#89: She Hid Childhood Sexual Abuse for 50 Years: Darlene Lekowski

No, I think it's very important because, you know, again, this is someone that stuck with you for 15 years and manifested itself in so many different ways.

And then, Ashley, as you said, where you got to the point of, you know, physically harming your daughter just because, you know, she...

You saw the image of your brother upon her.

And so, yeah, it definitely needs to be spoken about because there's actual tangible impacts that come from it.

And so because of that, I want to shift gears into talking about your memoir, Shattering Silence, right? What actually happens internally when someone finally says aloud something they have carried privately for decades, right? Obviously, we know the fallout, you know, with your brothers.

But now, you know, coming to your memoir and you're able to dive deeper into sharing what happened there.

What happens, you know, internally when you're finally able to do that?

Yeah, I mean, I also feel that I'm very fortunate, I think, because I mentally compartmentalized the two girls.

I didn't have any physical issues.

But so many survivors of sexual abuse do have a lot of ailments, especially when it's within the family.

Some of these survivors are They gained memories in their 50s and 60s and 40s.

They blocked it out that much.

But when you talk about the mental capacity of survivors and what it does to write your story down, I mean, think about it.

I had to live my trauma three times.

I lived it as a child.

I got sued over it, relived it for two and a half years, which was actually just as difficult.

I had to talk about it on the stand.

And then I wrote a book about it.

But I will tell you, writing a memoir became the most cathartic thing I've ever done.

And coming out speaking publicly on podcasts has been an incredible experience because the more that I talk about it, the more that I heal.

And I hope by speaking up like this, there are so many other survivors that might be listening to this podcast and go, wow, she overcame a hell of a lot and she was able to turn her life around.

And let go of everything.

I'm not saying forget what happened to us.

I'm not even saying forgive.

Forgive wasn't even in the cards.

No, I think it's very important because, you know, again, this is someone that stuck with you for 15 years and manifested itself in so many different ways.

And then, Ashley, as you said, where you got to the point of, you know, physically harming your daughter just because, you know, she...

You saw the image of your brother upon her.

And so, yeah, it definitely needs to be spoken about because there's actual tangible impacts that come from it.

And so because of that, I want to shift gears into talking about your memoir, Shattering Silence, right? What actually happens internally when someone finally says aloud something they have carried privately for decades, right? Obviously, we know the fallout, you know, with your brothers.

But now, you know, coming to your memoir and you're able to dive deeper into sharing what happened there.

What happens, you know, internally when you're finally able to do that?

Yeah, I mean, I also feel that I'm very fortunate, I think, because I mentally compartmentalized the two girls.

I didn't have any physical issues.

But so many survivors of sexual abuse do have a lot of ailments, especially when it's within the family.

Some of these survivors are They gained memories in their 50s and 60s and 40s.

They blocked it out that much.

But when you talk about the mental capacity of survivors and what it does to write your story down, I mean, think about it.

I had to live my trauma three times.

I lived it as a child.

I got sued over it, relived it for two and a half years, which was actually just as difficult.

I had to talk about it on the stand.

And then I wrote a book about it.

But I will tell you, writing a memoir became the most cathartic thing I've ever done.

And coming out speaking publicly on podcasts has been an incredible experience because the more that I talk about it, the more that I heal.

And I hope by speaking up like this, there are so many other survivors that might be listening to this podcast and go, wow, she overcame a hell of a lot and she was able to turn her life around.

And let go of everything.

I'm not saying forget what happened to us.

I'm not even saying forgive.

Forgive wasn't even in the cards.