61. Bringing Dads into the conversation, with Alison D'Vine

Today we're widening the lens beyond mums. Alison D'Vine of Sagency WA shares what years of working with men has taught her about why partners struggle to regulate, and what that does to the family when they don't.  This isn't about excusing anything, it's about understanding what's underneath so we're not carrying it alone. Alison brings both her professional insight and her own lived experience to this one, and it's a genuinely honest look at the other side of the family system. **You'll Learn** - Why "ghosts in the nursery" show up once unresolved trauma meets new parenthood - The Angels in the Nursery study: how one person who truly saw you changes everything - Quiet signs a partner might be struggling to self-regulate - Why epigenetics shows trauma patterns can be interrupted, not just inherited - Why trying to fix your partner backfires, and what helps instead **Why This Episode Matters** So much of this podcast is about our own regulation as mums, but our partners' emotional world shapes the household too. This conversation names what a lot of us feel but rarely say, the grimace instead of the smile, the plans that never happen, the eggshells, and gives language to what might be going on underneath. **Small Shift for Big Impact** Alison's small shift: you can't fix, cure or regulate your partner, but you can be the role model. As she puts it, quoting Abraham Lincoln, "point your feet in the right direction and stand firm." Get clear on your own regulation and boundaries, and hold that steady. **Take the Next Step** If this conversation brought something up about your partner or someone you love, Alison and her team at Sagency WA work with men directly, in person and online, Australia wide. Reach out through her website to point them in the right direction. Get this small shift started today. **Got a Question for Alison?** Alison's offered to come back for a Q&A on supporting a partner's self-regulation. If you've got a question you'd like her to answer, send it through to nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au. **Links and Resources** - Visit Sagency WA's website: sagencywa.com.au - Related Podcast Episodes - Episdode 44 - Awareness in Parenting (Part 1: Understanding Your Reactions) - *noticing what's happening in your own body and mind before you react* - Episode 38 - When My Calm Slipped (And How I'm Coming Back) - *Nina's own honest account of her regulation slipping and the steps bac* **Let's Connect** Want more support? Follow Nina on Instagram, or sign up for tips and updates at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au. Have a question or parenting challenge you'd like addressed on the podcast? Send a DM or an email. - Follow Nina on Instagram - Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au - Email: [nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au](mailto:nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au) **About the Host/s** Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and mum, and the host of Your Calm Parenting Path. She helps overwhelmed parents move from reactive to calm, confident and connected with their kids, through one-on-one coaching, group programmes and this podcast. Alison D'Vine is the founding director and principal practitioner at Sagency WA, where she runs men's behaviour change programmes covering therapy, case management and accountability, work she built after years in the sector left her wanting a more holistic model. She's neurodivergent, a single mum of four, and brings her own lived experience of separation and self-regulation into the men's groups she facilitates five days a week.