The Science of Wise and Fierce Relationships with Diana Hill and Gabby Reece

The way that I approach everything is a conciliant one.

So I draw from research.

I'm an evidence-based psychologist.

I like to actually read research studies and learn about what people are doing in terms of randomized controlled trials.

They research things like sex life, and they research intimacy, and they research nonverbal cues and how those impact our relationships.

But I also like to draw from my many years as a clinical psychologist, over 15 years of sitting in rooms with people who share with me things that they don't share with their spouses.

And I watch relationships fall apart and come back together again, or people sit on the edge of a relationship for many, many years, really making that difficult decision of whether or not they should stay or they should go.

And then what happens when they go or what happens when they stay? And then I also have my own relationship.

So I don't, I so rarely talk about my husband, like never, never.

But tonight I'm going to talk about him.

The thing that got me is he's a really good dancer, like a really good dancer.

I was recently on retreat in Costa Rica, and I was at this table, and it was all the bigwigs in my world.

So it was Jon Kabat-Zinn, who to me is like sitting next to Sting, and one of the founders of mindfulness, and it was Dan Siegel, the interpersonal neurobiologist, and Alyssa Epple, who studies telomeres.

And I was sitting at the table, and I started telling this story, and they were all chatting about, talking about the latest and the greatest, and I started telling this story, and the whole table got...

So I'm going to tell it to you.

And I was telling it to my friend, Trudy Goodman.

I was saying, you know, right before I came here, I was in my kitchen, and it was the night before leaving on this international trip.

I was still in my work clothes.

I was making chili because I make a meal every week for my neighbor whose husband has cancer.

And I was making them chili and then I was going to freeze some for my husband.

And we had 30 minutes before we had to go and I had to take, go pick up one kid and then he had to go pick up the other kid.

And I had to pack my clothes and make the chili and change out of these clothes and get on my flight.

And my husband comes up to me,

let's have sex.

Okay.