Why We Never Had to Tell Him He Was Adopted

At twenty-something, she promised her mother a private jet by the time she turned fifty. Instead, she walked away from a safe accounting career in Malaysia and got on a plane to London with no job, no plan, and a rattling old house by the sea to show for it. What came next took her through years of IVF, a husband who carried his own grief in silence, and a phone call on Valentine's Day that changed everything overnight. This week, we sit down with a community builder and COO of Every Child.sg, Aarathi, who has spent almost two decades in Singapore proving that belonging isn't something you're handed. It's something you fight for, cry over, and sometimes build from a single yes. She talks about the question people ask about her adopted son that she wishes she could ban forever, the one her husband never got asked, and what it actually took to stop feeling like an outsider in a place she now calls home. If you've ever wondered what it costs to build a family and a life from scratch, twice, this is the conversation. **IN THIS EPISODE:** 00:00 | Teaser 00:55 | Meet Arathi Arumugam 03:05 | Leaving the Safe Path: From Malaysia to London 08:11 | Finding Purpose and Community Through AWARE 11:48 | When Does a Place Become Home? 15:26 | The IVF Reality: Loss, Control and the Struggle Nobody Saw 26:51 | Choosing Adoption 38:22 | Every Child SG: Rethinking How We Educate and Raise Children 45:23 | The Questions Adoptive Parents Wish People Would Stop Asking **What You’ll Take Away** - The private jet she promised her mother by fifty, and the corporate ladder she walked away from instead - What it actually felt like to realize her "expat" circle could never really be her people - The single IVF round that produced an unheard-of number of eggs, done the very week of her 35th birthday - The moment she finally understood what her husband had been carrying in silence the whole time - Why one phone call to a stranger, "just find me a baby," led somewhere months later, on Valentine's Day - The black box exhibition asking parents to confront the exact words they use on their kids - The one question about adoption she wishes people would stop asking, and the one they never do About the guest Aarathi Arumugam is a chartered accountant turned community builder, currently leading EveryChild.sg and serving as president of AWARE. She has lived and worked in Malaysia, the UK, and Singapore, and is the mother of two: a daughter born after multiple rounds of IVF and a son adopted from Malaysia. Connect with Aarathi: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aarathiarumugam/ Every Child SG: Website, Instagram ### **Connect with Growing Pains** Growing Pains is HoneyKids Asia's podcast for the conversations you want to have after the kids go to bed. YouTube: @growingpains.honeykids Instagram: @honeykidsasia Website: honeykidsasia.com Hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode. If this one resonated, share it with a parent who needs it. Growing Pains is produced in partnership with Poddster, Singapore's podcast studio.