#88: Why Your Adult Child Isn't Launching: What Parents Need to Know with Psychologist Dr. Mark McConville, Author of Failure to Launch

We know that young adults today are taking longer to reach some of the milestones, and that more young adults are struggling to launch into adulthood than ever before.

Now, some of the reasons are obvious, the job market, wages, living expenses, housing, cost of education, and so on.

But since you've been doing this for many years, it's more than just a function of the current economic climate.

So what changes have you seen in young adults over the years that can help parents understand why this might be happening to them?

Yeah.

Well, the nature of parenting has changed, and it's changed dramatically.

I, I recently went back and, and took a look at the sort of granddaddy of parent advice books, which was, um, by Rudolph Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge.

He introduced the concept of consequences and, and I was surprised as I leafed through the book to see how often he cautioned parents against spanking.

And I thought, "Oh, my God, [laughs] that's..." Today, if you spank your child, you're gonna have a social worker on your doorstep, right?

Yeah.

But, but there was...

No one thought anything of it back in the, the '50s or the '60s.

So, and then emerged books like, um, How to Talk to Your Children...

How to Listen to Your Children So They Will Talk to You, or Parent Effectiveness Training.

Mm-hmm.

And, and when, and which books that had, were very much about how do you cultivate a relationship with your child such that, that there is dialogue and there's openness and they're open to your guidance and instruction? And, and I could only think, [laughs] um, I, I recall talking once to, uh, an elderly gentleman, has since passed, who was a friend of my father.

My father was born in 1902 and, and he was a very, very good father.

But this, this friend, as I spoke to him, said, "You know, your father wanted his boys to be responsible, um, to, to be educated, to be good citizens.

But trust me, he did not really care whether or not he had a relationship with you."

Mm.

And, and that really was a sign of the times.

I, I grew up in the '50s, right? Whereas today, parents are much more involved and, and there's a, there's a huge plus, and there's a downside.

And the, the plus is today- kids today are much more supported, much more supported than, than they were when I grew up.

Um, last night my wife and I drove 40 miles to see my granddaughter in a soccer game, right? [laughs] Whereas when I played high school sports, my parents never...

They... [laughs] It just, parents didn't-