food partaken of during a march with the regiment, the bill of fare differed but little from that of the cantonments, but the officer who spent a brief holiday in a shooting expedition had to rough it in more ways than one.
There was plenty of game all over the continent in my youthful days, and the average shot need not have lacked a dinner, even if he had not brought with him a consignment of Europe provisions.
English bread was lacking, certainly, and biscuits, native or otherwise, otherwise for choice, as the bizarre article tasted principally of pincushions and the smoke of dried and lighted cow dung, or the ordinary chapati, the flat unleavened cake which the poor Indian manufactures for his own consumption.
Cold tea is by far the best liquid to carry, or rather to have carried for you, whilst actually shooting.
But the weary sportsman will require something more exciting and more poetical on his return to camp.
As for solid fare, it was usually pepper pot.
For dinner, day by day, we called it pepper pot.
That is to say, although it differed somewhat from the West Indian concoction of that name, for which the following is the recipe.
Put the remains of any cold flesh or fowl into a saucepan and cover with kesseripe, which has already been described in the curry chapter as extract of manioc root.
Heat up the stew and serve.
Our pepper pot was usually made in a gypsy kettle, suspended from a tripod.
The foundation of the stew was always a tin of some kind of soup, then a few goat chops, mutton is bad to buy out in the jungle, and then any bird or beast that may have been shot, divided into fragments.
I have frequently made a stew of this sort with so many ingredients in it that the flavor when served out at table, or on the bullock trunk, which often did duty for a table, would have beaten the wit of man to describe.
There was hare soup, and tilt, as the Scotsman said to the late Prince Concert, and a collop or two of buffalo beef with snipe, quails, and jungle fowl.
There were half the neck of an antelope, and a few sliced onions lurking within the bowl.
And there were potatoes in tilt, and plenty of pepper and salt.
And for lack of kesseripe, we've flavored the savory mess with mango chutney and tap sauce.
And if any cook, English or foreign, can concoct a more worthy dish than this, or more grateful to the palate, said cook can come my way.
The old Dac-Garry method of traveling in India may well come under the head of camping out.
In the hot weather we usually progressed, or got emptied into a ditch, or collided with something else during the comparative coolth of the night.
Resting, which in Hindustan usually means perspiring and calling the country names.
All day at one or the other of the Dac bungalows provided by a benevolent government for the use of the wandering sahib.
The larder at one of these rest houses was seldom well filled.
Although the kansama, who prostrated himself in the sand at your approach, would declare that he was prepared to supply everything which the protector of the poor might deign to order, it would be found on further inquiry that the kansama had, like the player queen in Hamlet, protested too much.
That he was a natural romancer, and his everything usually resolved into a spatchcock manufactured from the spectral rooster who had heralded the approach of the sahib's caravan.
A raja's idea of hospitality are massive.
Laboring under the belief that the white sahib, when not eating, must necessarily be drinking, the commissariat arrangements of rajadom are on a colossal scale for the chief benefit of his major domo.
I might have bathed in dry champagne had the idea been pleasing, whilst staying with a certain genial prince known to irreverent British subalterns as Old Coppertail, whilst the bedroom furniture was on the same liberal scale.
True, I lay on an ordinary native charpoy which might have been bought in the bazaar for a few annas, but there was a grand piano in one corner of the apartment and a boule cabinet containing rare china in another.
There was a colored print of the Governor-General over the doorway, and an oil painting of the Judgment of Solomon over the mantelshelf, and on a table within easy reach of the bed was a silver-plated dinner service decked with fruits and sweetmeats, and tins of salmon, and pots of guava jelly, and mixed pickles, and two tumblers, each of which would have easily held a week-old baby.
And there was a case of champagne beneath that table, with every appliance for cutting wires and extracting the corks.
Another time the writer formed one of a small party invited to share the hospitality of a potentate, whose estate lay on the snowy side of Simla.
The fleecy element, however, was not in evidence in June, the month of our visit, although towards December Simla herself is usually wrapped in the white mantle, and garrisoned by monkeys who have fled from the land of ice.
Tents had been erected for us in a barren-looking valley, somewhat famous, however, for the cultivation of potatoes.
There was an annual celebration of some sort the day after our arrival, and for breakfast that morning an al fresco meal had been prepared for us, almost within whispering distance of an heathen temple.
And it was a breakfast.
There was a turkey stuffed with a fowl to make the breast larger, and there was a Europe ham, a tin of lobster, a bottle of pickled walnuts, a dreadful concoction alleged to be an omelette, but looking more like the sole of a tennis shoe, potatoes, boiled eggs, a dish of Irish stew, a fry of small fish, a weird-looking curry, a young goat roasted whole, and a plum pudding.
The tea had hardly been poured out.
Kossoli beer, Epps cocoa, and of course champagne, and John X. Shaw's brandy were also on tap, when a gentleman with very little on proceeded to decapitate a goat at the foot of the temple steps.
This was somewhat startling, but when the presumed high priest chopped off the head of another bleeding victim, our meal was interrupted.
The executions had been carried out in very simple fashion.
First the priest sprinkled a little water on the neck of the victim, who was held in position by an assistant, and then retired up the steps.
Then, brandishing a small sickle, he rushed back in an instant off went the head, which was promptly carried reeking with gore within the temple.
But if, as happened more than once, the head was not sliced off at the initial attempt, it was left on the ground when decapitation had been at length affected.
The deity inside was evidently a bit particular.
Nine goats had been sacrificed ere our remonstrances were attended to, and we were allowed to pursue our meal in peace.
But I don't think anybody had goat for breakfast that morning.
Later on the fun of the fair commenced and the Paharis, or hillmen, trooped in from miles round with their sisters, cousins, and aunts.
Their wives, we imagined, were too busily occupied in carrying their accustomed loads of timber to and fro.
Your Himalayan delights in a fair and the numerous swings and roundabouts were all well patronized, whilst the jugglers and the snake charmers—in many instances it was difficult to tell at a glance which was charmer and which snake—were all well patronized.
Later on, when the lamps had been lit, a burra nach was started and the Bengali babus who had come all the way from Simla in dulis to be presented at this applauded vigorously, and our host, being in constant dread lest we should starve to death or expire of thirst, never tired of bidding us to a succession of banquets at which we simply went through the forms of eating to please him.
And just when we began to get sleepy, these simple hill folks commenced to dance amongst themselves.
They were just a little monotonous, their choreographic efforts.
Parties of men linked arms and sidled around fires of logs, singing songs of their mountain homes the while, and as they were evidently determined to make a night of it, sleep for those who understood not the game, with their tents close handy, was out of the question.
And when, as soon as we could take our departure decently and decorously, we started up the hill again, those doleful monotonous dances were still in progress, although the fires were out and the voices decidedly husky.
A native of the Himalayas is nothing if not energetic.
In his own interests, be it understood.
A few months later I formed one of a small party who embarked on a more important expedition than the last named, although we traversed the same road.
It is a journey which has frequently been made since, from Simla to Kashmir, going as far into the land of the great Lama as the inhabitants will allow the stranger to do, which is not very far.
But in the early sixties there were but few white men who had even skirted Tibet.
In the afternoon of life, when stirring the fire has become preferable to stirring adventure, it seems, to the writer at all events, very like an attempt at self-slaughter to have travelled so many hundreds of miles along narrow goat paths with a cooed precipice of thousands of feet on one side or the other, picking one's way, if on foot, over the frequent avalanche, or landslip as we called it in those days, of shale or granite, or if carried in a duli, which is simply a hammock attached by straps to a bamboo pole, running the risk of being propelled over a precipice by your heathen carriers.
It is not the pleasantest of sensations to cross a mountain torrent by means of a frail bridge, called a jula, of ropes made from twigs and stretched many feet above the torrent itself, nor to weather a corner whilst clinging tooth and nail to the face of a cliff.
And when there is any riding to be done Most people would prefer a hill pony to a yak, the native ox of Tibet.
By far the best part of a yak is his beautiful silky fleecy tail, which is largely used in Hindustan by dependents of governors general, commanders-in-chief, and other mighty ones for the discomfiture of the frequent fly.
Very little equestrian exercise on the back of a yak goes a long way, and if given my choice, I would sooner ride a stumbling cab horse in a saddle with spikes in it.
But those days were our salad ones.
We were not only green of judgment, but admirers of the beautiful and reckless of danger.
But it was decidedly roughing it.
As it is advisable to traverse that track as lightly laden as possible, we took but few Europe provisions with us, depending upon the villages for the most part for our supplies.
We usually managed to buy a little flour, wherewith to make the inevitable chupati, and at some of the cooperative stores en route, we obtained mutton of fair flavor.
We did not know in those days that flesh exposed to the air in the higher ranges of the Himalayas will not putrefy, else we should have doubtless made a species of biltong of the surplus meat to carry with us in case of any famine about.
So short commons frequently formed the bill of fare.
Our little stock of brandy was carefully husbanded against illness, and judging from the subsequent histories of two of the party, this was the most miraculous feature of the expedition.
For liquid refreshment, we had neat water and thé à la mode de Tibet.
Dr. Nansen in his book on the crossing of Greenland inveighs strongly against the use of alcohol on an Arctic expedition.
But I confess that the first time I tasted Tibet tea, I would have given both my ears for a soda and brandy.
The raw tea was compressed into the shape of a brick with the aid of, we did not inquire what.
Its infusion was drunk either cold or lukewarm, flavored with salt and a small lump of butter, which in any civilized police court would have gained the vendor a month's imprisonment without the option of a fine.
The people of the district were in the habit of gorging themselves with flesh when they could get it, and polyandry was another of their pleasant customs.
We saw one lady who was married to three brothers, but did not boast of it.
Tibet is probably the most priest-ridden country in the world, and ought to be the most religious, for the natives can grind out their prayers on wheels at short intervals in pretty much the same way as we grind our coffee in dear old England.
But we reached the promised land at last, and here at least there was no lack of food and drink.
Meat was cheap in those days, and one of the party, without any bargaining whatever, purchased a sheep for eight annas, or one shilling sterling.
Mutton is not quite as cheap at the time of writing of this book, eighteen ninety-seven, I believe.
But in the long ago, there were but few English visitors to the land of Lala Rukh, and those who did go had to obtain permission of the rajah through the British resident.
With improved transit and a railroad from Rangoon to Mandalay, matters gastronomic may be better in British Burma nowadays.
But in the course of an almost worldwide experience, I have never enjoyed food less than in Pagoda Land during the sixties.
And as a Burmese-built house was not a whit more comfortable than a tent, and far less waterproof, this subject may well be included in the chapter headed Camping Out.
Fruits there were, varied and plentiful, and if you only planted the crown of a pineapple in your compound one evening, you would probably find a decent-sized pineapple above ground next, well, next week.
At least so they told me when I arrived in the country.
This fruit, in fact, was so plentiful that we used to peel the pines and gnaw them, just like a schoolboy would gnaw the ordinary variety of apple.
But we had no mutton, not up the country, that is to say, and we were entirely dependent upon Madras for potatoes.
Therefore, as there was only a steamer once a month from Madras to Rangoon, which invariably missed the Irrawaddy monthly mailboat, we exiles had to content ourselves with yams or the abominable preserved earth apple.
The insects of the air wrestled with us at the mess table for food, and the man who did not swallow an evil-tasting fly of some sort in his soup was lucky.
As for the food of the Burman himself, absolutely beastly was no name for it.
Strips of catfish the color of beef were served at his marriage feasts, and he was especially fond of a condiment the name of which was pronounced nupi, although that is probably not the correct spelling.
And I never studied the language of that country, which was concocted from a smaller description of fish buried in the earth until decomposition had triumphed, and then mashed up with ghee, clarified and postponed butter.
There was certainly plenty of shooting to be obtained in the district, but as it rained in torrents for nine months in every year, the shooter required a considerable amount of nerve, and in addition to a buoyant suit, case-hardened lungs and throat.
And singularly enough, it was an established fact that if loaded for snipe, you invariably met a tiger or something else with sharp teeth, and vice versa.
Also, you were exceptionally fortunate if you did not step upon one of the venomous snakes of the country, of whom the hamadryad's bite was said to be fatal within five minutes.
I had omitted to mention that snake is also a favorite food of the Burman, and as I seldom went home of an evening without finding a rat snake or two in the veranda, or the armchair, the natives had snake for breakfast most days.
The rat snake is, however, quite harmless to life.
I have camped out in England once or twice, once with a select circle of gypsies the night before the derby.
I wished merely to study character, and after giving them a few words of the Romany dialect and a good deal of tobacco, I was admitted into their confidences.
But the experience gained was not altogether pleasing, nor yet edifying, nor did we have baked hedgehog for supper.
In fact, I have never yet met the gippo, most of them keep fowls, who will own to having tasted this bon bouche of the descriptive writer.
Possibly this is on account of the scarcity of the hedgehog.
Tea kettle broth, bread sopped in water, with a little salt and dripping to flavor the soup, on the other hand figures on most of the gypsy menus.
And upon one occasion, very early in the morning, another wanderer and the writer obtained much needed liquid refreshment by milking the yield of a Jersey cow into each other's mouths alternately.
But this was a long time ago, and in the neighborhood of Bagshot Heath, and it was somebody else's cow, so let no more be said about it.
I fear this chapter is not calculated to make many mouths water.
In fact, what in the world has brought it into the midst of a work on gastronomy I am at a loss to make out.
However, here it is.
End of section 17
Section 18 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
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The subject of punch is such an important one that it may be placed first on the list of dainty beverages which can be made by the art or application of man or woman.
First, let us take the origin of the word.
Dr. Kitchener, an acknowledged authority during his lifetime on all matters connected with eating and drinking, has laid it down that punch is of West Indian origin and that the word, when translated, means five, because there be five ingredients necessary in the concoction of the beverage.
But Dr. Kitchener and his disciples, of whom there be many, may go to the bottom of the cookery class, for although from the large connection which rum and limes have with the mixture there would seem to be a West Indian flavor about it, the word five, when translated into West Indianese, is nothing like punch.
Having satisfied themselves that this is a fact, modern authorities have tried the East Indies for the source of the name and have discovered that paunch in Hindustani really does mean five.
Therefore, says one modern authority, it is named punch from the five ingredients which compose it.
One spirit, two acid, three spice, four sugar, five water.
Another modern authority calls punch a beverage introduced into England from India and so called from being usually made of five Hindi paunch ingredients, arrak, tea, sugar, water, and lemon juice.
This sounds far more like an East Indian concoction than the other, but at the same time punch during the latter half of the 19th century, at all events, was as rare a drink in Hindustan as bang in Great Britain.
The paunch theory is an ingenious one, but there are plenty of other combinations, both liquid and solid, of five to which the word punch is never applied.
And about the last beverage recommended by the faculty for the consumption of the sojourner in the land of the great mogul would, I should think, be the entrancing, seductive one which we Britons know under the name of punch.
Moreover, it is not every punch concoctor who uses five ingredients.
In the minds of some youthful members of the stock exchange, for the most part, water is an altogether unnecessary addition to the alcoholic mixture, which is known by the above name.
And what manner of man would add spice to that delight of old Ireland, a jug of punch? On the other hand, in many recipes there are more than five ingredients used.
But after all, the origin of the name is of but secondary importance, as long as you make punch.
Therefore, we will commence with a few recipes for milk punch.
1.
Three bottles of rum.
The most delicately flavored rum is the liquid sunshine brand.
One bottle of sherry, thirteen pounds of loaf sugar, the rind of six lemons and the juice of twelve, one quart of boiling skimmed milk.
Mix together, let the mixture stand eight days, stirring it each day.
Strain and bottle and let it stand three months.
Then re-bottle and let the bottles lie on their sides in the cellar for two years to mature.
The flavor will be much better than if drunk after the first period of three months.
It is not everybody, however, who would care to wait two years, three months, and eight days for the result of his efforts in punch-making.
Therefore, another recipe may be appended, and in this one no close time is laid down for the consumption of the mixture.
Two, put into a bottle of rum or brandy the thinly pared rinds of three Seville oranges and three lemons.
Cork tightly for two days.
Rub off on two pounds of lump sugar the rinds of six lemons.
Squeeze the juice from the whole of the fruit over the two pounds of sugar.
Add three quarts of boiling water, one of boiling milk, half a teaspoonful of nutmeg, and mix all thoroughly well together until the sugar is dissolved.
Pour in the rum or brandy, stir and strain till clear.
Bottle closely.
There is more than one objection to this recipe.
One, rum and not brandy by itself should be used for milk punch.
Two, there is an intolerable amount of water.
And three, the nutmeg had better remain in the spice box.
Three, cut off the thin yellow rind of four lemons and a Seville orange, taking care not to include even a fragment of the white rind, and place in a basin.
Pour in one pint of Jamaica rum and let it stand, covered over twelve hours.
Then strain and mix with it one pint of lemon juice and two pints of cold water, in which one pound of sugar candy has been dissolved.
Add the whites of two eggs, beaten to a froth, three pints more of rum, one pint of Madeira, one pint of strong green tea, and a large wine glass full of maraschino.
Mix thoroughly and pour over all one pint of boiling milk.
Let the punch stand a little while and then strain through a jelly bag, and either use at once or bottle off.
Here let it be added, lest the precept be forgotten, that the very best materials are absolutely necessary for the manufacture of punch, as of other compound drinks.
In the above recipe, for instance, by Madeira is meant rare old East Indian and not Marsala, which wine in French kitchens is invariably used as the equivalent of Madeira.
There must be no inferior sherry, Gladstone claret, cheap champagne, nor potato brandy used for any of my recipes, or I will not be responsible for the flavor of the beverage.
The following is the best idea of a milk punch known to the writer.
Four.
Over the yellow rind of four lemons and one Seville orange, pour one pint of rum.
Let it stand covered over for twelve hours.
Strain and mix in two pints more of rum, one pint of brandy, one pint of sherry, half a pint of lemon juice, the expressed juice of a peeled pineapple, one pint of green tea, one pound of sugar dissolved in one quart of boiling water, the whites of two eggs beaten up, one quart of boiling milk.
Mix well, let it cool, and then strain through a jelly bag and bottle off.
This punch is calculated to make the epicure forget that he has just been partaking of conger eel broth instead of clear turtle.
Cambridge milk punch.
This is a fairly good boy's beverage, there being absolutely no offense in it.
Put the rind of half a lemon small into one pint of new milk with twelve lumps of sugar.
Boil very slowly for fifteen minutes, then remove from the fire.
Take out the lemon rind and mix in the yolk of one egg, which has been previously blended with one tablespoonful of cold milk, two tablespoonfuls of brandy, and four of rum.
Whisk all together, and when the mixture is frothed, it is ready to serve.
Oxford punch.
There is no milk in this mixture, which sounds like Ford Aram for the undergraduate who for the first time samples it.
Rub off the yellow rind of three lemons with half a pound of loaf sugar.
Put the result into a large jug with the yellow rind of one Seville orange, the juice of three Seville oranges and eight lemons, and one pint of liquefied calf's foot jelly.
Mix thoroughly, then pour over two quarts of boiling water, and set the jug on the hob for thirty minutes.
Strain the mixture into a punch bowl, and when cool, add one small bottle of capilaire, an infusion of maiden hair fern flavored with sugar and orange flower water, one pint of brandy, one pint of rum, half a pint of dry sherry, and one quart of orange shrub, a mixture of orange peel, juice, sugar, and rum.
After drinking this, the young student will be in a fit state to sally forth with his fellows and draw a dean or drown an amateur journalist.
I have a very old recipe in MS for Bischoff, which I take to be the original of the better known beverage called Bishop, for the manufacture of which I have also directions.
For the sake of comparison, I give the two.
Bischoff.
Cut into four parts each, three Seville oranges, and slightly score the rinds across with a sharp knife.
Roast the quarters lightly before a slow fire, and put them into a bowl with two bottles of claret, with a little cinnamon and nutmeg.
Infuse this mixture over a slow heat for five or six hours, then pass it through a jelly bag and sweeten.
It may be drunk hot or cold, but in any case must never be allowed to boil.
Bishop.
Two drachmas each of cloves, mace, ginger, cinnamon, and allspice, boiled in half a pint of water for thirty minutes.
Strain.
Put a bottle of port in a saucepan over the fire, add the spiced infusion, and add a lemon stuffed with six cloves.
Whilst this is heating gradually—it must not boil—take four ounces of loaf sugar and with the lumps grate off the outer rind of a lemon into a punch bowl.
Add the sugar and juice and the hot wine, etc.
Add another bottle of port and serve either hot or cold.
I am prepared to lay a shade of odds on the op against the off.
Another old recipe has been quoted in some of my earlier public efforts under different names.
I have improved considerably upon the proportion of the ingredients and now hand the whole back under the name of Halo Punch.
With a quarter pound of loaf sugar rub off the outer rind of one lemon and two Seville oranges.
Put rind and sugar into a large punch bowl with the juice and pulp.
Mix the sugar well with the juice and one teacupful of boiling water and stir till cold.
Add half a pint of pineapple syrup, one pint of strong green tea, a claret glassful of maraschino, a smaller glassful of Moyo, half a pint of white rum, one pint of brandy and one bottle of champagne.
Strain and serve having, if necessary, added more sugar.
Note well the proportions.
This is the same beverage which some Cleveland friends of mine, having read the recipe, thought boiling would improve.
The result was, well, a considerable amount of chaos.
Glasgow Punch The following is from Peter's Letters to his Kinfolk and is from the pen of John Gibson Lockhart.
The sugar being melted with a little cold water, the artist squeezed about a dozen lemons through a wooden strainer and then poured in water enough almost to fill the bowl.
In this state the liquor goes by the name of sherbet, and a few of the connoisseurs in his immediate neighborhood were requested to give their opinion of it, for in the mixing of the sherbet lies, according to the Glasgow creed, at least one half of the whole battle.
This being approved of by an audible smack from the lips of the umpires, the rum was added to the beverage, I suppose in something about the proportion from one to seven.
Does this mean one of sherbet and seven of rum, or the converse? Last of all the maker cut a few limes and running each section rapidly round the rim of his bowl, squeezed in enough of this more delicate acid to flavor the whole composition.
In this consists the true tour de maitre of the punch maker.
Well possibly, but it seems a plainish sort of punch, and unless the rum be allowed to preponderate, most of us would be inclined to call the mixture lemonade.
And I do not believe that since Glasgow has been a city its citizens ever drank much of that.
A few more punches and then an anecdote.
Ale Punch One quart of mild ale in a bowl, add one wine glassful of brown sherry, the same quantity of old brandy, a tablespoonful of sifted sugar, the peel and juice of one lemon, a grate of nutmeg and an iceberg.
N.B. Do not insert old ale by mistake, and for my part I think it a mistake to mix John Barleycorn with wine, except champagne and spirits.
Barbados Punch A tablespoonful of raspberry syrup, a ditto of sifted sugar, a wine glassful of water, double that quantity of brandy, half a wine glassful of guava jelly, liquid, the juice of half a lemon, two slices of orange, one slice of pineapple in a long tumbler.
Ice and shake well and drink through straws.
Curacoa Punch Put into a large tumbler one tablespoonful of sifted sugar, one wine glassful of brandy, the same quantity of water, half a wine glassful of Jamaica rum, a wine glassful of curacoa and the juice of half a lemon.
Fill the tumbler with crushed ice, shake and drink through straws.
Grasso Punch This has nothing to do with warm asparagus, so have no fear.
It is simply another big tumbler mixture of one wine glassful of brandy, a liqueur glassful of curacoa, a squeeze of lemon, two teaspoonful sugar, one of syrup of strawberries, one wine glassful of water and the thin rind of a lemon.
Fill up the tumbler with crushed ice, shake and put slices of ripe apricots atop.
Drink how you like.
Most of the above are hot weather beverages and the great beauty of some of them will be found in the small quantity of water in the mixture.
Here is a punch which may be drunk in any weather and either hot or cold.
Regent Punch Pour into a bowl a wine glassful of champagne, the same quantities of hock, curacoa, rum and madeira.
Mix well and add a pint of boiling tea sweetened.
Stir well and serve.
Apropos of the derivation of punch, I was unaware until quite recently that Messrs. Bradbury's and Agnew's little paper had any connection therewith, but I was assured by one who knew all about it that such was the case.
What I exclaimed? How can the London charivari possibly have anything to do with this most seductive of beverages? My dear fellow was the reply, have you never heard of Mark Lemon? I turned to smite him hip and thigh, but the jester had fled.
And now a word or two as to toddy.
One of the authorities quoted in the punch difficulty declares that toddy is also an Indian drink.
So it is, but that drink no more resembles what is known in more civilized lands as toddy than I resemble the late King Solomon.
The palm sap which the poor Indian distills into arrack and occasionally drinks in its natural state for breakfast after risking his neck in climbing trees to get it can surely have no connection with hot whiskey and water.
Yet the authority says so, but he had best be careful ere he promulgates his theory in the presence of Scotsmen and others who possess special toddy glasses.
This is how I make whiskey toddy.
The Irish call this whiskey punch, but do not let us wrangle over the name.
Into an ordinary-sized tumbler which has been warmed, put one average lump of sugar, a ring of thin lemon peel, and a silver teaspoon.
Fill the tumbler one quarter full of water as near boiling point as possible.
Cover over until the sugar be dissolved and peel be infused.
Then add one wine glass full, not a small one, of the best whiskey you can find.
The Poloch brand and the RB are both excellent.
Then drink the toddy or punch, for should you attempt to add any more water, you will incur the lifelong contempt of every Irishman or Scotsman who may be in the same room.
If Irish whiskey be used, of course, you will select John Jameson.
Twix't ale flip and egg flip, there is not much more difference than twix't Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
Both are equally moorish on a cold evening, and no Christmas Eve is complete without a jug of one or the other.
Ale flip.
Pour into a saucepan three pints of mild ale, one tablespoonful of sifted sugar, a blade of mace, a clove, and a small piece of butter, and bring the liquor to a boil.
Beat up in a basin the white of one egg and the yolks of two, mixed with about a wine glass full of cold ale.
Mix all together in the saucepan, then pour into a jug and thence into another jug from a height for some minutes to froth the flip thoroughly, but do not let it get cold.
Egg flip.
Heat one pint of ale and pour into a jug.
Add two eggs, beaten with three ounces of sugar, and pour the mixture from one jug to the other as in the preceding recipe.
Grate a little nutmeg and ginger over the flip before serving.
Were I to ask, what is a peg? I should probably be told that a peg was something to hang something or somebody else on, or that it was something to be driven through or into something else.
And the latter would be the more correct answer, for at the time of my sojourn in the great continent of India, a peg meant a large brandy and soda.
At that time whiskey was but little known in Punkah land, and was only used high up in the Punjab during the cold weather.
And it is cold occasionally in that region, where for some months they are enabled to make ice, but that is une autre histoire.
Rum I once tasted at Simla, and gin will be dealt with presently.
But since the visit of HRH the Prince of Wales, a peg has always signified a whiskey and soda.
And yet we have not heard of any particular decrease in the death rate.
Despite what those who have only stayed a month or two in the country have committed to print, alcohol is not more fatal in a tropical country than a temperate one.
But you must not overdo your alcohol.
I have seen a gay young spark, a fine soldier and over six feet in height, drink eight pegs of a morning ere he got out of bed.
There was no such thing as a split soda or a split brandy either in those days.
We buried him in the Bay of Bengal just after a cyclone on our way home.
By the way, the real meaning of peg was said to be the peg or nail driven into the coffin of the drinker every time he partook.
And the coffin of many an Anglo-Indian of my acquaintance was all nails.
A John Collins is simply a gin sling with a little curasoa in it.
That is to say, soda water, a slice of lemon, curasoa and gin.
But by altering the proportions, this can be made a very dangerous potion indeed.
The officers of a certain regiment, which shall be nameless, were in the habit of putting this potion on tap after dinner on a guest night.
It was a point of honor in those evil, though poetical times, to send no guest empty away.
And more than one of those entertained by this regiment used to complain next morning at breakfast, a peg or a swizzle and a hot pickle sandwich, of the escape of Private John Collins from the regimental guard room.
For towards dawn there would not be much soda water in that potion, which was usually served hot at that hour.
End of section 18.
Section 19.
Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
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For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Betty B. Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Section 19.
Cups and Cordials Can any mortal mixture breathe such divine enchanting ravishment? The evil that men do lives after them.
I suppose there are almost as many recipes for claret cup as for a cold in the head.
And of the many it is probable that the greater proportion will produce a cup which will neither cheer nor inebriate, for the simple reason that nobody who was not inebriated already would be physically capable of drinking enough of it.
Let us first of all take the late Mr. Donald's recipe for claret cup.
A.
One bottle claret, one wine glass full fine pale brandy, one half wine glass full chartreuse yellow, one half wine glass full curacoa, one fourth wine glass full maraschino, two bottles soda or seltzer, one lemon cut in thin slices, a few sprigs of borage, not much, ice and sugar to taste.
Here is a less expensive recipe.
B.
Put into a bowl the rind of one lemon pared very thin.
Add some sifted sugar and pour over it a wine glass full of sherry.
Then add a bottle of claret, more sugar to taste, a sprig of verbena, one bottle of aerated water, and a grated nutmeg.
Strain and ice it well.
Once more let the fact be emphasized that the better the wine, spirit, etc., the better the cup.
Here is a good cup for Ascot, when the sun is shining and you are entertaining the fair sex.
C.
Put in a large bowl three bottles of claret.
St. Estephe is the stamp of wine.
A wine glass full large of curacoa, a pint of dry sherry, half a pint of old brandy, a large wine glass full of raspberry syrup, three oranges and one lemon cut into slices.
Add a few sprigs of borage and a little cucumber rind.
Two bottles of seltzer water and three bottles of Stretton water.
Mix well and sweeten.
Let it stand for an hour and then strain.
Put in a large block of ice and a few whole strawberries.
Serve in small tumblers.
Another way and a simpler.
D. Pour into a large jug one bottle of claret.
Add two wine glassfuls of sherry and half a glass of maraschino.
Add a few sliced nectarines or peaches and sugar to taste, about a tablespoon full and a half.
Let it stand till the sugar is dissolved, then put in a sprig of borage.
Just before using add one bottle of Stretton water and a large piece of ice.
My ideal claret cup, E.
Two bottles Pontet Canet, two wine glassfuls old brandy, one wine glassful curacoa, one pint bottle sparkling Moselle, two bottles aerated water, a sprig or two of borage and a little lemon peel.
Sugar ad lib, one cup will not require much.
Add the Moselle and pop water just before using, then put in a large block of ice.
Those who have never tried can have no idea of the zest which a small proportion of Moselle lends to a claret cup.
My earliest recollection of a cup dates from old croqueting days beneath Henry's holy shade on a match day, as poor old Spanky used to phrase it, a day on which that prince of philosophers and confectioners sold his wares for cash only.
Not that he had anything to do with the compounding of the cider cup.
Toast a slice of bread and put it at the bottom of a large jug.
Grate over the toast nearly half a small nutmeg and a very little ginger.
Add a little thin lemon rind and six lumps of sugar.
Then add two wine glasses of sherry and, if for adults, one of brandy.
If for boys, the brandy and the sherry will suffice.
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Add also the juice of a small lemon, two bottles of lively water, and last of all three pints of cider.
Mix well, pop in a few sprigs of borage and a block or two of ice.
Remember once more that the purer the cider, the better will be the cup.
There is an infinity of bad cider in the market.
There used to be a prejudice against the fermented juice of the apple for all who have gouty tendencies.
But as a toe martyr myself, I can bear testimony to the harmlessness of the natural Norfolk cider made at Attleborough, in the which is no touch of podagra.
For a good champagne cup, vide claret cup A, substituting the sparkling for the ruby, the ingredients are precisely the same.
A nice harmless beverage suitable for a tennis party, or to accompany the light refreshments served at a Cinderella dance, or at the breaking up party at a lady's school, is Chablis cup.
Dissolve four or five lumps of sugar in a quarter of a pint of boiling water, and put it into a bowl with a very thin slice of lemon rind.
Let it stand for half an hour, then add a bottle of Chablis, a sprig of verbena, a wine glass full of sherry, and half a pint of water.
Mix well and let the mixture stand for a while, then strain.
Add a bottle of seltzer water, a few strawberries or raspberries, and a block of ice.
Serve in small glasses.
Balaclava cup.
Claret to right of them, simpkin to left of them, cup worth a hundred.
Get a large bowl to represent the valley, which only the more rabid abstainer would call the valley of death.
You will next require a small detachment of thin lemon rind, about two tablespoonfuls of sifted sugar, the juice of two lemons, and half a cucumber, cut into thin slices with the peel on.
Let all these ingredients skirmish about within the bowl.
Then bring up your heavy cavalry in the shape of two bottles of Château something and one of the best champagne you have got.
Last of all, unmask your soda water battery.
Two bottles will be sufficient.
Ice and serve in tumblers.
Crimean Cup This is a very serious affair.
So was the war.
The cup, however, leads to more favorable results and does not, like the campaign, leave a bitter taste in the mouth.
Here are the ingredients.
One quart of syrup of orgeat to make this V next recipe.
One pint and a half of old brandy, half a pint of maraschino, one pint of old rum, two large and one small bottles of champagne, three bottles of seltzer water, half a pound of sifted sugar, and the juice of five lemons.
Peel the lemons and put the thin rind in a mortar with the sugar.
Pound them well and scrape the result with a silver spoon into a large bowl.
Squeeze in the juice of the lemons, add the seltzer water, and stir till the sugar is quite dissolved.
Then add the orgeat and whip the mixture well with a whisk so as to whiten it.
Add the maraschino, rum, and brandy, and strain the whole into another bowl.
Just before the cup is required, put in the champagne and stir vigorously with a punch ladle.
The champagne should be well iced as no apparent ice is allowable in this mixture.
Orgeat Blanch and pound three quarters of a pound of sweet almonds and thirty bitter almonds in one tablespoonful of water.
Stir in by degrees two pints of water and three pints of milk.
Strain the mixture through a cloth.
Dissolve half a pound of loaf sugar in one pint of water.
Boil and skim well, and then mix with the almond water.
Add two tablespoons of orange flower water and half a pint of old brandy.
Be careful to boil the eau sucrée well, as this concoction must not be too watery.
Ascot Cup Odds can be laid freely on this, and the host should stay away from the temptations of the betting ring on purpose to make it.
And, parenthetically be it observed, the man who has no soul for cup making should never entertain at a race meeting.
The servants will have other things to attend to, and even if they have not, it should be remembered that a cup or a punch, like a salad, should always, if possible, be mixed by someone who is going to partake of the same.
Dissolve six ounces of sugar in half a pint of boiling water.
Add the juice of three lemons, one pint of old brandy, a wine glass of cherry brandy, a wine glass full of maraschino, half a wine glass full of yellow chartreuse, two bottles of champagne.
All these should be mixed in a large silver bowl.
Add a few sprigs of borage, a few slices of lemon, half a dozen strawberries, half a dozen brandied cherries, and three bottles of seltzer water.
Put the bowl, having first covered it over, into the refrigerator for one hour, and before serving, put a small iceberg into the mixture, which should be served in little tumblers.
How many people, I wonder, are aware that champagne and Guinness stout make one of the best combinations possible? You may search the wide, wide world for a cookery book which will give this information, but the mixture is both grateful and strengthening, and is, moreover, far to be preferred to what is known as rich man's shandygaff, which is a mixture of champagne and ale.
The old Irishman said that the blackguard should never be placed atop of the gentleman, intending to convey the advice that ale should not be placed on the top of champagne.
But the black draft indicated just above is well worth attention.
It should be drunk out of a pewter tankard and especially recommended as a between-the-acts refresher for the amateur actor.
Ale Cup Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a round of hot toast.
Lay on it a thin piece of the rind, a tablespoonful of pounded sugar, a little grated nutmeg, and a sprig of balm.
Pour over these one glass of brandy, two glasses of sherry, and three pints of mild ale.
Do not allow the balm to remain in the mixture many minutes.
One of the daintiest of beverages is a Moselle Cup.
Ingredients, one bottle of Moselle, one glass of brandy, four or five thin slices of pineapple, the peel of half a lemon cut very thin, ice and sugar ad lib.
Just before using, add one bottle of sparkling water.
Sherry Cobbler Although a popular drink in America is but little known on this side of the Atlantic.
Place in a soda water tumbler two wine glassfuls of sherry, one tablespoonful of sifted sugar, and two or three slices of orange.
Fill the tumbler with crushed ice and shake well.
Drink through straws.
Champagne Cobbler Put into a large tumbler one tablespoonful of sifted sugar with a thin pairing of lemon and orange peel.
Fill the tumbler one-third full of crushed ice and the remainder with champagne.
Shake and ornament with a slice of lemon and a strawberry or two.
Drink through straws.
Home Ruler This was a favorite drink at the bars of the House of Commons during the reign of the uncrowned king.
It was concocted of the yolks of two raw eggs, well beaten, a little sugar added, then a tumbler of hot milk taken gradually into the mixture, and last of all a large wine glassful of J.J. whiskey.
Cordials In treating of cordials it is most advisable that they be homemade.
The bulk of the cherry brandy, ginger brandy, etc., which is sold over the counter is made with inferior brandy, and frequently the operation of blending the virtue of the fruit With the spirit has been hurried.
We will commence with the discussion of the favorite cordial of all, cherry brandy.
This can either be made from black Gian cherries or Morellis, but the latter are better for the purpose.
Every pound of cherries will require one quarter of a pound of white sugar and one pint of the best brandy.
The cherries, with the sugar well mixed with them, should be placed in wide-mouth bottles, filled up with brandy, and if the fruit be previously pricked, the mixture will be ready in a month.
But a better blend is procured if the cherries are untouched, and this principle holds good with all fruit treated in this way and left corked for at least three months.
Slow gin.
For years, the slow, which is the fruit of the blackthorn, was used in England for no other purpose than the manufacture of British port.
But at this end of the 19th century, the public have been, and are, taking kindly to the cordial, which for a long time had been despised as an old wife's drink.
As a matter of fact, it is just as tasty and almost as luscious as cherry brandy.
But since slow gin became fashionable, it has become almost impossible for dwellers within 20 or 30 miles of London to make the cordial at home.
For slows fetch something like sixpence or sevenpence a pound in the market, and in consequence the hedgerows are raided by the otherwise unemployed, the fruit being usually picked before the proper time, i.e. when the frost has been on it.
The manufacture of slow gin is as simple as that of cherry brandy.
All that is necessary to be done is to allow one pound of sugar, white, to one pound of slows.
Half fill a bottle, which need not necessarily be a wide-mouthed one, with sugared fruit and top up with gin.
If the slows have been pricked, the liquor will be ready for use in two or three months, but do not hurry it.
In a year's time the gin will have eaten all the goodness out of the unpricked fruit, and it is in this gradual blending that the secret, as before observed, of making these cordials lies.
As a rule, if you call for slow gin at a licensed house of entertainment, you will get a ruby-coloured liquid, tasting principally of gin, and not good gin at that.
This is because the making has been hurried.
Properly matured slow gin should be the colour of full-bodied port wine.
Apricot brandy.
This is a cordial which is but seldom met with in this country.
To every pound of fruit, which should not be quite ripe, allow one pound of loaf sugar.
Put the apricots into a preserving pan with sufficient water to cover them.
Let them boil up and then simmer gently until tender.
Remove the skins, clarify and boil the sugar, then pour it over the fruit.
Let it remain 24 hours.
Then put the apricots into wide-mouthed bottles and fill them up with syrup and brandy, half and half.
Cork them tightly with the tops of cork sealed.
This apricot brandy should be prepared in the month of July and kept 12 months before using.
Highland cordial.
Here's another rare old recipe.
Ingredients, one pint of white currants, stripped of their stalks, the thin rind of a lemon, one teaspoonful of essence of ginger, and one bottle of old Scotch whisky.
Let the mixture stand for 48 hours and then strain through a hair sieve.
Add one pound of loaf sugar, which will take at least a day to thoroughly dissolve.
Then bottle off and cork well.
It will be ready for use in three months, but will keep longer.
Bitters.
One ounce of Seville orange peel, half an ounce of gentian root, a quarter of an ounce of cardamoms.
Husk the cardamoms and crush them with the gentian root.
Put them in a wide-mouthed bottle and cover with brandy or whisky.
Let the mixture remain for 12 days, then strain and bottle off for use, after adding one ounce of lavender drops.
Ginger brandy.
Bruise slightly two pounds of black currants and mix them with one ounce and a half of ground ginger.
Pour over them one bottle and a half of best brandy, and let the mixture stand for two days.
Strain off the liquid and add one pound of loaf sugar, which has been boiled to a syrup in a little water.
Bottle and cork closely.
Jumping powder.
Comes in very handy on a raw morning after you have ridden a dozen miles or so to a lawn meet.
No breakfast, thanks, just a wee nip, that's all, and the ever-ready butler hands round the tray.
If you are wise, you will declare on orange brandy, which as a rule is well worth sampling in a house important enough to entertain hunting men.
An orange brandy goes much better than any other liqueur or cordial before noon.
It should be made in the month of March.
Take the thin rinds of six Seville oranges and put them into a stone jar, with half a pint of the strained juice, and two quarts of good old brandy.
Let it remain three days, then add one pound and a quarter of loaf sugar, broken not pounded, and stir till the sugar is dissolved.
Let the liqueur stand a day, strain it through paper till quite clear, pour into bottles and cork tightly.
The longer it is kept, the better.
Mandragora.
Can't sleep? Eh, what? Not after a dry chapter on liquids? Drink this and you will not require any rocking.
Simmer half a pint of old ale, and just as it is about to boil, pour it into a tumbler.
Grate a little nutmeg over it, and add a teaspoonful of moist sugar, and two tablespoonfuls of brandy.
Good night, Hamlet.
End of section nineteen.
Section twenty of Cakes and Ale.
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Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section twenty, The Daylight Drink.
Something too much of this.
A nipping and an eager air.
Whilst holding the same opinion as the epicure who declared that good eating required good drinking, there is no question but that there should be a limit to both.
There is, as Shakespeare told us, a tide in the affairs of man, so why should there not be in this particular affair? Why should it be only ebb tide during the few hours that the man is wrapped in the arms of a bacchanalian Morpheus, either in bed or in custody? The abuse of good liquor is surely as criminal a folly as the abstention therefrom, and the man who mixes his liquors injudiciously lacks that refinement of taste and understanding which is necessary for the appreciation of a good deal of this book, or indeed of any other useful volume.
Our grandfathers swore terribly and drank deep, but their fun did not commence until after dinner.
And they drank, for the most part, the best of ale and such port wine as is not to be had in these days of free trade, which is only a euphemism for adulteration and motor cars.
Although mine own teeth are periodically set on edge by the juice of the grape consumed by an ancestor or two, although the gout within me is a heritage from the three, ay, and four bottle era, I respect mine ancestors in that they knew not gin and bitters.
The baleful habit of alkalizing the inner sinner between mealtimes, the pernicious habit of dram drinking or nipping from early morn till dewy eve, was not introduced into our cities until the latter half of the nineteenth century had set in.
Brandy and soda, at first only used as a livener, and a deadly livener it is, was unknown during the early Victorian era, and the gin crawl, that interminable slouch around the hostelries, is a rank growth of modernity.
The nipping habit came to us, with other pernicious notions, from across the Atlantic Ocean.
It was Brother Jonathan who established the bar system, and although for the most part throughout Great Britain the alcohol is dispensed by young ladies with fine eyes and a great deal of adventitious hair, and the barkeep with his big watch chain and his guns placed within easy reach for quick-shooting saloon practice is unknown on this side, the hurt of the system, to employ an Americanism, gets there just the same.
There is not the same amount of carousing in the British army as in the days when I was a gilded popinjay, in the language of Mr. John Burns, a five-and-tuppenny assassin, in the words of somebody else.
In those days the use of alcohol, if not absolutely encouraged for the use of the subaltern, was winked at by his superiors as long as the subalterns were not on duty or on the line of march, and I don't know so much about the line of march either.
But with any orderly or responsible duty to be done, the beverage of heroes was not admired.
Now mind, once observed our revered colonel in the anteroom after dinner, none of you young officers get seeing snakes and things, or otherwise rendering yourselves unfit for service, or I'll try the lot of you by court-martial.
I will buy.
Here the adjutant let the regimental bible drop with a bang.
Tea is the favorite anteroom refreshment nowadays, when the officer, young or old, is always either on duty or at school, and the education of the modern warrior is never completed.
But the civilian, sing ho the wicked civilian, is a reveler, and a wine-bibber for the most part.
Very little business is transacted except over what is called a friendly glass.
I want seven hundred and forty-five from you, old chappie, says Reggie the Beers of the house on settling day.
Right, replies his friend young Berthas.
Toss you double or quits.
Down with it.
And it would be a cold day were not a magnum or two of the boy to be opened over the transaction.
The cheap eating housekeeper who has spent his morning at the market cheapening a couple of pigs or a dozen scraggy fowls will have spent double the money he has saved in the bargain in rum and sixpenny ale ere he gets home again.
And even a wholesale deal in evening journals between two youths in the street requires to be wetted.
Very sad, is it not? But as anything which I, who am popularly supposed to be something resembling a roisterer, but who am in reality one of the most discreet of those who enjoy life, can write is not likely to work a change in the system which obtains amongst English-speaking nations, perhaps the sooner I get on with the program the better.
Later on I may revert to the subject.
Amongst daylight and midnight for the matter of that drinks, the cocktail, that fascinating importation from dollar land, holds a prominent place.
This is a concoction for which, with American bars all over the metropolis, the cockney does not really require any recipe.
But as I trust to have some country readers, a few directions may be appended.
Brandy cocktail.
One wine glass full of old brandy, six drops of Angostura bitters, and twenty drops of curacao in a small tumbler.
All cocktails should be made in a small silver tumbler.
Shake and pour into glass tumbler, then fill up with crushed ice.
Put a shred of lemon peel atop.
Champagne cocktail.
One teaspoon full of sifted sugar, ten drops of Angostura bitters, a small slice of pineapple, and a shred of lemon peel.
Strain into glass tumbler, add crushed ice, and as much champagne as the tumbler will hold.
Mix with a spoon.
Bengal cocktail.
Fill tumbler half full of crushed ice.
Add thirty drops of maraschino, one tablespoon full of pineapple syrup, thirty drops of curacao, six drops of Angostura bitters, one wine glass full of old brandy.
Stir and put a shred of lemon peel atop.
Milford cocktail.
Dedicated to Mr. Jersey.
Put into a half pint tumbler a couple of lumps of best ice, one teaspoon full of sifted sugar, one teaspoon full of orange bitters, half a wine glass full of brandy.
Top up with bottled cider and mix with a spoon.
Serve with a strawberry and a sprig of verbena atop.
Manhattan cocktail.
Half a wine glass full of vermouth, Italian, half a wine glass full of rye whiskey, according to the American recipe, though personally I prefer Scotch, ten drops of Angostura bitters, and six drops of curacao.
Add ice, shake well, and strain.
Put a shred of lemon peel atop.
Yum yum cocktail.
Break the yolk of a new laid egg into a small tumbler and put a teaspoon full of sugar on it, then six drops of Angostura bitters, a wine glass full of sherry, and half a wine glass full of brandy.
Shake all well together and strain.
Dust a very little cinnamon over the top.
Gin cocktail.
Ten drops of Angostura bitters, one wine glass full of gin, ten drops of curacao, one shred of lemon peel.
Fill up with ice, shake, and strain.
Newport cocktail.
Put two lumps of ice and a small slice of lemon into the tumbler, add six drops of Angostura bitters, half a wine glass full of Noilly Prat, and a wine glass full of brandy.
Stir well and serve with peel atop.
Saratoga cocktail.
This is a more important affair and requires a large tumbler for the initial stage.
One teaspoon full of pineapple syrup, ten drops of Angostura bitters, one teaspoon full of maraschino, and a wine glass full of old brandy.
Nearly fill the tumbler with crushed ice and shake well.
Then place a couple of strawberries in a small tumbler, strain the liquid on them, put in a strip of lemon peel, and top up with champagne.
Whiskey cocktail.
Put into a small tumbler ten drops of Angostura bitters and one wine glass full of Scotch whiskey.
Fill the tumbler with crushed ice, shake well, strain into a large wine glass, and place a strip of peel atop.
But the ordinary British bar cuddler, as he is called in the slang of the day, reeks not of cocktails, nor indeed of Colombian combinations of any sort.
He has his own particular vanity and frequently a pet name for it.
Gin and angry story, Angostura, slow and old, slow gin and old Tom, pony a Burton please miss, are a few of the demands the attentive listener may hear given.
Orange gin, gin and orange gin, gin and sherry, oh bile where is thy sting, are favorite midday refreshers, and I have heard a well-known barrister call for a split Worcester, a small wine glass full of Worcester sauce with a split soda, without a smile on his expressive countenance.
Small lemon dash is a favorite summer beverage, and with all, a harmless one, consisting of a small bottle of lemonade with about an eighth of a pint of bitter ale added thereto.
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In one old-fashioned hostelry I wot of, the same in which the chair of the late Dr. Samuel Johnson is on view, customers who require to be stimulated with gin call for wreck, and Irish whiskey is known by none other name than cork.
The habitual bar-cuddler usually rubs his hands violently together as he requests a little attention from the presiding hebe.
And affects a sort of shocked surprise at the presence on the scene of any one of his friends or acquaintances.
He is well up, too, in the slang phraseology of the day, which he will ride to death on every available opportunity.
Full well do I remember him in the how's your poor feet era, and it seems but yesterday that he was informing the company in assertive tones, now we shan't be long.
The free lunch idea of the Yankees is only thoroughly carried out in the north country, where at the best hotels there is often a great bowl of soup or a dish of jagged hair or of Irish stew pro bono publico, and by publico is implied the hotel directorate as well as the customers.
In London, however, the free lunch seldom soars above salted almonds, coffee beans, cloves with biscuits and American cheese.
But at most refreshment houses is to be obtained for cash some sort of a restorative sandwich or bonne bouche, in which anchovies and hard-boiled eggs play leading parts, and amongst other restorative food I have noticed that parallelograms of cold Welsh rarebit are exceedingly popular amongst wine travellers and advertisement agents.
The genius who propounded the statement that there is nothing like leather could surely never have sampled a cold Welsh rarebit.
Bosom caresser.
Put into a small tumbler one wine glass full of sherry, half a wine glass full of old brandy, the yolk of an egg, two teaspoonfuls of sugar, and two grains of cayenne pepper.
Add crushed ice, shake well, strain, and dust over with nutmeg and cinnamon.
A nicobine, or nicobine as I have seen it spelt, used to be a favourite short drink in Malta, and consisted of the yolk of an egg, intact, in a wine glass with layers of curacao, maraschino, and green chartreuse, the liquors not allowed to mix with one another.
The nicobine recipe differs materially from this as brandy is substituted for chartreuse, and the ingredients are shaken up and strained, the white of the egg being whisked and placed atop.
But either way, you will get a good bile-provoking mixture.
In the West Indies, if you thirst for rum and milk, coconut milk is the only ware, and a very delicious potion it is.
A favourite mixture in Jamaica was the juice of a star apple, the juice of an orange, a wine glass full of sherry, and a dust of nutmeg.
I never heard a name given to this.
Bull's milk.
This is a comforting drink for summer or winter.
During the latter season, instead of adding ice, the mixture may be heated.
One teaspoonful of sugar in a large tumbler, half a pint of milk, half a wine glass full of rum, a wine glass full of brandy, add ice, shake well, strain and powder with cinnamon and nutmeg.
Fairy kiss.
Put into a small tumbler the juice of a quarter of lemon, a quarter of a wine glass full each of the following.
Vanilla syrup, curacao, yellow chartreuse, brandy.
Add ice, shake and strain.
Flash of lightning.
One third of a wine glass full each of the following in a small tumbler.
Raspberry syrup, curacao, brandy, and three drops of angostura bitters.
Add ice, shake and strain.
Flip flap.
One wine glass full of milk in a small tumbler, one well beaten egg, a little sugar, and a wine glass full of port.
Ice, shake, strain and sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg.
Maiden's blush.
Half a wine glass full of sherry in a small tumbler, a quarter of a wine glass full of strawberry syrup, and a little lemon juice.
Add ice and a little raspberry syrup.
Shake and drink through straws.
Athol Brose is compounded, according to a favourite author, in the following manner.
Upon virgin honeycombs you pour, according to their amount, the oldest French brandy and the most indisputable Scotch whisky in equal proportions.
You allow this goodly mixture to stand for days in a large pipkin in a cool place, and it is then strained and ready for drinking.
Epicures drop into the jug, by way of imparting artistic finish, a small fragment of the honeycomb itself.
This I deprecate.
Tiger's milk.
Small tumbler, half a wine glass full each of cider and Irish whisky, a wine glass full of peach brandy.
Beat up separately the white of an egg with a little sugar, and add this.
Fill up the tumbler with ice, shake and strain.
Add half a tumbler of milk and grate a little nutmeg atop.
Wyndham.
Large tumbler, equal quantities, a liquor glass of each, of maraschino, curacao, brandy, with a little orange peel and sugar.
Add a glass of champagne and a small bottle of salsa water, ice and mix well together.
Stir with a spoon.
Happy Eliza.
Put into a skillet twelve fresh dried figs cut open, four apples cut into slices without peeling, and half a pound of loaf sugar, broken small.
Add two quarts of water, boil for twenty minutes, strain through a Where's the brandy? Stop.
I've turned over two leaves and got amongst the temperance drinks.
Reign back.
Mint julep.
This properly made is the most delicious of all American beverages.
It is mixed in a large tumbler, in the which are placed, first of all, two and a half tablespoonfuls of water, one tablespoonful of sugar, crushed, and two or three sprigs of mint, which should be pressed with a spoon or crusher into the sugar and water to extract the flavor.
Add two wine glassfuls of old brandy.
Now we shan't be long.
Fill up with powdered ice, shake well, get the mint to the top of the tumbler, stalks down, and put a few strawberries and slices of orange atop.
Shake in a little rum, last of all, and drink through straws.
Possets.
An eighteenth-century recipe.
Take three gills of sweet cream, a grated rind of lemon, and juice thereof, three quarters of a pint of sack or Rhenish wine, sweetened to your taste with loaf sugar, then beat in a bowl with a whisk for one hour, and fill your glasses and drink to the king.
We are tolerably loyal in this our time.
Still, it is problematical if there exist man or woman in merry England, in our day, who would whisk a mixture for sixty minutes by the clock, even with the prospect of drinking to the reigning monarch.
Brandy sour.
This is simplicity itself.
A teaspoonful of sifted sugar in a small tumbler, a little lemon rind and juice, one wine glassful of brandy.
Fill nearly up with crushed ice, shake and strain.
Whiskey sour is merely Scotch whiskey treated in the same kind, open-handed manner, with the addition of a few drops of raspberry syrup.
Blue blazer.
Don't be frightened.
There is absolutely no danger.
Put into a silver mug or jug, previously heated, two wine glassfuls of overproof or proof Scotch whiskey and one wine glassful of boiling water.
Set the liquor on fire and pass the blazing liquor into another mug, also well heated.
Pass to and fro and serve in a tumbler with a lump of sugar and a little thin lemon peel.
Be very particular not to drop any of the blazer on the cat or the hearth rug or the youngest child.
This drink would, I should think, have satisfied the aspirations of Mr. Daniel Quilp.
One of the most wholesome of all refreshers is a simple liquor, distilled from black currants and known to our lively neighbors as cassis.
This syrup can be obtained in the humblest cabaret in France, but we have to thank the eccentric and illogical ways of our customs department for its absence from most of our own wine lists.
The duty is so prohibitive, being half as much again as that levied on French brandy, that it would pay nobody but said customs department to import it into England, and yet the amount of alcohol contained in cassis is infinitesimal.
Strange to say, nobody has ever started a cassis still on this side.
One would imagine that the process would be simplicity itself, as the liquor is nothing but cold black currant tea with a suspicion of alcohol in it.
Sligo slop.
This is an Irish delight.
The juice of ten lemons, strained, ten tablespoonfuls of sifted sugar, one quart of John Jameson's oldest and best whiskey, and two port wine glassfuls of curacao, all mixed together.
Let the mixture stand for a day or two, and then bottle.
This should be drunk neat in liqueur glasses, and is said to be the most effectual jumping powder.
It certainly reads conducive to timber topping.
Take it all together, the daylight drink is a mistake.
It is simply ruin to appetite.
It is more expensive than those who indulge therein are aware of at the time.
It ruins the nerves sooner or later.
It is not conducive to business, unless for those whose heads are especially hard, and it spoils the palate for the good wine which is poured forth later on.
The precept cannot be too widely laid down, too fully known.
Do not drink between meals.
Better, far better, the three-bottle trick of our ancestors than the gin crawl of today.
End of section twenty.
Section twenty-one of Cakes and Ale.
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Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
Section twenty, Gastronomy in Fiction and Drama.
Chapter twenty-one, Gastronomy in Fiction and Drama.
Let me not burst in ignorance.
Achilles among you, taking notes.
Thomas Carlyle, Thackeray, Harrison Ainsworth, Sir Walter Scott, Miss Bratton, Marie Corelli, F.C. Phillips, Blackmore, Charles Dickens, Pickwick, reeking with alcohol, brandy and oysters, Little Dorrit, Great Expectations, Macabre as a punch maker, David Copperfield, practicable food in a stage, Johnny Toole's story of Tiny Tim and the goose.
Considering the number of books which have been published during the nineteenth century, it is astonishing how few of them deal with eating and drinking.
We read of a banquet or two, certainly, in the works of the divine William, but no particulars as to the cuisine are entered into.
Cold Banquo hardly sounds appetizing.
Thomas Carlyle was a notorious dyspeptic, so it is no cause for wonderment that he did not bequeath into posterity the recipes for a dainty dish or two, or a good Derby Day cup.
Thackeray understood but little about cookery, nor was White Melville much better versed in the mysteries of the kitchen.
Harrison Ainsworth touched lightly on gastronomy occasionally, whilst Charles Lamb, Sidney Smith, and others, blessings light upon the man who invented the phrase and others, delighted therein.
Miss Bratton has slurred it over hitherto, and Marie Corelli scorns all mention of any refreshment but absinthe, a weird liquor which is altogether absent from these pages.
In lighter novels, Mr. F. C. Phillips, there is but little mention of solid food except deviled caviar, which sounds nasty.
But most of Mr. Phillips' men and all his women drink to excess, principally champagne, brandy, and green chartreuse.
And one of his heroines is a firm believer in the merits of cognac as a settler of champagne.
According to Mr. R. D. Blackmore, the natives of Exmoor did themselves particularly well in the 17th century.
And that most delightful romance, Lorna Doone, is a description of a meal set before Tom Faggis, the celebrated highwayman, by the Ridd family at Plover's Burrows.
A few oysters first, and then dried salmon, and then ham and eggs done in small curled rashers, and then a few collops of venison toasted, and next a little cold roast pig and a woodcock on toast to finish with.
This meal was washed down with home-brewed ale, followed by shiedum and hot water.
One man and one man alone who has left his name printed deep on the sands of time as a writer thoroughly reveled in the mighty subjects of eating and drinking.
Need his name be mentioned? What is, after all, the great secret of the popularity of Charles Dickens as a novelist? His broad, generous views on the subject of meals, as expressed through the mouths of most of the characters in his works, as also the homely nature of such meals and the good and great deeds to which they led.
I once laid myself out to count the number of times that alcoholic refreshment is mentioned in some of the principal works of the great author, and the record for Pickwick alone was sufficient to sweep from the surface of the earth with its fiery breath the entire blue ribbon army.
Mr. Pickwick was what would be called nowadays a moderate drinker.
That is to say, he seldom neglected an excuse for a lotion, nor did he despise the daylight drink.
But we only read of his being overcome by his potations on two occasions, after the cricket dinner at Muggleton and after the shooting luncheon on Captain Boldwick's ground.
And upon the latter, I am convinced that the hot sun had far more to do with his temporary obfuscation than the cold punch.
Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen were by no means exaggerated types of the medical students of the time.
The deputy sawbones of today writes pamphlets, drinks coffee, and pays his landlady every Saturday.
And it was a happy touch of Dickens to make Sawyer and Allen eat oysters and wash them down with neat brandy before breakfast.
I have known medical students, aye, and full-blown surgeons too, who would commit equally daring acts, although I doubt much if they would have shone at the breakfast table afterwards or on the ice later in the day.
For the effect exercised by brandy on oysters is pretty well known to science.
Breathes there a man with soul so dead as not to appreciate the delights of Dingley Dell? Free trade and other horrors have combined to crush the British yeoman of today, but we nonetheless delight to read of him as he was.
And I do not know a better cure for an attack of the blue devils, or should it be black dog, than a good dose of Dingley Dell.
The wholesale manner in which Mr. Wardle takes possession of the Pickwickians, only one of whom he knows intimately, for the purposes of entertainment, is especially delightful and worthy of imitation.
And I can only regret the absence of a good, cunningly mixed cup at the picnic after the Chatham Review.
The wine drunk at this picnic would seem to have been sherry, as there was not such a glut of sparkling in those good old times.
And the prompt way in which Emma is commanded to bring out the cherry brandy before his guests have been two minutes in the house bespeaks the character of dear old Wardle at once.
The Leathern Bottle, a charming old world hostelry in that picaresque country lying between Rochester and Cobham, would hardly have been in existence now, let alone doing a roaring trade, but for the publication of Pickwick.
And the notion of the obese Tupman saucing himself for blighted hopes and taking his leave of the world on a diet of roast fowl bacon, ale, etc., is unique.
The bill of fare at the aforementioned shooting luncheon might not perhaps satisfy the aspirations of Sir Motta Kerr or some other nouveau riche of the day, but there was plenty to eat and drink.
Here is a list in Mr. Samuel Weller's old words.
Weal pie tongue, a wery good thing when it ain't a woman's, bread, knuckle of ham, regular picter, cold beef in slices, wery good.
What's in them stone jars, young touch and go? Beer in this one, replied the boy, taking it from his shoulder, a couple of large stone bottles fastened together by a leathern strap, cold punch and other.
A wery good notion of a lunch it is taken altogether, said Mr. Weller.
Possibly the cold beef in slices would be apt to get rather drier than was desirable on a warm day, and milk punch hardly seems the sort of tipple to encourage accuracy of aim.
Mrs. Bardell's notion of a nice little supper, we gather from the same immortal work, was a couple of sets of potatoes.
The potatoes were presumably simmered in milk, and the cheese was undoubtedly browning away most delightfully in a little Dutch oven in front of the fire.
Most of us will smack our lips after this description, though details are lacking as to the contents of the black bottle, which was produced from a small closet.
But among students of Pickwick, Old Tom is a favorite.
The deputy shepherd's particular vanity appears to have been buttered toast and reeking hot pineapple rum and water, which sounds like swimming in the head and going straight through the book.
We next pause at the description of a supper given by the medical students at their lodgings in the borough to the Pickwickians.
The man to whom the order for oysters had been sent had not been told to open them.
It is a very difficult thing to open an oyster with a limp knife or a two-pronged fork, and very little was done in this way.
Very little of the beef was done either, and the ham, which was from the German sausage shop round the corner, was in a similar predicament.
However, there was plenty of porter in the tin can, and the cheese went a great way, for it was very strong.
Probably the oysters had not been paid for in advance, and the man imagined that they would be returned upon his hands none the worse.
For at that time, as has been remarked before on this volume of gastronomy, the knowledge that an oyster baked in its own shells and the middle of a clear fire is an appetizing dish does not appear to have been universal.
It is questionable if a supper consisting of boiled leg of mutton with the usual trimmings would have satisfied the taste of a gentleman's gentleman of today, who is a hypercritic if anything.
But let that supper be taken as read.
Also let it be noted that the appetite of the redoubtable Pickwick never seems to have failed him.
Even in the sponging house, five to one can be betted that those chops were fried, or in the fleet prison itself.
And the mention of this establishment recalls the extravagant folly of Job Trotter, who of all men ought to have known better, in purchasing a small piece of raw loin of mutton for the refraction of himself and ruined master, when for the same money he could have surely obtained sufficiency of bullock's cheek or liver, potatoes and onion to provide dinner for three days, via the Kent Road Crockery, in one of the earlier chapters.
The description of the journeys from Bristol to Birmingham and back to London absolutely reeks with food and alcohol, and it has always smacked of the mysterious to myself how Sam Weller, a pure cockney, could have known so much about the capacities of the various hostelries on the road.
Evidently his knowledge of other places besides London was peculiar.
The last scene of all in Pickwick required mentioning here is the refraction given to Mr. Solomon Pell in honor of the proving of the late Dame Weller's last will and testament.
Porter, cold beef and oysters were some of the incidents of that meal, and we read that the coachman with the hoarse voice took an imperial pint of vinegar with his oysters, without betraying the least emotion.
It is also set down that brandy and water, as usual in this history, followed the oysters, but we are not told if any of those coachmen ever handled the ribbons again, or if Mr. Solomon Pell spent his declining days in the infirmary.
In fact, there are not many chapters in Charles Dickens' work in which the knife and fork do not play prominent parts.
The food is, for the most part, simple and homely, the seed shown in England by the fairy Allah and hardly begun to germinate at the time when the novels were written.
Still, there is naturally a suspicion of Allah at the very commencement of Little Dorrit, the scene being laid in the Marseilles prison, where M. Rigaud feasts off Lyon sausage, veal in savory jelly, white bread, stochino cheese and good claret, while his humble companion, Signor Jean-Baptiste, has to content himself with stale bread, through reverses at gambling with his fellow prisoner.
After that, there is no mention of a square meal until we get to Mr. Casby's, the patriarch.
Everything about the patriarchal household, we are told, promoted quiet digestion, and the dinner mentioned began with some soup, some fried soles, a butter boat of shrimp sauce, and dish of potatoes.
Rare old Casby.
Mutton, a steak, and apple pie, and presumably cheese, furnished the more solid portion of the banquet, which appears to have been washed down with porter and sherry wine, and enlivened by inconsequent remarks of Mr. F's aunt.
In great expectation occurs the celebrated banquet at the Chateau Gargany on Christmas Day, consisting of a leg of pickled pork and greens, a pair of roast stuffed fowls, a handsome mince pie, and plum pudding.
The absence of the savory pork pie and the presence of tar water in the brandy are incidents at that banquet familiar enough to Sir Frank Lockwood, Q.C., M.P., and other close students of Dickens, whose favorite dinner dish would appear to have been a fowl, stuffed or otherwise, roasted or boiled.
In Oliver Twist we get a casual mention of oysters, sheep's head, and a rabbit pie, with plenty of alcohol, but the bill of fare on the whole is not an appetizing one.
The meat and drink at the Maypole Hotel in Barnaby Rudge would appear to have been deservedly popular, and the description of Gabriel Varden's breakfast is calculated to bring water to the most callous mouth.
Over and above the ordinary tea equipage, the board creaked beneath the weight of a jolly round of beef, a ham of the first magnitude, and sundry towers of buttered Yorkshire cake, piled slice upon slice in the most alluring manner.
There was also a goodly jug of well-browned clay, fashioned into the form of an old gentleman, not by any means unlike the locksmith, atop of whose bald head was a fine white froth answering to his wig, indicative beyond dispute of sparkling home-brewed ale.
But better than fair home-brewed ale, or Yorkshire cake, or ham, or beef, or anything to eat or drink that earth or air or water can supply, there sat, presiding over all, the locksmith's rosy daughter, before whose dark eyes even beef grew insignificant and the malt became as nothing.
Ah.
There is not much eating in A Tale of Two Cities, but an intolerable amount of assorted sack.
In Sketches by Boz, we learn that Dickens had no great opinion of public dinners, and that oysters were, at that period, occasionally opened by the fair sex.
There is a nice flavor of fowl and old Madeira about Dombey and Son, and the description of the dinner at Dr. Blimber's establishment for young gentlemen is worth re-quoting.
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There was some nice soup.
Also roast meat, boiled meat, vegetables, pie, and cheese.
Cheese at a small boy's school.
Every young gentleman had a massive silver fork and a napkin, and all the arrangements were stately and handsome.
In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons.
Surely this was a footman who gave quite a winey flavor to the table beer.
He poured it out so superbly.
Dinner at Mrs. Jellyby's in Bleak House is one of the funniest and most delightful incidents in the book, especially the attendance.
The young woman with the flannel bandage waited and dropped everything on the table wherever it happened to go and never moved it again till she put it on the stairs.
The person I had seen in Patton's, who I supposed to have been the cook, frequently came in and skirmished with her at the door, and there appeared to be ill will between them.
The dinner given by Mr. Guppy at the Slapbang Dining House is another feature of this book.
Veal and ham and French beans, summer cabbage, pots of half and half, marrow puddings, three Cheshires, and three small rums.
Of the items in this list, the marrow pudding seems to be as extinct in London, at all events, as the dodo.
It appears to be a mixture of bread, pounded almonds, cream, eggs, lemon peel, sugar, nutmeg, and marrow, and sounds nice.
David Copperfield's dinner in his Buckingham Street chambers was an event with a disastrous termination.
It was a remarkable want of forethought on the part of the ironmonger who had made Mrs. Crupp's kitchen fireplace that it was capable of cooking nothing but chops and mashed potatoes.
As to a fish kettle, Mrs. Crupp said, well, would I only come and look at the range? She couldn't say fairer than that.
Would I come and look at it? As I should not have been much wiser if I had looked at it.
I said, never mind the fish.
But Mrs. Crupp said, don't say that.
Oysters was in, and why not them? So that was settled.
Mrs. Crupp then said, what she would recommend would be this.
A pair of hot roast fowls from the pastry cooks, a dish of stewed beef with vegetables from the pastry cooks, two little corner things as a raised pie and a dish of kidneys from the pastry cooks, a tart and, if I like, a shape of jelly from the pastry cooks.
This, Mrs. Crupp said, would leave her at full liberty to concentrate her mind on the potatoes and to serve up the cheese and celery as she could wish to see it done.
Then blessings on thee, Macabre, the most charming of characters in fiction, mightiest of punch brewers.
The only fault I have to find with the novel of David Copperfield is that we don't get enough of Macabre.
The same fault, however, could hardly be said to lie in the play, for if ever there was a fat part, it is Wilkins Macabre.
Martin Chuzzlewit bubbles over with eating and drinking, and Todgers has become proverbial as Hamlet.
In Nicholas Nickleby, too, we find mention of solids and liquids, and as a poor stroller myself at one time, it has always struck me that business could not have been so very bad after all in the Crumley's combination, for the manager, at all events, seemed to have fared particularly well.
Last on the list comes the old curiosity shop with the celebrated stew at the Jolly Sandboys, the ingredients in which have already been quoted by the present writer.
With regard to this stew, all I have to remark is that I should have substituted an ox kidney for the tripe and left out the sparrow grass, the flavor of which would be quite lost in the crowd of ingredients.
But there, who can cavil at such a feast? Fetch me a pint of warm ale, and don't let nobody bring into the room even so much as a biscuit till the time arrives.
Codlin may not have been the friend, but he was certainly the judge of the punch party.
In this realistic age, meals on the stage have to be provided from high-class hotels or restaurants, and this is probably the chief reason why there is so little eating and drinking introduced into the modern drama.
Gone are the nights of the banquet pasteboard poultry, property pineapples, and gilded flagons containing nothing more sustaining than the atmosphere of coal gas.
Not much faith is placed in the comic scenes of a pantomime nowadays, or it is probable that the clown would purloin real yorkhams and stuff wall sausages into the pockets of his ample pants.
Champagne is champagne under the present regime of raised prices, raised salaries, raised everything, and it is not so long ago since I overheard an actor-manager chide a waiter from a fashionable restaurant for forgetting the soubise sauce when he brought the cutlets.
In my acting days, we usually had canvas fowls stuffed with sawdust when we reveled on the stage, or if business had been particularly good, the poultry was made from breakfast rolls with pieces skewered on to represent the limbs.
And potables? Gadzooks! What horrible concoctions have found their way down this unsuspecting throttle.
Sherry was invariably represented by cold tea, which is palatable enough if homemade under careful superintendence, but drawn in the property master's den usually tasted of glue.
Ginger beer at three farthings for two bottles poured into tumblers containing portions of a sedge-like powder always did duty for champagne, and as for port or claret, well, I quite thought I had swallowed the deadliest of poisons one night until assured it was only the cold leavings of the stage door keeper's coffee.
The story of Tiny Tim who ate the goose is a pretty familiar one in stage circles.
When playing Bob Cratchit in The Christmas Carol at the Adelphi under Benjamin Webster's management, Mr. J. L. Toole had to carve a real goose and a practicable plum pudding during the run of that piece, forty nights, and the little girl who played Tiny Tim used to finish her portions of goose and pudding with such amazing celerity that Mr. Toole became quite alarmed on her account.
I don't like it, I said, writes dear friend Johnny in his reminiscences.
I can't conceive where a poor delicate little thing like that puts the food.
Besides, although I like the children to enjoy a treat, and how they kept on enjoying it for forty nights is a mystery, for I got into such a condition that if I dined at a friend's house and goose was on the table, I regarded it as a personal affront, I said, referring to Tiny Tim.
I don't like greediness, and it is additionally repulsive in a refined-looking delicate little thing like this.
Besides, it destroys the sentiment of the situation.
And when I, as Bob, ought to feel most pathetic, I am always wondering where the goose and the pudding are, or whether anything serious in the way of fit will happen to Tiny Tim before the audience in consequence of her unnatural gorging.
Mrs. Mellon laughed at me at first, but eventually we decided to watch Tiny Tim together.
We watched as well we could, and the moment Tiny Tim was seated and began to eat, we observed a curious shuffling movement at the stage fireplace, and everything that I had given her, goose and potato and applesauce, disappeared behind the sham stove, and the child pretending to eat as heartily as ever from the empty plate.
When the performance was over, Mrs. Mellon and myself asked the little girl what became of the food she did not eat, and after a little hesitation, she confessed that her little sister, I should mention that they were the children of one of the scene shifters, waited on the other side of the fireplace for the supplies, and then the whole family enjoyed a hearty supper every night.
Dickens was very much interested in the incident.
When I had finished, he smiled a little sadly, I thought, and then shaking me by the hand, said, Ah, you should have given her the whole goose.
End of section 21
Section 22 of Cakes and Ale This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer Section 22 Restoratives Raise out the written troubles of the brain, and with some antibilious antidote, cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff which weighs upon the soul.
I care not, observed William of Normandy to his quartermaster general on the morning after the revelry which followed the Battle of Hastings, who makes these barbarians' wines.
Send me the man who can remove the beehive from my o'er-wrought brain.
This remark is not to be found in Macaulay's History of England, but learned authorities who have read the original manuscript in early Norman make no doubt as to the correct translation.
It is excellent, as the poet says, to have a giant's thirst, but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant, and not only tyrannous but short-sighted.
For the law of compensation is one of the first edicts of nature.
The same beneficent hand which provides the simple fruits of the earth for the delectation of man furnishes also the slug and the wasp to see that he doesn't get too much.
Our friend the dog is deprived of the power of articulation, but he has a tail which can be wagged at the speed of six hundred revolutions to the minute, and the man who overtaxes the powers of his inner mechanism during the hours of darkness is certain to feel the effects, to be smitten of conscious and troubles of brain when he awakes a few hours later on.
As this is not a medical treatise, it would be out of place to analyze at length the abominable habit which the human brain and stomach have acquired of acting and reacting on each other.
Suffice it to say that there is no surer sign of the weakness and helplessness of poor, frail, sinful, fallen humanity than the obstinacy with which so many of us will, for the sake of an hour or two's revelry, boldly bid for five times the amount of misery and remorse.
And this more especially applies to a life on the ocean wave.
The midshipmite who overestimates his swallowing capacity is no longer mast-headed next morning.
But the writer has experienced a cyclone in the Bay of Bengal ere the effects of a birthday party on the previous night had been surmounted, and the effects of mast-heading could hardly have been less desirable.
In that most delightful work for the young, Dana's Two Years Before the Mast, we read, Our forecastle, as usual after a liberty day, was a scene of tumult all night long, from the drunken ones.
They had just got to sleep toward morning when they were turned up with the rest and kept at work all day in the water carrying hides, their heads aching so that they could hardly stand.
This is sailor's pleasure.
Dana himself was ordered up aloft to reef torpsels on his first morning at sea, and he had probably had some sort of a farewell carouse ere quitting Boston.
And the present writer upon one occasion, such is the irony of fate, was told off to indict a leading article on temperance for an evening journal within a very few hours of the termination of a Derby banquet.
But how shall we alleviate the pangs? How make that dreadful day after endurable enough to cause us to offer up thanks for being still allowed to live? Come the panacea, good doctor.
First of all, then, avoid the chemist and his works.
I mean no disrespect to my good friend Sainsbury or his number one pick-me-up, whose corpse-reviving claims are indisputable.
But at the same time, the habitual swallower of drugs does not lead the happiest life.
I once knew a young subaltern who had an account presented to him by the cashier of the firm Peak and Allen of the great continent of India for nearly three hundred rupees, and the items in said account were entirely choleric ether, extract of cardamoms with the other component parts of a high-class restorative and interest.
Saddening.
The next thing to avoid, the first thing in the morning, is soda water, whether diluted with brandy or whiskey.
The peg may be all very well as an occasional potation, but believe one who has tried most compounds, tis a precious poor livener.
On the contrary, although a beaker of the straw-coloured or occasionally mahogany-coloured fluid may seem to steady the nerves for the time being, that effect is by no means lasting.
But the same panacea will not do in every case.
If the patient be sufficiently convalescent to digest a doctor, I do not mean an MRCS, his state must be far from hopeless.
A doctor is a mixture of beaten raw egg, not forgetting the white, which is of even more value than the yolk to the invalid, brandy a little sifted sugar and new milk.
But many devotees of Bacchus could as soon swallow rum and oysters in bed.
And do not let us blame Bacchus unduly for the matutinal trouble.
The fairy Allah has probably had a lot to do with that trouble.
A doctor can be made with sherry or whiskey instead of brandy, and many stockbrokers, clerks, sporting journalists and other millionaires prefer a surgeon major, who appears in the form of a large tumbler containing a couple of eggs beaten and filled to the brim with the wine of the champagne district.
A scorcher is made with the juice of half a lemon squeezed into a large wine glass, and a liquor glass full of old brandy or hollands and a dust of cayenne.
Mix well and do not allow any lemon pips to remain in the glass.
Prairie oyster.
This is an American importation.
There is a legend to the effect that one of a hunting party fell sick unto death on the boundless prairie of Texas and clamored for oysters.
Now the close and cautious bivalve no more thrives in a bluegrass country than he possesses the ability to walk upstairs or make a starting price book.
So one of the party, an inventive genius, cudgelled his brains for a substitute.
He found some prairie hens' eggs and administered the unbroken yolks thereof one at a time in a wine glass containing a teaspoonful of vinegar.
He shook the pepper caster over the yolks and added a pinch of salt.
The patient recovered.
The march of science has improved on this recipe.
Instead of despoiling the prairie hen, the epicure now looks to Madame Gobble for a turkey egg, and a Wooster oyster is turned out ready-made by simply substituting a teaspoonful of Lee and Perrin's most excellent sauce for vinegar.
Brazil relish.
This is, I am assured, a much admired restorative in Brazil and the regions bordering on the river plate.
It does not sound exactly the sort of stimulant to take after a bump supper or a Kaffir entertainment, but here it is.
Into a wine glass half full of curacao pop the unbroken yolk of a bantam's egg.
Fill the glass up with maraschino.
According to my notion, a good cup of hot strong tea would be equally effectual as an emetic and with all cheaper.
But certainly they take the mixture as a pick-me-up in Brazil.
Port flip is a favorite stimulant with our American cousins.
Beat up an egg in a tumbler.
If you have no metal vessels to shake it in, the shortest way is to put a clean white card or a saucer over the mouth of the tumbler and shake.
Then add a little sugar, a glass of port and some pounded ice.
Strain before drinking, leaving out the ice and the straining.
This is exactly the same refresher which the friends of a criminal, who had served his term of incarceration in one of his majesty's jails, were in the habit of providing for him.
And when the cold Bathfields prison was a going concern, there was a small hostelry hard by in which, on a Monday morning, the consumption of port wine, fruity, and eggs, shoppins, every one, was considerable.
This on the word of an ex-warder who subsequently became a stage door keeper.
One of the most unsatisfactory effects of good living is that the demon invoked overnight does not always assume the same shape in your waking hours.
Many sufferers will feel a loathing for any sort of food or drink except cold water.
The capting observed the soldier servant to a visitor.
This is an old story.
Ain't very well this morning, sir.
He's just drunk his bath and gone to bed again.
And on the other hand, I have known the overindulger absolutely ravenous for his breakfast.
Brandy and soda, no, dear old chappy, as many eggs as they can poach in five minutes, a thick rasher of your cam, two muffins and about a gallon and a half of hot coffee.
That's what I feel like.
Medical men will be able to explain those symptoms in the roisterer who had probably eaten and drunk quite as much overnight as the capting.
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For the roisterer with a shy appetite, there are few things more valuable than an anchovy toast.
The concoction of this belongs to bedroom cookery unless the sitting room adjoins the sleeping apartment.
For the patient will probably be too faint of heart to wish to meet his fellow men and women downstairs so early.
The mixture must be made over hot water.
Nearly fill a slop basin with the boiling element and place a soup plate over it.
In the plate, melt a pad of butter the size of a walnut.
Then having beaten up a raw egg, stir it in.
When thoroughly incorporated with the butter, add a dessert spoonful of essence of anchovies.
Cayenne ad lib.
Then let delicately brown crisp toast be brought hot from the fire.
Soak this in the mixture and eat as quickly as you can.
The above proportions must be increased if more than one patient clamors for anchovy toast, and this recipe is of no use for a dinner or luncheon toast.
Remember that.
After the meal is finished, turn in between the sheets again for an hour, then order a doctor or a surgeon major to be brought to the bedside.
In another twenty minutes, the patient will be ready for his tub with the chill off if he be past thirty and has any wisdom or liver left within him.
After dressing, if he live in London and there be any trace of brain rack remaining, let him take a brisk walk to his hairdresser's, having his boots cleaned en route.
This is most important, whether they be clean or dirty, for the action of a pair of briskly directed brushes over the feet will often remove the most distressing of headaches.
Arrived at the peruker's, let the patient direct him to rub eau de cologne or some other perfumed spirit into the ortax cranium and to squirt assorted essences over the distorted countenance.
A good hard brush and a dab of bay rum on the temples will complete the cure.
The roisterer will then be ready to face his employer or the maiden aunt from whom he may have expectations.
If the flavor of the anchovy be disagreeable, let the patient try the following toast which is similar to that used with wild fowl.
Melt a pad of butter over hot water, stir in a dessert spoonful of Worcester sauce, the same quantity of orange juice, a pinch of cayenne, and about half a wine glass full of old port.
Soak the toast in this mixture.
The virtues of old port as a restorative cannot be too widely known.
St. Mark's Pick-Me-Up The following recipe was given to the writer by a member of an old Venetian family.
Ten drops of angostura in a liquor glass filled up with orange bitters, one wine glass full of old brandy, one ditto cold water, one liquor glass full of curacao, and the juice of half a lemon.
Mix well together.
I have not yet tried this, which reads rather acid.
For an over-trained athlete who may not take kindly to his rations, there is no better cure than the lean of an underdone chop, not blue inside, hot from the fire on a hot plate with a glass of port poured over.
A hot pickle sandwich should be made of two thin slices of crisp toast, no butter, with chopped West Indian pickles in between.
And for a deviled biscuit, select the plain cheese biscuit, heat in the oven, and then spread over to paste composed of finely pounded lobster worked up with butter, made mustard, ground ginger, cayenne, salt, chili vinegar, and, if liked, a little curry powder.
Reheat the biscuit for a minute or two and then deal with it.
Both the last-named restoratives will be found valuable liver tonics, and to save future worry the patient had better calculate at the same time the amount of estate duty which will have to be paid out of his personal tea and secure a nice dry corner out of the draft for his place of sepulchre.
A working man's livener, and by working man the gentleman whose work consists principally in debating in taverns as intended, is usually a hair of the dog that bit him overnight, and in some instances where doubt may exist as to the particular tufter of the pack which found the working man out, the livener will be a miscellaneous one.
For solid food this brand of laborer will usually select an uncooked red herring, which he will divide into swallow portions with his clasp knife after borrowing the pepper caster from the tavern counter.
And as new rum mixed with fourpenny ale occasionally enters into the overnight's program of the horny-handed one, he is frequently very thirsty indeed before the hour of noon.
I have seen a journalist suck half a lemon previously well besprinkled with cayenne prior to commencing his matutinal scratch, but rum and milk form, I believe, the favorite livener throughout the district which lies between the Adelphi Theatre and St. Paul's Cathedral.
And according to Dr. Edward Smith, the chief English authority on dietetics, rum and milk form the most powerful restorative known to science.
With all due respect to Dr. Smith, I am prepared to back another restorative, commonly known as a small bottle, which means a pint of champagne.
I have prescribed this many a time and seldom known it fail.
In case of partial failure, repeat the dose.
A valuable if seldom employed restorative is made with Bovril as one of the ingredients.
Make half a pint of beef tea in a tumbler with this extract.
Put the tumbler in a refrigerator for an hour, then add a liquor glass full of old brandy with just a dust of cayenne.
This is one of the very best pick-me-ups known to the faculty.
A swizzle for recuperative purposes is made with the following ingredients.
A wine glass full of hollands, a liquor glass full of curacao, three drops of angostura bitters, a little sugar, and half a small bottle of seltzer water.
Churn up the mixture with a swizzle stick, which can be easily made with the assistance of a short length of cane, the ordinary school treat brand, a piece of cork, a piece of string, and a pocket knife.
A very extraordinary pick-me-up is mentioned by Mr. F. C. Phillips in one of his novels and consists of equal parts of brandy and chili vinegar in a large wine glass.
Such a mixture would in all probability corrode sheet iron.
I am afraid that writers of romance occasionally borrow a little from the imagination.
The most effectual restorative for the total abstainer is unquestionably old brandy.
It should be remembered that a rich heavy dinner is not bound to digest within the human frame if washed down with tea or aerated beverages.
In fact, from the personal appearances of many worthy teetotalers, I have known digestion cannot be their strong suit.
Then many abstainers only abstain in public for the sake of example, and within the locked cupboard of the study lurks a certain black bottle which does not contain cop's ale.
Therefore, I repeat that the most effectual restorative for the total abstainer, whether as a direct change or as a hair of the dog, is brandy.
Our ancestors cooled their coppers with small ale and enjoyed a subsequent sluice at the pump in the yard.
These methods are still pursued by stable helpers and suchlike.
A good walk acts beneficially sometimes.
Eat or drink nothing at all but try and do five miles along the turnpike road within the hour.
Many habitual roisterers hunt the next morning with heads opening and shutting alternately until the fox breaks covert, when misery of all sorts at once takes to itself wings.
And I have heard a gallant warrior whilst engaged in a polo match on York Knavesmire protest that he could distinctly see two polo balls.
But he was not in such bad case as the eminent jockey who declined to ride a horse in a hood and blinkers, because one of us must see and I'm hanged if I can.
It was the same jockey who, upon being remonstrated with for taking up his whip at the final bend when his horse was winning easily, replied, whip be blowed, it was my balance pole, I should have fell off without it.
Straight talks.
In the lowest depth there is a lower depth which not only threatens to devour but which will infallibly devour the too persistent roisterer.
For such I labor not.
The seer of visions, the would-be strangler of serpents, the baffled rat hunter and other victims to the overestimation of human capacity will get no assistance beyond infinite pity from the mind which guides this pen.
The dog will return to his own vomit, the willful abuser of the goods sent by a bountiful providence is past praying for.
But to others who are on the point of crossing the Rubicon of good discretion, I would urge that there will assuredly come a time when the pick-me-up will lose its virtue and will fail to chase the sorrow from the brow, to minister to the diseased mind.
Throughout this book I have endeavored to preach the doctrine of moderation and enjoyment.
Meat and drink are, like fire, very good servants but the most oppressive and exacting of slave drivers.
Therefore enjoy the sweets of life whilst you can, but as civilized beings, as gentlemen, and not as swine.
For here is a motto which applies to eating and drinking even more than to other privileges which we enjoy.
Wisely and slow they stumble who run fast.
A resort to extremes is always to be deprecated and many sensible men hold the total abstainer in contempt unless he abstains simply and solely because a moderate use of beer and baccy makes him ill.
And this man is indeed a rarity.
The teetotaler is either a creature with no willpower in his composition, a Pharisee who thanks providence that he is not as other men, or a lunatic.
There can be no special virtue in swearing off good food and good liquor, whether for the sake of example or for the sake of ascending a special pinnacle and posing to the world as the incarnation of perfection and holiness.
In the parable, the publican was justified rather than the Pharisee, because the former had the more common sense and knew that if he set up as immaculate and without guile he was deceiving himself and nobody else.
But here on earth in the 19th century the publican stands a very poor chance with the Pharisee, whether the last name assumed the garb of social purity or vigilance or the somber raiment of policemen.
This is not right.
This is altogether wrong.
The total abstainer, the rabid jackass who denies himself or claims that he does so, the juice of the grape and drinks the horrible flatulent concoctions known as temperance beverages, is just as great a sinner against common sense as that rabid jackass the habitual glutton or drunkard, who in abusing the good things of life, the gifts which are given us to enjoy, is putting together a rod of rattlesnakes for his own back.
There is nothing picturesque about drunkenness, and there is still less of manliness therein.
There is plenty of excuse for the careless, happy-go-lucky, casual overestimator who revels on festive occasions with his boon companions.
Tis a poor heart that never rejoices, and wedding feasts, celebrations of famous victories, birthday parties, and Christmas festivities have been and will continue to be held by high and low from the earliest times.
But there is no excuse, but only pity and disgust, for the sot who sits and soaks, or worse still, stands and soaks, in the tavern day after day and carries the brandy bottle to bed with him.
I have lived through two-thirds of the years allotted to man, and have never yet met the man who has done himself or anybody else any good by eating or drinking to excess.
Nor is the man who has benefited himself or society through scorning and vilifying good cheer a familiar sight in our midst.
Keep in the middle of the road is the rule to be observed, and there is no earthly reason why the man who may have applied hot and rebellious liquors to his blood as a youth should not enjoy that lusty winter of old age, frosty but kindly, provided those warm and warlike liquors have been applied in moderation.
I will conclude this sermon with part of a verse of the poet Dryden's imitation of the 29th Ode of Horace, though its heathen carpe diem sentiments should be qualified by a special caution as to the possible ill effects of bidding too fierce a defiance to the reaction day.
Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own.
He who, secure within, can say, Tomorrow, do thy worst.
I've lived today.
End of section 22.
Recording by Philip Gould.
End of Cakes and Ale by Edward Spencer.
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