I Ran into an Old Hookup

I ran into one of my old hookups at Whole Foods.

He didn't see me, thank God.

[laughs] I texted Jesse.

I was like, "He's here," 'cause I've told Jesse these stories, and he thinks they're, you know, as entertaining as I do.

And he, the guy I used to hook up with, is a character himself.

He's got, like, a big online following.

He, I guess, is a musician, maybe does some comedy.

[laughs] I don't follow him, so you can't figure it out.

[laughs] And he lives in West Hollywood, but I've never run into him since we hooked up, which is a miracle, because West Hollywood, I, every day I walk outside and I see five people I know, and it's, like, why I live here.

It's the best thing ever.

But somehow I've avoided him until a few days ago at Whole Foods at a self-checkout, where he luckily did not look over at me because, one, I don't even know if he would recognize me.

But two, oh God, I don't know what I would say.

We'd probably just both ignore each other if he actually saw me.

I used to say that I've hooked up with so many people in West Hollywood because my radius on Hinge was a mile, 'cause I refused [laughs] to travel farther in LA, and I could literally do a Hollywood tour of all my hookups in West Hollywood.

I could do, like, a Hollywood house tour on a tour bus.

It, it...

You'd see a lot.

West Hollywood has a lot to show, too.

I mean, if I ever move out of West Hollywood, just know it's 'cause I'm being held hostage.

[laughs] Because I love a walkable community.

This is my happy place.

Other things that are out of character for me that can show you I'm being held hostage, I go to a chiropractor.

I don't trust them.

I don't... [laughs] That to me just seems like Vampire Diaries where they make your neck go sideways and you die.

Or if I go on a cruise, then I'm being held hostage.