Sam GallowayHost
The problem really was my fear because previously my autistic memory had really pulled me through.

And I was always able to rely on knowing that in my mind I could see where things were.

I was always able to place objects in my mind and see where I'd last seen them and locate them that way.

But on this occasion, I just had absolutely no idea what I'd done with these controllers.

So if I didn't have my autistic memory anymore, then who was I? And I was getting really ragey as well, because that's how my fear was manifesting a lot of the time as well, because also the rage was completely uncontrollable.

I was just so exhausted from not sleeping and my mind didn't feel like it was my own.

So I was getting really hot with hot flushes and really fired up and just had all this misplaced energy.

And I didn't really have any capacity or way to calm myself down so that a lot of it would end up in meltdowns and it would always seem like there was no trigger or the trigger was something that really shouldn't have bothered me in the first place but it was just all this sensory overload at once and I just wondered what was happening to me I'd have no recollection of why I'd have a meltdown.

And then I'd find myself on the floor or on the sofa, just collapsed and completely depleted.

The problem really was my fear because previously my autistic memory had really pulled me through.

And I was always able to rely on knowing that in my mind I could see where things were.

I was always able to place objects in my mind and see where I'd last seen them and locate them that way.

But on this occasion, I just had absolutely no idea what I'd done with these controllers.

So if I didn't have my autistic memory anymore, then who was I? And I was getting really ragey as well, because that's how my fear was manifesting a lot of the time as well, because also the rage was completely uncontrollable.

I was just so exhausted from not sleeping and my mind didn't feel like it was my own.

So I was getting really hot with hot flushes and really fired up and just had all this misplaced energy.

And I didn't really have any capacity or way to calm myself down so that a lot of it would end up in meltdowns and it would always seem like there was no trigger or the trigger was something that really shouldn't have bothered me in the first place but it was just all this sensory overload at once and I just wondered what was happening to me I'd have no recollection of why I'd have a meltdown.

And then I'd find myself on the floor or on the sofa, just collapsed and completely depleted.
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