3 Ways to Stay Focused on Yourself While in a Relationship

And on today's solo episode topic, I'm diving into the topic of how to focus on yourself even while you are in a relationship or a dynamic.

that might kind of pull you away from your own life for a bit and I just want to preface that this is a normal and common experience and I will never forget when I experienced this firsthand in my very first relationship when I was like a freshman in college and basically all of college and halfway through that relationship I very much learned the importance of maintaining my independence having my own life, etc.

And to be transparent, I kind of felt the cost of not having that when we broke up the first time around.

And I was only 20 years old.

And so for better or worse, I learned this big lesson in life early on.

And this question came to me from a listener somewhat recently where she sent me a DM and asked me about this topic amongst a few other things related to this topic.

And I figured, you know what? I think this is a common thing.

question and obstacle.

And given my experience in this, I figured I would share some of my approaches to this and how I have maintained my own focus and my own life even while being in relationships.

So my first tip is to make sure that you are not scheduling or building your life around the other person.

And honestly, this is irrespective of whether you just started dating or you are a few years in.

And...

I'm going to be honest, it's probably more common to do this when you are in your first 6 to 12 months of dating.

I get it.

It's natural.

You're in the honeymoon phase.

You want to spend a lot of time with this person.

Something that my friend Dana from middle school used to tell me, especially back in the day when I would also kind of get in my head and, you know, this is like years ago where we would talk about this, but she also reminded me that some of the best parts about getting into a new relationship are the butterflies and getting to know someone and getting to learn about someone.

And so keep that in mind as you are dating and as you are progressing with someone.

If this person ends up being someone you date for the long haul, what's the rush? I know it's hard, it's easier said than done, but it is so important to think about because when I look around and I observe how people are going about things, I notice speed is often either part of the question or a big focus, right? It's like, oh, when's the next date? Or, oh, where are things going? Or, you know, even when I would share with friends about my dating experiences, a lot of the times they would ask me, Oh, do you guys have plans to see each other again soon and all of this? That is important.

And yes, that is relevant when you want to pace towards something meaningful.

But it is super important to remember that how one person does it doesn't mean you have to do it that way, right? You have to be really aware of what works best for you and remove the comparison of timing according to another person or what society has generally said because you got to keep in mind too, a lot of that has changed over the years.

Like, what was more normal 15, 20, 30 years ago is different than today's normal.