Sep 26, 2026 · 53 min · 11 segments
What's the first thing to go when a relationship starts to fall apart? Natassia sits down with Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist Liliana Doyon, LMFT, President…
Liliana DoyonGuestNatasha MillerHostBut what I wanted to hear from you is what is it that the partner is actually doing? Like, what are they protecting? And at what cost is this happening to them?
Yeah, I mean, the first piece, right, of like keeping the peace is usually it's a learned behavior, right? They're learning to accommodate someone else's emotions, where that tells me early on in life or somewhere in their life, they were told, that they were too big their feelings were too much they were too sensitive or expressing feeling and emotion caused punishment or um maybe someone coming alongside of them and trying to make sense of it like i think most people didn't have those parents that could come alongside of them and explain emotion and like be like that makes so much sense why you're so upset
So if I can be hyper vigilant of other people's emotions and I can cater to everyone's emotions, then I am safe is usually the translation.
And over time, I'm keeping the peace because I'm scared of big, large emotion because there's a potential threat for disconnection.
But what I wanted to hear from you is what is it that the partner is actually doing? Like, what are they protecting? And at what cost is this happening to them?
Yeah, I mean, the first piece, right, of like keeping the peace is usually it's a learned behavior, right? They're learning to accommodate someone else's emotions, where that tells me early on in life or somewhere in their life, they were told, that they were too big their feelings were too much they were too sensitive or expressing feeling and emotion caused punishment or um maybe someone coming alongside of them and trying to make sense of it like i think most people didn't have those parents that could come alongside of them and explain emotion and like be like that makes so much sense why you're so upset
So if I can be hyper vigilant of other people's emotions and I can cater to everyone's emotions, then I am safe is usually the translation.
And over time, I'm keeping the peace because I'm scared of big, large emotion because there's a potential threat for disconnection.
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