Parenting Tips: Young Dad Podcast
Aug 10, 2026 · 41 min · 16 segments
This episode is about helping dads realize that how they communicate with their partner teaches their kids how love works. In this conversation, Jey Young and Raffi Bilek explore the complexities of…
Raffi BilekGuestSo Rafi, most, I would say like most couples argue or when they argue, they're usually arguing are rushing to fix something right they usually just want to jump right to a conclusion right to a fix right to the solution right but that's rarely what's needed sometimes it's needed to get right to the solution but rarely sometimes there's something deeper there so why do people feel less safe in conversation the harder they try to fix the problem
well one of the things i try to teach people is that you can't fix a problem you don't understand And that seems pretty simple, but we all end up doing that, you know, because we think, oh, the problem is the dishwasher or, you know, which kids said what and what we need to do about that.
And really the problems that we're arguing about is how do we feel about that situation? And am I being an effective dad? Am I being hurt in this marriage? All these things that lie underneath whatever the presenting problem is.
But the problem is that I feel like I'm being controlled by my wife or she feels like I don't listen to her or whatever these things are.
And so when you run in and try to solve the immediate problem, we kind of just skip over what's actually hurting people, what's actually bothering us.
Yeah.
And so then it runs us into the circles like, well, I did it differently, like you wanted me to.
And so it's done.
Like it's probably solved.
Right.
Again, it's not how you squeeze the toothpaste to do the dishwasher, put the dishes away, whatever it is.
The problem is the interactions, the relationship, the feelings we have about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
And why is it? It's so important to go in there and try to figure out the why behind it, right? Because there is a why behind, you know, those big reactions, right? Or whether there maybe was some conflict over the dishwasher or like you said, squeezing the toothpaste or doing a certain way, a certain thing a certain way, right? or a certain feeling.
So Rafi, most, I would say like most couples argue or when they argue, they're usually arguing are rushing to fix something right they usually just want to jump right to a conclusion right to a fix right to the solution right but that's rarely what's needed sometimes it's needed to get right to the solution but rarely sometimes there's something deeper there so why do people feel less safe in conversation the harder they try to fix the problem
well one of the things i try to teach people is that you can't fix a problem you don't understand And that seems pretty simple, but we all end up doing that, you know, because we think, oh, the problem is the dishwasher or, you know, which kids said what and what we need to do about that.
And really the problems that we're arguing about is how do we feel about that situation? And am I being an effective dad? Am I being hurt in this marriage? All these things that lie underneath whatever the presenting problem is.
But the problem is that I feel like I'm being controlled by my wife or she feels like I don't listen to her or whatever these things are.
And so when you run in and try to solve the immediate problem, we kind of just skip over what's actually hurting people, what's actually bothering us.
Yeah.
And so then it runs us into the circles like, well, I did it differently, like you wanted me to.
And so it's done.
Like it's probably solved.
Right.
Again, it's not how you squeeze the toothpaste to do the dishwasher, put the dishes away, whatever it is.
The problem is the interactions, the relationship, the feelings we have about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
And why is it? It's so important to go in there and try to figure out the why behind it, right? Because there is a why behind, you know, those big reactions, right? Or whether there maybe was some conflict over the dishwasher or like you said, squeezing the toothpaste or doing a certain way, a certain thing a certain way, right? or a certain feeling.
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