The Skill That Changes Every Conversation with Christine Miles | #64

I started my career at 22 as a family therapist, knocking on people's doors.

Longer story, didn't want to go into sales, but never did I do more selling than, hey, I'm Christine, I'm 22, I'll be your family therapist.

And from families to individuals to companies, here's what I saw over and over again.

When I was dealing with any communication problem, it wasn't what people were saying, it's what the other party wasn't understanding.

That was where I saw it always broke down because things could be said better, more clearly.

There's a filter that we all have because we're not taught.

The brain contaminates what we hear all the time.

And if we don't learn to clean up that filter and make sure we're clear, that's why we don't understand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, the brain is probably looking to contextualize what it just heard within a story of the past.

That can be one thing.

So the thing that I don't like hearing the most is when someone says, I tell somebody, you have two ears and one mouth, use them in proportion.

And that's a great idea.

And this is how we've been teaching kids.

And now adults, you know, tell them to listen better.

It's not an ear problem.

It's a brain problem.

So I can, that's like saying go run a five minute mile, Christine.

well, that's a great idea, but you better do some hard training to get me to a five minute mile, even if I were younger.

So we're, it's like, so yes, the story we tell ourselves, the story of our past, our own brain is the enemy in terms of where we're prepping to respond.

Some of us get nervous in the moment.

We're rehearsing what we're going to say.

We're mind reading.

We're advising or problem solving.