How Men Can Share the Mental Load: Fair Play, Cognitive Labor, and Leading at Home

What does it mean for men to lead at home today? And why can labeling it as women's work be such a toxic label?

Before I answer the question, can you clarify what you mean by lead? Do you want to keep this in the context of when your partner is the breadwinner? Or is this more broadly?

Oh, that's a good question.

You know, for the purpose of this conversation...

I think that I want to highlight that my opinion is that there should be equal leisure time.

And when I say leisure time, that means that when my wife has leisure time, she's not doing the mental load of running the home.

She's actively engaged in the moment doing that leisure, right? So if you're hiking as he's been hiking, you're focused on hiking so you don't fall off the mountain.

Or if you're playing pickleball like me, you're focused on pickleball.

So that's the shining star.

But sometimes... that means that men do more at home in their relationships because their female partner is working longer hours.

For this conversation, let's assume that she is working longer hours away from the home.

So for the next 55 minutes.

And so The reason I'm sharing this is that we know when that occurs, based on the research, that women actually do even more at home.

And that is so unhealthy, unfair, et cetera.

So let's address that one thing.

Okay.

So let's assume in a partnership that she's got the bigger job, the greedy job.

She's working more hours.

And you're right, Brian.

We do have research that shows that in those situations, that bread-earning woman – is still doing more in the household.

And in fact, her big job only allows her to outsource more things to other people.

She might pay for a laundry service.

She might pay for a cleaner or a nanny, but she's still

managing everything at home.

Okay, so you asked about what does it mean for a man to lead at home? And I think what, you know, I love using other people's language.