Christ in the Abyss–Encountering God in Suffering: A Conversation with Jean Neely

Christ in the Abyss: A Conversation with Jean Neely Daniel and Yulee welcome Jean Neely—Korean American writer, writing instructor at Azusa Pacific University, and author of Christ in the Abyss—for a deeply personal conversation about faith, mental illness, and what it means to encounter God in suffering rather than be rescued from it. The conversation covers: Why Jean wrote the book: growing up in Korean American evangelical spaces (and broader U.S. Christian culture) where she rarely heard stories of unresolved, long-term suffering—and the toxic message that real faith should look like constant joy, certainty, and answered prayer A warm, nurturing church upbringing as a pastor's kid, paired with a self-critical, melancholic temperament that absorbed and amplified harmful theological messages Her parents' striking, unshaming response to her mental health struggles—including their reflection on a formative early trauma they felt responsible for A vivid, moving story: being sent to live with relatives in Korea as a baby, then flown alone to the U.S. at 22 months old after her aunt grew attached to her—and the lasting effects of that early separation (a story Yulee shares a striking parallel to from her own childhood) The long, hard-won process of trusting that Jesus is present in depression and doubt rather than disappointed by it—with help from her Aunt Miyong, a retired pastor, and contemplative writers like Thomas Merton, Thomas Keating, and Henri Nouwen Why she now describes herself as more of a doubter than a believer, and what faith looks like when intellectual certainty isn't available A connection to Luther's Anfechtung and the idea that wrestling with God—not quiet submission—is at the heart of the biblical story (Israel as the one who wrestles with God) The unexpected comfort of contemplative spirituality: "silence is God's first language," and the idea that something is happening in prayer even when it isn't felt Sustaining daily practices: a prayer app, NYT word puzzles, checking in with friends by text, and unwinding with Korean dramas A fun detour into Jean's love of languages—French, Korean, and Arabic (including reading Harry Potter in Arabic to build vocabulary) A rich, honest conversation well-suited for church book groups—not just for those who've experienced mental illness, but for anyone wrestling with unresolved pain and wondering what kind of God they're dealing with. Jean’s book, Christ in the Abyss https://bakerbookhouse.com/products/9798898020347_christ-in-the-abyss?srsltid=AfmBOooOGPjsC684nPN5r6fvEVXhQmEUOCpByiE-aVyV1qlbc3lwAh3f Sign up to receive more updates from the AAC: https://aac.fuller.edu/newsletter/ If you appreciate the work we do at the Asian American Center at Fuller Seminary, please consider supporting us! Your monetary support sustains our vital work and expands Asian American research, leadership development, and pastoral formation for the Church in the year ahead. Donate here: fuller.edu/giveaac.