#420 Dr. Emmanuel Udezue - My Dad Tells Me Everything

What are, firstly, let's talk about marriage.

That's a hot topic always.

What are some of the biggest lessons you've learned that you feel comfortable to share with people who might be listening to this? There'll be people listening to this who are married there will be people who are single people who are in their teens 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s and above um but based on your 50 years of experience and having a successful and fruitful marriage what are some of the core things you feel it's important to share

well um the the first thing to say is that um Marriage is a give and take situation.

And by that I mean that two adults who grew up in two different homes cannot be expected to agree on everything from the beginning.

So there has to be some kind of give and take in the situation.

And when you marry somebody, you marry the whole package.

None of us is an angel.

And if we take the commitment seriously.

As written down, people will say it's old-fashioned, but in the church wedding Can I say ritual? You have to promise that you are marrying for better, for worse, in sickness and in health.

And when you read or hear those things read, they sound a bit trite sometimes.

But often you have to remind yourself that what you've agreed, this is what you will do.

And so it helps in that if there is a kind of common ground to begin with and by that i mean different way of looking at life different not different not very diametrically opposed ways of looking at life having the same values if you are somebody of faith it tells very much to marry somebody who is also a person of faith Because if you have difficulties in any marriage, most marriages will have some time when they go through difficult times, you wouldn't be looking for how to get out.

Your attitude would be, how can we get over this issue? How can we solve this problem? How am I going to exit from this commitment that I've made? And then, of course, you learn as you grow.

You learn to know your spouse, their foibles, and the same way as they learn yours.

And you try and keep yourselves... rekindle the initial attraction that brought you together.

And when I speak at weddings, I advise couples, especially the women, that wedding is not marriage.

Some people focus so much on the razzmatazz of wedding dress and all this and they think that's marriage.

That is the beginning of it.

In fact, you don't have to do all that.

But sometimes there's so much focus on wedding that people forget that that is not marriage.

And I often give the analogy of...

Any parent who has had a child will know that sometimes a child can be naughty.

They can drive you mad.

Sometimes you feel like .