Jul 20, 2026 · 51 min · 13 segments
High-conflict divorce is not simply a difficult breakup. It can be a relentless battle marked by manipulation, gaslighting, financial control, smear campaigns, and the painful realization that the…
Eleanor MarksGuest
Deanna CoyleHost
Mandy PullanHost
You can do online reviews, but it's just such a hodgepodge of a mess that it's hard to sift through all of that and what's going on and where, how it goes.
That's why I think it's so important, the vetting, for example, that Vesta does of its professionals and our attorneys especially, looking at what their record is in terms of settling out of court and their views around it.
And then also, Mandy and I recently did a podcast with Donna Kendrick, and financial professional, and we were talking about the questions, like interview questions, like really thinking in advance the questions you wanna ask.
And some of it's around communication style or, "What can I expect from you? Are you gonna be handling my case? In what situations do you bring in maybe somebody who's a junior person, but would they be actually working on things that would be best for them to work on, or would they be the one going to court with me when I feel like you're the person that I'm hiring and wanna be at court?" So really just managing the expectations upfront.
I don't know if they're really starting over from scratch, but it definitely is not ideal to have to switch.
And it's, I think, looking at your options, maybe interviewing a few, and just seeing what they'd be able to provide and where they'd be able to start from.
When I get clients who are thinking about divorce and they're like, "I don't even know where to start," they don't have an attorney yet.
And when they sit and ask an attorney, "Hey, do you understand high-conflict divorces?" I would put money down that every attorney is gonna say, "You bet I do." That's what you wanna hear, and attorneys think they might know it all.
And then you plunk down a retainer and you find out, they have no idea what, what's going on.
A lot of attorneys think that a high-conflict divorce is just a high net worth, a lot of money.
My very first attorney that I had, big downtown Chicago attorney, paid a lot of money-
And I asked him, I'm like, "Do you consider my divorce to be high-conflict divorce?" And he laughed at me.
And he's, "Do you wanna know what a high-conflict divorce is?" I'm like, "Yes, I do.
You can do online reviews, but it's just such a hodgepodge of a mess that it's hard to sift through all of that and what's going on and where, how it goes.
That's why I think it's so important, the vetting, for example, that Vesta does of its professionals and our attorneys especially, looking at what their record is in terms of settling out of court and their views around it.
And then also, Mandy and I recently did a podcast with Donna Kendrick, and financial professional, and we were talking about the questions, like interview questions, like really thinking in advance the questions you wanna ask.
And some of it's around communication style or, "What can I expect from you? Are you gonna be handling my case? In what situations do you bring in maybe somebody who's a junior person, but would they be actually working on things that would be best for them to work on, or would they be the one going to court with me when I feel like you're the person that I'm hiring and wanna be at court?" So really just managing the expectations upfront.
I don't know if they're really starting over from scratch, but it definitely is not ideal to have to switch.
And it's, I think, looking at your options, maybe interviewing a few, and just seeing what they'd be able to provide and where they'd be able to start from.
When I get clients who are thinking about divorce and they're like, "I don't even know where to start," they don't have an attorney yet.
And when they sit and ask an attorney, "Hey, do you understand high-conflict divorces?" I would put money down that every attorney is gonna say, "You bet I do." That's what you wanna hear, and attorneys think they might know it all.
And then you plunk down a retainer and you find out, they have no idea what, what's going on.
A lot of attorneys think that a high-conflict divorce is just a high net worth, a lot of money.
My very first attorney that I had, big downtown Chicago attorney, paid a lot of money-
And I asked him, I'm like, "Do you consider my divorce to be high-conflict divorce?" And he laughed at me.
And he's, "Do you wanna know what a high-conflict divorce is?" I'm like, "Yes, I do.
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