Aug 19, 2026 · 1 hr 7 min · 9 segments
Coming out is often portrayed as the happy ending—but for many people, it's only the beginning. In this conversation with former Catholic priest and licensed therapist Danny Peterson, we explore why…
Danny PetersonGuestCadeHostI, uh, I got the advice from a religious trauma therapist one time that the answer to sexual shame is to just go crazy and immediately have a hoe phase, and that's, that's obviously the, the solution to shame.
And I remember going like-
... "Man, that, I know a lot of people that try that and go back in the closet," and it seems like some people go down this route of like, "I'm gonna go for a more libertine approach and figure out relationships later." I like the approach of going relationship first and figuring out sexuality later.
How do you begin conversations as a clinician with someone as they're like, "Do I do relationships first? Do I do sexuality first?" How do those-
... s- seemingly two sides of one coin, um, interact when someone's dealing with it, the sort of coming out, extended adolescence and religious trauma, all in this crazy storm-
... um, in the LGBT community?
So it's very interesting because in the therapeutic like exchange, a lot of times there's what's called transference, where a client will kinda transfor- transfer a perspective or a belief or a vision they have of you onto you, right? And so for example-
Mm-hmm
some clients I have that are more on like the Christian spectrum and that are living like the more traditional Christian, um, sexual ethic, they may see me more Christian or they may see me more progressive and, and they'll say things like, "Oh, I know the, the gays just want us to all come out, but like I'm gonna do it this way." And I, I always kinda harness that and work with that and just say, "Hey, look, I'm not an authority figure on anything.
I'm here to help you explore your core values, what gives you joy in life, how to work through th- how to work to those values, and then what gets in the way," right? And if you're kind of in that like hoe phase, like you said, and that sexual freedom, great, let's explore how to do that in a safe and, and way that feels like integrated, in a way that feels like, actually like that builds you up rather than kind of, um, kinda like brings you down, right? And so I think for me, I'm always checking my biases, right? I'm always g- like especially in therapy.
I'll be like, "Listen, you're hanging out with these people who are drinking seven nights a week.
Yeah.
Like, [laughs] "Let's do something a little bit more..." But if it's a client, I just like try to help them kind of re- reflect in their values.
And it's fun to... s- they'll say like, "Well, what do you think I should do?" And I love that question 'cause I'll just kinda be like, "Well, hey, I, um, it's, I'm not the expert on your life, so I'm curious, like what does your gut tell you?" And that's so liberating 'cause they'll look at me as a mentor and like a guru, and like that's, that's not my role, not a guru.
"Hey, what feels right to you?" You know? And I've had people that are very sexually open and sexually free and make, make v- a lot of boundaries for themselves, like, "Hey, I don't like going out late at night.
I, uh, I got the advice from a religious trauma therapist one time that the answer to sexual shame is to just go crazy and immediately have a hoe phase, and that's, that's obviously the, the solution to shame.
And I remember going like-
... "Man, that, I know a lot of people that try that and go back in the closet," and it seems like some people go down this route of like, "I'm gonna go for a more libertine approach and figure out relationships later." I like the approach of going relationship first and figuring out sexuality later.
How do you begin conversations as a clinician with someone as they're like, "Do I do relationships first? Do I do sexuality first?" How do those-
... s- seemingly two sides of one coin, um, interact when someone's dealing with it, the sort of coming out, extended adolescence and religious trauma, all in this crazy storm-
... um, in the LGBT community?
So it's very interesting because in the therapeutic like exchange, a lot of times there's what's called transference, where a client will kinda transfor- transfer a perspective or a belief or a vision they have of you onto you, right? And so for example-
Mm-hmm
some clients I have that are more on like the Christian spectrum and that are living like the more traditional Christian, um, sexual ethic, they may see me more Christian or they may see me more progressive and, and they'll say things like, "Oh, I know the, the gays just want us to all come out, but like I'm gonna do it this way." And I, I always kinda harness that and work with that and just say, "Hey, look, I'm not an authority figure on anything.
I'm here to help you explore your core values, what gives you joy in life, how to work through th- how to work to those values, and then what gets in the way," right? And if you're kind of in that like hoe phase, like you said, and that sexual freedom, great, let's explore how to do that in a safe and, and way that feels like integrated, in a way that feels like, actually like that builds you up rather than kind of, um, kinda like brings you down, right? And so I think for me, I'm always checking my biases, right? I'm always g- like especially in therapy.
I'll be like, "Listen, you're hanging out with these people who are drinking seven nights a week.
Yeah.
Like, [laughs] "Let's do something a little bit more..." But if it's a client, I just like try to help them kind of re- reflect in their values.
And it's fun to... s- they'll say like, "Well, what do you think I should do?" And I love that question 'cause I'll just kinda be like, "Well, hey, I, um, it's, I'm not the expert on your life, so I'm curious, like what does your gut tell you?" And that's so liberating 'cause they'll look at me as a mentor and like a guru, and like that's, that's not my role, not a guru.
"Hey, what feels right to you?" You know? And I've had people that are very sexually open and sexually free and make, make v- a lot of boundaries for themselves, like, "Hey, I don't like going out late at night.
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