The Queer Superfile

To dildo or to dildo? Dildo or dildo? Dildo.

caught in our own cycles to surrounding this stuff so to give yourself room to make a mistake quote unquote you know just have a variety of experiences you know it's not like bad experiences good it's like something you know i mean some are bad like very harmful in that way but it's like there are mediocre experiences there are there's bad sex that's not harmful sex there is you know just relationships with people that you didn't want the same thing.

You're not goal congruent.

Like, and the thing about the experiential learning part is like just leaving yourself room to, you know, find something that doesn't work for you for whatever reason, and then learn something about it.

You know, like that kind of does have to happen.

Like if you think of, all the great things you have in your life, you know, being a person that's like been on the journey for a while and you're like, wow, I really did that thing.

It's like, well, how did I get here? I stumbled, didn't I? And then I got up and then I stumbled again.

And then, you know, how many times did it take for me to learn that thing? Probably a few.

So, you know, it's like, it's all a part of all of our journeys with sex, sexuality, gender, queerness kinkiness polyamory like all of this stuff it's all a part of our to give us this whole understanding and education surrounding this stuff because once again no one's teaching it so that's how we learn it so it's okay it's okay you know

yeah yeah that is so real and I think oh I think for a lot of late bloomers a lot of us can struggle with like perfectionism or struggling with being a beginner like so easy to just be like well I've dated men for like 20 years and like I I know what I'm doing like I know the tips and tricks like I I know how to show up in this dynamic what do you mean at 35

I have to be a brand new

beginner and I have to be vulnerable and I will, I will make mistakes.

Like I think loosen the grip loose.

You got to really, you're holding the steering wheel so tightly.

White knuckling it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're white.

Yeah.

And I think like, I really, yeah, I really love the framework from, uh, I think Adam James Cohen, who hosts the second adolescence pod.

Um, he says, uh, this phrase called necessary use.

that the messy experiences that you have, you know, like the awkwardness and the figuring it out.

I don't know.

You hit on a girl and she's like, no, I don't know.

Just no.