But... is there any element of like curiosity that comes into this to, to help us be more curious to, to understand like where they're coming from or just to help us put the picture together

better or.

Yeah.

You know, as like we said, we're, we're fixers.

We want answers.

If you try to frame the problem as what does my spouse think and feel? That's what I got to figure out.

If you can get an answer to that, you're in a good place so that's where the curiosity comes in you can say you know what they probably have some way of seeing this they probably have some reason for doing what they what they did there are so many situations where we see it differently you think you know junior was really upset last night and i say no you seem like he was acting pretty normal for you know a four-year-old or whatever it's okay we don't need to argue about that point if i can understand how you see it then I can probably understand why you did what you did.

I hate your mom anyways.