251: Panic Attacks, Near Death, and a Song 12 Years in the Making: P2P Student Tom’s Story

So I, the next sort of step in my progression is, You know, it would be eventually, like when I flew to Atlanta, I had Xanax in my backpack.

And I knew it.

I was like,

I kind of want to do this without it.

But when I got to the security checkpoint, a little numbness, walked through, fine.

Got on the plane and got there.

It was, you know, you mentioned it as a pressure cooker, right? The car or the train or the plane.

For me, what has helped is, yeah, it might happen, but it's never killed you.

It will never kill you.

I actually, I played a gig about a month ago and this woman talked to me in between my sets and she's now a psychologist.

She dealt with Agoraphobia.

I mentioned something and she said, oh, you were agoraphobic.

She goes, but you live an hour away.

You're playing here? She said, I don't even know you.

I'm so proud of you.

Because she knows what it was like.

And she said, I had Xanax in my pocket.

Every day I would hike.

And I said, well, what did you do? I was like, because I'm still working through some of this stuff.

And I love this line.

It's a little crude, but I use it now.

She said, you know, one day I woke up and I told it, you're just going to have to fucking kill me then because I'm going to that's what's going to have to happen.

Yeah.

And that mentality and certain things, you know, your what if to even if.

was new to me, you're just going to have to fucking kill me, was, like, fantastic.

So I, the next sort of step in my progression is, You know, it would be eventually, like when I flew to Atlanta, I had Xanax in my backpack.

And I knew it.

I was like,

I kind of want to do this without it.

But when I got to the security checkpoint, a little numbness, walked through, fine.

Got on the plane and got there.

It was, you know, you mentioned it as a pressure cooker, right? The car or the train or the plane.

For me, what has helped is, yeah, it might happen, but it's never killed you.

It will never kill you.

I actually, I played a gig about a month ago and this woman talked to me in between my sets and she's now a psychologist.

She dealt with Agoraphobia.

I mentioned something and she said, oh, you were agoraphobic.

She goes, but you live an hour away.

You're playing here? She said, I don't even know you.

I'm so proud of you.

Because she knows what it was like.

And she said, I had Xanax in my pocket.

Every day I would hike.

And I said, well, what did you do? I was like, because I'm still working through some of this stuff.

And I love this line.

It's a little crude, but I use it now.

She said, you know, one day I woke up and I told it, you're just going to have to fucking kill me then because I'm going to that's what's going to have to happen.

Yeah.

And that mentality and certain things, you know, your what if to even if.

was new to me, you're just going to have to fucking kill me, was, like, fantastic.