There's no bypassing life, like, EVER

no matter what

you've unraveled through this whole journey of self-dissolution, no matter what that is, there is no mechanism, no way, and no hope to escape life as it's happening because that's all there is.

So if you think you're going to drop your kid off at college and somehow bypass into some kind of meditative no thing, empty state that you won't feel those things, you're deluding yourself.

And if that empty state does arise, that's life showing up as that.

There's no control at all.

So what I found is all this training, whatever the training, all the years of dissolving belief.

And again, I didn't do any of this stuff.

This just kind of happens as part of this whole awakening thing that's not a thing and it doesn't happen to anyone so we're just talking to talk but because there's no other nothing else to do can't escape life gotta talk unless you want to live in a cave which that's life showing up as you living in a cave going to a monastery um nothing could really prepare you there was no way to sort of um not feel those things.

And that's perfectly good.

That's perfectly fine.

So you feel the energetic bond snapping of childhood, of your, any illusion you had that this child is your responsibility fully and you're raising them from this tiny little embryo all the way until now, it goes crack when you see her go up the stairs into the dorm and you're leaving.

with your wife and you feel that at all the things we all did.

And it's beautiful.

It's poignant, bittersweet, wonderful, terrible, stressful, tiring, all of it all felt full on.

And all I can say that's different from how it might've been.

And this is all speculation because it's all a story is there wasn't a sense of me holding it as mine.

It was instead just, whoa, wow.

just the full-on feeling of each of those things happening, but no escape from it.

And honestly, no desire to escape from it.

At some points I was like, I wish I had that ability to just drop into witnessing awareness and just watch all this unfold instead of having it show up without any witness, because there is no witness.

There's no consciousness.

There's only what's happening.

It shows up as everything, as everything.

Um, and so here I am in a room, we cleaned it up.

Thank God.