Why Situationships Matter: Love Addiction, No-Contact & Letting Go — Dr. Cortney Warren

What if the person you can't stop craving after a breakup isn't a lost love — but a drug you're still detoxing from? Alice is joined by Dr. Cortney Warren — board-certified clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker, and the researcher who studies self-deception, love addiction and coined the term "exaholism." Alice opens with her own pandemic situationship: the man she'd never met in person yet couldn't stop texting at 5 a.m. But her real gift is the reframe underneath — falling in love is an addiction, and a bad breakup is withdrawal. Cortney's core idea: your ex isn't a person you lost, they're a stimulus your brain is still craving — "the non-relationship relationship." She explains why romantic love evolved to be addictive, why intermittent reinforcement (breadcrumbing, love-bombing, the on-again-off-again) hooks us harder than consistency, and what it takes to stop using your drug of choice. If you've ever wondered about the truth about situationships, or found yourself stuck on emotionally unavailable men/women, this is the neuroscience behind why. The turn comes when she argues the goal of a brutal breakup isn't to get over someone — it's to see both your ex and yourself in "stark reality," until the relationship becomes "just a version." Forgiveness, she says, isn't letting them off the hook; it's the ultimate act of self-love, including forgiving yourself for the values you compromised. Whether you're deep in a no-contact detox or you just want to build emotionally healthy relationships, this compassionate reframe explains the purpose of heartbreak and is essential listening for anyone thinking about relationships in the 21st century. **In this episode they explore:** - Why falling in love is biologically engineered to be addictive - "Exaholism" — being addicted to your lover after it's over - The rat study, slot machines, and why breadcrumbing beats consistency - Why situationships matter: love-bombing, breadcrumbing, and emotionally unavailable men - Why we're drawn to people who mirror our wounds — not the secure ones - Journaling your way to "who am I?" — learning how to be an adult in relationships - The symptoms of an exaholic breakup - Cutting off your "drug of choice" — no contact, no 2 a.m. scroll - A trigger plan for the birthday, the holiday, the urge to text - Thought logs: catching the "my life is over" lies and testing them - Forgiveness as self-love — apologizing to your ex, and to yourself If Cortney's approach resonates, her relationships book *Letting Go of Your Ex* (New Harbinger) is the deeper dive, with free downloadable worksheets — a practical companion for building healthy relationships, whether you loved your situationship or you're finally ready to leave it behind. **Connect with Dr. Cortney Warren:**  Website: https://drcortney.com/  Instagram, TikTok & YouTube: short mental-health and dating videos \[@drcortneywarren]  Book: Letting Go of Your Ex (New Harbinger) Books: https://drcortney.com/published-books-publications/  **Chapters:**  0:00 Max, 5 a.m., and a man she'd never met 01:53 Meet Dr. Cortney Warren — what love addiction really is05:09 Does all love come with this? The evolution of craving  08:03 Breadcrumbing, the rat study, and intermittent reinforcement 11:32 When it isn't toxicity — love addiction as a natural process 13:29 Cortney's own dating history 15:52 Concluding as a kid that relationships aren't safe  18:26 "For no reason except me" — insecurity vs. projection 21:44 Start here: journaling and the pause before the reaction 25:23 The hero's journey of a breakup  26:53 What an exaholic breakup is — and its symptoms 29:24 Relapse, remorse, and the text you regret 30:32 Identifying and planning for your triggers 35:34 "We compromise our own values" — the bachelorette she skipped 37:05 Thinking clearly: how thought determines how you feel 43:27 You have more power over this breakup than you think 45:00 Overcoming loss through forgiveness 50:28 Where to find the book and free worksheets