if you feel nothing right now.

So yeah, I think that my, my first, um, I guess revelation or just act of desperation for God was falling on my face enough times.

And when I say falling on my face enough times, um, what I'm talking about is, um, there was a life I was living before Jesus where, uh, everything was on me.

And I didn't actually realize that Jesus was the only thing that could fulfill me in the way that I had been seeking fulfillment.

But I, I just tried enough things and was let down so many times that I became desperate.

It was giving, like, survival at that point, where I was like, "I don't, I don't know where else to turn.

I don't know where else to go." And so unfortunately, in a lot of cases, we should always be treating God as our first choice, but sometimes we treat Him as our last option or our last resort when He should be our first.

I genuinely, I didn't know that there was this much fulfillment in God and that My desperation was something God can meet me in and, like, give me that drink of water for the first time that I had been so thirsty for my entire life.

And so I think that that really changed for me when I got tired, when I got tired of trying to do everything on my own.

I was tired of trying to, um, find the answers.

I was tired of trying to feel better on my own.

I think a perspective of this too that's really important is that when I, when I'm talking about having desperation for God, it's not like a panic.

It's not like this unhealthy like when you are desperate for God, it is only when your life feels like it's on fire.

Um, there was a belief system that I had adopted for a majority of my life before I really came to Jesus where God was that.

He was the fire extinguisher.

He was 911.

He was, you know, as if you were calling the police when there was an emergency.

So that was my association with God a lot of the time, was that when things were really, really bad, that was when I was, quote, desperate for God.

But in, in reality, it was just I was just treating him as if he was my emergency contact versus genuinely being desperate for him every single day.

And being desperate for God is not just in the emergencies.

You know? I think that there's, there's more to the word of being desperate for God than just when things are really bad.

A healthy desperation for God is like, it's an honest, genuine hunger that you have in your spirit, in your heart, like you are just so hungry.

It's like an appetite.

It's like I actually will not live, I cannot survive without this meal, our daily bread, Jesus.

So it's an honest hunger versus like a panic.

And yeah, and so I think for me, the turning point for me with g- getting to a true place of desperation for God was realizing that I couldn't do life on my own anymore, and I think I had always known that, but I was, I was looking for crutches, and I was looking for other remedies, other things, other coping mechanisms, people, comfort.