Are You Asking Your Partner The Right Questions?

I went to therapy.

Growth.

[laughs] I would s- I'll tell them like, "Hey, I need you to do X, Y, and Z for me." Or, "Hey, I'm feeling not heard." And instead of someone being like, "Yeah, I hear you," they were like, "Well, you're asking for too much."

I feel like this anxiety, which like as a kid is like kind of funny and cute, I, when you get older starts manifesting in your relationships.

Yeah.

Talk to me about how that starts affecting them.

I usually always give to my partners ins- and they never give anything back to me.

Hmm.

So what I mean by that is this: My very, like first romantic experience ever, you know, I was friends with the guy, but I didn't really feel anything, right? He didn't really give me anything.

I kinda k- kept giving.

And I just told myself like, "Well, at least someone wants to be around you.

You gotta take what you can," right? And so I kinda got accustomed to this idea that I'm never gonna get that direct communication that I need, and I feel like, you know what? I'm just gonna go through it people-pleasing.

So I people-pleased throughout all my relationships.

When we talk about like the people-pleasing and the jokes, how did that start affecting your relationships?

I kinda lost who I was, like in the relationships.

It was kinda like I became a chameleon.

Hmm.

Right? So I would do what they like.

I would go to places they like, and I kind of wouldn't express my needs.

And the way that I would try to express my needs is through, again, these weird hypotheticals.

Because I've always done that.

So like for example, I could be like, we're in Central Park, right? I had a partner that didn't really like going outside much.

I'd be like, "Would you be like upset if one day we just randomly just like went to Central Park and just sat down? You know, just, just, just putting it out there."

[laughs]

And they'd be like, "No, I don't wanna do that." And I'd be like, "Oh, okay.