Chatting With The Lightkeeper | Your Ultimate Guide To Exploring BDSM, D/S, And Kink
Jul 21, 2026 · 37 min · 12 segments
What if you were crowned ruler over BDSM and it came with a fancy Burger King crown? What changes would you want to make to D/S? Would you alter any of the language of kink? Change community…
Edward VolklHost
Um, and the first one might be unpopular, but the word alpha would be banished from the world of BDSM and kink.
And I know a lot of submissives identify, including, including my partner Sailor, as an alpha submissive, and this is something that we go back and forth on when we decide to debate something kink related.
It's coming from wanting to, um, wanting to get rid of those negative stereotypes that are around submissive, um, that, you know, somehow being submissive means that somebody's weak, passive, less than, um, not ambitious, not driven, can't make up their mind.
All those horrible, nasty stereotypes that are out there, and I get that is why alpha submissive came to be.
But it brings me back to, how do you actually find out about a person? And you find out about a person by talking to them.
You know, if you're standing in line at Starbucks, you can't say for sure whether the person in front of you, um, for example, is a dominant or submissive.
You may get a vibe perhaps from them, but you have, you have no way of knowing if, if they are.
It's just like you might get a vibe that, you know, somebody works in healthcare from them, not by how they're dressed, but how they carry themselves or the words that they say.
The only way you find out about that and that person is by having a conversation.
And, and I think the same is true with, with submissives and, and so, or dominants for that matter, or switches, or anybody pursuing the lifestyle, exploring it, what have you.
Now, when we flip alpha around and we put it in front of dominant, um, to me, these are bigger problems because the, the manosphere out there, you know, is filled with all sorts of lists on how to be an alpha man.
And all of this is based on wonky science, um, where they studied, I don't know whether it was chimpanzees or orangutans, but they, they studied a, they studied primates in a zoo, um, and came up that there's the, the alpha gorilla, and so that leads all the other gorillas and blah, blah, blah, and everybody defers to the alpha.
And so of course, in the manosphere that means be a alpha male and everyone will just sort of bow down to you.
And the science is all hokey because in reality, in the wild, it's all family-based.
You know, grandpa is sort of the leader, not the toughest, loudest, most physical whatever.
But it's, it's, it's a family-based hierarchy, is what subsequent research has found.
But of course, we have all this alpha mythology based on, on science that was an honest attempt but, but failed because of the environment.
Um, and the first one might be unpopular, but the word alpha would be banished from the world of BDSM and kink.
And I know a lot of submissives identify, including, including my partner Sailor, as an alpha submissive, and this is something that we go back and forth on when we decide to debate something kink related.
It's coming from wanting to, um, wanting to get rid of those negative stereotypes that are around submissive, um, that, you know, somehow being submissive means that somebody's weak, passive, less than, um, not ambitious, not driven, can't make up their mind.
All those horrible, nasty stereotypes that are out there, and I get that is why alpha submissive came to be.
But it brings me back to, how do you actually find out about a person? And you find out about a person by talking to them.
You know, if you're standing in line at Starbucks, you can't say for sure whether the person in front of you, um, for example, is a dominant or submissive.
You may get a vibe perhaps from them, but you have, you have no way of knowing if, if they are.
It's just like you might get a vibe that, you know, somebody works in healthcare from them, not by how they're dressed, but how they carry themselves or the words that they say.
The only way you find out about that and that person is by having a conversation.
And, and I think the same is true with, with submissives and, and so, or dominants for that matter, or switches, or anybody pursuing the lifestyle, exploring it, what have you.
Now, when we flip alpha around and we put it in front of dominant, um, to me, these are bigger problems because the, the manosphere out there, you know, is filled with all sorts of lists on how to be an alpha man.
And all of this is based on wonky science, um, where they studied, I don't know whether it was chimpanzees or orangutans, but they, they studied a, they studied primates in a zoo, um, and came up that there's the, the alpha gorilla, and so that leads all the other gorillas and blah, blah, blah, and everybody defers to the alpha.
And so of course, in the manosphere that means be a alpha male and everyone will just sort of bow down to you.
And the science is all hokey because in reality, in the wild, it's all family-based.
You know, grandpa is sort of the leader, not the toughest, loudest, most physical whatever.
But it's, it's, it's a family-based hierarchy, is what subsequent research has found.
But of course, we have all this alpha mythology based on, on science that was an honest attempt but, but failed because of the environment.
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