Choosing Emotions: How the Right Words Can Transform Your Life, Relationships, and Leadership with Doug Johnston

What if the reason you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected isn't that you lack the answers, but that you don't yet have the words to understand what you're feeling? In this episode of *The Story Engine Podcast*, I sit down with Doug Johnston, author of *Choosing Emotions: Thinking with Your Head and Acting with Your Heart*, to explore the fascinating connection between language, emotions, and our ability to navigate life. After decades as a corporate executive and expert witness, Doug began an unexpected nine-year journey into the emotional experiences of humanity, collecting 8,000 quotes across 25 centuries of history to explore 272 different emotions. What started with a difficult question from his teenage daughter about depression became a profound discovery about how we understand ourselves, connect with others, and move forward when life feels overwhelming. We explore why the words we use to describe our emotions can make the difference between feeling trapped and finding a path forward, how misidentifying what we're feeling can prevent us from addressing the real problem, and why our emotions exist at the intersection of mind and body. Doug also shares a deeply personal realization about how his pursuit of success and his understanding of ego kept him disconnected from his own emotional life—and how his daughter helped him rediscover the importance of leading with the heart as well as the head. This conversation is a powerful reminder that even the most successful people can struggle to understand themselves, and that discovering the right language for our inner experiences can open the door to greater self-awareness, stronger relationships, and more meaningful leadership. ## Highlights - **(00:51)** – From corporate executive to emotional researcher: Discover what led Doug to spend nine years investigating the emotions that shape our lives. - **(01:34)** – The question from his daughter that changed everything: How a conversation about depression pushed Doug beyond the limits of his professional expertise. - **(03:34)** – The words that made depression easier to understand: Explore two powerful insights from people who had experienced depression firsthand—and why those words brought his daughter to tears. - **(05:00)** – 272 emotions, 8,000 quotes, and 25 centuries of human experience: Learn how Doug created a different way to understand what emotions actually feel like. - **(06:18)** – Why we avoid the emotions we don't understand: Doug reflects on why he initially dodged his daughter's question and what that revealed about his own discomfort. - **(07:29)** – Can you feel an emotion without having a word for it? Discover why expanding your emotional vocabulary may be essential to greater happiness and emotional intelligence. - **(09:42)** – From confusion to clarity: How finding the precise word for an emotion can turn "Why do I feel this way?" into an actionable understanding of yourself. - **(11:48)** – Name it to tame it: Explore the idea that accurately naming what you're experiencing can help you feel calmer, become unstuck, and move forward. - **(13:03)** – When anxiety isn't the real problem: We explore how physical health, hormones, and the body can influence our emotional experiences—and why understanding the source matters. - **(15:12)** – The mind-body connection: Why emotions sit at the intersection of thought and physical experience, and how that affects the way we understand ourselves. - **(16:18)** – What happens when you give the wrong name to what you're feeling? Learn why confusing one emotional experience with another can lead to the wrong solution. - **(18:01)** – You're not the only one struggling: Discover how reading the experiences of great thinkers, artists, and leaders can help you feel less alone in your own challenges. - **(20:25)** – The hidden cost of ego: Doug shares a deeply personal realization about how a belief he inherited in childhood shaped his behavior for decades. - **(21:36)** – The quote that changed how Doug saw himself: Explore Carl Jung's perspective on ego and why understanding it later in life led Doug to reconsider his past. - **(23:18)** – How a simple childhood comment can shape your entire worldview: Kyle shares a personal story about how an innocent interpretation of a song influenced the way he viewed time and success. - **(24:25)** – Why words shape the way we solve problems: Discover how language influences everything from personal growth to the way experts across disciplines approach complex challenges. - **(25:57)** – The moment Doug realized his research had made a difference: Hear the moving story of his daughter's invitation to give the commencement speech at her college. - **(27:30)** – The story behind *Choosing Emotions*: Kyle reframes Doug's journey, connecting his pursuit of success, his daughter's struggle, and his discovery of a new way to understand emotions. - **(31:24)** – Learning to reconnect with the heart: Doug reflects on how his daughter's emotional awareness helped him recognize what he had been missing in his own life. - **(33:50)** – Thinking with your head and acting with your heart: Why a more fulfilling life requires us to bring reason and emotional understanding together. - **(34:53)** – Finding insight in the experiences of others: Doug explains how *Choosing Emotions* combines powerful revelations, unexpected perspectives, and even humor to help readers better understand themselves.