Navigating Divorce, Fatherhood & Life 2.0 with Jude Sandvall

And so, you know, like when we're dealing with, when I'm dealing with topics like this, it's always a fine line because I never want to add more to somebody who f- feels like they are a victim or who has been victimized.

Mm-hmm.

But you know, in my work, I, you know, you're a divorce coach.

I'm a meaning mentor, a meaning coach, helping, you know, men in particular find meaning and purpose.

It's also important to take responsibility-

Absolutely

... for how I got here, and it's never, um, zero and 100%.

It may not be 50/50, I don't know, but it's n- I've never met any situation, like divorce in this case, where it's all her fault and none of his fault.

And what I do see, one of the things that leads men to having less resources, you already named it, is because she has a community.

Right.

But I would suggest that it's not that she's putting together a community to get ready for divorce, but that she has b- spent her life developing community.

And I see so many men neglecting community.

They got work friends, not real friends.

Sure.

And when y- they, you know, when the, you know what hits the fan, it's they're not friends and there's no support and there's no community.

Would you say that's true?

Yeah, I agree.

I think just inherently women are better at building and operating within community.

Mm-hmm.

It's just a natural thing for them.

Men are more lone wil- wolves, if you will, focused on what they're going and where they're, you know, w- w- what they're doing and where they're going, and if they do have community, it's maybe built by and supported by their, their wives-

Yeah

... or, or their women.

So, uh, which is great, right? That's a, a good balance.

Women bring that.

And so, you know, like when we're dealing with, when I'm dealing with topics like this, it's always a fine line because I never want to add more to somebody who f- feels like they are a victim or who has been victimized.

Mm-hmm.

But you know, in my work, I, you know, you're a divorce coach.

I'm a meaning mentor, a meaning coach, helping, you know, men in particular find meaning and purpose.

It's also important to take responsibility-

Absolutely

... for how I got here, and it's never, um, zero and 100%.

It may not be 50/50, I don't know, but it's n- I've never met any situation, like divorce in this case, where it's all her fault and none of his fault.

And what I do see, one of the things that leads men to having less resources, you already named it, is because she has a community.

Right.

But I would suggest that it's not that she's putting together a community to get ready for divorce, but that she has b- spent her life developing community.

And I see so many men neglecting community.

They got work friends, not real friends.

Sure.

And when y- they, you know, when the, you know what hits the fan, it's they're not friends and there's no support and there's no community.

Would you say that's true?

Yeah, I agree.

I think just inherently women are better at building and operating within community.

Mm-hmm.

It's just a natural thing for them.

Men are more lone wil- wolves, if you will, focused on what they're going and where they're, you know, w- w- what they're doing and where they're going, and if they do have community, it's maybe built by and supported by their, their wives-

Yeah

... or, or their women.

So, uh, which is great, right? That's a, a good balance.

Women bring that.