Emotionally focused therapy

Yeah.

So Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy.

took that finding and put it where it belongs for adults.

So in a committed relationship, your partner is that figure.

Exactly.

And I try to map out their interaction with the EFT cycle, the emotionally focused therapy cycle, to learn more about the layers of this.

Okay, the behavior

is really just the top level.

So you say that piece and you make sure it's understood.

So it really, it gets to the heart of the issue.

If you look at the EFT cycle, you're getting down to the emotional needs part rather than the behavior part.

Because if you argue behaviors, you'll never get anywhere.

I am a doctor in sexology and a sect-certified sex therapist and a supervisor.

And I'm an EFT couples therapist.

And I really see my calling here.

in life to kind of help couples become secure especially sexually because it's something that we don't talk about but also emotionally and these two areas are inseparable and so that's what I feel I'm called to do and I work with couples I do intensives and I also teach therapists about how to work with couples so

They were especially focused on research.

They had their love lab and they analyzed couples, thousands and thousands of couples and observed all kinds of details and he was able to like predict whether marriages would succeed based on the way the couples you know so i mean it's just a lot of wealth of wisdom in that and interesting information and i always found that somewhat helpful but the other primary therapeutic secular therapy that i used with couples was emotionally focused therapy couples therapy and i know david's also you know has used that as well and it's very powerful it's very based in attachment theory and it was developed primarily by sue johnson elsa greenberg as well and it's an entire program that it goes very very deep in terms of the emotional bonds and the emotional connections between the couple and all that so that probably has a lot more synergy with internal family systems and parts work in general But I think that both, I can't wait to explore and get into these secular models and to show how they would integrate well with a parts work approach.

Well, and that's something that we do here in Souls and Hearts is that we are not out trying to reinvent the wheel.

We want to, as St. Augustine recommended, as St. Thomas Aquinas recommended, as Vatican II recommended, we want to draw from the the best of what's out there that are catholic resources of course but also the best that's out there that's not catholic or not even necessarily spiritual because there's so much to appreciate and so much to be brought in and we don't shy away from that because you know i'm often fond of saying you aren't going to find a good treatment for bulimia in the early church fathers you've got to you know you've got to bring in some of these other approaches Because they're just so helpful in the whole healing process.

and you can't break out of this overwhelming sense of awful and despair and even times of just sort of being numb and dissociated.

In your case, that backing and forthing, it may be that that window is too small and the work then for you is first, first, first to focus on the trauma-oriented work, whether that is EMDR or somatic therapies or IFS or EFT or whatever is working for you to work through your trauma responses, to get into the present moment, to feel in your body and feel grounded.

That is what has to happen before you can start getting into the minutia of decision making and all the rest of it.

It's easy to forget that narcissistic abuse and the fallout of narcissistic relationships is on a continuum.