“It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” | Peter Marc Jacobson

**Peter Marc Jacobson spent nearly 20 years married to Fran Drescher. Their love was real. Their sex life was real. So was his attraction to men.**In Episode 7 of the Middle Men Podcast, Peter joins me for a candid conversation about what it was like growing up at a time when the only options seemed to be straight or gay, and spending years trying to make his actual experience fit into one of those boxes.Peter talks about the guilt and constant self-monitoring that came with being attracted to men while loving his wife, telling Fran that he thought he might be bisexual, entering gay spaces for the first time as an adult, living what he describes as “two lives,” and eventually reaching a point where he no longer needed a label to explain the entirety of who he was.We also talk about *The Nanny*, the real-life relationship that inspired *Happily Divorced*, intimacy and dating after his marriage, bisexuality, the pressure men feel to fit neatly into straight or gay categories, and what Peter’s life looks like today — with straight and gay friends, a remarkably close relationship with Fran, and a much greater sense of comfort in his own skin.📝 **READ THE COMPANION ARTICLEIt Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me** — Peter Marc Jacobson on loving Fran Drescher, being attracted to men, and the challenge of navigating both at once.https://middlemenwcfc.substack.com/p/it-took-a-lot-of-effort-not-to-be📱 **CONNECT WITH PETER MARC JACOBSON**Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/officialpetermarcjacobsonTikTok: https://tiktok.com/@peterjacobson68 📺 **WATCH THE "HAPPILY DIVORCED" EPISODE WE DISCUSSTorn Between Two Lovetts** — Peter discusses this episode in our conversation, in which Fran and Peter unknowingly become interested in the same man — who turns out to be bisexual.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT8Wvtg0izc ⏱️ **CHAPTERS00:00** Loving Fran while being attracted to men**03:43** Meeting Fran Drescher & their nearly 20-year marriage**07:04** Childhood, family & early feelings of being different**10:53** First attraction to men**13:37** Experimentation, shame & guilt**18:40** Suppressing attraction during the marriage**24:59** “Magical thinking” after the violent crime**32:35** Telling Fran he thought he was bisexual**34:20** Gay, bi & the problem with labels**39:07** Why attraction to men can erase everything else**43:08** Being publicly outed by a tabloid**45:11** Turning their story into \*Happily Divorced\***48:32** Bisexuality on \*Happily Divorced\***55:03** Entering gay spaces for the first time**57:04** “I was living two lives”**59:42** Emotional vs. physical attraction**1:04:52** Sex, intimacy, connection & getting older**1:07:49** “Call me whatever you want. I’m me.”**1:09:00** Why bisexuality still makes people uncomfortable**1:18:39** What Peter’s life looks like today**1:20:53** Final thoughts 👥 **JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY**A private online community for men who don’t fit neatly into straight or gay boxes.https://middlemen-podcast.com/community 📩 **MIDDLE MEN NEWSLETTER**Articles, new episodes, research and updates:https://middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter📱 **FOLLOW MIDDLE MEN**Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/middlemenwcfcFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/middlemenwcfcTikTok: [tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc](tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc)X: https://www.x.com/MiddleMenWCFC 🤔 **ARE YOU A MIDDLE MAN?**Take the anonymous Middle Men survey, and see https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/survey💸 **SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN**Donate to support the podcast, online community, and more. Every bit helps — Middle Men is operated by Brendan alone.https://middlemen-podcast.com/donate🏃 **STRAVA CLUB**Post your fitness activities, give and get kudos, and connect with other active Middle Menhttps://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen🤳 If this conversation resonates with you, subscribe to Middle Men and share the episode with someone who may need to hear it.#PeterMarcJacobson #unlabeledmen #gaymarriedmen #BisexualMen #Bisexuality