Telling on Herself: Tori J. Calms the Chaos

Some of the first challenges were the first big challenge big hurdle I faced.

I actually broke my tailbone in 2018, right before I got sober.

So when you're sitting in these groups all day, every day, and you're there to detox off alcohol, and then you're crying about being in pain, it's a very difficult thing.

Luckily, I did have evidence of breaking my tailbone.

So I was getting as much help as I could with the treatment center and the doctors and everything.

my mother god bless her um i joke about it now with her but i was getting muscle relaxers from the treatment center because of my pain my mom got scared and so she told them i was also a drug addict um so they immediately stopped giving me any medication um i was not a drug addict and i'm not um but she was just worried so you know to each their own uh so that was one of the big hurdles i faced initially and also another was that the dog i'd had growing up 17 years old, he ended up getting put down.

And one of the things my parents had to do was they came down for a family weekend.

I was inpatient 30 days, PHP for 72 days and IOP for another 30.

I was in PHP when my parents had to come and tell me like, hey, we are unfortunately going to have to put your dog down and you cannot come home to be a part of it.

And so They wouldn't let me, um, come home and then they let me FaceTime to say goodbye, but we're not going to let me see him get put down just because they didn't know what emotional toll they could have on me.

So I'm really sober.

Cause I was like five months sober at this time.

Um, so that was another one of the really large hurdles.

The, the other was living in a halfway house with like eight other women in South Florida, kept it 74 degrees, even in the summer.

That was miserable and I never want to do that again.

So summer, very hot, very, very poor experience.

I never want to do that again.

And so part of that is also what keeps me sober is I don't want to go back to do all of those things again.

That does not sound fun or enjoyable.

Well, you know, that's part of, you know, probably my thing that I relate to with that is I don't want to have to make amends to anyone anymore.

So

I do everything I can, and I'm not very successful at it.

Anyone listening that knows me knows it.

that i don't have to you know make an amends to somebody because of my behavior of some sort so it kind of keeps me going you know trying at least trying to work towards the thing so i i i get the these are the things we don't want to do again so i think it's i think it's a lot And I don't know if this is going to sound right when I say it, but I think it is much easier at this point to stay sober than it was to get sober.

Oh, I agree.