Anyone still out there?????

And seeing that I'm coming off the high that was Colubrid Fest last weekend, 2026, Colubrid Fest number three, I think it's appropriate to send or put this episode out on my channel because this kind of all started at Colubrid Fest two, uh, in 2026.

So after I attended IHS in Fort Myers in 2025, I'd given this presentation on fire salamander husbandry, and after that, I had the opportunity to go out herping with the West Liberty students and Dr. Zach Loafman, and it was such a awesome experience.

But in that moment, Zach, I jokingly say, kinda like yelled at me and was like, "Matt, why the hell aren't you doing this, like, professionally?" And it was always something that I wanted to do.

I just didn't know or believe that I was smart enough, nor did I ever live a life that I felt like taking on such a challenge, i.e., pursuing a PhD, was something that my, uh, lifestyle would have been, like, it would have been capable.

You know, I was amidst in drinking.

I was very active in my addictions and so on and so forth.

So there was this massive, like, cloud that hung over my head in my 30s where it was always something that I en- entertained, but it was something that I never kinda had the balls to make that decision to do.

But because of the way that my life had unfolded and I basically blew up my old lifestyle from everything from a, a failed marriage to no longer having a mortgage to pay for...

I fortunately didn't actually have kids in my previous marriage, so after that had ended, I came to a, I came to a conclusion where I stopped and looked at life and realized that if I truly am gonna have to start over and this be, uh, almost like the shedding of my old skin, I want to develop and live a life that I am so proud of, that the idea of drinking or falling back into addiction is something that almost would scare me to even be tempted with falling back into addiction.

I, I remember my therapist in early recovery would tell me quite a bit that, you know, she challenged me that she wants me to build a life- That I would not wanna lose to addiction, not just, you know, the fear of relapse is something that is very real with any recovering addict.

However, the idea of living a life that is so, I guess, fruitful or that I could be very proud of was something that I genuinely wanted to do.

You know, my ex-wife decided sh- you know, the, the, the marriage was not going to work, so that was very difficult and challenging, hence the reason for the show, was to give me something to look forward to.

And, um, out of that, I just, it, you know, came to a conclusion, and I'm sure as my fr- uh, friends and family and my loved ones know about me is like, if I make a decision to do something, like I don't half-ass anything.

Like, it's all or nothing, baby.

So I came to this conclusion that, you know, you live once.

I've always wanted to make research and herpetology like the focal point of my life.

And after the divorce and me managing, uh, sobriety through that, I kinda proved to myself that I was no longer afraid of relapse, and I decided that, you know what? Like, fuck it.

I'm going to go all out, and I'm going to really, uh, g- pursue this dream that I've had since being a child of, you know, kids...

It was very common growing up in the '90s.

Everybody wanted to be Michael Jordan.

Everybody wanted to be a basketball player in Illinois, especially in Chicagoland.

Every driveway had a basketball hoop.

And don't get me wrong, I love playing basketball.

Wanted to be like Mike.

I think that adage is very true to, like, my generation.