When Rationality Finally Gives Up
His explanation collapses and leaves him overwhelmed.
Well, by 1967, I appreciated the fact that I didn't know enough to stay high with this method.
And I looked about me at all my colleagues, and I realized that they did not know enough either.
And I started to experience considerable despair.
I mean, this is the second round now when I end up the chapter saying, "We don't know.
We don't know.
We don't know enough.
We've touched it, but we don't know." And I had more LSD, but what was I going to do? I tried programming sessions.
I take huge doses standing in the ocean in the middle of the night to deal with the forces of jungles and ocean.
I take, I mean, I take acid standing in my head.
I didn't care.
Whatever, I programmed this, and I'd have tapes and slides and, you know.
I'd go through a session to understand my sexual things with women.
I was coming out of a long sexual hang-up period of all kinds of perversity.
And I'd have big slides of the Mona Lisa and Venus on the half shell and, you know, all of my women in my life.
And I'd shine these slides on with thousands of micrograms of acid, and I'd go into their pores, and I would, "Oh, wow." And there were horrible sessions and beautiful sessions, and there were ten thousand horrible demons and ten thousand beautiful demons, and I was trying to embrace every one of them.
And I felt I was getting very old and wise, but not old and wise enough fast enough.
And I saw that I was in some kind of an asymptotic curve, that no matter how hard I got, I wasn't going to get there.
At least I wasn't.
I didn't know about anybody else, but something in me said, "This isn't going to be enough." Now, um, what do you do at that point? See, um, one of the things to do is go to the East.
But the problem was that a lot of my friends had gone to the East, and I had read a lot of the Eastern books, and it just, I read them, I talked from them, I lectured from them, I quoted from them.
But it was like...
Well, the fact of the matter is, you've got to understand there are no secrets at all.
The only secrets are in the eyes of the perceiver.
It's all available.
I mean, I read the same books I'm reading now, and I now realize I didn't understand a word of them.
Well, by 1967, I appreciated the fact that I didn't know enough to stay high with this method.
And I looked about me at all my colleagues, and I realized that they did not know enough either.
And I started to experience considerable despair.
I mean, this is the second round now when I end up the chapter saying, "We don't know.
We don't know.
We don't know enough.
We've touched it, but we don't know." And I had more LSD, but what was I going to do? I tried programming sessions.
I take huge doses standing in the ocean in the middle of the night to deal with the forces of jungles and ocean.
I take, I mean, I take acid standing in my head.
I didn't care.
Whatever, I programmed this, and I'd have tapes and slides and, you know.
I'd go through a session to understand my sexual things with women.
I was coming out of a long sexual hang-up period of all kinds of perversity.
And I'd have big slides of the Mona Lisa and Venus on the half shell and, you know, all of my women in my life.
And I'd shine these slides on with thousands of micrograms of acid, and I'd go into their pores, and I would, "Oh, wow." And there were horrible sessions and beautiful sessions, and there were ten thousand horrible demons and ten thousand beautiful demons, and I was trying to embrace every one of them.
And I felt I was getting very old and wise, but not old and wise enough fast enough.
And I saw that I was in some kind of an asymptotic curve, that no matter how hard I got, I wasn't going to get there.
At least I wasn't.
I didn't know about anybody else, but something in me said, "This isn't going to be enough." Now, um, what do you do at that point? See, um, one of the things to do is go to the East.
But the problem was that a lot of my friends had gone to the East, and I had read a lot of the Eastern books, and it just, I read them, I talked from them, I lectured from them, I quoted from them.
But it was like...
Well, the fact of the matter is, you've got to understand there are no secrets at all.
The only secrets are in the eyes of the perceiver.
It's all available.
I mean, I read the same books I'm reading now, and I now realize I didn't understand a word of them.
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3 of 10
When Rationality Finally Gives Up
His explanation collapses and leaves him overwhelmed.
Touching the Sun
At last, he meets his elusive teacher.
The Biscuits Revelation
Then the teacher reveals what happened elsewhere.
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