**Eliana Kwartler (Late Show with Stephen Colbert) is the guest Asher and Michael thought they had to prepare the least for. We chat attachment theory, the school essay she wrote about 9/11, and what (if anything) she misses about dating men.**
**00:00:00 Cold Open**
**00:00:21 Welcome Eliana Kwartler**
**00:01:14 Childhood Nicknames**
**00:03:06 Bullied, or the Bully?**
**00:09:57 Attachment Theory and "Attached"**
**00:16:05 Guessing Everyone's Attachment Style**
**00:20:31 Should Parents Control the Curriculum?**
**00:25:50 Philosophy Class: Turtles All the Way Down**
**00:29:29 Mary Oliver's "The Journey," From Memory**
**00:36:19 Reciting The Raven and Hamlet**
**00:38:07 Asher's Thousand Guinea Pigs**
**00:41:03 The Aunt Who Burned Down the House**
**00:43:30 Eliana's 9/11 Essay at Age Seven**
**00:46:52 Living Through History**
**00:50:17 Low Rise, Wide Leg**
**00:54:33 Where Does the Butt Crack Go?**
**00:59:07 Michael's Abu Dhabi Romper**
**01:01:25 Getting Naked in Restaurant Bathrooms**
**01:07:37 Anything Good About Dating Men?**
**01:12:50 Are Marvel Movies Straight Man Coded?**
**01:22:00 Full-Throated Endorsement: Custom Earplugs**
**01:27:03 Outro**
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