Sexology Roundtable | Why Women Should Unlearn the Sexual Script

okay good should we talk about sex toys yes okay let's do it um so where do we begin with sex toys like where does one begin with a sex toy i mean do you start on your own is it something you should be doing from whatever age should we all be having sex toys are you missing out if you don't have a sex toy

I mean, I think

the

first thing to take the shame away.

Yeah, I think that's the really important part is like people have a lot of shame towards sex toys as well, but also like take the shame away from having it within a couple and partnered sex because people think, oh, if you bring in a vibrator, it's because I'm not doing the right job.

Or

if you bring in a cock ring, it's because I'm not making you hard enough or like those sorts of things will start going through people's heads.

So like before you purchase anything, it's a lot of kind of deconditioning first.

that that's where a lot of people do need to start but then yeah it explores like you can explore with yourself but then also there's so many great partner toys to be exploring with as well so it's really about what do you actually want right now kind of thing are you trying to have like are you wanting to explore different clitoral orgasms and have like the clit suckers and the vibrators are you wanting to explore like handcuffs or you know different aspects as well of more kind of role play sort of side of things there's so much so many fun things

yeah i feel like you know when we talk about sex toys as a therapist i try not to be too clinical about it because sex toys should be fun and pleasurable but i also know women who have thought okay i should just use a sex toy so they'll get like maybe a clitoral stimulator some sort of bullet put it straight on their clitoris and kind of they're like whoa this is not really working charlie right or Or they might listen a little bit to the instructions and they might kind of allow for that build up to happen.

But they're like, but I'm not having an orgasm from this, Charlene.

And it's

like, well, first of all, you need to take the pressure away from this whole I need to have an orgasm because you are missing out on the whole journey if the focus is just orgasm.

But actually with a sex toy, you kind of need a bit of fantasy as well.

So, you know, you need to understand what turns you on, what does it for you, because that plays a part in your body feeling sexually aroused, together with the physical stuff.

Stop doing that.

But again, that takes you

back to, well, what are you thinking about? There's a study that was done on female fantasy, though, and actually women at midlife had the most exciting fantasies.

One of the theories being that actually life was pretty boring for them, so it was somewhere to escape into.

I think sometimes when I talk with women, I just normalise the fact that you're allowed to have this kind of naughty, quiet place that you go to on your own.

And actually to be clinical, sex toys are actually pretty good for tissues.

I use them therapeutically with women.

I'll get a pebble vibrator or something that's flat.

And using that every day for about a minute or two has been shown to reduce sexual pain in 73% of women.

So just when you're saying a pebble, can you just, what is that? It literally looks like a pebble.