Our panel goes on shore leave with Maggie Smith

Your first quote, then, is a sign at a bar in Thailand.

Attention soldiers, the beer you deserve is here.

The

bar put up that sign because what just showed up at a port in Thailand after a record-setting nine months at sea? Would that be the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln? It is the USS Abraham Lincoln.

Very good.

After an unprecedented deployment, the aircraft carrier just finally made port in Pattaya, Thailand.

And let me tell you, there is not a missile on board that can do as much damage as 5,000 sailors who just got their first shore leave in nine months.

We've all seen the stories of deteriorating conditions on the ship.

The captain said at this point the boat, quote, looks like a dirty car in a parking lot, unquote.

So the sailors on board are excited to try all the amenities Thailand has to offer, like enough food and working restrooms.

Boy, that must have been some poopy poop deck.

Yes.

That poor aircraft carrier.

I never thought that an aircraft carrier could have it worse than the president it was named for.

That's true.

It's treated worse.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the cruise? There are rules.

They can't just go nuts.

There are rules for this, surely.

This is true.

The sailors are not allowed to go to the red light district in town, or for some reason they can't do any jet skiing, right? But they are encouraged to check out the area's museums and religious sites.

For example, they can go to the brand new Museum of Prostitution.

Why are you looking at me? Did you know this, by the way, that apparently, even though Thailand is known for it, prostitution is actually illegal?

Everything's illegal.

No, even the King and I. It's illegal to stage a production of the King and I in Thailand.